Stephanie Snyder's MindSay Blog

The fucked up world.............

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-16T02:02:00-05:00

My friend Rachel came over last night, and we were talking to another girl online that we both know about her boyfriend, or her ex rather. Anyway, when we questioned her about why she left him, she wouldn't answer. We knew she had to have had a reason...I mean, this girl doesn't usually do anything without a reason...but this one time she didn't say anything. After a while, she seemed to think we were criticizing her, and we told her repeatedly that we weren't, we just wanted to know her motive. Well, she didn't answer again...so we asked after a while had gone by, and she accused us both of citiquing her again. I have no idea why she seemed so pissed off, but she wouldn't give us a clear answer. Her ex (Craig) is one of me and Rachel's good friends, so of course we pry. But this girl...she was pretty damn reluctant. I mean, it couldn't have been too bad a reason...they'd only dated for a week, maybe two, I'm not sure, but she just broke up with him and she didn't even seem to know why she had. She claimed that she has a problem with committment, that she can't keep guys for long due to her own devices...this I completely understand because it's the same way with me...but sometimes I can at least give a reason for my choices. She just...didn't know. I don't suppose you can blame her, but you generally don't break up with someone just for the hell of it. You just don't. I don't know...mayb I don't have all the facts, but lately it feels that the world has come crashing down around me...like people are doing things they wouldn't normally do, people are making choices with reasons, and people are all around happier than I am. It's like...can't I get a chance in all this? Has it really been "preordained" for me to be alone? I mean come on...but true, I'm young, I've got the rest of my life ahead of me...but it's pretty damn bad when you're a teen and it already feels like you have no hope...that you're doomed forever in the world of love and vitality. Like I said though...maybe I just don't understand as much as I think...maybe I am more naive and oblivious than I thought...who knows. Only time will tell...

People

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-16T02:02:00-05:00

Some people in this world seriously need to pull their head out of their ass and move the fuck on. Sadly, sometimes I am counted among them, but mostly I'm where I need to be. I don't hold on to yesterday's bad feelings, and I try to forget what happens to me today. I try to livr in tomorrow, which isn't the best way to live, but it's the only way I know. I've been pretty good lately in keeping my mouth shut, except about a few people who piss me off to no end, but it doesn't seem that people can do the same courtesy to me. I'm usually degraded left and right, and it really pisses me off that people don't have any fucking common courtesy anymore. Now, I've gotten to the point where I tell people what I think of them. Yeah, usually I'm afraid that they'll get so pissed off at me that they'll never speak to me again, but hey; it's a packaged deal. You either take what I say gracefully and try to change, or you take it like a bitch and keep living in your fantasy world. Some people in this fucking hic town and the hic towns around it can't accept the truth, so they get all mad and then they try to tell me that I'm the one with the problem. I take criticism more often than I take compliments; I'm the kind of person that is always striving to better myself, ask my closest friends. I would rather listen to criticism than compliments because, the way I see it, there's ALWAYS room for improvement. But no, some bitches can't see things like this. They're content to just keep on living in their little fantasy world where nothing goes wrong and everyone's happy. News flash: the world's not perfect, neither are you, and your world is shit, so face reality and move the fuck on.

Waiting and thinking.................

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-16T05:02:00-05:00

I haven't been this bored in one day for a while now. Still, I suppose things come back to haunt us every now and then. Tomorrow and Thursday my grandma was supposed to take me and Rachel to drama, but we decided we didn't want to go. Yeah yeah, we joined the club, we got the part, we need to own up and go to practice, but Jesus. Break only comes around every now and then, and I want to enjoy it. I don't want to have to spend 3 hours of my day running lines. I can do that at home. I have a party to go to anyway, and I want to sleep in so I can stay up. Barb's birthday was last week, so she invited me to her party and I'm going to spend the night. Katie M., Katie S., Sybil, and a few other people that I like will be there, so I don't care, but knowing me they'll put in a movie and I'll be out like a fucking light. :-P That's the way I work. Dad had today off, so he went with Jim and the kids up to Batavia to go train watching. It's like his life's calling or something. It's actually kind of fun cuz you can get some kick ass angles on those trains n they look kinda cool, but it's very time consuming. You have to sit around and wait until a train starts coming. I didn't bother going because #1, I didn't want to and #2, Rachel was still here. So, since Dad will probably be up there till late tonight, Mom is bringing home dinner when she gets through with work. She should be home any minute with some steamy heart attacks on a roll from BK. Oh well.....the heart attack is well worth it if I can be eating while I'm dying. :-P Anyway, my night is probably going to consist of either Wal-Marting or sitting around, glued to the computer or the TV. Most likely the TV because I'm a fat ass and there is a Law & Order Marathon on one of those channels. I dunno..... There's a poem I wrote a while ago, and I wanted to put it in here for people to read. It's a little depressing, but I can be pretty morbid when I want to be. It kind of taught me a leson, and I'm the one who wrote it.

Fortgotten
The hall was dark and empty,
The floor was bleak and bare.
A girl named Nora vanished
And no one seemed to care.

Classmates stared with scorn
At Nora's different ways.
No one ever asked her
If she cared to play.

When Nora turned sweet 16
She hoped that things would change.
She threw a giant party.....
But no one ever came.

The next day Nora cried
And then had an idea.
"Maybe they will notice me
If I just...disappear."

So one December morning
Nora climbed into her tree.
She watched the sun with tear-stained eyes
And felt like she was free.

She spoke of all her secrets
To the golden dawn.
Then closed her eyes and leaned back:
Poor Nora, she was gone.

Two days before Christmas
Feet crunched in the snow.
Some carried Nora's coffin
To her icy grave below.

The school of Rockford followed.
Classmates mourned in mass.
Though some had never noticed her
'Twas true: Nora had passed.

Her parents wept with sorrow;
Their little girl was gone.
They had no idea
How they could e'er move on.

As Nora's coffin lowered
The priest was hardly heard;
All kinds of thoughts went through their heads
Yet no one said a word.

For a year the pain remained
Yet slowly, surely, still,
Thoughts of Nora disappeared
As minds forgot at will.

Now Nora is forgotten;
And all that does remain
Is Nora's grave, a reminder
Of Nora's heartfelt pain.

I wrote it once when it felt like everyone in the world was against me, trying to make me miserable. I was pretty paranoid when I was younger, but now I just don't care. If they don't like me, fuck them. I'm the way I want to be, and I intend on staying this way for a long time to come. I think that's why I'm more liked now than I was before; I just don't give a fuck. If I want to have fun, I have fun. If I want to bitch, I bitch. I'm free from all restraint, like a tumbleweed in the wind. :-P My God, I ramble too much. Anyway, since you can do that little reply thingy in these blogs, I hope that some of you *I don't care who* reply and tell me what you think of that poem. Yes, it's morbid, but it can really convey a message; because of everyone's cruelty, the girl felt that her only escape was death. This made me think that I should be nicer to people, even if I don't like them too well, because you never know; you could say you wish someone would die and the next day they might actually die. Makes you think about all the bad things you said, and if you're anything like me, you end up wishing you could have reconciled with a few people before something so tragic *like death* happened.

Wow =-O

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-16T07:02:00-05:00

I just had a little scare.....I found out from Rachel that Bryon was coming home from the army. Wow. I mean, it wasn't scary or anything, but like Sarah was really broken up that he was leaving, and they planned on getting married when he came back, which would be in like 65 days.....2 months or so. Anyway, I just read something that she wrote, and it said Bryon was coming home, and you know.....something like that isn't bad, it just gives you a jolt, like that something really bad happened. You don't just leave the army for nothing. You always have a reason. I guess it was because he missed Sarah so much. Ever since they graduated, they have spent almost every waking moment together. Their love is the kind little girls dream about, but it was like.....whoa. Anyway, Rachel just told me he's not coming home anymore. He couldn't eat or sleep or anything because he missed Sarah so much. Damn.....that's love right there.....well, he's not coming now. He's going to stay and stick it out, which is really brave of him because I've known people to just fold because of homesickness or lovesickness.....but Bryon can do it, and so can Sarah. I don't know.....Katie M. told Andy that she didn't want to date anymore tonight. Rachel and I were on the phone with her this afternoon trying to make her feel better about telling him, but she was.....a little unconsolable; I guess she finally called him up and told him tonight because when I got online he was on, so I asked him about it. I think they both needed it because Andy described it "like a burden being lifted". They didn't have the same reasons to be together anymore. They just.....grew out of it I guess. Katie kind of hated it a little because she hardly got to see him. She'd never even been to his house; the reason they saw so little of each other was because of Andy's parents, I guess. I don't know. I don't have all the facts. Back onto earlier's topic *Sara and Craig*; Sara said that she left Craig because her feelings changed. Understandble. Seems like that has been happening a lot lately. It's like a disease or something; a plague if you will. Now.....on to my happy V-day. Valentine's was cool.....Mom and Dad had their 23rd anniversary, and the entire family went to Applebee's *which consisted only of me, Mom, Dad, and Grandma :-P*. We literally stuffed ourselves because we had to wait so long. We had to wait an hour and a half to get in, and I told Mom that, since we had to wait so long, I planned to stuff myself silly. :-P Hey, you can't blame me. Wouldn't you have done the same? The food was really good.....still, I was a little depressed. You know the whole deal: spending Valentine's alone isn't the most....."desirable" way to spend the Day of Love. *shrugs* Oh well.....I don't have much control over the matter unless I go find some guy and basically force him to date me, which is NOT possible; but the food was good and I had fun, so that's all that matters. Last week, before Valentine's, Sam wrote a little letter to Rachel 3rd period and basically begged her to find her a guy for Valentine's. She gave Rachel 3 days to do that. 3 days. I'm sorry, but that's just not do-able. 3 days. I mean, come on. You at least have to give people a little time to work with. I don't think having your friends match you up with people is a very good way to date guys.....they might pick someone who you completely HATE. I've stopped letting my friends do it.....every now and then I ask for help, when I feel the need, but mostly I'm a self-sufficient person. Sam, however.....DAMN. That's all I have to say. I mean, she's a nice person, but 3 DAYS. DAMN.Anyway, on a somewhat sadder note.....I think I'm starting to have feelings for one of my good friends. This sucks so badly because he's my friend and I really don't want to fuck up our friendship, not to mention I am so fucking confused about this that I just want to shoot myself. :-/ Why does the world have to be so complicated? Yet I suppose that's one of life's charms.....complication, along with confusion, hate, betrayal, and all those other beautiful "additions" to consciousness on this planet.....I just don't know anymore.....

Life.....Death.....Forgiveness

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-16T09:02:00-05:00

All I feel like doing is writing, mainly about life. I was reading an entry by someone else on MindSay and it really got to me. It was about how we always rush through life, how we never take the time to slow down and look around us, at all the beauty that God has given us. We take everything for granted, and we have this way of thinking instilled in our head that once something's here, it won't go away. Big news flash for ya world: there is always the possibility that what you take for granted will just up and leave. It happens to a lot of people. There was this one little girl named Amber who used to live two houses down from me. When I was in the 6th grade, she almost idolized me and she was like my best friend. Anyway, it got to the point that I didn't like little kids around me anymore, so I got really pissy one day and told her off. I never apologized, we just went on for years and didn't talk to each other or anything. Well, one day back in January I was sitting in my room with one of my friends, just being retarded, and my dad came in looking all sad and distressed *my dad is the mailman for the town where I live*. I had this gut feeling that he was going to tell me something very bad. While my dad was contemplating how to tell us, my mom came in and looked like she was going to cry. Rachel and I immediately knew this was bad because my mom hardly ever cries. She's the strongest person I know. Anyway, my dad finally blurted out what was bothering him: "Amber Quick died yesterday." It took me a minute to realize the full reality of this statement, then it was like wham, I'm hit with all these guilty feelings, these horrible feelings that in the 10 years this little girl was on Earth, I made her miserable for 3 or 4 years. I sat there and was literally speachless. I asked my dad over and over again "What?" but he just didn't say anything. Rachel looked at me and I looked at her, and we just didn't say anything. My mom and dad left my room, and Rachel and I just sat there in complete silence for almost half an hour. We finally couldn't take it anymore and we got up and went out into the living room, but the silence seemed even worse around my family. Rachel finally went home, and I tried my best not to think about Amber and the fact that she was gone and that I had been so horrible to her. Finally I went to bed and all I could think about was Amber. I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried, and I decided it would be best to face the music now. Not really knowing what else to do, I laid on my back and started apologizing to Amber and to God for being such a horrible person. I remeber I cried so much because I felt so awful, and all I could think was that I had a million chances to tell her I was sorry for being such a bitch but I let them slip by. After that, it seemed like every day for almost 2 weeks she was following me. It felt like she was right there, and finally, one day, it felt like all the sudden I was forgiven. It was the strangest thing, and I know I sound like a raving lunatic, but it felt like she finally forgave me. This little story of mine is just one more way to show you all that life is too short to hate. It's too short to be mean to people for no reason and to feel superior or anything like that. This also shows that death is very very final. One day, a person that you thought you hated will die, and you will feel so horrible that you want to die or just keep apologizing. It never truly hits you until the person you supposedly "hated" leaves this Earth for eternity; you don't realize it until you've finally lost your chance, and then you see that you've taken time and this person for granted. Well, that's just my little two cents on life. The point: don't hate, it'll just come back and burn you in the end and the guilt you will feel will be almost unbearable.

This week is too damn hectic.........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-17T12:02:00-05:00

Today's going to be pretty damn hectic.....Barb's party is tonight, and I have a shit load of things I have to do before I leave. I basically wanna laze around until I have to leave, but I can't. I have to pack all my shit. I've got all my sleeping shit packed *which took up one of those 36 gallon garbage bags* and I still have to pack my clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, brush, comb, hair ties, facial cleansing pads, and a few other things.....the problem is that I can't fit all this shit in my bookbag and I don't even own a soccer bag, so I have to go to the next biggest thing: a suitcase. With all this shit laying around it looks like I'm going to Florida for a week. *sigh* I'm not even going to be at the party on time because my mom has to take me and she doesn't get home until 5:30, 6 o'clock and Barb's party starts at 6. Bad news? It takes me half an hour to get to Addo. :-/ Damn. Then I'm staying the night until tomorrow, where Barb's mom either has to let me stay at her house until 6 or she'll have to take me home because I have no fucking ride. Once I get home I can chill and sleep for the rest of Wednesday, but Thursday I have to leave the house again at 10:30 and go to AA practice to get ready for our competition at Canisteo next Monday. When I get done with that at 2, I have to go to Corning with my grandma and then she's bringing me home because she wants to do some online shopping and she doesn't have a computer. Friday is going to be like the fucking Sabbath to me because I get tp just chill out and hang. Saturday should be fun because, if I can talk her into it, I want to go bowling with my mom then maybe to a movie. Like the whole afternoon would cost.....$25 tops. I'm not joking. We just have to swerve away from Wal-Mart. :-P I have a serious Wal-Mart obsession.....I love their stuff. Anyway, I have to work on my essay test Sunday because Miss Bohomey is a bitch and gave us fucking homework and then -- bu ba bum -- SCHOOL ON MONDAY! Joy..... Anyway, that is my fucking hectic week. I am so glad that I didn't go to drama this morning. I would be dead in the water by now. *sigh* Before I leave for tonight I have to go through all my movies and bring some because Barb want's me to. Then, before I leave her house, I have to make sure I have all my shit. I swear, nothing is leaving my bag except for the movie we are watching at the moment, because if I string my stuff all over I will forget something because I'm a stupid fat fuck. God, what a fucking hectic week. I'll probably write tomorrow and tell you how the party was. Maybe then I'll be a little calmer. Hopefully.....

A little poll

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-17T12:02:00-05:00

no subject

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-17T02:02:00-05:00

Once again, I'm sitting here with nothing to do.....I'm waiting for my laundry to dry so I can finish packing, then I have to get in the shower and wait for mom because she's bringing home dinner *AGAIN*. Carrie's sister Val is getting married this Saturday.....I'm really happy for her, and Rachel is going to the wedding with Carrie. Mike is really lucky because Val is fucking awesome. Carrie is also allowed to come to my house now. My parents used to hate her *though I seriously don't know why* but now they like her and they're really happy that she's quitting some things. So my parents basically don't give a shit about anyone coming here now. :-P The only person they might care about would be Sam, and that's for other, unsolved reasons.....>:O I probably should finish packing, but I don't wanna. :-P I'm lazy and I love it. Still, I'm gonna go anyways. I'll write tomorrow.....maybe I'll write again tonight, but don't count on it. Barb's mom doesn't like too many people in the computer room at once.

Barb's Party

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-18T05:02:00-05:00

The party was pretty fun. Katie M., Katie S., Sybil, Alishia, and Nessa were all there.....we were all being idiots. :-P I had a lot of fun, and Barb got a shit load of money. Anyway, I was kinda glad to come home today.....not that I was homesick, but home is like my sanctuary and I on ly had 4 hours of sleep, so yeah..... I suppose that's all I'll write for now.....dinner's soon and I think I'm gonna add some more to my story. I might write tomorrow, I'm not sure.

Movie day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-19T04:02:00-05:00

Today seemed like a good day for movies.....I watched Titanic and actually cried for once. Why? I have no frigging idea. I think it's all those raging female hormones. :-P I have to get around and finish up my report for English. Otherwise Bohomey will have a fit. >:O What kind of bitch teacher gives kids homework over winter break? Please. I think I'm just going to sit around for the rest of the night, either on the computer or I'll have a movie fest *regular for me*. It's gonna be boring.....no one is home, plus I'm not feeling very social, so yeah.

Goddamnit.......

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-19T10:02:00-05:00

I feel like such a fool.....I swear, it's like I've been put solely on this earth to feel like an idiot all the time. I dunno..... I don't know what to think or feel. I'm just so damn confused and clueless that I feel like I'm being pulled in every single direction at once. I need help, seriously.

Bitches of the world

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-19T11:02:00-05:00

Oh thank God.....I thought I liked Andy earlier, I think it was just beginning *the feelings I mean* but then he brought me back to reality and told me he liked friendship better, and that was such a fucking relief. :-D Thank God I'm back to normal now. I hate having a crush on people because it's just a gigantic fucking chore. When you like someone, you have to always go around and look beautiful for them, then you have to be shy around them and their friends, and it's all just utter fucking bull. I swear. Whoever invented this shit needs to be killed if they're not dead already. Oh, and the whole thing about Kate? I'm happy now. Jake left that bitch *even though I HATE Jake* and now she's all unhappy and shit and she wants to go back with Craig. Guess what whore? He won't take you back! You're too much of a nasty ass skank for him. Sorry, hun, but Craig doesn't date trash. He's a hell of a lot better off without you, and hopefully he'll get together with one girl who is 10 times the person you'll ever be. I'm glad you're unhappy, bitch. I know I told everyone before not to hate, life's to short to hate; well, I hate you, ya skank. Let's see the scumbag you'll end up with now? Ha. Seriously, people like Kate just need to commit fucking suicide.....they have no purpose on this earth. They're just here to make everybody else feel like shit and to suck off a couple guys. They're lying whores, nothing more, and they're worth about a penny put together. I know there are some people who will read this and you'll think that I'm a lunatic who's gonna go to hell. Guess what? I bought my passage in there a while back. Then I know there are some who'll read this and agree with me because they've met people like this and know that these people just need to grow the fuck up and get a life. People like Kate claim that they're mature, but they're still little girls and boys, still playing in their make believe world where they are the king or queen and everyone bows down to them because they rule. Guess what bitches? You don't own shit in this world except your own life, which isn't worth a lot anyway. Once you finally step into the real world, you're going to get a big ass slap in the face, and it's not gonna be pretty. Damn, I would love to be there to see you gettin' your first taste of reality.

What a day...........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-21T07:02:00-05:00

Well, vacation is almost over and I'm already hating the fact the school is the day after tomorrow. :-/ Damn.....I don't want to go. The only thing I'm looking forward to is chorus, but Mr. Keenly can be a fuckin dick, so I'm even dreading that. >:O Why does vacation have to be so short? Well, I only have to survive 4 more months and then there'll be summer vacation, which means 2 glorious months of sleeping late, writing, and staying up till 4 a.m. Mom and I just got back from shopping a little while ago and I am like dead to the world. We still have to go to Wal-Mart to get a few things and we were going to go tonight but Mom was too tired and I'm beginning to agree with her that staying home and sleeping is a DAMN good idea. I just want to fall over, but it's only 7 o'clock. I'm using the last bit of my vacation to its full extent. Val's wedding was today and I've been wondering how it went. Rachel will be home tomorrow, so I can ask her then. *yawn* Anyway, I think I'm gonna go chill and probably fall asleep in my room. Night~

Amazing day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-02-25T04:02:00-05:00

Today was a pretty good day, but it started out with a surprise that just floored me. I went into homeroom and found a letter on my desk underneath the chair with a bunch of other papers. So i looked over my test and everything before I got to the letter. The return address kind of baffled me, but it was addressed to me, so yeah. I opened it up, and as soon as I read the first line I almost choked. This letter was from the Miss Teen of America pageant, and I was invited to go to Rochester and be in it. It's supposedly not about looks and all, but about knowledge, poise and personality. Anyway, I kind of dwelled on it all day and then eventually managed to forget about it around.....4th period. So I went through the day and finally I started thinking about it again on the bus ride home. As soon as I got in the door I turned on my computer and got online, then went to the web address in the letter. It gave me a lot more information, and some of the stuff was so unfamiliar to me that I almost felt like I couldn't do it. I was talking to 2 of my good friends *Andy and Rachel* and I asked them if they thought I could pull it off. They both said that if I really wanted it, then I could definately do it. So, if my parents will let me, I'm gonna do it. I'm going to go and try this out. What's the worst that could happen? The worst thing about it is that I could not win. So what? There are plenty of other things out there for me to try, and even if I don't win I can grow up and tell people that I got inivted to be in the MT of A pageant. That'll be the shit right there. Some people who are reading this may think I'm just joking and all, but I am not. I am dead serious about all of this; I couldn't be more serious. I just can't believe it. I got selected out of a million other girls in NYS, a million other girls who are just as eligible as I am. Yet I got picked. Holy shit. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. I have to say, winning definately has its perks. Look at the awards you can get:

1.) Miss Teen of America Banner, Medallion and Trophy

2.) $5,000 Scholarship Award to the
School or University of her choice

3.) Pearl Necklace compliments of
The Tasaki Shinju Company valued at $5,000

4.) Expense paid trip and Appearances on the continent of Australia

5.) Trip to the American Academy of Achievement where she will be inspired by greats in the entertainment, business, law, athletics, science and political fields

6.) Cash award in the amount of $2,500

7.) Assortment of Miss Teen of America T-shirts and Tote Bags

8.) Participation in the televised
St. Paul Winter Carnival Grand Parade

9.) Pierre Cardin Pen and Pencil Set
Travel and Appearances valued at $2,000

That is so amazing.....with a scholarship that size, it would certainly help considering I want to go to Dartmouth for journalism or psychology. God that would help. It's just.....all of this just baffled me and shocked me; I'm still in shock. I think I'm going to go and do something to get my mind on this before I get so happy I burst. :-D

People again

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-01T09:03:00-05:00

People are fucking stupid.....they worry about the dumbest shit and all little 14 and 15 year olds can think about is what they're boyfriend is doing at that very moment. People worry way too much.....I know, I do it all the fucking time; but fer real. When you're worrying 24/7 about your guy, then it's bullshit in my eyes. This is one of the many reasons I'm glad I'm alone. Yeah, I get really fucking depressed about it, but it's better all around. The whole b.f/g.f thing is just a load of bullshit and it needs to have an end put to it. People are fucking retarded. They're not grown up enough to know what it's realy like. Fer real. Everyone needs to shut the fuck up and deal with their problems like I have had to do ever since Christmas. I can't bitch about my problems because otherwise I get yelled at. Yet everybody else does it. WTF! You know what, fuck everybody. Fuck you all. None of you seem to be worth ti anymore. I'll probably regret all of this tomorrow morning, but for now: FUCK YOU.

Yeah, of course.......

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-03T03:03:00-05:00

I was right when I said I'd feel differently in my last entry. I was pissed off *which happens to me often* and i needed to bitch and that's why this thing is here.....to bitch if you need to and not get screamed at in return. Anyway.....today was a pretty good day. I had fun, but 9th period was actually pretty funny. Me and Rachel were sitting in the back of math working on our homework, then I said something and we started laughing. Well, the fat bitch herself *Mrs. Lederman.....how is God's name did she become a Mrs?* turned around and went "It doesn't sound like you're getting any work done to me." I just sat there and started laughing and then when Rachel tried to quiet me down, I went "Hey, if the fat bitch wants to yell, let her," and I said it REALLY LOUDLY. :-D It was funny, and Mrs. Lederman can't do shit because she doesn't have any proof that I said that. :-P I love being such a bitch. It definately has its perks. :-D I suppose I'll write either later or tomorrow.....I don't know which. I might not write tomorrow because I have AAS practice and then I have drama at 6, so yeah. I'm not gonna get to come home.....then again, I could go to Plato and write. I dunno.....depends on how I feel.

Why can't I get a chance?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-03T09:03:00-05:00

I really want to know why I can't get a chance in all the high school romance crap that my friends seem to have a part in. It seems like therethey all are, happy with guys liking/loving them, and here I am, this sad excuse for a human being who has never been liked by anyone. It's degrading just to think about it. *sigh* I whine too much, this I know, but this is why I got an online journal: I need to whine a lot but I can't do it to anyone else because I'll get yelled at. :'( I just don't want to go through my entire high school career without being romantically happy even once. I don't want my first real date to be in college. Yeah, relationships are a lot of work, but still..... It'd be nice, you know? To have someone else besides your friends that you can talk to and be with and all that other good shit. I don't know.....it's the way of the world not to accept fat, ugly people. It's the way of men to hate them, or at least the way of most men. I have yet to find a guy that I like that likes me in return. I seriously doubt I'll ever find that in Addison....:'(

Ok......?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-04T06:03:00-05:00

This is weird.....it's only 7 a.m. and I'm already happy. Usually I go to school pissed off or something and my friends make me laugh throughout the day, which makes me happy; but why am I happy so early? :-P No clue. It's probably because it's raining out. I love the rain.....it's so gentle and soothing. I don't know.....rain helps me chill and calm down.....it's always been like that. Anyway, this morning I finally got up when I was supposed to and got in the shower, and by the time I was ready to get it was only 6:30, so I came out here to the computer to chill. Obviously no one's online now.....*Who the fuck besides a social hermit like me would be on at 7 in the morning?* so I just came here and started screwing around with my blog fonts and colors and shit like that. You know one thing that has really amazed me this morning? My dad isn't sitting in the livingroom watching CNN.....he's sleeping. :-D He probably didn't get to bed until late last night. I was in bed and asleep by 10:20. Last night was the first night this week that I was able to come home on the 3 o'clock bus. Normally I've been coming home around 9 or 9:30.....Monday I had a match against Naples, so I had to sit on the bus for almost an hour and a half, then Tuesday I had drama from 6-9 and I had AAS practice after school anyway, so I didn't even get to go home.....today is going to be the same, plus I have gym today. :-\ Gym shouldn't be too bad. We finished badminton yesterday *THANK YOU JESUS* and I think we're just gonna play indoor or kickball today. Sounds good to me. Then tomorrow I have gym with Mr. B. instead of Miss Naar *Mrs. Thompson.....my bad* and Mr. B. usually lets us pick what we wanna do, so yeah. Anyway, it's round 7 now and my bus will be here in 20 minutes, so I'm gonna go. I'll write tomorrow.....I'd write tonight, but I'll probably come home and go to bed. :-) Sleep = GOOD.

>:O AHHHH >:O

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-04T09:03:00-05:00

I swear to God.....I am going to kill myself! People think they're all mature and everything, but they're just little kids and they just wanna play with their toys and get mad at everyone over the stupidest sh**! Matt and Landy.....AHHHHH. They think they're cool sh** but they just need to get their a$$es kicked.....I swear to God. I hope Rachel listens to me and Sarah. She needs to leave Matt and go with Adam. Matt is just.....GOD. He makes me wanna kill myself. Adam at least treated her right. Matt treats her like dirt. He needs to grow the frig up and live in the real world. He needs to learn that you don't do that sh** to Rachel or me or Carrie or anyone else like us. You CANNOT push us down and get away with it, and he's gonna learn that pretty damn soon. >:O

**Sorry for the censorship, but my parents are in the immediate vicinity**

This is fun :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-05T03:03:00-05:00

I love it when people are pissed off at me, especially little bitches like Landy and Matt. It's so hilarious because they think they can get to me! Ha! All right, funny story.....Landy started bitching out me and Jesi 8th period today, and then she had the nerve to ask why I hate her now. I told her straight out and calmly, and she started freaking out and he face got all red and her lips were like in this straight line and it was so hilariously funny that I burst out laughing! So she got mad and Jesi and me and went stomping away, and then she kept going over and talking to Matt.....having their little immature intrigues. I think it's all funny. :-P God I love this!

Nighty night :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-05T09:03:00-05:00

I just got home from the donkey b-ball game a little while ago. It was pretty fun, but the seniors lost. Oh well. :-P Anyway, Matt and Landy are still pissed off, and now I guess Steph is too.....I don't know. I had no problem with Steph until she started freaking out on me. Oh well. That's her call. Tonight was pretty fun.....one of the few nights of the week that I just get to chill. I have to get to bed early because tomorrow I'm going out to breakfast, then shopping, I'm getting my ears pierced again, and then me and my family are going to see a movie *or rather movieS*. Mom's watching Finding Nemo *go figure :-P I love that movie!* so I'm gonna go watch it with her then crash. I'll write tomorrow and tell you how my day went.....a Saturday of fun and then Sunday Aubrey Lei and Tracy are coming over so we can practice our speaking for the regents in June. :-\ God forbid. I'll ttyl. ;-) Love me!

Happy happy

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-06T08:03:00-05:00

Just got home from a day with my family. We went out to breakfast, then we went to the movies, Barnes & Noble, the mall, and finally Wal-Mart. I am so full of food I think I'm gonna vomit. :-P I'm happy because shopping just makes me happy. :-D Rachel and Matt are cool now, but Landy si still on the bitch list. Matt is still on my *-People I'm Pissed Off At-* list, but that's fine because he really annoys me. I suppose I really didn't have any justification to flip out on him, but now I do. He was a royal bitch to me yeterday so yeah, screw him. *Once again, sorry for the censorship, but the parentals are in the immediate vicinity* Today was just a good day.....I came up with some new story ideas on the way home. When I'm in the car or on the bus with my CD player, I just sit and stare out the window and think. Certain songs sometime trigger this thing in my mind and that like fuels all these weird ass ideas. It's kinda helpful. :-D I bought The Da Vinci Code when I was at Barnes & Noble.....I know this sounds really frigging corny or nerdy, but it like completely fucks up the bible and contradicts a lot what the Bible said about Jesus. It's frigging cool. :-D I think I'll go now and either read of watch POTC *my FAVE movie*. I hope Aubby Lei gets on so I can tell her we can't practice tomorrow.....

yawn so bored.........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T09:03:00-05:00

I got up really frigging early this morning.....I fell asleep really early last night. Yesterday was a long day and I didn't think I was that tired. I was reading at 10 and then it was like 7. Weird. I guess Dad came in and turned off all my lights cuz they were off this morning. I wanted to just sleep today, but I have to get the stuff for my book report and I have math and bio and.....I am just not looking forward to it. That and I have to clean my room today considering it's a total fucking disaster and Mom will freak out if I don't get it cleaned up. :-\ Things with Matt, Landy, and Steph aren't any better for me, but Rachel went and apologized to Matt *which I still don't get* so they're fine now. I was kind of worried when Steph got mad at me because I thought Eric and Megan would freak on me. I don't know about Eric, but Megan seemed completley fine with me Friday night. Still.....a lot can happen in two days. I dunno..... I think I'll go and get a jump on my day. Joy.

-1 off the To-Do List :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T12:03:00-05:00

I finally got my room clean and I am SOOOOO glad I got up at 7:45 this morning. It's only 12:30 and I have my room done. That means I have the rest of the day to work on my book report, my bio and my math. :-D This is good. This means I'm not gonna be fucking frazzled tonight. If I woke up like an hour ago, I would have just sat around and I would still have a shitload to do today. When Mom gets home from church we're gonna put the new sound card in, so *if it works* that means I'll probably sit here for another hour and listen to Launch on Yahoo or something that requires my speakers. :-P

>:O URG >:O

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T04:03:00-05:00

The new sound card came and surprise surprise.....IT DOESN'T WORK. I shouldn't be so angry. I knew it wouldn't work. Nothing made by Gateway works unless you sit and screw around with it for about 3 weeks. THEN it'll work, but it dies again within the same week, so yeah. It's very frustrating. Mom told the Gateway techies to not even bother talking her through it anymore cuz she's through with this computer. I don't blame her. The techie told Mom to delete all this stuff, and I thought it was kind of weird that he deleted everything to do with our speakers. Well, it turns out I should have said something because he deleted EVERYTHING we needed to make the speakers work. URG >:O It's raining out now, and that's about the only thing that's making me happy. Why? Because if it's warm enough to rain, that means spring is on the way and I am SO COMPLETELY READY for spring and Easter. Winter's all good, but winter last year went until May and that pretty much sufficed my want for it this year. I hate the cold now. I love the snow, but it would be so frigging wonderful if it could snow while it's 78° out. That would be so great..... Rachel and Adam are officially together now. She's a lot better off without Matt. He's a jerkoff. That Heather girl obviously doesn't know what she's getting into. I hope he cheats on her. :-P *RIGHT RACHEL!* I guess I'll go and do my homework. I have to cut out stuff for my book report tonight and then glue it all together Tuesday while I'm at practice. I have an AAS match tomorrow night and I'll be on the bus to Canisteo at 3:45, so I won't really have time. Well.....I suppose I could work on it at Miss B's until 3:30, then I could go change and get on the bus. That might work, and then I could ditch that gigantic pain in my ass in my locker until Tuesday! God I love the way I think.....;-) Only one more question about tomorrow's match: how will I wear my hair? :-P I'm so conceited.....AND I LOVE IT!!! Muahahahaha.....

Quizilla night ;-)

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T04:03:00-05:00

I don't feel like doing homework, so I opted and I'm living out the rest of my weekend on Quizilla, racking my brain for information so I can find out various stupid yet hilariously funny facts. :-P I talk too much..... :-)

You are Rerun!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your a Guradien Angel! Guardien Angels are also
knows as Warrior Angels, because they are the
army of God. Not always meaning that they are
in war, simply that their job is to protect
unwary humans from dark dragons, or other evil
demons. Warrior Angels are not always friendly
with humans, but they will watch over them all
the time. Humans say that when a miracle
happens, thank your guradien angel.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Weapons are not your thing. You would prefer to
pummel your opponent to death with your fists
and feet. You show a lot of Honor but some
power still eludes you. I can give you this
power, I can make you stronger, join me.

How would you Murder?
brought to you by Quizilla

All right, enough quizzes for me! I'll try and write tomorrow, but it depends on what time I get home. If Mom and Dad bring me straight home from Canisteo, I chould get here at a decent time, so maybe. We'll see.

http://www.art.com/asp/sp-asp/_/ui--15E17A37661B4C10A2E2DA5D5E967180/PD--10111867/sOrig--CAT/sOrigID--2208/Spiral_-_Cross_Keeper.htm

http://www.art.com/asp/sp-asp/_/ui--15E17A37661B4C10A2E2DA5D5E967180/PD--10075629/sOrig--CAT/sOrigID--2208/Tao_Dragons.htm

^I thought pics were just fu**ing great. :-)

Ok......?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T06:03:00-05:00

Sam is excited about going to school tomorrow. Um.....WHY? The only thing that makes me happy about it is the fact that I have study hall tomorrow instead of gym. Rachel wants to make Matt jealous out of his mind tomorrow 5th period, so she plans on sitting there and talking about Adam all period. ALL PERIOD. Joy.....lol. :-P Mom and Dad are in the living room watching Austin Powers, which is weird for them because they hate those movies. I suppose I should go and work on my book report. It's due wednesday.....but I don't wanna. :-P WAAAAA!!!!!! I will anyway. I don't wanna get Bohomey pissed off at me. :-\

:-P

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-07T09:03:00-05:00

Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to. [please vote! thank
you! :)]

What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

^Lol, quizzes again! :-D Hey, I did all my homework.....I think I'm entitled to a lil chillen before I crash! ;-) More quiz results below.....

Your a wind Dragon! Hey, you, the smartest dragon
of the branch. You love reading and writing,
but are quite shy. Your IQ is probably sky-high
and your stories can win trophies. Your not
very good in sports, or maybe you are, and just
not inrested.. You are very wise, smart, and
kind.

What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

obsessive compulsive

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

All right, enough for me. I'm sleepy and I have school tomorrow, so I'm out. Maybe I'll trail down to Plato 5th period and write.....but I can't because I have to work on my book report. Damn Miss Bohomey. Damn her! Oh well.....I'll have to deal.....*evil creativity loving bitch!!! I WILL RULE YOU!!!! Muahahahaha.....* I'm such a freak.

YAY!!! :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-08T08:03:00-05:00

I'm so happy!!! I went to Canisteo tonight and had an AAS match against C-S. WE WON!!! It was frigging awesome. If we win the next 3 matchs, we'll qualify for the championship. Oh I hope I hope I hope.....anyway, since Mom and Dad came to that match, I got home about alf an hour earlier than everyone else, so that made me happy. Since it's only 8:30, that means I can do my homework and be in bed by 9. Joy! Well, Landy wrote me a nasty little note full of lies, and I was thinking about writing back but I'm not going to grace her with my acknowledgement. Fuck her. She's a bitch and she just can't accept it. She said that I had no life, and that "Matt and her" were their own business and that I was being immature and that I needed to grow up. Yet throughout the whole thing, it was all "Matt and I, Matt and I" and it just strengthens my belief that Landy is in love with Matt. There's no denying it. Anyway, Matt's new girlfriend *some girl from Corning* is a frigging ugly bitch. Damn dude. She's like Jay Leno with tits. She has the Grand Canyon on her frigging chin. Fer real. She' butt ass ugly, and about 10 ppl agree with that. Well, I suppose I'd better get working on my book report. :-\ I'll write tomorrow if I have time.

Why me?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-10T11:03:00-05:00

How quickly life does change paths.....Monday I was super happy because I won my match, and I was happy 2nd period Tuesday because Landy and I supposedly made up. Then she went to SH with Matt and he turned her against me again, so she wrote me a couple of nasty letters, and 7th period I lectured her for about 15 minutes about how bad a friend she was and how horrible a person she was being. I didn't freak out, I didn't yell. I just sat there and calmly said everything that I had wanted to say to her for a long time. She looked like she was going to cry. Then we went to 8th period where she tried to explain why she had the nerve to call me fat when she's not very damn skinny herself, but I was so sick of her two-faced shit that I just ignored her and told her I didn't believe her and never would again. So I went to 9th period and talked to Sam about it, upon which she called me heartless and that made me realize how insecure and childish I still am and how we're all being fools. Still, I have no fucking desire to make up with Landy. Not after the shit she pulled yesterday. Anyway, then Sam got a bit of good news *Jeremy likes her* which made me jealous as all hell of her. Then I got reminded of when Jeremy "liked" me and told me the reason he liked me was because I was exactly like Rachel. Yesterday 9th period I just wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held it in like I've been doing for so long. Then Justin started freaking out at play practice and he said he was gonna quit. When I talked to him, he said "You're in almost the same stuff I am, but you haven't freaked out yet." All I could think was 'You don't see me when I go home.' Towards the end of practice everyone was getting pissy, so Mrs. Rice let us leave at 8:30 but Rachel and I had to wait for our ride so we worked on our homework. Then we packed up and went home. I just stayed silent the entire way home because I felt like if I said anything, I was gonna spaz. Then, as soon as I got home, I just completely poured out all my thoughts to my parents. My dad, however, thought that I was being whiney and yelled at me. He told me the world's not fair, that I needed to get over myself and deal with it. SO I just started bawling because all I had wanted to do all day was cry and cry. I went in my room and got ready for bed, then curled up in a little ball and just cried. Mom came in just talked to me for almost an hour. She asked me if I wanted to skip school today and just sleep and rest and get away frm everybody, and I said yes so here I am. I'm not allowed on AIM because it's just gonna aggravate me and make things worse, and Mom didn't want me to go to play practice tomorrow but I told her I had to go, I couldn't punk out now when there's less than 3 weeks until the play. I just needed to get all that off my chest. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Everything was just too much.

*If you read this entry, reply and tell me if you think I'm right or wrong.....if I'm just being immature and I need to get over myself or if I have the right to feel like this once in a while.....

I am alone..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-10T05:03:00-05:00

In the end, when all is said and done, I'm alone. Alone without love, recognition, or hope. Always alone, treading my path silently without hope for redemption. Always alone, walking in through the winters of hate, suffering my eternal punishment and my eternal home.

I'm not as intelligent as I thought..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-10T08:03:00-05:00

I'm not really as alone as I claim. I just feel like it because I have problems. I feel like the world is against me all the time when it's really not. It's called paranoia, and it completely sucks. I thought I was through being paranoid about everything, but I guess fighting with Landy and Matt just brought all my insecurities back to the surface.

I don't know what I'm going to do about Matt and Landy. I don't want to continue fighting because it's tiresome and annoying, yet I'm driven to believe that everything between us is too far gone to be fixed. I don't know what to do.

I discovered tonight after a somewhat short talk with Rachel that I don't know as much about everything as I think. All I know is what I feel, and even that is incomprehensible. So really, do I know anything at all? I'm beginning to believe that my pride is simply all my insecurities and my fears rolled into one thing and masked. I'm just trying to keep them hidden so I won't have to face them, but in the end it's only hindering my mental and emotional growth.

This entire day, from the moment I woke up until now, has been filled with nothing but inner reflection. I thought about the Matt and Landy ordeal (seeing how they're mainly the reason I stayed home today), I thought about my own insecurities, I thought about my paranoia, and various other things, and after all I had thought about I came to one conclusion: I am a very mixed up person indeed. Half the time, I realized, I don't know what I'm talking about or what I'm really feeling. I can't read emotions as well as I'd like to think, and I'm not as knowledgeable about the world as I had initially perceived. I am very... well, stupid, when it somes to emotion and being a "veteran" of teenage life. Only when my teens have ended will I be a "veteran", not before.

I am not the great teen psychologist that I thought I was. I am just a good listener, a person who can sit and analyze as they listen. I dole out advice like it's cheap candy, when really I have no clue about what I'm talking about. All I have to give are my own opinions, and those more often than not lead to heartbreak and madness. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the end, I am friendless. I wouldn't blame them either. I wouldn't be my own friend, not with the insanity I've caused.

I'm learning, now more than ever, that I simply need to keep my mouth closed and my ears open. Instead of fighting with someone because they hurt my friends, I need to do everything based on my own motives, my own reasons. I can't ruin something with someone because a few harsh words were said between them and my friend. That's none of my business, and that I learned quite recently. I admit: the only reason I got pissed was because people were dissing my friends. I had no reason to get angry, none at all. I think, from now on, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Lesson learned: I need to have my own motive for war, not someone else's.

P.S. Matt & Landy - I am truly sorry for what I've done. I had no right to do what I did, and I hope you can accept my apology.

A new day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-11T06:03:00-05:00

Matt and I are ok now. We didn't apologize because neither of us really wanted to, but we're friends again. This also means I can sit at my old table again. Matt offered to talk to Landy, but I told him I'd talk to her myself. I think I'll end up writing her a note or something.

The one good thing about today coming is that it's a new day filled with new opportunities and chances. Tuesday everything seemed so hopeless and lost, but yesterday things started looking up. Perhaps I'm on a new path, a better trodden one than what I was following before.

All who read this wish me luck today. I'd like to finally resolve all this conflict and have it over with, but I'm not sure if that will happen. There's always the off chance that she'll still hate me, in which case we'll all just have to deal.

My inspiration for today is over. Practice is now from 5-8, so I'll be home at a decent hour. Maybe I'll write, maybe I won't. It all depends on how tired I am when I get home.

Good but tiring day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-12T05:03:00-05:00

Today was a pretty good day. Landy and I are all better (have been since yesterday morning) so all's well in that department. Today, I got to go chill alone in Ms. Bohomey's room on the computer, so that was cool. It was nice to hear nothing except myself breathing and the mouse clicking. 2nd period *spanish* I met the new student teacher. He's 40 or so, but he's cool and he's nice. Plus Mr. Agostinho was in a super hyper mood, so *even though we had a diagnostic test* it was fun watching him bounce around, to the utter amazement of our student teacher. 3rd period *global* I went to get pictures done for drama, then came back to watch First Knight since we're studying the middle ages. 5th was gym and we played indoor *i got to be goalie, like always* so that made me happy. Wayne and I took some hard hits though, but it was fun. 6th *bio* Ms. Weale didn't have any homework for us. We just sat and listened/questioned about blood and then later commented on the horrible treatment of some babies and the everyday life of some of the people in Carol's Country. It was fun. :-D 7th was lunch, and I basically wrote my biography for the play program. Then I went to chorus 8th, where Keenly was is a super good mood so we had SOOOOOO much fun, not to mention my lungs worked correctly today and I didn't fall short of breath so I sang my heart out. 9th *math* was even better because all we did was go over the test we had yesterday and work on our weekly projects *which I got done, so no math this weekend!!!*. Then, at 3, I left with Spanish Club and went bowling to raise money for our trip to NYC in May. I swear, today was one of the best days I've had in a while. :-D Anyway, I'm gonna go eat dinner and jump in the shower. Rachel's coming over tonight after the dance, so we'll probably be up late laughing our asses off. Joy. :-P Bye.

Quizzes

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-12T06:03:00-05:00

Quizilla.....how can you now love 'em? :-P I thought so.....

You are guided by water. You are generally calm and
peaceful, but you can be very destructive
without even realizing it.(Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tree Fairy thats what you are
Please rate my quiz even if it is a 1 thanks

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Waiting angel. You stay inside your
little world waiting for that special someone
to come and take you away. You hope that the
day that your love will come will be soon, and
no one can pick on you for wanting to save
yourself. On the other hand, your hopes
decrease every day that you suffer. Try to hold
on a bit longer...

What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

^More tomorrow after noon. Shower time. Bye.

Last night

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-13T04:03:00-05:00

The dance last night was a COMPLETE waste of my time. I wish I hadn't wasted my money on it, but there's nothing I can do now. It was completely pointless. Everyone was just running around dealing with their "life" and stupid stuff like that. The music wasn't even very good. I got there an hour late, and I just sat on the bleachers and talked the entire time. I just didn't feel like dancing. Everything felt weird. I don't know..... Rachel broke up with Adam a mere 5 days after going back out with him again. Nobody really knew what to make of it. She wanted him so badly, then she broke up with him. She said it was stress, that since the play was looming she was freaking out and it felt like she didn't have freedom. Well, ok..... I do a lot more than she does and I haven't gone completely spastic yet *despite Tuesday night and all of Wednesday.....but hey, I was home!*. Still, nobody really knows how to feel about it or what to say to her. She came over last night and she asked me if she was wrong for doing it. I honestly didn't know what to say. I told her that I was kind of confused by it since she wanted him back so badly, then she left him. When she rode home with Adam and her sister last night, Adam talked to Sarah about it. Once he was out of the car and Rachel and Sarah were on their way here, Sarah freaked. She called Rachel a whore and said she played mind games and that she had all these guys running after her, eating out of her hand *which she kinda does* and that she treated them like dogs, even the nice ones like Adam. She said a few other choice things, and when Rachel got to my house she looked like she was gonna cry. We talked for maybe half an hour *she ate Doritos and had water* and then she just wanted to curl up and go to bed. I wasn't opposed to it since I was tired too, so we just went to bed. We woke up around 11 this morning, then we watched a few cartoons, got our stuff around, and she went home around 12:30. It wasn't a very eventful evening, and last night just seemed full of heartbreak and stuff. I was sad at the dance for one reason.....the usual for me.....GUYS. Woo. I just shoved it to the back of my mind and talked, but towards the end of the dance, during the last slow song, I was watching everyone dance and I just felt really rejected and just horrible.....so horrible that I'm gonna grow up and be a spinster *which is probably what I will do since most men on this Earth seem to be scum*. Anyway.....that was last night. Wonderful, huh. I think I'll put some more Quizilla results in here, in a different entry though.

QUZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-13T04:03:00-05:00

More Quizilla quizzes! :-D God, I'm such a freak. :-P

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hecate

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the hidden beauty

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
^HA!!!!! That's a good one.....

You are a SERIOUS person. Yeah yeah, fun is fun,
but there's also work to do ryt? You're not
childish at all and you hate being joking
around. Then why are you doing a quiz! LOL ^_~

Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by Quizilla
^Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.....

You are a gravestone shadow. You denote the
dignity and wisdom of history and memory. You
are foreboding and dignified. You value
tradition and memory because your soul is the
essence of those who lived and bled in the
ancient life you represent. You are slowly
fading from existence. Keep your place in this
story of time by consuming the future that you
find so threatening, for someday it will become
what you are: the past.(please rate my quiz cuz
it took me for freaking ever to create)

What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Element is Flame. You have a strong,
independant, fiery personality and you
obviously don't let other's push you around.
You like being in charge and don't care what
other people think. In fact, you like to stand
out and be yourself. You're probably shy when
people first meet you but your a ball of energy
that could explode at any given moment. You
like to laugh and whether you admit it or not,
you like to fight. You have a personality that is
wild and untamable. You're beauty is physically
fit and a little sexy and you have a very
pretty face.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a black dragon! Master of the shadows and
nightmares. People claim you to be evil but
you're just misunderstood. You just want to be
alone.

Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Enough Quizilla-ing for me.....maybe more tonight. Depends on how bored I am.

Yet another quiz...........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-13T08:03:00-05:00

Yeah yeah yeah, I have a Quizilla problem. So sue me! :-P

Tomboy

What kind of little girl were YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

I feel quite accomplished! I helped Justin figure out the species name for a dragon. That's the one thing I'm pretty good at besides battle descriptions.....fantastical names. Though at one point I had no names whatsoever worked out in my head, but I found this awesome website with nothing BUT names.....every type of name you could imagine. It's awesome. I'll figure out the address one of these days and post it in here, but for now I'll stick to talking.

I was skimming through a couple other blogs here and I discovered that, for once, there really are people out there with more problems and more stress than me. When I was younger, I used to think that nobody in this world had it as bad as I did.....then I figured out that I am pretty damn lucky. My parents didn't have to have me; they didn't have to treat me like a princess when I was little; they didn't have to give me everything I wanted; people didn't have to like me.....everything happened because I am really lucky in life, but I'm just too much of a fool to see it; but no more foolishness anymore.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened with Rachel and Adam.....she has an apology written for him in her profile. It was kind of weird.....not something I would have expected. Then again, I suppose that everything dealing with the entire "Rachel-Adam 5 day run" is confusing and weird, so I'm not gonna try to understand it. It's not my business anyway, so I'll just keep my big nose out of it.

This coming week is going to be extremely tiring. Monday I have a match for AAS, but it's at Campbell so Mom, Dad, and Grandma will prbably come and watch. I don't know where we're going to eat.....I probably won't find out until 4th period Monday. Tuesday I have the evil, dreaded lad *God save me* and I have drama after school from 5-8. Still, it only goes until 8, so I can't complain too much. Wednesday will be busy but fun. It's March Madness, which means absolutely NO teaching whatsoever. :-D We're studying the Middle Ages in global, so Mr. Schea said we could do/make anything dealing with the Middle Ages. I have taken it upon myself to head up the deapartment of Weapons and Execution.....I already have all the stuff I'll need to make a mace and a battle axe, so I'm in good shape.

Also on Wednesday night there'll be drama from 5:30 - 8:30, so it'll be another long day. Thursday night is the Roman Banquet, and I have a ticket reserved for me so that I can go. It's gonna be awesome.....it was last year. Aubrey's going too, so I'll probably go to her house after school and then walk with her to the banquet. Then I'll get home around 9 or so, but I won't have to worry about homework or anything because we have Friday off. It's a conference day for the teachers, so the students got the day off. It's another blessing in disguise.....3 DAY WEEKEND!!!!!

Saturday I think Mom and I are going bowling, and then I'll have the rest of the weekend to myself. Tomorrow I have to make my mace and battle axe for global, and I also have to do a little research for English and get my back work for Bio done. It'll be a little busy, but it shouldn't be too bad. In fact, I could probably get the spikes molded and baked now. That way, I could also paint the ball and then all I'd have to do is glue the spikes on and attach the ball to a dowel with some chain. Shouldn't be too hard.....

I suppose I'd better get going if I want to work on my mace. I still have to get the materials or my axe and get that made. Dad can help me. After all, he DID just get a new table sax for Christmas.....:-D

Snow day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-16T11:03:00-05:00

Really bad weather today.....the worst I've seen since last Christmas. EVERYTHING is shutting down. School was cancelled this morning, but some places are still trying to stick it out, trying to prove who can make it through a frozen Hell like this. I think they're all pig-headed idiots.

March Madness is tomorrow and I keep feeling more and more like we're not gonna get everything done. The good thing about Rachel, Sam, Aubrey, Tracy, Craig, and I is that we are creative. The bad thing is that we are ELABORATE creators. We had the spanse of 2 days to make something.....we went for something that really requires a week or so. Unless God grants us a miracle, we are screwed.

Nobody is really available today. They either live too far away or they're busy. Rachel's working at her dad's business today. She claims she needs the credit with her parents, so she went this morning. She was already up and dressed, plus she hates staying home alone, so I can see her point. Sam and Craig aren't even going to be there tomorrow. :-/ Sam has shadowing (which her mom won't let her skip) and Craig's going up to the band room with Jake. So now I am the only executioner and Tracy is the only prisoner.....if we get this done.....

The snow outside has been falling nonstop for almost 5 1/2 hours now. It's been snowing since 6, but the intensity of it has varied. It's still falling, though. My house is so cold. My parents keep turning down the thermometer to save energy, but I don't feel like freezing. I can hardly feel my fingers now. Sometimes, my parents' money-saving skills can come in handy.....other times they can be a nusiance.

I've been trying to get everything painted for March Madness. I've pretty much succeeded, so that means that I have to get Dad to cut the dowel a little tonight with his table saw. Don't know if I can convince him. He might since it's for school, but it depends on how sleepy he is. Aubrey Lei has to get her dowels cut too. Dunno how she's gonna do that. Both her parents work, and I don't want her to cut her hand off. That wouldn't be very good, now would it? No.....:-P

Rachel's been a little frazzled lately. Apparently the whole thing with Adam is fine now. I think it's.....strange. She's been getting closer and closer to Matt again, and people have been asking me if they're dating. God forbid. I don't think they'll try a third time, though they did agree on something else. It made me.....reel back in horror and shock. Let's leave it at that.

I think this is going to be all for my entry. I don't wanna get too long winded and bore you all. I have a few things I need to do before Mom comes home and kicks my ass for not having them done. I don't know how she'll be when she comes home. All depends on road conditions. If the roads are still bad, she'll probably be pissy and then tonight will suck major dick. *shrugs* Not like I can control it, though sometimes that would be REALLY nice.....

It's still falling.............

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-16T02:03:00-05:00

The snow is still coming down.....not as hard as earlier, but it's still there. *sigh* I thought I would hate it if it snowed today, but it just made everything so peaceful. I like peace.....it's nice and quiet and just silently beautiful. I am getting really bored though.....I've been on here for most of the day, looking at different things and talking to people.....trying to figure out when I'm gonna do my chores. I don't wanna.....

I've actually fallen out of my Quizilla phase.....isn't that strange? I used to be in love with Emode, but their tests were so long. I used to be in love with Quizilla, but now.....I don't know. Today happens to be Tuesday, so that means Charmed tonight at 10. 24 would have been on at 9, but they fucked the schedule all up and moved the next episode to March 30th. I'm not even going to be home! >:O I hate the people who run these television companies. They're all utter idiots. Then again, I am probably just saying that to cater to my ego so I feel smarter. Damn.....

I hope spring and summer hurry up and come through soon. I'm in the mood for warm weather and rain, not cold and snow. Snow is beautiful, yeah, but the cold is fucking annoying. It's just there to piss people off. I'm ready for Easter in April, NYC in May, and the end of school in June. Then, once school ends, I can have my carefree summer days back. The only thing is I'm gettin pressed for money and I feel so bad when I have to bum it off Mom and Dad. Thus, once they get the chance, I have to be taken to the doctor and get a physical so I can get a job and work. I want a computer for my room that's hooked up to the internet, but I have to get the money for it myself. Thus, I need a job.

I haven't even bothered to call anyone all day. I don't feel like it. It's nice to break away and get away from everyone for one day. Sure, I'll talk to them online, but otherwise no. If I get really bored, I'll either clean *HIGHLY doubt that* or I'll sit down and read The Da Vinci Code. That book is pretty damn good. I'm not very far into it, but from what I've read out of it, it's very interesting. I never thought anything dealing with religion would appeal to me again.

And still the snow is continually falling, not even signaling a break in the pattern it has followed all day. *sigh* Will winter ever end? I'm beginning to think Earth is going to turn into a C. S. Lewis book.....The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, when the White Witch ruled over Narnia and the land was enveloped in eternal winter. I wonder if that is what's happening now.....highly doubt that, but you never know.

Andy and I were talking quite a while ago about J. R. R. Tolkien and his massive brilliance with the LOTR books. I pitched an interesting thought to Andy about Tolkien: what if Middle Earth had actually existed at one point? What if Tolkien was just recalling memories from a past life of his, but he thought they were ideas for a book and wrote them down? There are so many what ifs, and it's just fucking awesome to think someone could be recalling history and writing it down, but we're so lost to it that we think it's nothing but a fantasy. It makes you think.....

^What do you all think about that theory? Reply with your answer.

Yeah.......

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-16T07:03:00-05:00

Still snowing, but the flakes are semi-fine. Aurey is gonna be pissed at me. She let me borrow her math homework so I could get it done, but I don't know where it is. :-/ I think I'm either gonna finish my work and photocopy it or I'm gonna vouch for her and swear to Mrs. Janeski that she did it.....I'll probably end up copying my work, whiting it out, photocopying the paper, then transferring the answers. It's a lot of work, but that's the price I pay for being stupid. :-/ Heh.

Tomorrow we'll probably have school again *GREAT* so that means that I have the get EVERYTHING around for March Madness. I have to take a shitload of stuff to school tomorrow.....food, axes, etc. Sam better remember to give me her horsewhips 2nd period or I'm gonna be pissed. I don't think we can pull off this dungeon thing. Too much has to be done. *sigh* It was a good idea, but too complicated to make in 2 days.

Last night :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-19T10:03:00-05:00

Last night was a hell of a lotta fun. After school, I had to stay after for chorus make-ups, but it was fun. There weren't many people there.....Abbey, Megan, Angelica, Ashley, Aubrey, Rachel, Craig, and me. 8 people out of a 52 person chorus. :-P It was kinda nice. We got a lot done, a lot of stuff tweaked, plus Aubrey and I were making faces at Katie through the band room window, which made her bust up, so it's all good.

After make-ups, Rachel and I went home with Aubby Lei. At 6 Aubrey's dad drove us back to the school so Rachel could get ready for the Roman Banquet and so Aubrey and I could have an $8 meal. :-D 'Twas fun. After the Banquet, Mom and Dad drove Aubby Lei home since the phones weren't working, and then we went home. I wanted to go get movies afterwards, but Dad didn't want to and whatever Dad says is like law around our house. I was tired anyway, so it worked out for the best.

I came home and took FFI and FFII in my room *which Aubrey let me borrow so I wouldn't be bored today* and then I fell asleep listening to the radio when I had intended to read a little more of The Da Vinci Code. Mom came in around 7 and woke me up this morning and reminded me that I'm going shopping with Gramma today, so that's what I'm waiting for.

Rachel and Katie wanted to come over today and just.....BE.....but I'm going out to eat and I'm going to Wal-Mart *Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart, that's our store. We shop there because we're poor!* lol. Anyway, now I feel bad because it would have been fun because the last time all three of us were together we almost got thrown out of a store. :-D lol. I suppose I should go and get ready to leave.

A little more info than earlier :-P

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-19T03:03:00-05:00

I just wanted to tell you that we actually did get our stuff done for March Madness. We never actually went through with the execution, but we got the stuff done and we went parading around school with scythes and an axe and a mace with thick black eyeliner and black lipstick with pale faces. Everyone was staring at us, which is cool because I love it when people stare at me. It makes me feel special. :-D All the little 7th graders were running around and freaking out, and these people.....they kept touching my axe. Matt McNeil touched it, and I hate that prick, so when he wouldn't let go, I shoved him into the lockers. I swear to God, he's an annoying prick. Rachel and Sam finally got all their make-up cleaned off around 5th period, but Aubrey kept her stuff on all day. I left the make-up on but I couldn't take anymore of Jesi's cape, so I took it off and put it in my locker. That mother fucker was heavy, but it was cool.

1st period I came in late because the bus got stuck.....AGAIN. My driver gets stuck like 5 or 6 times every winter. Craig called me and started panicking. He thought he missed the bus. I basically ran around getting ready for the exectuion 1st period. 2nd period I told Mr. A. I was there, then I went down to Schea's room and finished getting ready. All we did 2nd and 3rd period was get ready and get our stuff around since Aubrey hadn't had time to put the scythes together. Overton was being an ass about it, but he finally gave in. I wanna rip his balls off.

4th period everybody disappeared on everyone else. It was like the Invisible Man or something. One minute there, the nest minute gone. Sam and I went down to watch Craig, Jake, and everyone else play for a while, but I kind of got sick of Mickey's bad singing, so we went to the gym and looked at the stands that were set up. Rachel and Carrie stayed to watch, and Aubrey and Tracy went to Overton's to get him to put our scythes together. After a while, Sam and I started running around trying to find everyone again, and we didn't find everyone until the end of 4th period. 5th period Aubrey, Rachel, and I had to make up our lab, so that kind of sucked, and 6th period we had a bio test. After the test everyone left except Wayne, Aubrey, Sam, Rachel and I. We all went with Ms. Weale down to the gym to look at the different stands, and Landy met us down there. Then we all trailed back up to Ms. Weale's room and got our stuff before the bell rang.

7th period I went to the library and competed in an AAS match against the teachers. Teachers won by 8 points or so, but it was fun. :-) It's nice to know that they're like 30 and we're like 15, yet we're almost their intellectual equals. :-) After that I went to chorus, but half the chorus was missing. Mr. Keenly was pretty pissed about that, and then we went and did our "open rehearsal" to which only 3 people showed up. Afterwards, Mr. Keenly sat us down and told us we sucked and that he was embarrassed by us. Mind you he did this all in front of the people who came to watch. That REALLY did not help our moral at all. Finally, March Madness ended at the end of 8th period, so 9th period all we did were crossword puzzles in math. It was fun, and I had this big talk with Mrs. Janeski about the different between prefixes and prepositions. 'Twas.....interesting, but she got me pretty convfused. After that I went home for about an hour and a half. Dad then came home and took me down to practice, which was kind of fun. Finally we went home and I collapsed in bed. I was so tired it was unbelievable.

Yesterday everyone just screwed around all day and we got out of having homework. Afterwards I went to make-ups, then Aubrey's, then the Roman Banquet. When I got home I went in my room and fell asleep to the radio. I was still dressed this morning when I got up. :-P I took a shower and got ready, talked to Rachel and Katie and made plans for tonight, then went shopping and out to lunch with Gramma. Of course I went to Applebee's cuz it's my favorite and Gramma knows it. I just got home about an hour or so ago. Mom, Dad, and I are going bowling tonight, and then Rachel and Katie are coming over to spend the night. :-D Yay! Busy weekend. I like being busy. Then I don't feel left out. :-P Hahahaha. I'll probably write tomorrow and tell you how bowling and tonight went, but if I don't get to it, I probably won't write until Friday. Monday I have a match, even though it's at home, then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I have practice until 8. Dad'll probably be on the computer when I get home from all of those, so I'm not going to bother to nag him about it. :-P It's just too tiring to nag at him anymore. I never win. :-P

The retards & me :-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-20T01:03:00-05:00

Rachel and Katie stayed over last night.....God, we had so much fucking fun. :-P Rachel fell asleep at 1 or so, but Katie and I stayed up until about 3. Then I couldn't take it cuz I had been up since 9, so I went to sleep. I woke up at 8, but I'm still dead tired. I'll probably sleep when I get finished with helping Mom on my dress. God, I don't wanna.....I wanna go shopping like I was SUPPOSED TO with Rachel, but yeah.....oh well. I need to save money. I want a computer, so that's first priority.

I did one of those stupid ass yet fun customization thingys on Dell.com for a computer, and after I got the computer the way I wanted it, it would only be $599.....$17/month. That's not bad.....I could afford that. Still, Mom and Dad won't let me do anything with payments until I get a job. HELLO!!!! They still have to take me for my physical so I can GET a job. Sometimes they are so rhetorical it kills me.....

Dad left *AGAIN* and went to Buffalo or Batavia with Jim.....Jim has this bad habit of just showing up at my house and asking my dad if he wants to go train watching. Dad usually says yes because #1, he loves doing that, though I don't know why, and #2, it's a free ride. He only has to chip in like $3 for gas. So yeah.....it's a pretty good deal. :-P Cheap = GOOD.

Anyway.....yeah, my life is fucking boring, so I'm just going to leave and continue to be the social hermit I am.....hehehehe :-D ;-). I'm a fucking retard.....and I ramble. Jesus, I gotta shut up.....

Today........:-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-22T04:03:00-05:00

Today was a pretty good day beside the fact that I think Carrie is REALLY pissed at me. I have this quote book and anything that someone says that amuses me I put in there. Well, Rachel and I used to make cracks about Carrie when we hated her, and some of that stuff was funny, so I put it in there. She took my book from me 5th period and started reading, but I grabbed it back and scribbled out the mean stuff. Bad news: I made the mistake of showing it to Sam, and I think she went and told Carrie about it just to get on her good side. I swear to God, if Sam did tell Carrie what it said, I'll kill her. I almost begged her not to say anything because it was a long time ago and things were different now. Now Carrie and I are friends. Still, she was pretty pissed after school and I'm sure it was at me. Oh well. Fuck her and fuck Sam. I didn't do shit.....it was a long fuckin time ago and Jesus I'm sorry.

Anyway, besides the whole Carrie thing, today was actually a pretty good day except I felt kind of worthless towards the end of 7th period. We got talking about things and what people compliment us on. E.g., Rachel has her eyes, Carrie her hair, Landy her make-up, Aubrey her eyes.....yet something kind of came to me. Nobody really says anything to me about the way I look. Maybe it's because I semi-don't constantly beg for reassurance about my looks anymore. I don't know.....I just know that it felt like I was really alone and fucking ugly. :-/ It wasn't too great. Then Jesi kind of reminded me about how she even has someone to love because she gets this look on her face when she's thinking about Scott or someone and it just made me feel really worthless.....

More "good" news: Keenly is basically doing away with our chorus concerts. Instead, chorus is going to be more of a class. We'll learn solos in German, Italian, French, etc., and in order to move up the next level you have to perform them in front of your class.....alone. The entire meaning of a solo. I guess it's a cool idea.....definately something new.....but I wasn't too sure about the whole solo thing. I'm an okay singer, but I fucking suck at solos. I get so nervous that I squeak or I crack and it sounds horrible. Jesi tried to convince me that I would do fine, but I freak out so bad.....she has no idea. Chorus is turning more into a language course than a performing choir. The real thing that pissed me off was that Mr. Danquah APPROVED the idea. I was counting on him to say no so we could keep everything the way it was, but then he had to go be a prick and be all "Ok".

I suppose that's all the bitching I have in me for today.....probably more tomorrow. Maybe I'll write tonight and tell you how my match went, though I highly doubt I will. I'll be too sleepy.....:-P. I'll write towards the end of the week or something. For anyone who reads this: do you think it's ok to turn chorus into more of a class that doesn't perform or do you think chorus should remain a SINGING class where you PERFORM in front of PEOPLE. I'd like everyone's opinion.....

AAS results for tonight::Just the results of my AAS match against Campbell-Savona: Win for us

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-22T09:03:00-05:00

Just the results of my AAS match against Campbell-Savona:

Win for us::63 - 27

Current Overall::2-3, ACS losing :'( but only by one! :-D

Next match:: @ CSCS vs. Naples

^Wish me luck! C'mon guys, we can do it! Let's make it to the tournament

OK week, not the greatest..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-24T04:03:00-05:00

I suppose this week has been OK so far.....I had some bad shit happen yesterday and Monday, and I'm still a little pissed about it, but for the most part I'm over it. Just one last calm confrontation and I'll be done.....hopefully.....

Practice tonight since we had a snow day last week. Only a week until the play now. It's starting to freak me out.....I keep thinking about screwing up or not getting my dress finished or something to that effect. I haven't done a play in front of people since the 5th grade, so I'm a little out of practice. I suppose it'll end up like chorus.....you go out there nervous, but after you get into it the butterflies fade away and you're just left with this feeling of pride and joy. I can only hope.

The class dance is on Friday.....amazingly enough, everyone has been asking me if I'm going or something to that effect. Normally they don't care. I wonder what I did.....Barb wants to do something afterwards, and I was just going to come home and sleep, but whatever. Last year I was a total fucking hermit and nobody ever wanted to do anything. This year.....wow. It's like I'm actually someone who's here.....like I'm not invisible anymore.

I was pretty happy about coming home today. It's the only day this week besides Friday that I get to come home. I suppose I should get off here and do my math like I promised Mrs. Janeski, but I really don't want to. :-P I'm like that. Rachel and Adam are thinking about after the play and getting back together (I still don't understand why she left him) and everyone's talking about guys and such. I'm beginning to care again, and it fucking sucks.

Last night at practice was completely and utterly strange. Justin and I were talking and all the sudden he fucking kissed me! I pulled back as soon as I could. He's like my brother, or something.....like family.....and it was weird. He tried twice more, but I was on guard and he didn't get me. I avoided him all day to day because he was saying that he was going to leave his girlfriend and that he wanted someone else and he was asking me all about what I looked for in guys. Please, God, I hope he doesn't like me.....

I told Sam and Landy 2nd period about practice last night and they had the same reaction I did. Landy asked me if I liked him, and I told her that he was a brotherly figure to me.....nothing more. 4th period Sam and I left to go to Van Woert's room to chill with Rachel and Hand, and on the way there I stopped at my locker. Justin came down the hall and I practically stuck my head in my locker to avoid eye contact. Sam, however, just looked at Justin and smiled like she always does, and what did he do? He smacked her ass *I heard it and I turned* and winked at her. Her jaw dropped. For the rest of the day, she was all "Oh God, I hope he doesn't start doing that shit to me." She's got good cause to worry.....Justin's a touch-y feel-y person.....that's why I pretty much try to avoid his hands and such. It's just weird.....

I'm probably gonna go now. I've got math to do and I have to get it done in half an hour before I go to practice. I'd better wrap up The Da Vinci code and take it with me. :-D It's just getting good!

Friday.....woop de fuckin doo

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-26T03:03:00-05:00

Sitting here, listening to Evanescence and feeling particularly depressed at the moment. Weather outside is beautiful and that's about the only thing I'm actually enjoying right now. It's nice and warm and smells like spring. I missed spring. I'm glad it's here. Anyway, Rachel and Adam are going good.....that's probably what's got me depressed. Once again, it feels like everyone else has a reason to be happy but I don't. Life often feels like this now.....

The dance is tonight but I REALLY don't want to go. Still, I have to. Class dance and I'm the secretary, so if I don't go/don't work, V and A will grill my ass. :-/ The joy of being in student council. I'm debating between not running and running next year. I kind of wanted to go for VP, but I highly doubt I'd get it, so yeah. Maybe I'll give myself a fucking break next year and not do anything, but then I'd always be whining about boredom. I guess it is best to keep busy, even if it is to the point of insanity.

This morning I felt rested when I got up but it all just drained right out of me 2nd perod. We had two tests 2nd period and I don't evn know why. I think A and McGrath are running diagnostics on us to see what they have to help us on for the Regents. I was going to take conversational next year, but fuck that. I'm through with Spanish.

As I was sitting in 2nd period this morning, Donnie was kinda hyper and, when he came over to my desk to retrieve a pencil, hit my desk really hard. It shocked me, and then it pissed me off because I was tired. I looked him straight in the face and said "If you ever make a sudden noise/move while I'm sleepy, there WILL be repercussions." He went "Like what?" So I told him what I intended: "I'll cut off your balls and shove them down your throat." That got him away from me for the remainder of the day. I was rather proud. It's like whenever I get sleepy, my vocabulary immensely improves. :-D

Keenly kind of bitched at us today about our singing. I think he's going through menopause. He's been hell to deal with lately. He had this brilliant idea that he was going to split the chorus into two halves, but when that didn't work, he made the "better" half into a select group. Yesterday he did nothing with the rest of us. He worked with select for the entire period, and we got to sing about 3 lines out of America at the end of the period.....a whopping 5 minutes. He's really starting to piss me off.....

I probably should go and try to accomplish something before I go to the dance *even though I don't want to* and then I'll have to get in the shower and put on my "happy" face for everyone so I don't have millions of people following me around going "What's wrong? What's wrong?" It gets REALLY fucking annoying after a while, and I'm at the point where when I'm pissed off, I'd rather not speak of it. Yet they prod.

Small notes :: 1.) Mom's birthday -- March 28th (Sunday) Going to Red Lobster for dinner, shopping before that at Fashion Bug. 2.) Spring break -- starts April 8th, officially two weeks from now.....I can;t wait even though I'm not doing one damn thing.....figures. 3.) Play -- April 1, 2, and 3.....I'm not so nervous anymore. After practice last night *after I successfully said fuck in front of Mrs. Rice and Mr. Vona 4 times* I got to feeling that there might actually be hope for us. We're working on a better set, but I feel bad because I didn't go and help at all today, though I'd originally intended to. Next week is a no go for any of my homework.....too busy. Teachers are just gonna have to deal cause I'm not doing it.

What a weekend

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-28T10:03:00-05:00

It was my plan to just chill out this weekend, but that didn't happen. :-P Friday I was going to go to the movies instead of the dance, but then I ended up going to the dance anyway. The Rachel came over and we made a futal attempt to stay up. We fell asleep at 11 o'clock.

Yesterday was fun yet tedious. Rachel went home around 1, then Mom and I worked on my costume for the play for 3 hours *we still have to sew it*. Then Dad came home and we went to the movies. I lucked out. I got to see The Passion of the Christ *good movie, made me cry. It was really graphic and it makes you see Christ's crucifixion in a different light*. Then we went to Wendy's, and afterwards Dad and I went back to the movies and watched Dawn of the Dead while Mom went shopping at Wal-Mart.

Today's Mom's birthday and we were supposed to go out to breakfast, but nobody got up in time. I feel horrible about it and I'm ready to ask dad if we can just take her to Red Lobster tonight since we got our tax returns. I felt horrible this morning because we didn't go to breakfast. :-/ I'm a bad person, this I know.

Today, after Mom gets home from church, we're supposed to go to Fashion Bug for a little shopping and then come home and work on my dress. I did all my homework so I don't see any reason why we can't take Mom out to dinner, so long as we get my costume done.

I think I'm probably gonna go. Long week this week, so I probably won't write much. AAS match Monday, rehearsal Tuesday and Wednesday, and the play Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Wow.....I'm too busy, but that's ok. It could be worse.

So far so good..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-03-31T06:03:00-05:00

This week has been one of the most pissy, exasperating, tiring weeks of my life, but it's half over and I haven't died yet. :-P The play is turning out really good.....we have more/better scenery, people know their lines, no one is on the ineligible list, and we've all pretty much got our costumes done except for a few quirks here and there. It's coming along.....it's hard to believe our first performance is tomorrow night.....

Things are going screwy with Landy again, but this time I have cause to be pissy.....she's messing with my life. I don't like it when people mess with me and play matchmaker.....it pissed me off. Anyway, she apparently told Justin on Friday that I said I was gonna ask him out. Problem? I never said that.....I don't even like Justin like that. He's like my brother, my really good friend. That's about it. The same principle applies to people like Matt Reagan.....I wouldn't date him, I've known him for forever. I suppose I'll have to start at the beginning to get this out properly.....

According to Justin *who told me this last night at practice* Landy told him I wanted to date on Friday. Justin didn't say anything under Landy's orders and then 8th period Monday, she started questioning me about dating him. Her excuse was that he looked depressed and suicidal and that maybe having a girlfriend would help. I told her no, it wouldn't, it would just give him one more thing to worry about. Then she started really getting weird about it....."For two days?" "No." "For a day?" "No." "For the rest of today?" "God, Landy, NO." Now I understand why she was so desperate to get us dating.....if we didn't and Justin got curious, Landy would have put herself right in a hole. God, she really annoys me sometimes.....

Besides the whole Landy ordeal *which is just more proof of my teenage drama* this week has gone well. AAS ended Monday. Our last match was against Naples at CSCS, and we lost terribly. :-P Oh well. We had a good season, but since AAS has ended and since the play will be over this week, I can start going home on the 3 o'clock bus! YAY! :-P

Oh, more drama that I forgot about: Sam was sulking around yesterday up on the stage while she was waiting for the bus. She was just sitting around, and when we tried to talk to her, she wouldn't talk to us. She wouldn't even look at us. Rachel, Carrie, and I were trying to figure out how we fucked up now. Rachel thought it was because she said Sam didn't need food. What happened was we went over to Sugar Crack to get dinner because we weren't coming home until late. Craig and Sam were riding home on the late bus. Finally, we came back over to the school and Sam kept trying to take our food. So Rachel went, "Sam, you don't need any. You're not staying here tonight, but this is our dinner." She was right. Then Sam got all sulky and sat out in the hall in front of her locker for eternity. Then she finally came to the stage and sat, just for attention, because she wanted us to beg her to know what was wrong. I used to do that a lot. Now it pisses me off. I'm just trying to figure out what we did to make her all depressed again.....like she is all the time.....

It's over and I wish it wasn't

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-04T08:04:00-05:00

Well, the play ended yesterday. We did really well and everybody loved us. We went to the after party on Saturday and screwed around and had a lot of fun, but then everybody left and it was very depressing. We had such good times, and now our seniors are leaving and it's so sad that we won't be able to relive those times. I wish it wasn't over yet. I begged and pleaded with God to have it done and over with, but now that it is I feel empty. I miss staying after school until 8 and talking and joking around. This is the part that hurts most about something great: it has to come to an end.

Being sick blows.......

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-06T02:04:00-05:00

I used to love getting sick when I was a little kid because it meant missing school and hanging out with my Mom all day. Now it blows.....I have a ton of shit to make up from being out today, Mom had to work, and there's no point in it anymore. I've done pretty good about not getting sick lately, but I guess it was just laying dormant inside me, waiting to surface when I showed signs of not being so busy anymore. Either that or I caught it from someone.....

Not much that's new today. I'll probably hear from Aubrey that we had a math test or something today. That's how it usually goes. I suppose, since I have nothing to say, I should probably go. I'll talk to you tomorrow or something. Maybe then a little drama will be going on. :-P I hope not. I don't like dealing with people and their problems.

I dunno now

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-06T08:04:00-05:00

Now I'm not sure if I'll go to school tomorrow.....if I don't, it's just a few more things for me to make up. :-/ I don't feel good, but I don't need to miss anymore school. I really don't. They'll probably yell at me if I do, but I still feel all blah. I dunno.....depends on how I am in the morning and what my temp is.

Go friggin figure

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-07T11:04:00-05:00

I wanted to go to school today, but Mom turned off my alarm and took my temp (96.4) and told me to go back to sleep. Damn it. I was gonna make up my lab today. Nothing I can do now.....I don't know if I can make it up tomorrow. Ms. Weale starts new labs on Thursday. >:O Damn. Well, only one more day of school left, then spring break and I can get some much needed R&R. I'll write later or something.

Happy Easter!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-11T03:04:00-05:00

Thought I'd write since it's glorious EASTER!!!! Mom made the most delicious turkey and wow.....it was great. It was juicy and tender and mmmm-mmmm! :-P Everybody's just laying low today. I thought about maybe going somewhere and renting movies but I doubt any place is open today. After all, it is Easter. I have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I've been playing video games all weekend so I don't feel like doing that anymore, nobody's online *they're all with their families* and there's nothing good on TV. I almost thought about asking Mom and Dad if we can just go for a drive.....maybe to Wal-Mart *I have money and it's burning a hole in my pocket* or maybe to the movies *they should be open.....they were even open on Christmas :-P*. I don't know if they'll be willing, but I can ask, can't I? Precisely. Well, I'm going to go. Fmaily time before Mema goes home. I won't be writing for a while because my computer's getting packaged up and sent off to Gateway to get fixed. The hard drive is all messed up again, plus they have to fix the sound card. It hasn't worked for a loooooooong friggin time and Mom and I are getting sick of having no sound. Now it's gotten to the point where the hard drive is all screwed up and the computer shuts down every 5 minutes with no reason. I really have to go now. I'll talk to you in a few weeks, maybe a month. Depends on when Gateway sends the computer back.

Friday's the day........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-04-13T08:04:00-05:00

I was having doubts about what I'm going to do Friday, but I don't anymore. I've somewhat forgotten about it and I've recessed into my world of kings, queens, and magical countries at war. I like that world.....it's my own little world where I can retreat and I let in only who I choose. It's nice having that kind of choice. Well, Friday is definately the day. I can't believe I'm going to do it either.....I never thought I was the kind of person to do something like this, but I guess I am now.

The Presidential Address is on TV right now and Dad's buddy is over here. Dad's helping him fix his car. I was kind of hoping John and his cousin might tag along, but apparently they didn't. I've been thinking lately and it's been about one person inparticular *coughaaroncough* -- right Rachel? ;-) I was supposed to go see him on Friday *last Friday* but he didn't stay around.....he had to drive back to PA that day and, stupid me, I went home. I should have stayed after with Rachel. Then I could have gone to see him, but I'm stupid. Oh well.....maybe he'll come up once or twice this summer. :-D ;-)

It's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-05T03:05:00-05:00

Well, my computer's back from UTAH and I thought I would write in my blog since I haven't been able to. God, I missed this thing so much.....I mean, it's my way to bitch and not be bitched at. It's my way to get my problems out into the world without always having the subject changed from me to another person. That happens to me quite frequently.....

Well, I didn't chicken out over Spring Break.....I did try weed.....I've actually done it twice now, and I feel stupid. I've vowed never to do it again because yeah, the trip is great, but the risk fucking sucks and I feel like a huge letdown. I got thoroughly bitched at by Landy about it and she really did not help matters at all. To tell the truth, she never does.....

Rachel and Matt have broken up but they're still the most sexual friends I've ever seen. It's gross, but now Landy and Rachel are pissed off at him for some reason and I don't even understand. Landy was really.....mysterious about it. I don't know if she genuinely has a reason this time or if it's just her PMS kicking in, but I really don't feel like asking. I felt bad today because I left Matt to go sit with Rachel and Landy. I told him later in the hall that I was really sorry and that I wasn't mad at him. He didn't care, but I felt bad because he sat alone all period and got bitched at by the whores sitting next to us regularly. I really need to straighten out my priorities.....

That's about all now.....I'll write later if there's anything else worth talking about, but that's about all the catching up I have to do now. Of course there's more, but I'm busy. :-P I'll either write later or tomorrow.

Usual Friday night, usual sleepy Saturday morning..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-08T01:05:00-05:00

Well, last night was the last dance of the year. It pretty much sucked.....the music was shitty, everybody was pissed off or depressed, people were crying, people were screaming.....the usual dance thing. I was pretty happy most of the time and I actually got out and danced a little bit, but around 9-ish I got really depressed over verious things and I just wanted to sit in a dark corner away from everyone. Then everyone started coming over and bugging me and I got pissed off and yeah.....then I got happy and went over and talked with Nessa and Nathan and a little bit with Chad. Katie and Rachel were next to me talking to Zoe and Ashlee and a few others..... I don't think Carrie had too great a night. She was freaking out about Jason, her guy. He showed up but he would hardly talk to her or come near her. He just kept following Welty around and avoiding Carrie altogether. She got to the point where she told him to fuck off and every time he came to slow dance she walked away. Probably not the best way to solve things, but she was mad. Then Barb and Raymond got all weird and she started freaking out because he wa dancing with another girl and had his hands all over her ass. But one good thing came out of that dance: Loran and Landy are officially together now, so it's cool. She really had a thing for him. When I found out I immediately started thinking about someone, but I'm going to denounce him as a crush. He lives 4 hours away, I've only seen him like twice and talked to him maybe 3 or 4 times, I haven't physically seen/talked to him in a year. It's not worth it anymore, and I'm not going to sit here and try to fool myself into thinking it will ever be anything more than a momentary friendship. Nothing's going to happen.....I'm not going to run up my phone bill simply to call someone I hardly know and who lives in another state. I'm sure I'll hear all about my decision from Rachel, but whatever. I''ll do what I want; it's my life. I'll ruin it how I see fit. :-D Elections are monday, so wish me luck! I'm running for vice president of my class.....it's me vs. Britt T.....I'm semi-doomed, but then again no. Not a lot of people like her anymore. She's a bitch. :-D So am I, but I'm a likable bitch. Hehehehehe..... ;-) Anyway, wish me luck!!!!

Just some updates..........

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-20T03:05:00-05:00

Just a few updates on the drama at ACS.....

I've been gone since Tuesday.....out for three days. This Friday I am going with Sam and Jess to the movies (we're seeing Troy and Shrek 2 at the drive-in) and then we're staying at Jesi's house (PORN!!! Hahahaha.....:-p j/p!). Yesterday was apparently teen doomsday for the "clique". I don't feel like going into details, so all I'll say is that Rachel, Aubrey, and Craig were involved in a giant fight-thing, but it's cool now. On more dramatic news, Katie and Matt like each other and that made Rachel a little depressed, but she urges them to continue anyways. Still, Matt's going to wait for a very specific reason. Sam, in her world of social newness, is becoming the social butterfly and is a wannabe hooch. I don't know.....I suppose she's just flaunting her new hair or whatever, but yeah. And that's pretty much how everything's been at school. Gay, dramatic, semi-interesting. Like usual. Now I have to go.....off to a doctor's appointment to see if I can have surgery! :-D

Usual day, just a little more information than needed..............

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-26T05:05:00-05:00

Today was a pretty normal day, except I got all depressed again..... *I do that all the time anyways, so whatever* Rachel informed us of a little "birthday present" that she got from Danny yesterday when he visited her. He bought her earrings and a necklace that cost $425. :-/ Yeah.....suppose all the rest of us can do is sit and dream. Ok, I'm getting all depressed and suicidal again, so I'll make it quick. Matt and Katie are going out, Rachel's not so broken about it anymore, I've been getting steadily more depressed, someone's hair has been getting steadily greasier, Craig wants to ruin K's life, and yeah. That's it. You know, I hate this world. It doesn't to anyone if you're smart or really a great person at all; you have to be great looking in order to go anywhere in this world. Unhappily for me, I look like a wall with too much pudge, so that means I'm fucked for life. The only people who care about intelligence are your employers, and they're normally married. :-/ This life sucks.....suicide is looking pretty welcome now.

I hate this..............

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-26T08:05:00-05:00

I hate the fact that our lives (mine and all my friends') are so fucking dramatic. All this school is is drama drama drama.....half these people would make great actors. I try to sit there and be funny, to make people laugh so they'll forget the hurt, but in the end does it ever really matter? Does it ever really work? No.....it never does and never will. Once the laughter subsides, the depression and the sadness and the reality of everything sets in again and gnaws at our souls, eating away the very life that inhabits us until we want to do away with ourselves.....

The weather lately has matched the mood of nearly everyone.....rainy, cold, depressing, murderous. Lightning strikes as symbol for what we wish to do to others, or perhaps to ourselves. Right the moment, almost all my friends have wanted to kill someone else during the past two weeks. Me? I just want to kill myself and have all this drama and all this stupid teenage heartache and pain out of my head forever.....I want to drive it out, drive it out until I'll never hear it again. Things used to be great; we were all happy, we were having fun. No one cared about what anyone else thought, there was no weed, no cigarettes, no alcohol, no sex, no love, nothing but pure, hilarious friendship. Now it's gone; it has been replaced.

Where we used to have complete innocence we now have utter guilt; where we had love there's hate; where we had friendship we now have betrayal; what's happening to us? What have we become? Instead of refraining from doing what was wrong and talking about our problems, we've developed methods to drive out everything we hate. Now we smoke, we drink, we have sex. And why? We smoke to be happy and to please, and the same reason applies to alcohol and sex. We're horrid, evil sinners and we're going so fast towards damnation that we can't stop and see that there are millions of chances to redeem ourselves, to repent and be happy.

Happiness now seems to evade me. Only depression and sadness remind me that I'm still living; the sheer pain of life is what keeps me sane anymore. Happiness has long since died in my life; it's not lost forever, but I've been unable to conjure it for a very long time. Only sadness lets me know I'm stil here, actually feeling, actually living. When sleep escapes me at night and I lie awake for hours, I wonder to myself when I'll get the chance to be happy again; when will we all? I ask God if he'll ever allow me to be anything other than a "bleeding heart" pessimist, and I get no answer. In my twisted mind of evil and sadness, silence from God means either he has forgotten me, he does not care about me, or he wishes me to weather the horrors of my demented life alone. I think the latter applies to me and most I know, and it makes me feel like I'm doomed to an eternity of stupidity, of sadness, or anger, and of ultimate unhappiness.

Another day of surprises

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-27T04:05:00-05:00

It's hard to be surprised anymore, over anything. I mean, things have gotten so bad with everyone that nothing, and I mean NOTHING save death, comes as a shock anymore. It's really gay and stupid that people are just nothing but actual, pure evil anymore (and no, not the good kind Aubrey). I mean, we're all just.....just really bad people anymore. It's so stupid that I want to just kill myself. I hate stupid people, and I hate stupid actions.....

This weekend should be pretty good.....Mom is thinking about taking everyone to the Elmira drive-in to watch the Day After Tomorrow and whatever else is playing with it. I hope she says it's ok.....I really want to go. Hopefully, if I have any luck at all, the Day After Tomorrow will be playing with Troy and we can hit a double whammy and I'll be extremely happy. I mean come on, lades and gents, Brad Pitt IN THE NUDE!!! How can any sane woman pass that up? I sure as hell can't! Not to mention I'd kind of like to see how Hollywood would destory the world.....:-D

This weekend I'll also have a three day weekend.....Memorial Day on Monday, so I'm free from that hell hole for 72 hours! EEEEE! We're going to have a little barbeque thing on Sunday, then Monday Dad is going train watching (yeah, don't ask) and me and Mom will do something, maybe get me a shirt for the concert. Next Thursday is my choral dress rehearsal (which will be fun; it always is!) and then Friday is my actual concert. Then, on Saturday, I'm going to get my hair permedn again (I can't take its evil straightness) and then later that night we might go and see Harry Potter 3.....Mom knows it was my favorite book out of the series so far and she knows how badly I've wanted to see it. She said she'll think about that too, but I can pray, right? I might write later tonight.....depends.

Memorial Day tomorrow!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-30T04:05:00-05:00

Tomorrow's Memorial Day! That means lots of food and parades.....I suppose I'll try to get Mom and Dad to take me to the parade in Addison.....the band's in it and it might be a good idea to support my friends. Next year I think I'm going to be in colorguard again.....it's fun and it actually kept me a little fit. Since all the cleaning is pretty much done for tomorrow, I guess me and Mom are spending the rest of the day making food and mowing the lawn. Neither of those bother me.....mowing the lawn involves me sitting on my ass, and baking invovles me using 10 minutes to make the food and then sitting on my ass while it bakes. :-D Don't you just love my way of thinking? I think I'm going to re-install the Sims today and download some stuff to zip into it. That usually keeps me busy for 6 hours.....:-p I don't know. Depends on my mood. G2g.....might talk later.

I'm fine, no one else is.....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-05-31T10:05:00-05:00

The one time in my life when I'm actually not being bothered by anything, where everything seems to be going pretty well.....I got invited to be a Junior Statesman, Mom's doctor agrees with her other doctors, we're actually not poor anymore, school is ending.....everything in my life is going well and everyone elses lives are going to shit. I don't get it.....it's like everytime I'm in a good mood, everyone else is shitty. It blows big time. I don't know.....things are getting stranger as I get older, and I just long for the days when everything was simple and everyone could be friends. Is it wrong to want that kind of simplicity back in my life? Is it wrong to wish I'd never made it past 5th grade? I don't know anymore.....

Lately, I've been nothing but confused by everyone. Their lives are so dramatic, so full of endless problems and energy that I don't know how they go on sometimes. Yet they do, and that confuses me even more. I think, instead of trying to understand everyone and everything, I'm going to settle with not understanding. When I don't understand, I don't meddle, and when I don't meddle, things are preserved in their entirety and all their wondrous beauty, as they're supposed to be.

I was just thinking this weekend about last summer.....it was beautiful and just wonderful. My mind wasn't filled with problems or unhappiness.....I just thought of the new friends I'd made over the school year and my imagination was filled with story ideas about faeries and elves and dragons and centaurs.....I had the most magnificent ideas and I could follow through with them and complete a story about adventure and love. I remember waking up to my dimly lit room that smelled of summertime flowers, I remember hearing the birds chirp their morning songs, greeting the warm, inviting face of the summer sun. I remember listening to this one CD every morning, a CD I got from Hallmark that is the most relaxing thing I could ever listen to. I remember waking up and my mom and dad being there, and we'd all spend the day together. I remember going to Corning just for ice cream, laughing with my family in the car, going to Food Mart for cheap but great dinners, going to East Corning and to Rosetties where I could buy Beanie Babies and other things that I found interesting. I remember going to Guthrie just to visit my doctor who happens to be a family friend.....I remember sitting at this computer, writing my stories and looking outside every now and then, soaking up the summer's warmth and happiness and brilliance and radiance and listening to relaxing music.....those were the times that I cherished so much.....

I didn't want that summer to end, I didn't want to go into 9th grade and have everything be different again, be strange and new. I don't like change.....I am one who loves tradition and leaving things the way they are, wanting things never to change because they seem to imperfect and beautiful that it seems like I'll never see anything of the like again. I don't know.....I just wish I could rewind to last summer, when Sam and I used to plan stories together, when Aubrey and I used to go to the fair and laugh our asses off, when Rachel and I used to have stupid fights, then make up and spend an evening dying of laughter at Crawfords.....I miss those days so much. I just want to go back, go back to the times I love most. I've heard it said that when you die, Heaven is simply a time in your life that you cherished the most. When I die, I sincerely hope that I go back to the summer after 8th grade. It was the greatest summer I've ever lived through, and, if given the chance, I would go back and relive it again.

Confusion is the song my soul sings.....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-08T07:06:00-05:00

The truest statement I've ever made. I'm not really unhappy or anything at this point in my life.....I'm cool with pretty much everyone (or so I think), but I'm just confused by everyone else. I think it's just the summer heat and the summer fun to come that's got me all.....well, stupified. We got our yearbooks on Friday (I got mine today) and now I'm trying to bolt around and get everyone to sign it before school ends. I've got to go in for three Regents after school's out (which blows) but it's not like I've got much of a choice. I'm going back to re-take my Math A Regents so I can get a diploma with distinction. I don't really want to, but I know I should go, so I shall.

I can hardly wait.....only 5 school days left until school is officially out. Then I get 10 blissful weeks of sleeping in and writing and everything I love about summer. 4th of July and Darien Lake and fireworks and cook-outs and my pool and family parties and summer parties.....it's neverending! :-D Everyone's freaking out that school is ending in 5 days. No one can really believe it (I certainly can't), but we're not complaining. I'm loking forward to sitting on my ass for 2 and 1/2 months. :-D

I had to go to this ultra gay academic dinner last night. I got a pin and a certificate for being in Academic All-Stars. How gay is that. A fucking pin. Come on, bitches, raid Fort Knox and give some alms to the POOR! Haha. Well, me and Mom and Dad waited until I got my stuff, and then we all went to the "bathroom". Hey, everyone else was doing it, and I wanted to leave. I had to go to Wal-mart and I wasn't going to be happy if I got home at like 11.

Last weekend was pretty fun.....I basically chilled with my mom all day. We went to the hairstylist and I got my hair permed (it was in DESPERATE need), then we went to Applebee's for lunch, then the mall to see Harry Potter 3, we shopped a little in the mall (mostly Baskin Robins and Auntie Anne's :-P) and then went to Consumer Square so I could get some pants from Fashion Bug. It was really fun.....not to mention I got some things to make my room look awesome when I paint it next summer. My walls are going to be blue with swirls and fleur-de-lis (even though I HATE the French) and my trim and stuff around my windows and door is going to have little swirls. I wanted to see if I could find a spade paint stamp (I LOVE SPADES) but I couldn't. :'(

Well, now that I've done my writing for a bit, I suppose I'll go and work on my story. It's actually coming along quite nicely. :-D I might not write for the rest of the school year, but I can garauntee that I'll write a lot more once summer gets here. It's just that now is really hectic. I'll write again soon (or die trying).

**3 Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You**

In the dark.....once again.....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-09T05:06:00-05:00

Once again I'm being kept in the dark by everyone. I hate not knowing what's going on, but I'm too nosy anyways. Maybe this is what I need, just to not know for once. I think most of the problem is that everyone thinks I have a big mouth. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just nosy and I do have a big mouth. Maybe that's why no one trusts me anymore.....

On a happier note, Mom and I went to Wal-mart and got Windows XP. I just upgraded the system today, so now it's all nice and new. :-D It works well too, it's just that the sound doesn't work anymore and Mom and I are like freaking out because if Dad finds out, he'll throw a fit and freak out on us. I hate this family sometimes, but at other times I love them. Like my friends. Right the moment, I really hate a few of them too.....

It's beginning to look like this summer is going to blow. Thank God there are only 4 more days of school. I'd shoot myself if there were more, but I do have to go in for 3 Regents. Math A (I'm re-taking it to get my diploma with distinction), Bio, and Spanish. I hate Spanish so much. I'm dropping it after this year, whether or not I'll have to take it again in college. Since I have to take a language in college anyway, I'll just take Latin instead. I hate Spanish, with a fucking passion.

Mann, I hate this.....not knowing what's going on. Like I said numerous times before, I'm probably the nosiest person in this fucking world, and I have no right to be, but Jesus. I'm like the fucking psychologist. How am I supposed to be a therapist for these people and help them if I don't even know WTF IS GOING ON!!!!! >:O I hate people sometimes. Most of all, I hate not knowing things. This is one of those things.....>:O Bitches.....

Moments of truth.....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-13T08:06:00-05:00

Ahh.....a moment of truth, one second of clarity.....wouldn't that be a great thing in this demented, fucked up world we live in? Wouldn't it just be perfect if no one lied except when they really had to? Wouldn't life be great if things were that way? No, it wouldn't. Why? Because even if we extinguished all the lying in the world, people who love to make others miserable would find some other way of torture, some other way to bring us down besides with lies. They'd use the truth to their advantage.

I was talking to Matt on AIM and he was looking through my blog, reading all the demented thoughts that go on in my head. He read about the thing with Landy, how I was pissed that she would act like my friend but keep things from me. Important things. Things I should know. I may be wrong, I may be fucked up beyond help, but these are my thoughts. My honest to God thoughts. Like I was telling Sybil, life isn't life. Life is pointless.....

My philosiphy on life is this: God only lets us live so that we can fear, so that we can be afraid for half the journey through the universe. He makes us fear the other side, he makes us fear the Grim and going to Hell. He makes us fear Satan, who is supposedly the person who will set out temptations so we can be damned sinners. But wasn't it Satan who was once Gabriel? Wasn't Satan once the angel who told Mary that Jesus would come to save us? Yet he is Satan why? Because he made a mistake. Because he fucked up in the eyes of God, and God saw that anyone who was less than perfect was only worthy of a damned life without redemption. Well fuck God and his ideals. I'll decided what will redeem a person or not.

So what, I'm a sinner. So I've gotten drunk, smoked weed, smoked cigarettes. Does that make me damned? Does that make me unworthy enough to go to Hell? Because I made a few mistakes? Sometimes I think that's what God thinks. You put one foot out of line and you're screwed for life. He teaches us to be afraid of death and Hell because he wants us to conform to his way of life, his perfect, untainted way to journey through the physical part of this universe. But what is life without a little deviousness? TELL ME. What is it without mistakes? How do we learn without fucking up first? The point is God doesn't want us to learn. He doesn't want us to experience life firsthand. He just wants to see it, watch it from the sidelines so he can deem what's bad and what's not. That way, we all become perfect little angels and get into Heaven. Guess what, God? FUCK YOU, AND FUCK HEAVEN. I'M GOING TO HELL.

For all of you out there who think I'm fucking demented, fine. You only think I'm messed up because you can't see what's really going on here. I can. I see the truth, son God tells you I'm disturbed. I see what he's doing, I see his "holy" con, so he tells you I must be wrong because he is perfect, he has no flaw, he loves man too much to do such a thing. But that's what's wrong, people. He doesn't love you. He doesn't love me or anyone else. We're just his little toys in his game with Satan. Which deity is the most powerful? God is tormenting us with lies so he can win his little game, so he can win his bet with Satan that he has more power over the masses than a fallen angel ever could. But shouldn't we side with Lucifer? After all, aren't we all just fallen angels straying from the path of "righteousness"?

Vacation from Hell.....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-14T09:06:00-05:00

Tomorrow is the day I get released from Hell for 10 and a half long weeks. 10.5 long, beautiful weeks of summertime bliss. :-D That is about the only thing that's making me happy right now. Confusion is setting in again.....confusion is the song my soul sings.....

I'm in the dark.....yet again. What is it with me and wanting to know every aspect of peoples' lives? I think I'm obsessed. I mean, when someone doesn't tell me something, I flip out. I'm always probing for an answer to every single question. Why can't I just be happy not knowing, not understanding? This is one part of my life where I wish I could be like Aubrey. She doesn't give a shit if people tell her things or not. She just doesn't care. Why can't I be like that? Why do I care about the problems that afflict the masses? So many questions, so many about life and various other things, yet I am still searching for the answers.....

Life confuses me so much anymore that, even though I'm desperate to understand, I'm beginning to see the beauty in not knowing. When you know everything, every little thing about everyone's life, you tend to meddle. You go crazy trying to make everything perfect, trying to make everything right so you can be happy in your perfect little universe. But isn't that the spice of life.....imperfection?

According to Rachel, Aaron is coming up this weekend *she thinks* and I guess she wants me to call and talk to him or watch a tape of him or something. That's cool I suppose. I haven't talked to him in a long time. :-)

Once again, I'm full of doubt and questions. I have questions that desperately need answering but no one has the answers. Why is it that I'm the advice giver, I'm the one with all the answers, but the answers apply to everyone but me? Why can't I seem to find my path in life and stick to it? I don't like being lost like this. I don't like wandering into unknown territory without any clue as to what lies ahead. I don't like surprises, I don't like change.....so can't I just be happy with what I am now? No because God keeps changing everything around me just as I'm getting used to it and adjusted. I have change.....I'm a tradition person. I like keeping the things of old alive.....I don't like bringing new things into my life and I don't like having to make things "mesh" with the older parts of me. I don't like it, and I'm sorry if that's twisted or whatever, but it's the way I feel.

Long story short: life blows.

Before school...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-15T06:06:00-05:00

Well, today's the last day. I'm pretty psyched about it.....this is the day I've been waiting for since September. :-P Ha.....ha.....ha..... The Colonial Days parade was Saturday, and I had every intention to go, but I didn't because Rachel was at my house all weekend and she couldn't use too much of her sister's money after the movies. Oh well.....maybe next year. I'm going to be in guard next year, so I'll get to go anyways.

As I'm sitting here and writing this, I'm watching the kittens on the porch play grab-ass. :-P It's hilarious, because they bolt everywhere, cuffing the shit out of each other. They're only playing, so we're not worried. :-P It is funny, though. I love all these little kittens.....total, we have 8 kittens from two cats. From Smokey we have Angel, Vetra, Cosmo, Peanut, and we did have another little orange one besides Cosmo, but he got adopted by a lady at Mom's work and was named King Zog. Don't ask me where it came from, I don't have any idea. From Braveheart, we have Hedwig, Bandit, and Terra. Terra is a little scaredy cat, but Bandit's a freaking love machine. :-P Hedwig just kind of bounds everywhere, not really having a destination or a purpose for his bounding. I think he just likes to run.....

Rachel was telling me about how her dad is getting sued by one schmo who wanted them to sell his stuff. He never paid them the fee to have it sold, then he claimed that they stole his stuff. So they got a call from JUDGE JOE BROWN, and the people who work on the TV show wanted them to fly to LA and present their case on TV. It was pretty cool, but the publications woman called back later and said that it was a win for them anyways, and it wouldn't be show material. So now they're not going. Just to normal court to tramp down yet another Hornell-area dirtbag. I'm sorry, I just don't like Hornell too much.....

Since today's the last day, Dad's taking me to school so I can stop at Crawfords and get food for today. :-D FOOD!!!!! Always a plus. I plan on getting a 12-pack of Pepsi, maybe some beef jerkey. Depends. The thing that sucks, though, is that I don't have my locker anymore. Thus, I have to carry everything around with me all day. I suppose I better not get too much.....

Last night my shining brilliance kicked in.....AGAIN. :-P *Sorry, my ego kicked in* I took an old pair of pants that I never wear and, since I have no shorts or capris, I cut off the legs just below the knee and had mom hem up the edges. Now I have a really nice pair of capris, and they really didn't cost anything to make. Just half an hour of cutting, pinning, and sewing, and whatever Mom paid for the jeans. She got them from Wal-Mart, so can't be she paid too much. I've brought an old pair of pants back to life.....by making them into capris! Hey, why not? It saves money, plus they're comfy. I think I'll do this everytime I stop wearing a pair of pants, so long as I get new pants to replace them with.

Well, it's around 7:13 here, and Dad is getting dressed now, so I guess I should get off here and get ready to leave. Last day.....I can hardly believe it. It felt like the year just flew. I swear, it seems like yesterday I was walking into homeroom, completely tweaking out. *shrugs* I dunno.....I guess they weren't lying when they said as you grow older, time goes faster. I'll write later, after I'm home.

...and after

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-15T03:06:00-05:00

School is officially OUT!!!!! Yes bitches!!! Sophomore next year.....hope I get some good teachers, but I'm not gonna think about that shit now. For now, it's 10 beautiful weeks of test-less, teacher-less bliss. :-D God, I LOVE summer!!!!!!! The senior parade was awesome.....I got soaked by the water balloons. :-D Then Matt dumped water down the front of my shirt. Rachel brought her camera and was taping everyone.....aww, it was great! I'll miss the routine for a while, but soon I'll be glad it's gone. Watch, tomorrow morning I'll wake up at 5:30 and freak out because I'll think I need to hurry and get in the shower before Mom. Well, now Mom can have the shower to herself in the morning.....NO MORE SCHOOL FOR THIS BITCH!!!! Just a summer of parties, pools, friends, and writing. :-D Ahh, don't you just love summertime?

:'( <:-/ >:O

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-16T07:06:00-05:00

I've officially decided I hate summer. I'm a bum.....still mooching off my mom and dad for money while all my friends have jobs. Why the hell can't I get something while everyone else does? Why does everything I get have to come years later? I could work at Crawford's.....less than part-time (maybe 1 shift every two weeks, if I'm lucky) and I might be getting $35-$60 a month. Yeah, I probably should be grateful, but how can I be when everyone else is getting $100, $125 a week? I know Matt would sit there and rag the shit outta me about how he gets paid more, and so would Sam and Aubrey and everyone else. It's teenage nature to brag, but for once, why can't I get a chance at what everyone else has? A decent chance, that's all I'm asking for.....:'(

Ahh, why does all this shit always have to happen...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-17T08:06:00-05:00

All right, I can't give total specifics, like names or anything, but I can tell you the situation. One of my friends and her boyfriend.....they're having some major ass problems. They're two totally different people, but from the conversation I just read, it looks like my friend is the only one holding them together anymore. He just doesn't care, not at all. He thinks it might be better if they were apart.....she pleaded with him to stay. Is it right for me to want them to end? I can't help it, I'm not a huge fan of this guy.....but I don't want to interfere for the sake of our friendship. Ahh, damn summer.....

I don't know.....after the conversation and knowing what I do, I don't know.....there was a time when I might have had all the answers, if the circumstances had been different, but they're not. They're the weirdest fucking circumstances I've ever seen. It's all even more messed up because this friend of mine.....she's so distant sometimes, so out of touch with everyone and everything that I feel like she's beyond help. Like even if she wanted help and we wanted to help her, it wouldn't be possible. I don't know.....she's so distant.....so far away from this world.....so enclosed in her world of darkness that I can't even think on the same wavelength with her anymore. It's like she's becoming one of those people in the books who are so wise, so smart, so in touch with the other side that they're falling out of touch with this side.....like one of the people that starts out good and ends up bad, bad with a rotten heart from experiencing only the evil in the universe.

I'm getting all insightful again, so I'll just roll with this.....this entire train of thought, it's progressing s quickly.....from my friend and her troubles to the troubles of the universe to the thoughts in my twisted mind. I was talking to Rachel and Aubrey last night, and I have to say that last night was definately NOT a good night. After I stopped crying, I got distant and just sat and stared, letting my mind wander. I said the strangest things.....

"I'm so caught up in my little imaginary worlds, writing about beautiful sights and amazing deeds, things I can't do myself, heroes and villains, danger and hope, things that only the mind can fathom, things that aren't possible, but things that I wish were real. If everything was like one of my stories, I wouldn't be lost at all. I'd know where to go, what to do.....I wouldn't feel so lost, so off the map..... It's like my spirit is caught in the wind, whipped helplessly by one land after another, never stopping, never ceasing. I feel like I'm just existing for no reason.....a spirit lost in the web of time, an entity without a purpose except to haunt and see what might have been. I feel like I'll never find myself, like I'll only find the material things. Right now, as I'm typing this to you, my eyes are closed..... I know every key, its place on this board, its purpose in the scheme of things. Alone, each key is insignificant.....together, they create words more powerful than the purest angel or the evilest demon. That's what I am in this world. Alone, I don't matter, but combinded with the masses, I am somebody. I don't want to be like that.....I want to be important on my own.....I want people to know me, just me.....I don't want to die without people knowing my name."

That's what I said last night to my friends.....that was me touching my own spirit. I never thought it was possible, and I didn't even see it until now. One tiny shred of my soul detatched itself for a moment and took over my body. From my fingertips flowed the meaning of my life, the meaning of my stories, the meaning of everything in my existence, but it was not my mind.....it was my soul, my pure soul controlling my body, controlling my fingers to spell out these words that told a story, a story about me and my seeming insignificance but my want, my need to be greater than that. I do not want to be a mere puzzle piece. just happy to have a small place in the world.....I want to be the puzzle piece that tells you what the entire picture is going to be, the essential piece. I don't want to be one insignificant soldier, fighting in a mass of other soldiers. I want to be them all, a force to strong that it will tear down all in its path, a wave of water that will break upon a stone wall and have it come crashing down.....I want to be the one to change the world.

Before I leave

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-18T07:06:00-05:00

Well, early morning 'tis. Off to the Bio Regents in a few, or at least to review this morning. Then Aubrey and I are supposed to walk over to English Gardens real quick during the in between time to get flowers for Ms. Weale and Mr. Erway (they're retiring and we love them) and then I guess we're either coming back to wait for the test or we're going to Landy's or something. I dunno.....depends on how things work out time-wise. Today is pretty much going to be boring. Review, then a test. It's taking up my entire day!

I'm taking my bookbag with me for #1, food, and #2, things to do. I've got all my "writing utensils" and I have my story and my book with me for something to do until the bus shows up to take me home. I don't know.....I think Regents are just about the gayest thing NYS could ever have kept in their system. Then again, we are New York.....God forbid our legislature do anything right for once.

Mom gave me a lunchable to take with me today, but that bitch is making my bag puff out like you wouldn't believe. Still, it's better than the school food, so I'm not going to take it out. :-D I have a PowerAde and a Pepsi with me (I drink a lot) and then I think I might get a bottle of water if Aubrey and I go into Sugar Crack. Depends.....usually does.....

It's around 7:14 now, so I've got to be off. To everyone who's got the Regents today, see you all in about 45 minutes! Good luck!!!

One down, one to go...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-18T04:06:00-05:00

Bio Regents is done. I think I did really well on it, like I aced it. It was fuckin cake! :-D Not much to say.....went to English Gardens with Aubbs, but the flowers there were too expensive so we ended up getting some really nice bouquets for Weale and Erway at Sugar Crack. Then we went to Dollar General, and we split. I went to Landy's, Aubrey went around town with Sam, Peter, and Jake.

Later, like 10 minutes after I got to Landy's house (I did go after all), Aubrey, Peter, and Jake showed up. Apparently, Sam went back to the school. She's been saying that Peter's flirting with her like mad, so Rachel and I tried to initiate a conversation about her to see if Peter had anything there for her. Didn't work.....we got to, "Hey, why didn't Sam come?" :-P Then we all went to the school and took that regents.....it was so damn boring. I leaned my head up against my hand about halfway through it and I closed my eyes to think; I almost fell asleep, literally. Then they let us out of the gym, so we all went to the cafe and talked, then the walkers left and we got on our buses. Normal, semi-boring day. Unextraordinary in any way. :-P

I guess now I'm gonna choke down a couple Tylenol (my head is like POUNDING) and then I'll chill out with a movie. I've been wanting to watch Spiderman lately, that or Daredevil. :-D I'll write tomorrow and tell you what I'm doing this weekend. Probably nothing except helping Dad install the air conditioners. It's too damn hot not to have them anymore. I have two fans in my room now, and there are like four in the living room. Yeah, we're huge and we get hot easily. :-P It's a talent.

Home at last

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-19T05:06:00-05:00

I just got home about 45 minutes ago from Rachel's house. I've been there since 10 this morning. :-P We're freaks. We just spent the whole day lazing around, watching movies, and being fot. Yes, fot, not fat. It's a Rachel-Steph-Jake thing. Jake started it to mock me, so I took it and used it for my own devices. :-D Hee.

Rachel has a small room, but it is plastered with posters. We started watching Fools Rush In, and then my eyes were drawn to her walls. On her walls, she has two of the most perfect pictures of Orlando Bloom I have ever seen. (Yes, I am in love with Orlando Bloom. Him and Johnny Depp. They are my obsessions. :-D) Then, she showed me a third picture, a giant 4-fold poster of ORLANDO BLOOM. I just about died.....I was drooling so much that I don't think my blood has any plasma left. God, HE IS SO FREAKING HOTT!!!!!! *drools uncontrollably*

One thing Sybil and I share a love in is Johnny Depp. We love him, we will always love him, we will love him until we die, and then some. I personally think he did the best in POTC, but Orlando Bloom did freaking awesome too. They are mine, MINE I TELL YOU! (Except Sybil; I only share with Sybil.) I suppose I'll go now. Time to eat dinner (chicken from the grill.....MMMM!) I'll write tomorrow when I get home from breakfast. The family's going out for Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-20T02:06:00-05:00

Happy Father's Day everyone!!!!! Not too much to say today, just some things about last night and this morning's events.

Last night, I was freaking out. Rachel told me something from when she went to PA, and I got names mixed up in my head and wrote it in here. Well, Aaron *you ass :-P* read it and got really "mad" at Rachel. So he was freaking out on her, she was freaking out on me, and I was just trying to be the peacemaker. Then, Rachel called me with him on 3-way, and that was when he told us he was messing with our heads. What a douche, right? :-P *Just playin!!*

This morning we were all supposed to go to Ponderosa for breakfast at 8, but no one set their clocks and we all woke up late. So we got there around 9:15, ate for half an hour, then Dad went train-watching in Churchville for the day *yes, train-watching* and Mom and I went to Wal-Mart to get Dad's birthday presents. His birthday is on Wednesday the 23rd. Yeah, weird huh. :-P

Not much more to write, so I suppose I'll go sit on my fat ass and watch the movies I rented. :-P **Hopefully, if things go well, I make not have a certain title in the relationship department anymore. YAY! Best part is, I like him back. :-***

Thinking about my future...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-20T10:06:00-05:00

When Mom and I were at Wegmans today, we got talking about jobs for some reason. I can't even remember what lead up to the conversation. We just talked about college and what I want to do. Now that I've taken some things into consideration, I know that psychology would give me money and possibly fame, but it's not for me. Helping people.....it's a side job or mine, not something I want to do full time or even continue as an adult. I've set my aspects on something a little more freelance, something a little more artistic.....writing.

I told Mom today that I plan on getting two degrees when I go to college. I don't know what one will be, but the other is definately going to be journalism. I love to write; it's my passion. Everyone who knows me knows I'm a writer to the core. It's just something I do. Aubrey is a poet, Rachel is a dancer, Sam is a school-type person, Jesi has her own harem.....I have the gift of words. I love words. I love the way they can be so important alone and be even mor important when coupled with another word. The possibilities are endless with our millions and millions of words. The flow of writing, and mere sound and feel of it, the pictures it can create in our minds.....it's so beautiful. It's my passion, my lifelong gift.

So, as Mom and I talked, I told her that I had considered tons of other jobs; a psychologist, a lawyer, a history professor, a high school english teacher, an art professor, a 3rd grade teacher.....buit teaching, defending, or problem solving isn't me. It's not what I really LOVE to do. Isn't a job supposed to be something you love? I think so, and I've decided that right now, what I want to be most is a reporter.

I don't want to be on TV or anything; I just want to be a newspaper reporter, bringing the new to the masses daily. I'd get to write about politics, something I'm also in love with, and various other things in this world. Can you imagine how much I could learn, all the information I could accumulate over my lifetime if I was a reporter? Mom did bring up a good point: the life of a reporter is messy and unorganized, and the ability to travel is a necessity. What if I want to have a family someday? My reply was this: people tell me constantly that I'm a good writer, so why wouldn't it appply to later in life as well? If I do well enough, and if I'm proactive enough, I could move up the chain of command and finally be the greatest thing in a writing career besides an author: an editor.

If I were an editor, I wouldn't have to travel. I would be paid to critique the work of the reporters, to make sure everything in the paper is accurate.....everything. Ask any of my friends: if there's one thing I'm really good at, it's criticizing. There's ALWAYS room for improvement.

So I think this is what I'm going to do with my life. I think that being a reporter and later an editor, then even an author of some book someday, is something that I'm really interested in, and it's also something that would best cator to my passion AND my ego. :-D ;-) If you're going to do something for the rest of your life, you have to make sure it's something you really want to do, something you love. Writing is what I love.....writing is my life.

What an amazing night!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-21T12:06:00-05:00

This night has been so remarkable. I swear.....I feel so happy, like I'm going to explode from all this emotion. Aaron and I had this somewhat in-depth talk tonight. My God, I am so attracted to him. He writes, like I do, and life confuses him, just like it does to me. We have so much in common, and we both want to see eath other so badly. He's coming up this weekend, but I'll be at Jesi's graduation party all day Saturday. There's no way I'm going to skip out on her. She's my friend. Still, I really, REALLY want to see him. It's like talking to him tonight has opened the door to an entirely new world for me. I feel so happy, so light.....just the thought that he might have feelings for me is incredible. :-D

Rachel and I have both been having great nights. Mine has been with Aaron, her has been with Adam. Adam has been sitting there for about 3 hours now, telling her that he loves her and he's amazed by her. Aaron sat here and told me that I had the most beautiful mind and that he was falling in love with it. :-D For once, Rachel and I are bursting with happiness at the same time. Normally, when one of us is up, the other's down. This time we're both having good nights at the same time.

I can't believe that everything just happened.....everything with Aaron. I mean, I sound like I'm obsessing, but I'm not. This has never happened to me before, and it's just really incredible to me. I never thought that I would find someone in high school, but I think I have. I sincerely hope that he doesn't think I'm demented or anything from this blog entry, because I'm pretty sure he'll read it. I'm just amazed by all that's happened tonight.

*Aaron, if you do read this (which I'm guessing you will), I definately like you. What you feel, it's mutual. There is something there.....*

**Rachel and Adam, fuck everything.....go for it guys. You deserve each other, and what's going on between you two is too perfect to ignore. You have to follow this. It's like a sign. God is telling you something, so listen carefully.....GET TOGETHER YOU MUTHERFUCKERS AND BE HAPPY!!!! FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!! :-D

Wow...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-21T01:06:00-05:00

Another wow entry. :-D Aaron FINALLY wrote in his blog, and what he wrote made my entire day seem like it would be fantastic. :-D I love feeling like this. I definately DO NOT want it to stop. His blog entry is below.

June 21st, 2004.

confused

12:56pm - some wierd shit happend fer once i did something right i think i fell in love on the computer i no people say that shit everyday but this girl is so beutiful minded its unreal i just need to talk her becuase she so intriging so maybe im not a pawn in lifes game and perhaps i do have a purpose to make her smile i guess well se3 wat life brings us

That made my entire existence more meaningful. Now I know what this is like, all this romantic stuff. The things he says to me.....it just makes my heart sing. I love this feeling. Normally, my entries are all depressed and I whine about men and friends. I definately think that's about to change. :-D

**Aaron - I think I'm falling for you.....hard too.....**

Just chillin'...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-21T07:06:00-05:00

Not doing much tonight. I have to help Mom make cream puffs for Dad's birthday on Wednesday. Mmmm.....cream puffs.....:-D I've got Dad's presents already. I got him the Matrix Reloaded and a T-shirt. Mom wants to get him a battery powered circular saw, but we couldn't find one anywhere. Still, we're looking..... We can prayn, right? Well, hope anyway. We're going out to Club 57 for dinner, so it should be good. Mom and Dad have eaten there before, but I never have. Mom says they have a huge selection of chicken and chicken-related foods. Thus, I will have no problem picking something to eat. :-D

I actually did some work today around the house. I got up at 1:30 this afternoon (yeah, I know.....) and then I cleaned and did laundry. My room was in desparate need of my attention. Now it's all nice and cleaned up, plus it smells really good. I HAVE to have my room smell a certain way. Now it smells like Oust and lavender. :-D I love lavender. It's my favorite flower (besides carnations) and it smells so good.

I guess I'm out for now. I have to get up early tomorrow morning and take my Spanish Regents. 8 a.m. I am going to die. :-P Wish me luck everyone, and good luck to all who have Latin or Spanish Regents tomorrow.

Regents today...again...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-22T06:06:00-05:00

Oh joy. I could just burst with happiness. :-| Yeah.....Spanish Regents today at 8. For once, I went to bed late and I woke up without being bitchy or tired to the point of dropping dead. Mom was in the shower when I got up and I didn't even scream about that. I just came out and had breakfast.....at 5:45. :-P Anyway, now I'm all clean and awake and full and just pretty happy. :-D Yeah, I know, I'm fuckin stupid.....

Mema's coming to pick me up from the school at 11 today. Thank God.....otherwise I'd have to stick around until noon, then ride on the bus for an hour, hour and a half. So she's gonna come pick me up and then we're going to Corning for lunch and then to Wal-Mart so I can get Jesi's graduation present. She wanted fuzzy dice since she has her car now, thus she is getting.....bum bum bum.....FUZZY DICE. Go figure. :-P

Today should turn out fairly well, I think. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the listening on the Regents. I did ok on it for my final, but this isn't my final. It's a state test. Still, if I fail it I can take it as many times as needed throughout my entire high school career, so I'm not too worried. Mom and Dad would like me to do well the first time, but they're not going to bitch me out of I fail it. They're cool about that stuff, and they know there's no point in yelling if I can just take it over again.

I'm off I suppose. Maybe I'll copy Rachel and wear my hoodie.....or not..... It's supposed to rain today, so maybe I'll just stick with my T-shirt. Then there's my OCC shirt too.....:-D I'll write later/tomorrow.

What the fuck...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-23T02:06:00-05:00

Something happened last night.....something very not good.....and now my best friend hates the guy who likes me, and vice versa. >:O :-/ Aubrey hates Aaron, Aaron hates Aubrey, Rachel's pissed off at me because now I'm taking this into consideration. I don't fucking know.....II HATE THIS!!! >:O Whenever guys come into the situation, everything gets fucked up royally and there is come serious civil unrest. GOD!!!

I swear, it's like Dio is trying to tell me something.....like he's saying, "Hey down there, you.....this isn't supposed to happen.....you're not supposed to be happy. You're a depressed, suicidal writer! That's what gives your work its charm!" :-( I'm beginning to believe that little voice. Right now, I sincerely WANT to fall back into my old ways simply because they were so much easier and because I knew what I was doing.

I hated depression, but now it's looking so much more fucking welcome than what I have right now. Happiness to me is unknown territory, an unknown path.....and, to be honest, it's a path I'm afraid to tread. :-/ I don't fucking know.....I wish I did.....

I guess all I can do is sit here and go through with this shit and hope to God I don't lose my best friend over it. :'( If I do, I swear I am going to get all fucked up over it. That's not cool.....to take a guy over your friends, but she's telling me to go for it. I don't fucking know.....all I know is that happiness is foreign and I don't understand it.

**Aaron -- if you get upset from this, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention, but I have to let these thoughts be public.....I just have to.**

**Aubbs -- I've told you what I needed to.....you know how I feel. Just don't forget it, ok?**

Good day yesterday, but creepy...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-24T01:06:00-05:00

Mom, Dad, Mema, and I all went to Club 57 in Hornell yesterday for Dad's birthday dinner. They have the best fucking Caeser salad in the world! :-D Anyway, Dad kind of made me mad because all him and Mema did on the way to the club was bitch about the government. I like to bitch about it too, but it got to be a little much because he found fault in EVERYTHING. So when we finally got there, we had to wait for Mom to show up from work. I got out of the car and was walking around for a little bit because I needed some air and I couldn't take anymore talk of how our government sucks. I KNOW IT BLOWS! Anyway, I was walking around and this guy (I'm guessing he was in his fifties) came out to have a cigarette. Here I was, not paying any attention to his pathetic little existence, and he starts talking to me. He was like, "So.....you're the designated driver?" I was like, "No.....I'm only 15, and my grandma and extremely large and brutally tough father are sitting in this car right here," but I didn't say that. I was nice and politely said no. Then he kept talking to me. Don't you hate it when people you don't even know start talking to you about things you've got no clue about? He was doing that. Then he finished his cigarette and went back inside.

Mom showed up after that, and we went inside to eat. I managed to spot the same guy over at the bar getting drunk off his ass. I swear, he had about 10 empty beer bottles around him and then had a few martini glasses. All I could think was, "Yeah, that's some real class.....let's have beer with a martini." Anyway, he left so I was cool. Mema was like freaking out, but we all just told her to chill. The food was really good.....I had a Grilled Chicken Caeser salad. It was the best fucking Caeser salad I've had in a long time. :-D I still want to go to Red Lobster for my 16th though. I want some crab. :-D Mmm.....crab..... Anyway, the waitress was really nice and her and my dad got joking about how it wasn't my Dad's birthday, it was his "berfday". Yeah, he's a fucking retard. :-P Then, when we ordered dessert, our waitress and two others showed up with lit sparklers and sang Happy Birthday to Dad.....just what he wanted. :-P It was hilarious because he was tyring to hide behind his napkin. Before all that happened though, Dad got on another caffeine/chocolate-fueled sermon about how our government sucks, but this time I joined in. I told everyone how Aubrey and I plan on being politicians so that we can turn this country around. I have decided, however, that if no one will listen to my ideas, I will simply stick out the rest of my term, and then I'll stimulate social and governmental anarchy and leave office. That way, all those liberal bastards that run our country will have a real fucking mess to deal with, and they won't be able to pin it on me OR make me clean up my mess. I can just sit back and watch my handiwork on CNN.....everyday for five years. Muahahahaha!

Finally, we finished stuffing ourselves and went to leave. Dad decided that no one should ride home with him because he wanted to dawdle around the train tracks. :-P Yep, that's my dad.....addicted to anything that moves on rails. So Mema and I rode home with Mom. We went to Dollar General to get batteries for my CD player, but we came out with a lot more than that. I got Jesi's birthday present too.....not dice, but I think she'll like it. Can you believe that I looked in CarQuest, Advance Auto Parts, AutoZone, Wal-Mart, and Napa, all car stores, and none of them have a pair of fucking dice! I was pissed.....I really wanted to get that for Jesi. Wal-Mart didn't even have any copies of LOTR! They were out! I was pissed..... Anyway, back to my night.....I got my batteries and thus was happy. Normally, whenever I ride in a car/listen to certain CDs, I think about ideas for my story. I could not think of any ideas for the life of me. All I could think about was a question someone asked me. I told him I'd think about it, and that's all I ended up doing. THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME. **Happy? You made an impression.....:-P**

Aubrey I guess is cool with Aaron now because she doesn't want me unhappy. That's cool, but I still feel bad. Aaron's cool and all, but like I've said many times before, Aubbs is my best friend. She apologized, and I don't know if he did or not, but she's trying to make it all better. I hope he accepted. :-P Now I'm just waiting for him to get online so I can tell him something. He got on around 1:30, but then got offline five minutes later. I didn't even know he was on until he was off! I was pissed. I've been waiting 24 hours to tell him something and it's FUCKIG KILLING ME! :-P

I think the rest of this week I'm just going to be cleaning or something. It's cool with me.....everytime I do a few things around the house, Mom gives me $10. Maybe it's not a real job, but I'm getting paid, and that's good enough for me. I want Mom to stop by the house tonight before she goes to the doctor's. She can pick up my working papers and see if Phillips will sign them. He already told us if we had the papers that he would sign them without any conflict. He knows I'm a "good kid". :-/ shit. :-P Not anymore..... Friday night I'm going to graduation and then I'll be home later sometime.....don't know when though. I only got presents for Jesi, Justin, and Cassie. I feel bad because I didn't get Eric anything, but what the fuck was I supposed to get him? RED BARON? :-P I have no idea. Graduation should be fun.....but Saturday will be even more fun. :-D

Saturday is going to be fucking fun. It's Jesi's graduation party and it is going to be fucking huge! I have to be there at 8 a.m. though.....I don't think I can pull off 8, so I'll probably be there at the promised 10 o'clock. I don't know if I'll get bitchy or whatever, but I do know one thing.....Sunday I am going to be one tired mutherfucker. Hmmm.....I wonder if it ever occured to WINK106 that it'll kill a song to play it 20 FUCKING TIMES IN 12 HOURS!!!!! I've heard Switchfoot so many times today that I could commit suicide. Still, the song is still not dying in my head, though I know it slowly will.....

I really should go. Mom gave me a mad ass list of things to do today.....it's fucking huge! I better get $20 for this.....:-P I might write later or tomorrow.....depends on what there is to say. Chances are there will be something to say.....my life has gotten a lot more interesting within the past week! ;-)

JMW Publishing

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-24T08:06:00-05:00

I got an acceptance letter from JMW Publishing for the poem below.

Is this me?
What is this monster, this evil thing
that looks back at me from my eyes?
I've become something I don't know,
something I don't want to be.
I'm turning, my soul is being taken
by the demons of Hell,
taken deep below the Earth to a land of rock, fire, and hatred.
I never thought this was my soul's image.
I never thought that my spirit was so bleak.
How did I get like this without knowing?
How did I become this beast, this thing?
Is this me? Is this what I really am?
I am no longer me, I am a shadow,
a glimpse of what was, what may have been.
My life has been reduced to a memory,
my mind to nothingness,
my soul to darkness.
I am alone, alone in the dark,
and this is me.

Depressing, yeah, but I wrote it when I was really depressed. I was fucked up over life and I felt like a failure/eventual demon. Reply and tell me what you think, people. Much obliged if you do!

A busy evening and a busy day tomorrow...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-25T05:06:00-05:00

Tonight is graduation! 7:30 p.m......I'm going to be there at 7 thought so I can get a decent seat. I have presents for Jesi, Justin, and Cassie. I hope they all like them. They should. I can't believe they're graduating though. I mean, it seemed like yesterday that I met them in 7th grade, and I thought, "Graduation is a long way off....." Now.....they're leaving! :'( Still.....we all had a lot of good times. I'll never forget them either.....

Jesi's grad party is tomorrow..... Carrie wants to see if she's invited, then come over tonight. I don't know if that's gonna fly or not.....Mom and Dad like her and all, but they think she's a bad influence on me. I don't think they'll go for her coming over, though I wish they would. I don't know if it's a good idea either..... I mean, I have to be up at 8 tomorrow and be at Jesi's by 10. If Carrie's here, I won't get any sleep. It's not a bad thing, but I'll stay up talking thanks to my own stupidity. *shrugs* Oh well.....

It's official now.....Aaron and I are going out. :-D He was really happy when I told him yes, and amazingly so was I. He's a great guy.....he just better now cheat on me or I'll kick his ass, but I don't think he will. :-D I'm really happy now. I didn' think anyone would ever ask me out.....I thought God liked to use me as a little pawn in his game of emotions. Now.....I guess God doesn't hate me so much, and I guess I'm not as horrid as I thought. Aubbs and Aaron made up, which made me feel a lot better, but I was even happier because I found out they did it for me. I wuv em!!!

Tonight and tomorrow are going to be great. :-D It'll be so much fun! Graduation tonight and Jesi's party tomorrow. :-D This is the first graduation I've ever gone to. It should be fun.

I'm waiting for Dad to get home with my report card. Everyone else got theirs today, and Dad is the mailman, so he's got our mail with him. I want to know my schedule, God damn it! That and my grades, but mostly my schedule.....:-P I suppose I'd better go and finish getting ready. I need to change my shirt and put on some make-up.....I look scary without it! :-P I'll try to write tomorrow morning or something.....maybe Jess will let me use her computer when I'm at her house. I don't know.....we'll see.

WOW!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-26T11:06:00-05:00

Ohh mann! :-D Jesi's party was fuckin GREAT!!!! I can't really talk now because Cassie's here, but I'll tell you everything tomorrow. Including Eddie and Rory and ROGER!!!! =-O :-D MFG!!!! Roger was great.....:-D I'll tell you in full detail.....don't worry! ;-)

News update

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-27T07:06:00-05:00

Omg dude.....I thought that it was 7:30 p.m. Monday night.....it was so weird. Anyway, I promised that I would write about yesterday and the day before, so I shall. I'll start off with graduation.....

Graduation was at 7:30 Friday night. They had it outside.....everything was cool and nice, but that bitch took sooooo long. Aubrey, Carrie, and I couldn't take too much of it and ended up going to Sugar Crack and then to the gazebo to eat our food. The seniors finished getting gradgimitated (Cass ;-)), then threw their hats and stuff. I went to find Cassie and Justin and gave them their presents, which they loved. I gave Cass a picture of all of us in a frame that said friends all around it, and I got Justin a steering wheel cover which he's wanted for a while I guess. Jesi looked kind of hurt when I didn't fork over her present, but I was like, "Don't worry.....you're getting it tomorrow!" That eased her a little bit. After graduation ended, Mom, Dad, and I went to Corning. I dropped my pictures off at Wal-Mart, then we got Arby's to eat because I hadn't had dinner. It was a cool Friday night.

Saturday was a lot more.....spazstic. :-P I got to Jesi's at 10 to help with her party and Cassie was already there. Jesi and Scott had "gone to get the cake" (;-)), so me and Cassie sat and talked for a while. She showed me some of her artwork and it's really beautiful. Then Sam showed up and we sat and talked some more and joked around with Neil (Jesi's brother) and didn't really help at all. Eric showed up sometime, and then things got more fun. Still, we refrained from helping. :-D :-P ;-)

Eric left a little after Jesi and Scott got back, which sucked. He had to go to Justin's grad party the same day. We were all kind of lolling around when the party started, either outside or in the front room of Jesi's house. Then we all got to meet Roger.....:-D Roger is Jesi's 21-year-old cousin, and he has got to be the most beautiful man I've ever met. I don't mean just physically beautiful either.....he writes, he acts, he sings, he plays guitar, and he plays piano. Artist. :-D He was so nice and he didn't treat any of us like stupid little girls. He talked to us like we were his age. Still, most of the conversations centered around sex, so yeah. :-P

Not only was there Roger, who took his shirt off just for us, but Eddie (who mooned us) and Rory (who was being an ass, but a funy one nonetheless). They started playing frisbee (shirtless I might add) and it was hilarious because they were all around showing off. At one point, Cassie, Carrie, Sam, and I decided to walk down to the creek in the back of Jesi's house. We went walking through their little frisbee field and Roger was like, "Where are you going.....can I come?" It was so funny. Everyone finally started to leave, and after most of the crowd was gone, Jesi and Scott took us out to Corning and we went shopping on Market Street. There weren't very many stores open, but we went to Soul Full Cup and got come cappuccinos and this massive cinnamon bun. =-O It was huge! Anyway, we walked around, then sat and talked at the coffee shop, then walked over to Wegman's and went candle/incense/health shopping. Cassie paid for me because I didn't have any money, but I paid her back. Jesi and Scott went off *somewhere* and then came to pick us up around 10:30. Sam went to Carrie's for the night and Cassie came here.

This morning, after 4 hours of sleep, Cassie and I woke up and had to get up. We dropped her off at her house around 9 and then Mom, Dad, and Me went to breakfast with Mema at Denny's. French toast, bitches!!! :-D Anyway, we were having breakfast there when, lo and behold, Scott and Jesi come in for breakfast. So we talked a little, then I left and went to Wal-Mart for some thingsand finally Peaches N' Cream for ice cream. I just got a soda.....I was full. Then I came home and sat around, trying to read my People magazine, but I was soo tired.....so I went to bed around 3 this afternoon and just got up. :-D That's me.....I'm a sleeper.

This weekend was so amazingly fun! I was glad for it because I got to really have fun with all my friends who graduated, while at the same time having fun with my 9th grade friends. It was awesome, not to mention yesterday was the first time I walked up and down Market Street or had cappuccino in Soul Full Cup. (By the way, while we were walking down Market Street, these two old drunks were stumbling around. The first pointed to Cassie and went, "I like your shirt." The second pointed to Carrie and said, "I like your shirt." It was so fucking funny!!!) Anyway, it was one of the best days I've had, not to mention we had pop rocks, lollipawps (yes, pawps), and SCOTT POPPED THE QUESTION TO JESI!!!! (Had to put that in there, Jess. :-D) It was just a fun day. Ok, I'm going to go back to bed now that I've eaten and stuff. :-P I'm fuckin tired!!!!

P.S. Roger.....DAMN!!! We're STILL talking!!!! You people.....you should have talked to him.....he was so.....in-depth and just amazing.*sigh*

Barbie's here!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-28T09:06:00-05:00

Right the moment Barb's here,spending the night. We've been watching the Wedding Planner and basically lazing around in my room, burning incense and candles. :-D It smells all smokey and nice in there now, but I had to open a window. I felt like I was suffocating. :-P I can't really talk long because I don't want to bore Barbie to death, so I'll go. I'll tell you more tomorrow, but I've been writing every day for two straight weeks now and I didn't want to break my habit. ;-)

Elfwood/Elftown

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-29T09:06:00-05:00

Lately, I've been obsessed with going to Elfwood/Elftown. It's cool.....nothing but fantasy art and fantasy stories. It's my kind of place, and I can even post my stories for the public to examine and tell me what they think. If you're interested in fantasy, sci-fi, or anything like that, go to www.elfwood.com or www.elftown.com. They're really good websites and some of the stuff on there is absolutely amazing. I'm really into Tolkien and elves and stuff like that, so it's basically my online dreamland. :-D

Barb came down last night and spent the night. We had fun. Mostly we watched movies until 1:30 in the morning. I got too tired and started to whine and bitch, so we went to bed. :-P We woke up around noon, but we stayed in my room until 3:30 watching more movies. We finally decided that we had to come out for air and get dressed. :-P Mom and I just took her home around 6, then we went to Wal-Mart and picked up my graduation pictures. The pics are awesome.....if I knew how to upload photos into my blog, I would. They're awesome.

Aaron and I are going pretty well I guess. Friday will be a week.....I can hardly believe it though. Seems just like yesterday he asked me out. Technically, it semi-was yesterday.....last week in fact. :-P It's just weird.....I've never really had the official title of taken, and my longest relationship was in fourth grade.....two weeks. :-P My last relationship lasted 12 hours because I got cold feet. I have this phobia of dating or something, like I'm afraid I'll get too tied down. Ask my friends.....I love being able to look at guys and not worry about a boyfriend, but it's nice to have a change once in a while. It's nice to say I'm taken, you know? Plus Aaron's a really nice guy and he genuinely likes me. :-D That's a definate plus.

I guess little Sarah and Rachel got in fight over Adam. It's been going on for 4 days now. Their fights don't usually last long, but this one is important I suppose. I guess Sarah feels jealous because Rachel is paying more attention to Adam (her brother) than she is to Sarah. I don't know. I'm not going to meddle or anything, and I'm really content just to vaguely know, maybe throw in a little detail. Sometimes, all the drama gets to be too much for me. :-P

Nothing more to really write in here. If you'd like to read a part of my story, look for Stephanie Snyder on Elfwood and read the part called Chapter 1 - The Reunion. Chapter 2 is in there as well, but you obviously need to read Chapter 1 first so you get everything. Otherwise, you'll be completely lost. I think it's cool. :-D I wouldn't mind you guys leaving comments either, maybe some criticism. There's always room for improvement!

Not that much today...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-06-30T04:06:00-05:00

Not too much to write today. As far as the day has gone, it's been pretty uneventful. Last night I applied to get into Elfwood.com, and I actually made it. I was freaking out happy because now I can post my stories on there and get public feedback. It'll help when I want to improve them, when I want to make them better. I couldn't sleep last night so I ended up writing Chapter 1 and 2. I'm waiting for them to be published on the website and get some feedback before I continue. Currently, I'm working on Chapter 3. It's turning out pretty cool. I had all this written down in a notebook, but I'm making some mad ass changes. I still like writing in my notebook first thought because that way I can take it anywhere and I don't have half my story written and the other half printed out.

Besides being accept into Elfwood, nothing else has really happened. I still strongly suggest that anyone who is interested in Sci-Fi or fantasy stories and art go there. It's an awesome place, plus there are thousands of other people there who have the same interests. (When I say thousands, I mean LITERALLY.) I finally figured out a little HTML coding, so I can mess around with webpages and shit now. :-D It's fun being able to. That way, it's more customized. Well, I suppose I'll be off for now. I might write later if anything of note happens.

Well, what's done is done...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-01T04:07:00-05:00

I broke up with Aaron last night. Don't ask me why.....I have my reasons, but there are a lot of them and I don't feel like writing them all down. Last night and this afternoon he started shit with me and I ended up telling him I was sorry over and over again. Did he listen? Does he care? Not a bit. I do care, and I felt like shit last night because I hurt him so badly, but he thinks I'm lying and that hurting him was how I got my sick kicks. What the fuck ever.....>:O

I was really pissed and depressed earlier because I got up late and was achey and then he started his bullshit, but then I got in the shower. You know, showers seem to make all your troubles go away. I don't know why.....it always does that with me. Makes everything seems less hopeless. That's all for today.....making pizza tonight with Mom, so I've got to hurry up and get the dough ingrediants into the bread machine. :-D It's so wonderful because me and Mom don't have to do all the dough kneading.....the bread machine does it for us! :-D Calzones tonight!

Weekend info & quizzes...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-02T05:07:00-05:00

This weekend should be fun. :-D Though I'm not doing anything tonight, tomorrow Mom and I are going to Mansfield annd we're getting fireworks for Sunday! :-D That made me really happy because Dad told me we weren't having any and Mom said there wasn't enoug money. The thing about Mom though.....she'll say there's not enough money for fireworks, but she can't stop herself from buying them! :-P Basically, tomorrow is just getting ready and calling people. As far as I know, only Barb and Jess are coming down Sunday. I invited Cassie but she hasn't gotten hold of me, and Rachel said she would see. Other than that, Sybil is sick, I don't really know Alisha, and Aubrey's going to be in NYC. *shrugs* Oh well. Three people is fine. Less people I have to bitch at. :-P But goddamnit, if they're staying the night, they better bring their own damn pillows and blankets. I'm sick of having to do laundry all the time!!

People should start getting here around 1 on Sunday. Barb's coming then but I don't know if Jess is. Depends on when she wants to.....she's got a car. It's not like she'll be stranded if she doesn't get here by a certain time. It doesn't matter for Rachel either because she lives within walking distance. Anyway, they're coming down, we're having food (all-American but actually- German food.....hamburgers and hotdogs. Hey, I have Germanh ancestry, so it's cool!), then I'm probably going to spend the rest of the daylight hours in the pool. That or tanning. I want to get burnt because when I get burnt, I tan really nicely. Rachel has some new oil.....maybe she'll let me borrow it. Once it gets dark out, we're getting out the fireworks (:-D hehe.....) and we're going to have some fun. Even though I'm not 16 yet, I'm going into the warehouse tomorrow. Roman Candles, firecrackers.....my specialty! :-D One year Dad bought these things called Berserkers and one tipped over right when it shot off. It almost hit Mema in the face and Casper (Dad's dog) in the stomach. =-O It was funny though. Anyway, after fireworks I guess we're just staying up, eating and talking and whatever. Then (I don't care what you guys do) I'm sleeping on the porch. It's supposed to me warm out, so yeah. All right, enough rambling. Quiz time! :-D I'm obsessed with quizzes.....

S	Sensual
T	Talented
E	Extreme
P	Philosophical
H	Honorable
A	Ambivalent
N	Naive
I	Intelligent
E	Explosive

Name / Username:

How creative are you?

Stephanie Snyder
from this day forward your redneck name will be:

Becky-Ann
Jackson

^Haha.....it's stupid but funny. :-P

my internet junk
'what xmas character are you test'
result was.....

^:-D Cool.....I like Frosty!

Past Life
You were male in your last earthly incarnation.

You were born somewhere around the territory of which we now know as modern Turkey, approximately in the year 1625.

Your main profession was: weaver, tailor to the rich.

A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:
You always liked to travel, and to investigate, could have been undercover detective or spy.

A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in your present life is:
Development and expansion of your mental consciousness. Find a good teacher, and spend a part of your time and energy embracing their wisdom.
^:'( I was a MAN.....that's a spirit killer.....

What poison are you
^Hehe.....*devlish grin*

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Schizoid Personality Disorder
Diagnosis: Schizoid Personality Disorder.
A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by (some of the following) neither desiring nor enjoying close relationships, preference for solitary activities, little interest in sexual relationships, lacking close friendships, and shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.
^See Rachel.....I TOLD YOU I WAS A SCHIZO!!!!!!

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

New Aged/Wiccan
An it harm none, do as ye will. You are a fluffy bunny. You wouldn't harm a fly. Actually, you might demonstrate to SAVE the flies! Than again, you're probably busy casing love spells, using a psychic talent, being a Vegetarian or trying to save the Rainforests. Either way, you're harmless.
^I do believe.....

Take the quiz: "Method of Suicide"

Drowning
Like the darkness that consumes you, your method of suicide is Drowning.
^<:-/ Damn.....

Take the quiz: "What mystical creature are you?"

Mermaids
These creatures are smart and playful. They love the water and have beautiful voices. Some have been known to catch the careless wanderer. They have been spotted by sailers for many years, great sea creatures that have the tops of humans and the tails of fish. They are beilived to be pure myth, but from every great myth there was a grain of truth.

Take the quiz: "Which Element do you align with?"

Earth
You are a being of Earth. You are full of common sense and good judgement, but you can be stubborn. You might love the outdoors best. Dionysis and Cernunnos watch over you.

That's all the quizzes for now. Maybe I'll put in more (and some info) when I get back from Mansfield tomorrow.

Long day...tomorrow's gonna be tough...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-03T06:07:00-05:00

Long day today.....went to Mansfield and got A LOT of fireworks. :-D This year was the first year I got to go into the fireworks warehouse, so I was pretty happy about that. Then, as soon as we got home, Mom and I left again and got groceries and stuff for tomorrow. Stuff for s'mores and things like that. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I can feel it in my bones. Well, I'm going to go. Sleepy.....

Can't talk long...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-04T12:07:00-05:00

I'm writing fast before everyone gets here and before I have to go do more stuff. I can't wait for today! It's gonna be AWESOME!!!!! Oh, Mom and Mema need me.....I'll write tomorrow!

Yesterday SUCKED!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-05T07:07:00-05:00

I'm so tired.....Barb and I swam for an hour and a half today. I should probably tell you about yesterday and why it sucked.....

Yesterday morning I was beat because I'd stayed up the night before. I finally got up around 11, got in the shower, did all that good stuff. Barb and Jess showed up and we ate, but afterwards we all decided we didn't have enough sparklers for that night. So Jess thought that we could just run over to Bath real quick and see what we could find. This was all well and good because Jess has her license now. So we went to Bath and then, on the way back, we lost control of her car on a hill, her brakes locked, we spun out and crashed her car.

In the process, we managed to take out a sign and put a hole in the car's transmission oil pan. So we walked up the Hill of Hell (3/4 of a mile, ALL UPHILL), found this wonderful woman's house, and she let us stay there and use the phone. She had a wedding to go to, so she left us ALONE in her house and gave us permission to eat her food, drink her water, sit in her living room and watch her TV. We didn't feel comfortable, though she was AWESOME, and we waited at the end of the driveway. Carrie, being the wonderful soul that she is, got her dad to drive to our house and tell Mom and Dad what happened. Rachel was here soon after we left and she started crying when Mom told her what happened. Anyway, Mom and Dad came and got us and took us home after we drove down and looked at the car.

We finally got home, had a little bit of pool fun, then went outside for fireworks. In the midst of setting off fireworks, it started RAINING. So we didn't even get to set half of them off. >:O So we went inside, snuggled down with Dracula 2000, then I got up and went in my room at midnight when everyone else was asleep. We slept till 12:30 today, then got up and people left (Rachel had left at 8:15 for work). Barb JUST left and her mom said she was coming at 5. >:O Anyway, yeah.....that's why my 4th of July sucked some major ass. Though I didn't die, I thought I was going to. I never, EVER wish to repeat that and I swear.....I'm going 10 MPH down that fucking hill for the rest of my life. I don't care how old I am.....10 MPH. NO FASTER. I'm wiped now, so I guess I'm going to go watch Law and Order, then I'm gonna go to bed. Night.....I'm hoping I have a better 4th next year.

I don't fuckin know...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-06T11:07:00-05:00

God, it feels like no matter what I do anymore, I'm always wrong. Even if I didn't do something, I did it. My parents think that I do everything that causes something to break around here and I fucking don't. My dad does a lot of it, but he fuckin lies so that I take the blame. Who are they gonna believe.....a 45-year-old man or a 15-year-old girl? Right.....chances are real slim for me. Wanted to write today so I didn't break my streak. I guess I'm just gonna chill for the rest of the night.....I have a massive headache thanks to my damn allergies, and I got to drive up the Hill of Hell tonight. We drove down through the place where the accident happened and I could just see everything happening again. It was strange. I don't know.....maybe I'm losing my mind.

Wow...long time no see...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-23T10:07:00-05:00

Sorry I haven't written in a while....I got really busy after the 6th with some stupid drama and shit, and then I didn't feel like writing, and then my computer has been gone/broken since the 12th, so I got fucked as far as writing went. Didn't managed to write for a month straight, but close. ;-) Things have been ok around here.....suprisingly I didn't die without the computer. Yeah, it sucked because I couldn't really talk to my friends, but I didn't care for about a week. It was nice to get away from this goddamn desk for a while and do something else.....go to sleep by midnight....:-P I know, I'm strange. I really don't know why you guys would care, but I guess I should "recount" my events since like 3 weeks ago.

Not much really happened.

^Haha, and it's the truth. ;-) Anyway, better and more exciting things are going to happen within the next couple weeks. This weekend isn't really a biggie.....I'm going to Alstom with Mom to help her with the filing (it's like a side job for me cuz she pays me), then we're taking my dog up to Penny's to get shaved. My dog is very, VERY furry and there's going to be like 5 pounds of dog hair when Penny gets done. He looks so cute when he gets shaved, though, not to mention the carpets stay cleaner for longer. After that, we're going to Corning to get my glasses fixed because I broke off a nosepiece and it's driving me insane. I hate when my glasses are crooked. Then we're getting coffere, sitting in the park, picking up Ranger, and probably going out to dinner. It's cool because whenever Dad goes train-watching (yes, I KNOW) on Saturday, Mom and I go out to dinner. :-D And believe me, Dad does that A LOT. :-P It's weird though.....when I was little, Mom had an obsession with home-cooked meals. Now, if we're not eating out, Mom brings salad or fast food home. :-P Can't complain, though I am going to get huge (as if I'm not already).

Next week Mom is taking off Thrusday and Friday, and Thursday we're going to Darien Lake. Not that much of a biggie.....Sam and Aubbs are coming with so I won't be "lonely". I feel bad though because Mom's gonna be the only "adult" there and I don't wanna make her feel shitty because we're being asses. :-/ I think I'm going to convince Dad to go with us half the day.....he said he's wanted to go for a while. *shrugs* Maybe. Then next Saturda I'm going to get my hair done because it feels so fuckin heavy it's unbelievable. *sigh* Now I'm really bored.....without this computer I got bored very easily. I've watched LOTR so many fuckin times these past 2 weeks that I know each movie by heart. Now I'm reading the books, and I've only had the Two Towers for less than a week and I'm already halfway through it. Like I've told people before.....if Tolkien wasn't dead, I would hunt him down and marry him. That or extract his brain and keep it in my room. He's a LITERARY GENIUS! Seriously.....I'm like in love with LOTR beyond help. :-D It's a fun way to be.

I guess now I'm gonna go and post some shit on Elfwood. I've only got two chapters of my story on there but I have 8 chapters written. I gotta get my ass around and post them. I wonder how many comments I've gotten.....

Today's events

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-24T09:07:00-05:00

Today was actually pretty fun.....I've been out and about all day and I just got back from yet another trip to another place near my home, so I'm freaking tired beyond belief. Damn, I AM gonna sleep well tonight. As far as today went, here's what happened.....

I was up at 6:30, showered, then went to work with Mom until noon. Another day, another paycheck.....I can't really argue because Mom's paying me to help her with her filing and I really, REALLY want more money, not to mention I'm going to Darien Lake next week and I can't buy shit with with my good looks cuz let's face it.....I AM BUTT ASS UGLY. ;-) After that we came home for half an hour, picked up my dog, and then went to Penny's so Ranger could get his hair cut. Damn, he needed it.....

We left my dog at Penny's, then went to Corning to get my glasses fixed. When Mom and I got there, we just happened to figure out that we came down on the same day as the Cultural Arts Festival on Market Street. It figures that Empire Vision just so happens to be on Market Street, and that's where we had to go. So we went to Empire Vision and got my glasses fixed, then intended to leave. We ended up walking almost all of Market Street, looking at the stuff and listening to the music. There was this Andes Mts. band there with a guitar and wooden flute, and that stuff sounded awesome. Then we went a little farther down and found the Beatles impersonators.....that was hilarious, and they actually sounded like the Beatles. Anyway, we looked through all the stuff in the festival, got a cup of coffee and this huge ass preztel at Soul Full Cup, and bought a gigantic bag of the best tasting caramel kettle corn I've ever had. It was packed, but it was fun, not to mention there were a LOT of hotties there too. :-D

Finally Mom and I got the dog, got Subway for dinner, came home, and watched the Butterfly Effect. Lemme tell ya, that movie is cool but it's really fucked up. Still, I liked it. Then, around 8, Mom and I had to go up to Grandma's and feed Morris (her cat) because she's away on vacation.....AGAIN. She went with come of her friends to the Adirondacks for a week or something. I didn't even know she'd gone until tonight, and she left two days ago. Talk about late news.

Anyway, we fed the cat and severely brushed him, then came home. I am so glad to be here.....I think I'm going to pop in LOTR (big surprise) and then go to bed.....I'm too fuckin tired to stay up and wait for Aaron. I want to talk to him, but not at the expense of a good night's sleep. I guess I'll ttyl or tomorrow or something.....ciao.

Some words and a poll

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-26T12:07:00-05:00

Not much today.....just some more goddamn cleaning. >:O ERRR. Anyway, here's a poll for everyone.

Thinking...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-27T12:07:00-05:00

Even though it's only noon, I did some thinking earlier. I woke up around 7:30 and just laid in bed for about an hour, thinking about me and my life and how messed up and dramatic it gets sometimes. I figured I need to make some changes in my living style and in friends and attitude and a load of other things. I'm going to try to cut down on the swearing and stuff like that. I read this blog last night and this chick was a lesbian, but it really amazed me how she's taking all these steps to get right and turned around and she's proud to admit what she is and what she likes. I thought, 'Damn... that's pretty brave considering the worlds outlook on some things.' In my book, it's pretty damn brave of her. (:-P Btw... damn is still constituted as ok in my little book of non-swearwords.)

Anyway, I figure that yeah, my friends now are cool and I love them, don't get me wrong, it's just that I need to start broadening my horizons, ya know? Expand and see who else is out there. I don't always have to be friends with people exactly like me. Then again, there are people out there who are more like me than some of my friends now. I just need to look elsewhere for a while. Not forget my old friends, not ditch them... just look beyond them.

Another step in my path to change and self-doscovery is to tone down my attitude and treat my parents better than I do. I mean I don't sit there and beat on them... just sometimes I scream and yell about having to do things to help out around the house. I think I'm getting better at that, but I can be really terrible to them for no reason and it's not fair. They brought me up and they've had to deal with my bull ever since I was little... I owe it to them to act better and tone down my attitude towards them.

So that's my plan of action... I'm not sure if it'll work, but I'm gonna try and make it happen. I'm also going to go on a diet and become a little less fat than I am now. If I could get down to a size 16, I would be happy beyond belief. :-) I also want to talk to Aaron again... I want to see if his question is still on the table, the one he asked me almost a month ago that I still haven't answered yet. I hope it is... I hope he still wants me. :-)

Depressed day yesterday

rampagethruny2 — 2004-07-28T12:07:00-05:00

Yesterday was my day of depression... it's fine though because now it's all out of my system. I get like that every so often... PMS of a different nature. Poor Me Syndrome. :-P Today I'm actually pretty happy... I just feel a little overwhelmed. I have a load of things to do before Sam and Aubrey get here, and it just seems like I'm not gonna get it done. *shrugs* Oh well... I just gotta deal. That's probably all for now... nothing has really happened yet today. I probably won't write for the next few days, but I don't know why you guys care. :-P No one ever reads this thing except for Rachel (WHAT IS YOUR FASCINATION WITH MY LIFE!?!?!?!?).

:-(

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-01T01:08:00-05:00

I haven't talked to Aaron in such a long time that all our conversations are beginning to fade from my mind. I was talking to Rachel about it last night and she basically ruined my night. Apparently, he told her he finally realized it would never work between me and him. Somehow I knew something like this would happen but I never thought it would hurt so much. I'm not trying to play up the part of the victim... I just wish that the circumstances had been different or we lived nearer or something. Now that he's realized it, I suppose I can fully accept it now: it's never going to work. Still, as long as he was still holding onto something, I was willing to try... I guess the will of one cannot overcome the will of God.

Some lyrics...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-02T11:08:00-05:00

Just some Yellowcard lyrics today... it's how I'm feeling towards someone at the moment. **You know who you are...**

Yellowcard - Only One
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

GODDAMN

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-02T03:08:00-05:00

One thing I'm trying to figure out... no one used to give a shit about me. Now, all the sudden, people want to know what's going on in my life and someone wants me. It's all so goddamn confusing... people never used to give a shit about what happened in my life or anything. Now they do. WHAT THE FUCK.

Aaron's been real sweet to me but I feel like I'm lying to him. It really doesn't help when I have Rachel on my back telling me what to do and how to go about it. It's like I'm too damn thick to figure it out for myself so I have to have someone there to help me. FUCK THAT. Aaron said he loved me but I haven't said it back yet. He wants things to work and I do too, but I know that it won't work. Long distance relationships NEVER work. It's a sad truth and lemme tell ya, it sucks some major ass, but we all have to accept reality at one point or another.

That's another thing that gets me... I have one person telling me not to worry so much, that I'm only 15, and another telling me I need to grow up! WHAT THE HELL. Life is so damn confusing... I hate it. Even with all it's subtle joys I HATE IT. ERRRRRR!!!! >:O

I was reading some conversations I had with Aubrey and I came to yet another realization: all I ever do is bitch pr I'm depressed or some stupid shit like that. You'd think that I might just be happy for once but when I have CERTAIN PEOPLE breathing down my neck all the time, it throws me into this vicious cycle of either self hatred or hatred of others.

I HOPE THE WORLD BURNS.

Art and it's many beautiful aspects...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-02T11:08:00-05:00

I was sitting here, listening to some relaxing/thinking music and I was thinking about art. All the sudden, it was like I was filled with such passion for art and everything near to it. I love paintings and drawings, I love music and novels, I love poems and acting, I love playing instruments and composing... I love it all. Art is my life... it's something that has always been there and its beauty gets to me. Sometimes I end up thinking, 'How can something be so beautiful? How can it be so lovely?' but I end up answering my own question... art is art. It will always be lovely.

One fact that I don't like is that I can't draw or paint well. It's something I always wanted to be able to do really well but I just can't. Maybe I lack the talent, maybe I lack the practice. I do know a few other things though... I can write novels, I can write poetry, I can sing, I can act, I can compose, I can play 3 different instruments... this all makes me quite happy, but I still wish I could draw...

I absolutely love art. It's got to be one of the greatest things anyone in this world ever created. The ability to create such beauty from nothing is incredible indeed. I love it so much... it's my life. It's one thing that will always make me happy when I'm down. I love art. The way people can create it and make it so beautiful completely astounds me...

Below are some pictures I found online... the painters are from a place near my hometown and their paintings are being sold at a gallery on Market Street, one of my absolute favorite places to go simply because of its involvement in history and the arts. I though you might enjoy looking at them.

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=176
Heart of Autumn - Martin A. Poole

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=231
Everfall - Mark Reep

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=229
Could I Only - Mark Reep

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=180
Along The River - James Ramsdell

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=156
Keuka Lake - Tom Gardner
^I live near Keuka Lake and lemme tell ya... that place is fucking beautiful. There is a road that winds up on the hill behind it as you're going to Bristol and it's fucking gorgeous in the fall and winter...

http://www.westendgallery.net/index.asp?pageID=154
House on Clinton Street - Tom Gardner

**Not that I'm trying to advertise, but if you're interested in buying these paintings, go to www.westendgallery.net. It's a neat little art gallery on Market Street and you can buy the orginals from them.**

Insightful evening once again

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-03T11:08:00-05:00

Thinking about art again... ahh, I love its beauty so. :-) I hope I'm one of those art connoisseurs that just goes to gelleries and peruses, then buys like $500,000 in paintings and drawings and sculptures. :-) That would definately be my kind of life. Of course I'll have to make a shitload of money before I do any of that but I have confidence in myself. I can do it! Hell, I WILL do it. I'll make that one of my life's goals. Sounds good to me...

I guess that's enough for me tonight. I intended to write more and make it meaningful but that obviously didn't happen. :-P I'm starting a new little challenge thing for this. I'm going to try and write everyday in August. If I manage that, we'll move on to September. Let's see if I can do it.

RAINY DAY!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-04T04:08:00-05:00

Yay. :-D Today's another rainy day here in rainy New York. Even though it has been raining issesantly and even though I got tired of it for a little while, my love for raindrops and their sound has returned. Other than the fact that I'm exceedingly hot (the temperature you assholes :-P) I'm doing fine today. I actually look nice for once. I decided, 'Hey, even though I'm not doing anything today, maybe I'll wear make-up so I look halfway decent.' It worked. Maybe today I'll take my picture with the digital and post it on Elftown...

Other than me talking to more and more people on Elftown, today's been really fucking boring. I was pissed last night because I went through my Elfwood story and finished editing it and I got all ready to post it... AND THE FUCKING MODS HAD GONE ON VACATION. >:O I was really pissed because I wanted to post those chapters and then continue working on the rest. I'm not going to work on the others until I get the first 7 chapters posted and I get some feedback. Guess it's going to be a while...

I guess I'll go for now... not really talking to anyone except Chris Smith. I don't know why considering he wants to severely mutilate Matt, but we're just... talking. Weird, huh.

Damn...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-12T12:08:00-05:00

Well, I guess I didn't keep my resolution. I haven't written in like two weeks. Been busy, not to mention Aubbs showed me the greatest RPG in the world. www.runescape.com That game is awesome and it's frigging addicting.

Aaron's supposed to be coming up next week Thursday... he said he's coming just to see me. :-/ Great... problem is I'm going shopping with Mema on Thursday. Guess I won't be seeing him anytime soon...

Other than that, everything's fine here I guess. Printer got broken cuz people were pissed at it, but I think it can be fixed. All that got broken was the glass for the scanner part, so I think we can fix it. Hopefully...

Gonna post a few more chapters on Elfwood A.S.A.P. I don't know if the mods are back yet but I'm going to check tomorrow (today really). Until then...adios!

WELCOME TO HELL

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-13T01:08:00-05:00

Don't know why but I found that to be an appropriate title for today. I'm not in a bad mood or anything... it just sounded right for some reason. Maybe it's a forewarning that my day's going to go to shit... damn...

Talked to Aaron for a bit... it's like we have nothing to say to each other anymore. I guess Aubrey's advice was right (don't rub it in me face). I really hope this means things are dwindling... no offense, Aaron, but that's the way it is. Maybe we should move on with our lives.

Not too much yet seeing how I just got up an hour and a half ago. I've been praying that it'll rain... I love the rain. It's the one thing in this world that will never lose its natural beauty. It will always rain no matter how the world changes... or at least I hope it will.

My entries seem to be getting shorter and shorter... maybe it's because people have managed to keep all the stupid drama out of their lives. That could be it... after all, all my life really is when it's interesting is drama. I hate it... I'm glad (for once) that no one is fighting or dating anyone or having problems... it's a nice change. I just hate to think that in 3 weeks, it's all going to come flooding back... DAMN SCHOOL.

I may write later... I may not. It depends on if anything worth telling of happens between now and then. I'm assuming you're as bored as can be if you're reading this, and if you are I suggest you go to http://www.runescape.com/ and sign up. If you need some help in the beginning... like armor or anything... my name on there is Xvelionx and just tell me that you read my blog, that's why you're there.

Lyrics to convey me...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-16T01:08:00-05:00

Something boring... just lyrics tonight. Even though this song has nothing to do with what I'm feeling, I love it and it got to me tonight. I guess I just like increasing my depression with depressing music... wonderful.

Seether feat. Amy Lee - Broken
I wanted to know, I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain.

'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.

The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, and steal my pain away
There is so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain.

'Coz Im broken, when I'm open
And I feel like that I'm strong enough
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

'Coz I'm broken, when I'm open
And I don't feel like that I'm strong enough
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.

'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone.

You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.

*--I think you guys should download that song and listen to it or something... if you like Seether and Evanescence, you'll like it. It's... beautifully addicting.--*

FUCK

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-16T03:08:00-05:00

THE FRIGGING DRAMA IS BACK. DAMN.

A couple people who used to be so in "love" suddenly want to kill each other now. And, like usual, they talk to me about it and I try to fix it but every suggestion gets shot down. ERRRRRRR!!!!!

I don't get people... Aubrey's about the only one who gets that little saying: you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I swear, these guys are going to regret everything once it's all over and they've lost each other for good. I think I'm going to stop meddling in this because it's confusing and just spectate... basically, watch everything go to hell from the sidelines. I'm sick of having to deal with people after they've "suffered". They need to suffer a little... that way they won't make the same mistake again, or at least I hope not.

More lryics...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-17T03:08:00-05:00

Just more lryics today... good song though, and good band.

Alien Ant Farm - Happy Death Day
I slowly shoot these words like weapons
And go insane
I watch you drive your stupid car
You go away
You never were one to use caution
And you're gonna pay
You know I'd love to see it happen

I always tried to keep you near me
Without the pain
I love to tie us into knots
We slipped away
I tried to captivate you, on that evening
He was leaving, with the girl I'd love to kill

Happy Death day to you baby
I know you're flying in the blue now
We'll be together real soon now baby, don't you worry
Papa's got a brand new body bag for you

Cable cars run through my mind
Reminiscent Bay
I think of north on Valentine
I wish you'd stay
You never were one to use caution
It slipped away
I somehow knew this would happen

Happy Death day to you baby
I know you're flying in the blue now
We'll be together real soon now baby, don't you worry
Papa's got a brand new body bag for you

And I got a fresh new kind of attitude

I slowly shoot these words like weapons
And go insane
I watch you drive your stupid car
You go away
You never were, you never were
You know I'd love to see it happen

Happy Death day to you baby
I know you're flying in the blue now
We'll be together real soon now baby, don't you worry
Papa's got a brand new body bag for you

And he ain't ever ever coming back to you...

**Awesome song... Aubbs and I both think so. 'Tis cool. :-D Morbidly awesome.**

Hehe...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-18T12:08:00-05:00

I was searching through some Hitler jokes last night and I found a great picture. No one hold this against me... I just find it funny.

Hehe! I found that rather entertaining...

There's also a joke I found about Hitler that my father and I both found funny.

Hitler and the Pig
Adolf Hitler is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur
at the wheel on his way to an important address.

Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is
distracted, looking out the window at the countryside)
doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits in with
the car.

Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Adolf climbs out also to
see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what
he's done asks Hitler what they should do, and Hitler tells
him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move
the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and
worry about it later.

All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly
good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about
the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to
discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Hitler
whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know
what happened.

Hitler agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the
Chauffeur hurries back down the road.

Four hours later, stumbling down the road, his arms full of
sausage and bread and his breath smelling of liquor.

Hitler in a rage demands to know what has happened to him,
and the chauffeur explains, "I did what I thought was right.
I went to the farm where I killed the pig. When I went and
knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me this
sausage and bread, fed me the best ale I've ever tasted and
let me have their way with their beautiful nubile young
daughter and then sent me on my way."

Adolf seemed confused by this and asks his chauffeur, "well
what exactly did you tell them?"

To which the chauffeur replied "I really can't understand it
either, all I did was tell them "I'm Hitler's Chauffeur, and
I killed the pig."

Muahaha! :-D Anyway, that's all for today... enjoy the joke and the picture. I sure as hell did!

Political cartoons

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-18T02:08:00-05:00

Politcal cartoons now... God I love them!

Hitler inspecting his troops... hehe.

Wouldn't you love to do that to a few places?

Damn right! Kerry is a LIAR!

Democrats... official whiners of the U.S. government.

^That one has to be my favorite!!! JACKASSES!!!

Why don't these democrats ever die?

Clinton's Dirty Half-Dozen...

Janet Reno... AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Time Magazine's Man of the Year... JANET RENO!!

Alright, enough Democrat bashing for now... ON TO THE FRENCH!!!!

French victory Google results... whoops!

Perfect for active battle.

Hehe... I ALWaYS KNEW THEY WERE IN LEAGUE!

My big fat French wedding... awwww, what a cute couple!!

Damn straight... never were, never will be!!!

Alrighty... enough for now. :-D That was still fun. Maybe more tonight or tomorrow!

*I'd rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. -- George S. Patton.*

Good day

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-19T06:08:00-05:00

Good day today... went shopping with Mema, so that was cool. We had pizza at Aneillio's, then went to Wal-Mart for a while. I swear, that place is my sanctuary. :-P Anyway, I bought 20 notebooks for $4. I was like in bargain heaven. Then I went and got a new lava lamp *I broke my last one* and then headed to the posters. I found an awesome Lord of the Rings one, then gasped. I found the greatest poster I have ever seen... ORLANDO BLOOM AS WILL TURNER AND SOAKING WET *in water you sick bastards*. So that immediately came with me and now it's hanging up on the wall in my room along with the LOTR one.

My lava lamp is completely awesome. Blue and green and frikkin huge. :-D I love it. It's setting on the shelf that's on my wall across the room from my ORLANDO BLOOM POSTER. I'm sorry... that thing is just so wonderful. Talk about being in love with your material possessions...

I hope you all liked the political cartoons. I sure as hell did. My dad cracked up over a few of them, mostly the new Democratic Seal. That one was priceless. I might put some more on tomorrow but it depends on my mood. If I'm busy then no more till this weekend. If I'm not, expect more!

Hmm...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-21T03:08:00-05:00

Aaron's here. He came up from PA for the weekend and is staying with Rachel. Damn... he's here. Actually here. I want to see him but I don't. I'm afraid of what he'll think of me. I can't believe I'd be so nervous over a guy I thought I didn't like. Damnit! Why does everything have to be so damn difficult?

On a happier note, Aubbs and I are going to the fair tomorrow with the parental unit. Should be fun. We're going to Demo Derby at 5:30, then we're gonna chill on the rides and stuff afterwards. :-D I can't wait. I love the county fair. I always have loads of fun, even though it's getting to be out of my age range (as far as rides go, right Rae? 11 and 12 vs. 15!).

Well, I should be off... I've got things to do. Not really, I'm just not too fond of the computer right now. Dunno why, but I'm not. Ttyl, maybe Monday.

What the hell is wrong with me??

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-23T08:08:00-05:00

What's wrong with me? Why am I so jealous? I guess it's because I don't think she deserves things... things that I believe I should get the chance for. :'( God... why do I hate her so much for petty little things? I guess it's my own fault... I've had a million chances to do once in a lifetime things and I've passed them up. Passed them up because I either don't have the money to go or I don't have the time. What's so special about her? What makes me so horrible and only deserving to stand in her shadow?

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like a fuck-up and like I'm worse than she is, that she's better than me. I don't like the feeling, but I guess I'll also just have to cope with that. Why is it that I feel so miniscule, so horrid and undeserving of anything I want, when she tells me things? She confides in me and tells me practically everything that happens in her life... and it makes me so jealous I think I'll go insane.

I've had so many offers for so many different things and I've had so many chances to experience things no one else gets to experience and I've turned them all down. Every single one because I'm just too stupid to figure shit out or I don't have the money or some stupid ass reason. Just one more reason for me not to have fun in my life. Why am I so fucking stupid? It's like God's will is powering me towards these things, making me stay true to my path and follow my fate. I guess my fate is to be unknown, to die a nobody... just like I feared.

I will die alone and unknown and I doubt even my friends will care. Yeah, they may come to my funeral, but in a month I will be forgotten. I'm just one of those memories that lasts while it's alive but dies along with itself. I was always so afraid that I would die unknown to the world and have no purpose, no meaning... I'm beginning to see that it's coming true. All of it. I will die alone, I will die unknown, I will die miserable and sad. I can tell now... my writing will go to shit, I'll be at odds wiht my family, my friends will be acquaintances, my loves will be indifferent and the world while know me only as a little $5 spot in the Leader's obituaries. That will be the extent of my infamousness.

Why do I even care? Why do I choose to trudge on in this world full of unhappiness, my world full of envy and jealousy? I have no idea... maybe I had the right idea when I was 9-years-old. Maybe the end and the journey thereafter would be so much more meaningful than the beginning and exposition. After all, that's all life really is: an exposition in the universe's book. The real adventure begins after death. The rising action that is our afterlife is so much more interesting and meaningful than our little exposition could ever be.

Perhaps that's where I belong... perhaps I will be known. Perhaps my spot in this world doesn't exist in the exposition, but in the rest of the story.

RETRACTION

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-24T04:08:00-05:00

I'm printing a retraction on last night's entry. I was upset, but that has now passed. I see that I have things many people could never even hope for, and I'm proud of that.

For all of you who think I need mental help: I don't really care what you think. You can keep your opinions for I don't need them. I'm happy with myself and I will only change if I think the change is necessary. I do not think it's needed, therefore I will remain as I am. Next time, all of you do me a favor: don't tell me what you think, for I'm bound not to listen anyway. Save yourself the trouble of fighting with me because when it comes to my mental state, you will never win.

I found these rather funny...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-24T07:08:00-05:00

Got those from http://www.deviantART.com/
^Great site! I'm registered as ShadowMaster762... check out my page and read my stuff.

Perfect...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-08-25T01:08:00-05:00

School starts in 2 weeks. Damn. I don't want to go back yet, nor do I feel the perrogative to go. I guess it could be worse... Brandon had to go back today. Poor guy. I guess I have two weeks of blissful solitude all to myself. I'm going to beg Mom and see if she'll just let me laze around the last few days before school starts. I have to start getting my sleeping habits back in order... otherwise, I'm fucked.

I pretty much plan on being alone until the start of classes. The only place I'm going to (besides school shopping and such) is Nessa's birthday party. I'll be there for a few hours, then I'm gone. That's on the 30th, so I have like 5 days to get her a present. I'm going out this weekend so I can grab something. I gotta get around and ask her what she likes...

I really have no idea where everyone's going or what they're doing before school. The only thing I know about is that Barb is going to Katie's this weekend. That's it. Other than that, I'm in the dark. The really beautiful thing is that, for the first time in my life, I don't give a shit. I'm wonderfully happy just so sleep till 2, get online for like an hour, then go do what I have to.

Speaking of having to do things, I'm rather proud of myself. I've worked a lot more this summer compared to any other summer. I've also earned a lot of money. Mom and I are skipping Alstom this weekend and going to the mall for school shopping. This made me rather happy. Actually, it made me very, very happy. :-D I haven't been to the mall in... 4 months. Jesus. It's been a while.

Now, onto some VERY good news. Mom and this girl where she works are friends. Jessica adopted one of our kittens for her husband... thing is, they actually live in Michigan. She flies in every week to go to work. THAT'S how bad job scarcity is. Anyway, Mom and Jess were talking and Mom told her about my plans to write to Dartmouth (if my printer gets fixed) and see if they have programs for highschool kids in journalism. Jessica then informed my mother that Michigan University has a 2 week camp thing for 11th and 12th grade writers. They go to the university for like 3 hours a day for 2 weeks and you can even get college credit for it. Bad news: it's in Michigan, I'm in New York. Good news: Jess said she'd be glad to have me stay with them. They live like a block away from the university, Jess is an MU alumnist, and she also has season passes to the university's football games. So, if all goes well, I might be able to go next summer! I was like, "ROCK THE FUCK ON!!!" I don't know if it'll actually happen... next summer is a year away. Still, I'm hoping that Jess's offer will still be good. That would be so kick ass it's unbelievable. :-D YAY!

Hahaha!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-05T11:09:00-05:00

XBlEeDiNDrEaMX69: you fuckin nigger write in your flippin journal

I've been commanded so...

WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE

And writing... SOME MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE!!!!!

HAHA! Take that... evil wench. :-D ENJOY FUCKERS!!

TOMORROW

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-07T01:09:11-05:00

*cries* NONONONONO!! I don't wanna go back to school yet!! I guess the plus side is I get to see everyone there, but the downside is the fact that I have to make my brain function again. I am kind of looking forward to theory though... I always wanted to take it and now I get to, plus Dad is driving me to school in the morning and Mom is coming home early *FOR ONCE* to be with us all. :-D Still, the bad side remains... NO MORE SLEEPING TILL 2!! *cries uncontrollably* Watch though... I'll be pretty damn thankful that school starts again because that means I won't have to clean all the time, though homework and projects and book reports will make up for that and then some...
I was talking to Aubrey today about Brandon and she sent me a conversation they had last night... I must say, I thought Brandon knew when shit wasn't funny and when it was but he was being brutal. :-/ I don't know what to think of him anymore... I said one thing to him last night at like midnight and he flipped out, then wouldn't talked to me because I assumed he'd take it as a joke and shit like that. I was like, "Well, if stupid shit like that bothers you so damn much, why don't you give me a list and then I'll never hurt your royal feelings again." He remained rather silent after that, then left. Serves him right... he was in a piss-ass mood last night and it wasn't funny.
I guess I'm off for now... I might start to write more as school begins. All depends on my demeanor when I get home and things like that. There will be more to talk about when I get around people and all the teen drama again. There's no doubt about that...

First day back!!! GLEE!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-08T04:09:11-05:00

Awesome day today. :-D Even though I didn't want to go back, I came to my senses late last night. I hardly slept. :-P I had a blast... 1st period sucks but 2nd is cool. Chorus. 3rd I had lab and it was a fucking hoot. We were joking about what to do if the room caught on fire... Mr. C told us that we could only use the fire extinguisher if the room had become a blazing inferno and Sam's reply to that was, "Screw that! I'll be out the door!" It was so hilarious. 4th sucked... a stupid ass study hall with a bunch of evil, obnoxious preps. I think I'm going to talk to Mrs. Dickerson and see if there's a business class 4th period. I don't do anything in SH anyway. I just sit there and write gay shit. 5th was fun but I felt stupid... theory is going to be fucking HARD. I talked to Mr. K about it and he said not to worry, it would be easy and I could do it no prob. I sure as hell hope he's right...
6th period I had lunch... I sat with Marlaina, Rachel, Madeline, Crystal, and then Kelly and a few others were down the table a bit farther. We had fun bitching about our classes, Rachel and I. :-P New development: Carrie is in some of our classes, like global. In my case, she's in like 5 of mine. :-/ I'm kind of worried about earth science... she sits right next to me and I don't want her thinking she can use my paper as a fuckin' cheat sheet. I'll inform her of that tomorrow. 7th period was fucking awesome... Rachel and I have global together again and Mr. Schea actually considered sitting us next to each other. I was in shock. Last year he bitched a lot because we talked, but we promised to be quiet this year. I'm actually going to try and do my best. I'm sick of being second rate.
8th period was math. That fucking sucked... we're in a tiny fucking classroom with a 25 person class. We were so squished... I hated every minute of it. I did feel rather happy though because we had the last 15 minutes of class free and I worked a little on my story. Nicole, Brittney, and Danielle kind of peeked over my shoulder and asked what I was doing... I told them and then the conversation shifted to how they thought I was a good writer and they were amazed that I got published. Only 3 chapters but that's more than a lot of people can say. I'm very proud of my story, though I'm beginning to feel it's a lost cause. My plotline is going nowhere...
9th period I thought I would have alone but I actually don't. Madeline has english with me and we're partners for our first composition... classmate interviews. Madeline's cool. She's really nice; I like her a lot. I didn't really talk to her much this year but now we have english so I'm hoping we'll talk more. Now I'm coming to the best part of the day:
The bus ride home.
Our buses got all switched around because the school made up new routes, so I've got a different driver now. We were kind of cramped in the bus and people took my seat, so Rachel and I ended up sitting in the back with Doug and Nick. Me with Doug, Rae with Nick. My fucking God... we had a blast. It was great. They were being total assholes, true, but not to us. I was surprised because I thought Doug hated me and we actually got to talking before I left. We talked about Sheets a little (they've been causing problems with my dad, trying to get him fired) and about Harrises. My dad came home the other day and found garbage flung all over our yard. Among the rubbish was a receipt from Wal-Mart signed by Tina Harris. Dad was pissed beyond belief; he called the cops and everything but one the deputies got here he changed his mind and decided not to be so harsh this time. Still, if they do it again, he's going to throw a fucking fit and I don't blame him. You have no idea how hard my family works to make our property look nice and then some dirtbag asshole like them goes and fucks up our hard work. >:O It even pisses me off. Ahh, I guess I can't really do anything until they do it again.
Well, that was my day. Rather interesting and fun, but I'm glad I'm home. I have a massive headache from all the yelling I heard and did. Still, it was fun and completely worth it. It's kind of nice being back. :-)

^.^ Wheeeeee! Still, no whee for some of us...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-08T09:09:16-05:00

*sigh* Aubrey's pissed at her mom... she usually is. She won't tell me why because she think she'll explode and freak out if she does. I guess she's gonna tell me tomorrow because there's no way I'm sticking around... I want to go to bed. I've had a long day and I'll be coming to the end of my rope shortly. That is, if I don't crash now and quit while I'm ahead. As soon as I finish writing this, I'll be headed off to Dreamland...
There's a concert I'm going to this Saturday... a friend of mine is playing in it. He's the drummer of the band. It's a little gig down at the firehall; the band is doing a rememberance thing for those who died on 9-11. I think it's pretty cool they care... most people don't, believe it or not. Anyway, it should be fun. ***FOR EVERYONE WHO GOES TO ACS*** --STEAL's concert will be at the Cameron Firehall on Saturday, Sept. 11th, from 7-9 p.m. The concert's free... just come to listen to some music, chill with your friends, and have a moment to remember those who died on 9-11. YOU ALL BETTER COME!!--
We're all looking forward to the concert... everyone was handing our fliers today and I'm going to try to get Rachel to run off a few more so I can hand them out. We're doing all we can to get people there. It'll be awesome... the only people I know of that aren't coming are Matt (he's got to go watch his uncle at the races) and Nessa (she has some family thing this weekend that she can't get out of). :-D I can't wait. I told Mom that there was no way in Hell that I was working this weekend. :-D She doesn't want to either.
Well, that's all for now... I can barely keep my eyes open. I think God is trying to send me a little message here...

Rain day, if you will...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-09T03:09:12-05:00

Today we had kind of a rain day... can't call it a snow day because there's no snow. I could hardly believe it... second day of school and already it's cancelled. :-) Not that I'm arguing. Everything was really messed up... all it did yesterday and last night was rain, non-stop. That's no exaggeration. The school almost met disaster because the river was up level witht he top of the dike, but it started receeding because it stopped raining. If the rain had continued, no doubt the school would have been trashed. Good thing my locker's upstairs. :-P I guess, if I'm going to tell about today's events, I should start from the beginning...
I woke up around 5:45 this morning but I didn't want to get up yet. I turned off my alarm clock and rolled over to go back to sleep, listening to the rain that was still falling outside. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just layed there, waiting for Mom to get out of the shower. Then my fan died and so did the AC and my clock flickered out. I got up and talked to Mom through the bathroom door as the power came on and died a few more times before finally deciding not to come back on. So I messed around and had breakfast and shit until about 6:30, 6:40 when I went to get dressed. I was washing up, trying to do the best I could with a jug of water (I have my own well and an electric pump) when Aubrey called. We also had a little radio on and right when she called, the radio guys said Addison was closed.
I rejoiced a bit, then Mom and I went for a drive around the valley, seeing how she couldn't get to work because the road was blocked. We went around and found some devestation until we came to yet another blockage. Thanks to that, I'm kind of trapped in Cameron Mills as far as the main roads go. The hill roads aren't too shabby, or so I'm told. Not around here, anyway. So the family and I sat around for a bit before Dad went to change his tire (his was flat and no air compressor, so he had to put on the spare) and then Mom and Dad left (Mom found a way around the hills to get to work). I've been home alone ever since, being regaled with stories from Addison.
Report from Addison so far: the river was up to the top of the dike and almost took out the school but now it is receeding; the river was two feet from the bottom of the bridge but is receeding; the Freeman Bridge is completely gone; 417 east out of Addison was flooded badly but the water is receeding; Addison was closed to all outside traffic and was in a state of emergency, but now traffic is being let through. That's all I've gotten so far... there is talk of no school tomorrow either but I'm not going to get my hopes up. Only way it'll be cancelled again is if it rains all night tonight.
Repot from other areas: Chapel Road is completely washed away; the crossing of Route 21 and the Swale is washed out; CountyRoute 119 is blocked just past the Naars road and just before Chambers road; Route 74 between Howard and Hornell is blocked and flooded; the Campbell Creek Road is flooded and washed out in areas.
I might update as I hear new things... once Dad gets home I'll have more info about the Cameron/Cameron Mills area. He is the mailman after all... he will have been on all the available roads and will have seen where there is some pretty bad blockages and washouts. Maybe he'll take me for a drive when he gets here...<(^.^<) <(^.^)> (>^.^)>
**It's fun listening to a scanner... you never know when an engineer or a fireman might make a total ass out of himself by raving about Crawfords coffee <( ' . ' )> <(^.^)>

Just got back from 'sightseeing'... oh how I love natural disasters!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-09T07:09:33-05:00

Dad and I did a little "sightseeing" through the valley. We had to go up on the hill to get his tires changed so we came home a different way and ended up halfway to Canisteo. We worked our way home from there, marvelling at the water and such. Once we got home, I ran in and told Mom to give us another half hour, then jumped back in the car and Dad and I went to Addison. We did some more ooing and ahhing when we saw how close the river water is the to bridges, then turned around and came home once we went across the Main Street Bridge in Addo. Natural disasters can be so fun, so long as no houses get flooded. Only one house got flooded in Rathbone, and no one was living there (I think) so not too much of a biggie. In fact, the water didn't even touch the house... just the garage.
Everyone's hoping we'll have tomorrow off. I went down to the store and even Angie told me to cross my fingers. :-P Perhaps, but I'm not counting on it. 119 is fine besides a little water running across it in some spots. The real problem will be with the hills and dirt roads. Other than that, everything is pretty accesible. We'll probably have school unless we get a downpour in the middle of the night. That's pretty damn unlikely. All it will do is sprinkle. Still, if not all the students can be gotten to, we may have the day off again. I must say, it's a great start to the new school year. :-D This winter is going to be just LOVELY! Hehe... but I don't want to use up Spring Break or anything on snow days. :-/ That's the only downside to it. Then again... muddy and rainy vs. snowy and pretty. I think I'd go with #2. It's not like I go anywhere on Spring Break anyway...

Just some things about today

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-10T04:09:24-05:00

The river crested last night at 15.8 feet... almost 1 1/2 fathoms. I found that pretty impressive, but it did rain 24 hours straight the day before. :-P It's down a lot though... I don't know how high it is now but it has receeded quite a bit. Almost all the water in the fields from here to Addison is gone... there are still a few places where there are little pools of it but that's it.
Something's going on with Aubrey, though I don't know what. She's been very reluctant to tell me anything lately. Brandon was worried about her and asked me to get some info but she remained vague. Aubrey's good at being vague. :-P I'm worried something bad has happened/is happening. She won't say anything and hasn't talked to anyone about herself in a while. The biggest conversation I had with her lately was about Joe and how she wanted to beat the shit out of him. That's understandable... he was a huge scumbag and a bastard to her. I tried talking to her 9th period today but everyone was loud at the assembly and I only caught a few words, not to mention all the teachers were running around the auditorium, screaming for us to shut up. They usually do. <(^.^)>
I hear Brandon's been having a shitty/stressful life lately. This thing with Aubrey just worries him even more... it worries me too. She normally talks to me; she knows she can. We can't figure it out and he's really worried about her and shit. If she was online I'd try to break the silent cover and find out what's wrong. Still, I doubt she'd tell me. Once she has her mind set to do something, she'll do it come Hell or high water and NO ONE will stop her. I thought maybe the reason she's keeping things from us is she doesn't want everyone to find out, but that makes no logical sense. Aubrey has neevr cared what other people think of her. She has that kind of an attitude. It's very hard for me to believe that she's being quiet because she's worried about social scrutiny. Normally, she could care less. Then again, she might be drifting out of her "normal" stage and into something else...
I guess all I can do is wait and talk to her later. Maybe then she'll tell me... we'll see. I've got to get to bed tonight... work tomorrow. Yippee. <(' . ')> At least I'm getting paid. Tomorrow night's the concert... I can hardly wait. :-D Craig said the band has gotten near 60 people to come, maybe more. That's awesome considering they're a small town band. I know they're good... I listened to them for a while last March when they played all day on the quad. March Madness... it was awesome. They kicked total ass. They had this gathering of people like you couldn't believe... it was cool. <(^.^)> I guess I'd better be off now... I'm sure there's something to do around here. There usually is.

Great... just fucking great... prepare, people. This is another bitching entry!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-11T03:09:32-05:00

>:| I just got a lecture from Dad because I was on the computer. I've been on here 10 WHOLE MINUTES. He's screaming, telling me all this shit I have to do today when I was the one who helped give the dog a flea bath. Did he help? NO! >:| Sometimes he irks me so...
Aubrey's M.I.A. Brandon is worried again because she promised to be home by 2 and he's supposed to go to her house tonight so he can go to the concert. He called to make sure he was still going and no one was home. *shrugs* I don't know... Aubrey's been strange lately. Pnce again, I just hope she's alright.
The concert is going to be awesome tonight. <(^.^)> Craig is really psyched about playing and I'm psyched about going. Nessa just called and told me she'd be there tonight. She wasn't going to come but she swtiched shit around so she could. Joy! Another person! It's going to be awesome... a nifty tribute.
Mom, Dad, and I were all thinking about where we were when September 11th happened. I was in school, Mom was at work, Dad was sorting mail. Dad heard it on the radio, some guy Mom was on the phone with told her, and I watched it on the TV 5th period. I remember that day perfectly... I also remembered that I held everything in all day, then came home and cried. Then I turned on the radio and cried some more and prayed for the rest of the night. I think that was the hardest I've ever prayed in my life, besides the time the Columbia exploded. <:-( It was a sad day indeed... I still cry when I think about it...
The Little League fields were detroyed by the flood. The Post had pictures in it of flooded places all over Addison and Woodhull. It's kind of depressing... they had a picture of this guy's house that was flooded on the first floor. Makes me happy that I live at a high elevation.
I've got to be going... if I don't go out and mow I won't be able to go to the concert tonight. <:-/ Perhaps I'll write later. Depends on my mood.

Good day today, awesome night last night!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-12T10:09:47-05:00

Wow... this weekend has been awesome. <(^.^)> Last night was the concert and it FLIPPIN' ROCKED!! Craig had a drum solo and he did awesome and Jake utterly amazed me with how fast his fingers move when he does riffs. I was really surprised. I knew he was good but not extraordinary. :-P Another thing it I haven't headbanged in FOREVER and I did for like an hour last night... only problem is not my neck is so stiff and sore I can hardly move it. <(^.^)> Still, I had a ton of fun. Everyone liked the band, but not the vocals... Mickey kinda sucked and you couldn't really hear what they were saying. *shrugs* We weren't there for the vocals... just the music.
Aubrey had told her parents to pick her up at 10 so her, Brandon, and Tracy came to my house for like an hour. 'Twas fun... I think Mom got a little freaked out by Brandon but that's cool. :-P I freak Mom out so yeah. And I'm not even that hardcore. I just get loopy when I'm hyper. Anyway, we had chocolate and popcorn so we got all happy and shit and it was just hilarious. Then Brandon showed us this thing on the computer that was off dwarfinator.com... it was a few flashes called Edbert and Otis... really badly made but hilarious nonetheless. :-P
Today was fun... Dad decided he wanted to train watching again so he and Jim took off around 2 or so. Mom and I sat around and watched TV for a bit, then I took a shower and we headed out. She took me to Applebee's for dinner, then we went to Wal-Mart to pick up some stuff and finally to Wegman's to get my hair color. I wanted to color it for picture day tomorrow... I didn't want just regular hair. Now it has copper highlights. :-D It looks cool... it's A LOT lighter than it used to be, but I like it. Maybe I'll put a picture in here soon... depends on when I feel like taking it.
I guess that's all for tonight... I'm off to bed. Gotta get all rested up for tomorrow! Sybil -- there... I wrote and told about the concert. HAPPY!?!?!? :-P I may write tomorrow... depends on if anything of excitement happens.

ERRRRRRR! THIS SMARTS!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-14T06:09:52-05:00

Wow... Mom and I were making pizza and I burnt myself when I went to take stuff out of the oven... hot stuff. Now I have a small but massively painful burn on my hand and it STINGS! >:O
In other news... nothing happened today. Got out of gym because it's the first day, but I'll have to run the mile soon. I'm dreading that. I can't run the mile... I thought about skipping school but I don't want to this early in the year. <:-/ I'm doomed...
THIS THING FUCKING SMARTS!
I guess I'm off... dinnertime. <(^.^)> PIZZA! Homemade. JOI!

MindSayBot Update

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-14T08:09:41-05:00

Craig's acting strange... it's like ever since STEAL got going really well, he thinks he's the shit now. He's arrogant and fucking bitchy sometimes... not himself. :-/ I don't know... maybe I'm just imagining things. If anyone else has noticed a change in him, leave a reply or IM me on AIM at Shadowmaster762. He's been so strange. Not at all Craig-like...
That's about all... just something stupid. I'm off to bed now. G'night.

Feeling happily insane...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-18T06:09:16-05:00

I feel like I'm going insane but I'm rather happy. Insanity doesn't bother me anymore... it never really has. I re-did my blog and I love the header pic. Just another pictures to convey my feelings of complete weirdness tonight... I've got an awesome pic to put in here, then I'm out.
By the way, if anyone here knows how to put images in your blog text now that v3 is running, reply and tell me. PLEASE!
Red Man Walking Pic: http://www.redmanwalking.co.uk/

I LOVE THIS! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-20T10:09:38-05:00

20 Reasons to Vote FOR John Kerry
I'm beginning to feel sorry for most "supporters" of John Kerry. No matter how many times they're asked why anyone should vote for him, they never seem to have an answer except "he's not Bush." I'm not speaking of the far-far-looney Left, for whom that answer is enough; I'm referring to moderate Democrats who want to support Kerry out of party loyalty, but can't quite convince themselves of his suitability for office. Whatever a Kerry supporter's pet issue is, he or she never seems able to give a solid reason why Kerry would deal with it better than Bush would, and give details about precisely how. All they can do it complain about President Bush. Even those who support Kerry's plan for socialised medicine (the same system which is falling apart in Canada) can't explain how it would be paid for. Raising taxes on those making over $200,000 a year would generate less than $250 billion over ten years, which would only cover a portion of the estimated $1 trillion cost. (They also can't explain why Kerry the health-care crusader doesn't seem to have introduced any legislation concerning his best issue at any point during his 20-year Senate career.) In any case, Kerry supporters seem to need help. Well, help is on the way! If you're looking for a reason to actually support Kerry, instead of joining up with the anti-Bush, anti-military, anti-industry, anti-capitalism, anti-Israel, anti-America crowd typified by Michael Moore, the Hollywood Left, and sign-waving protesters in the streets, then here are twenty reasons for you to consider as your reason to vote for John Kerry.

20. Israel's security fence really is both a "legitimate act of self defense" and a "barrier to peace," and at the same time.
19. In fact, no matter what you believe about any issue, Kerry's on your side 50% of the time. Unfortunately, if there are three sides to an issue, he's only with you 33%.
18. Anyone who had the foresight to bring his own Super 8 movie camera to Vietnam to shoot campaign commercials for when he got back home is okay by you.
17. Kerry should be President because, as he said, he was born in the "west wing" of a hospital. This has nothing to do with all the other people ever born in the west wings of all the hospitals in the world, however.
16. You believe that Saddam was a threat with nuclear weapons. After all, John Kerry himself said, "If you don't believe ... Saddam Hussein is a threat with nuclear weapons, then you shouldn't vote for me." Of course, that would make the liberation of Iraq the right thing to do then, wouldn't it? Maybe you'd better skip this one.
15. He and John Edwards have "better hair." Aren't you glad Don King isn't running?
14. The company you work for doesn't pay enough taxes. If they did, they wouldn't have money in the budget to waste on you.
13. Europe wants him to be our President, which automatically means that you should, too... if you want to be popular when you visit your family in France, that is.
12. Kerry was in Vietnam for a few months 35 years ago, and he still remembers how to curse like a sailor!
11. Kim Jong Il prefers him, Iranian mullahs and other unnamed foreign leaders would certainly prefer him, and the CPUSA (US Communist Party) prefers him. You don't want them mad at you, do you?
10. He owns American-made SUVs... no, no, wait, his FAMILY does. Sorry.
9. He was in Vietnam for a few months 35 years ago -- did you know that? He was in Cambodia, too. The memory of his secret mission on Christmas Day 1968 was seared -- seared -- in him. Or maybe it was some other time, or some other place, or some other guy. But he has a hat to prove it... whatever it is.
8. John Kerry said that he believes we "need to build multilateral support for whatever course of action we ultimately would take." America should never act on its own, like other countries do.
7. He was the only Vietnam veteran to be honored by both America and the North Vietnamese for his activities during the Vietnam War.
6. The best way to deal with terrorism is to wait until they hit us again. "Any attack will be met with a swift and certain response," Kerry said when he accepted the Democrat nomination.
5. After years of marrying rich women, shouldn't he finally have his own house?
4. Although he would raise your taxes, his speech explaining why would cure your insomnia.
3. You've probably already forgotten that he was in Vietnam for a few months 35 years ago.
2. As well as revealing at various times that he's Irish (but really Czech), Catholic (but really Jewish), and Liberal (but really Conservative), he will also be the second "black" President.
1. Ketchup packets with the presidential seal! How cool is that?

In another anti-liberal mood and I'm loving it!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-21T03:09:14-05:00

I just read the journal of my friend's brother and I can tell you, Chad's got the right idea about liberals and democrats and all you other filthy anti-American bastards out there who love the terrorists and want to become another spine-less nation like every country in Europe. Let me start by saying if you love Allah and the Afghans and the Iraqis so fucking much, GO LIVE THERE. YOU'RE NOT WANTED IN AMERICA, YOU LIBERAL PIECE OF SHIT. The wonderful part about all this is I haven't even BEGUN to ream you assholes out...
For all you Kerry supporters... I think you're fucking deranged. Who the hell wants this man in office? Don't you listen to his speeches? Don't you listen to what this blatent, evil, bastardly politicians says? He wants to demolish B-52 bombers. He wants to cut back recruitment. In a nutshell, this asshole wants to take away all our resources and methods of defense, leaving us open and susceptible to another terrorist attack! I know there are people with family members overseas and I know how you feel... I've had family members in wars and it sucks because you don't know if they'll ever come back. But which would you rather have? Would you rather know that a relative is overseas kicking ass for you and for millions of other Americans, or would you be content to see them come home and watch your children or grandchildren get killed in a school bombing? Honestly, people... do you want to have our own people beheaded, our schools blown up? Do you want terrorists to run rampant through our country, flying planes into buildings? If you answered yes to these questions, YOU NEED FUCKING MEDICAL HELP.
I don't understand how you people can sit around and say, "Go Kerry! Let's have government funded healthcare so my doctor won't give two shits about me! Let's get rid of all warcraft in our nation so terrorists can bomb us night and day! Let's invite people to fly planes into offices in New York! Yay Kerry!" As you can see, I am a 100% conservative republican and all you liberal democrat extremists can KISS MY ASS. You're fucked up in the head. I'd like to see what you think about pulling our troops out of Iraq if Iraqi terrorists bomb your house and kill your family. You stupid fuckers... YOU'VE GOT TO THINK AHEAD.
You know, I idolize men like President Bush and Rush Limbaugh... they've got the right idea about this country and they see that it's being run into the ground because liberals have too much freedom. I say that everyone who's a liberal should be rounded up and shot. Unfortunately in this matter, we live in America, not Nazi Germany, so I must put up with all you self-righteous, Kerry-loving pricks. If you are going to be so fucking Anti-American, why don't you leave the country and go join the terrorists you love so much? I'm sure they'd accept you right into their clan... that or castrate, mutilate, and finally execute you. I hope it's the latter...
If you'd like to see just HOW liberals are affecting everything, EVEN schools, just read the journal from the link below.
http://imamadgoat.journalspace.com/
Now, I'm onto more liberal/democrat bashing. If you don't like my political beliefs, then FUCK YOU! You're obviously a liberal, you bastard. BURN IN HELL!
Liberal Democrats are inexorably opposed to tax cuts, because tax cuts give people more power, and take away from the role of government.
- Rush Limbaugh
Will some reporter, or some Republican on the Sunday shows, please ask why tax cuts raid the non-existent Social Security Trust Fund but all the Democrats' new spending doesn't? Will someone please ask that?
- Rush Limbaugh
Am I the only one who has noticed the same people who complained that we didn't 'connect the dots' prior to 9-11, are now complaining that we connected the dots in Iraq?
- Rush Limbaugh
Enraging liberals is simply one of the more enjoyable side effects of my wisdom.
- Rush Limbaugh GO RUSH! YOU FUCKING ROCK, MAN! WOOT!

Harrumph

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-22T09:09:56-05:00

Not much today... not even liberal bashing. The only politics I've seen/discussed today was when I watched Rapid Fire at like 4 because I was bored. Then I had a session about John Kerry and my dad listened intently before I grew tired of bitching and turned on Star Trek. I'll probably be off to bed within the next half an hour and that means more Sci-Fi. That shit puts me to sleep real easy...
Not too much today... just a normal day. B asked me why I wasn't in school yesterday, not to mention everyone was haranging me about being sick. They all thought I was skipping when I wasn't. I took the first few accusations with a grain of salt but then everything began to annoy me. I hate having to defend myself more than once in one day. It's exhausting.
Only two good things came out of today: 6th period Landy, Rachel, and I went up to Keenly's and he said we have a good chance of getting the trio song in Star for Christmas. You can't even imagine how ecstatic we were. We'd each be singing a different part on a different mic at the concert, but it would be so great. I hope we make it through auditions. All three of us are going to practice our asses off and I think we can do it. Landy and Rachel are great singers and I don't think I'm half bad. I'm freaking out happy. The only time I've ever come this close was I was part of a SSSA quartet for a jazz song in 7th grade. I was the only alto and I KILLED on the song. <(^.^)> One more road is callin' me to travel...
The second instance was 7th period. Rachel and I were either hyper or on crack because we couldn't stop cracking up. I kept doing stupid shit and she kept laughing. Normally Carrie is the one who tries to be all funny and stupid, but today she was just annoying. It was weird... it's like after I talked to Keenly about the trio thing, I felt all high and mighty and superior. Better than everyone else. It was kind of nice... I like the feeling of superiority.
Now my legs are killing me for some reason or another and I'm just trying to listen to some calming/depressing shit and numb out. Course, only when you pop pills can you truly numb out...
I guess I'm off to bed. It sounds like the best place to be right about now. Warm and soft and cozy and schleepy... *snore*

Another drawl about today and it's meaningless events

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-23T03:09:42-05:00

*sigh* Another boring day in school. Went to Earth Science, talked to Carrie about having using a ouija board in my house the night before Halloween (I think my house is haunted), went to chorus and had a KILLER time (I love that class... I never want to leave it), went to gym and ran 5 consecutive laps around the gym (never done that before), went to health and sat on my ass, went to theory and listened to/talked about scales all period (musical scales, you retards), then went to lunch. After lunch came global, which was just a huge lecture about some guy named Hobbes who was a religious reformer in the 17th century, went to math and just about wanted to committ homicide because of two giggly little preps behind me, and finished the day off with English, a fire drill, and Jeff Seiger being a dick. Thus concludes my day...
I don't know... school is such a bore lately. At least tomorrow is Friday AND Homecoming. That means shortened periods for the assembly and the dance. I need to do laundry tonight if I plan on going to Aubrey's after school. Otherwise, I'll have to wear whatever I wore to school. Carrie's going over there after school and she's supposed to do my hair in cornrows. Hopefully it won't look Jewish.
As I was talking to Marlaina 8th period, we got talking about guys and I began to reminisce a bit about Aaron. I haven't talked to him in ages and to tell the truth, I kind of want to. I don't know what the deal was with me and him. Summer love, I guess. We were so different we couldn't last more than a few weeks. Hell, the first and only time we dated, it lasted 5 days. I think that pretty much stands out all hope, plus he's an anarchist and I'm not and we just don't mesh in that aspect.
That's all for now I suppose. I'd better do my fucking homework... damn teachers and their need to punish us daily to make us learn. DAMN THEM AND DAMN THE NATIONAL EDUCATION SYSTEM! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!

YAY! SCHOOL LAPTOPS ARE OFFICIALLY COOL NOW!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-24T12:09:05-05:00

<(^.^)> YAY! They messed with the school laptops so now I can access Mindsay from the library. JOI! This makes me so utterly happy. That and the fact that I've done nothing ALL effing day.
1st - answered some questions on elevation and cut stuff out
2nd - CHORUS! WOOT!
3rd - LESSONS! 2ND WOOT!
4th - health... we had a sub so I screwed around all period with Casey and Brandon.<(^_^)> They're such bums.
5th - all we did in theory is have a huge debate about the band being forced to march in the parade tomorrow and then took like 10 minutes of notes. It was grand.
6th - came to the library, then went to Keenly's and rehearsed Did You See It? all period with Rachel.
7th - I'm supposed to be reading my biography but I haven't gotten to the Dorman library yet. The school library doesn't have anything on the guy I'm doing... RUSH LIMBAUGH!
8th - yet to happen, but Howard said he was going to give us some gay quiz thing so we wouldn't have homework on homecoming.
9th - yet to happen and I doubt it'll be worth staying awake for. Normally I love English but this year... blah.
That's been my day so far. Pathetically easy. It's only 12:30 but the periods have been shortened for the assembly, which is at 1:45 and it usually lasts abou an hour. Instead of going home, though, I'm going to Aubrey's to Carrie can put cornrows in my hair. I have like nothing with me but I'm wearing Carrie's shirt to the dance along with her boots and Aubrey's going to give me some socks, seeing how I'm wearing sandals with my bare feet. The girls made me put my hair down 2nd period and it actually doesn't look half bad for not being Bed Head-ed, moussed, and hair-sprayed. It's getting flat, though, so I need to call Cheryl and get another perm, not to mention get my eyebrows waxed. Those things are turning into a jungle even I can't tame...
The period ends at 12:32 so I have about 10 minutes left to yap if I wish, but I don't think I will. I've got to make sure I remember all of my stuff tonight when I come to the dance. I'll just walk stright from school to Aubrey's with her and Carrie, then Brandon's coming down when Aubrey's dad brings him (so like 4:30-ish). It'll be fun, especially with Brandon's stupidity, Carrie's happiness, and my hyperness. :-P Aubrey will just freak us out, which is cool because she's good at that shit.
Speaking of Aubrey and Carrie, they're trying out for Star in the concert. It's an MF duet but they're going to see if Keenly would let them. Of course he's doing everything by sound, not by grade, so whoever is better will get the part, regardless of how long they've been in chorus. I'm just trying to practice Did You See It? well enough to pull of Rashid's deep tones. I can do almost all of it in my tenor voice but there are a few spots that are just too damn low for me, so I have to flip back up into my alto voice. Not too many though, so it should be cake. I love the song... I hope I get it. *prays*
I'm off for now... the period is going to end soon and I don't want to be late to math. Howard'll have my throat if I am...

Weekend Recap

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-26T02:09:47-05:00

It's already Sunday and I feel as though my weekend hasn't even begun. It sucks big time. I guess I'll do a little recap of my weekend.
FRIDAY -- Homecoming dance... it was fun but I had to deal with bitching and crying, like always. I tried to be a little compassionate about it because that's all I used to do at dances when I was like 12... cry and bitch. So yeah. I did more actual dancing than counseling this time and I even hooked a couple people up. <(^.^)> Still, I was effing SORE when I got home. Barb came home with me because neither of us had anything to do afterwards and we were bored. We came home, talked for half an hour, turned on my stereo, then fell asleep.
SATURDAY -- Barb and I woke up around 11, made french toast, then sat in front of the computer till noon. After than we got showered and dressed and Mom and I dropped her off up on Maple Street (that's where her class float was) and we went back downtown to stake out a spot for the parade. I hadn't intended on going but I'm glad I did, though I got bombarded with candy. Sam (Sickles), Ashlee, Katie, Barb, and a few other people chucked handfuls of it at me and damn... THEY THROW HARD. Then our float came by and everyone was waving and shouting to me (including Mr. A.) and Sam (Phelan) tried to shoot me with silly string. Didn't work. :-P Mr. V. told me that they'd gotten the biggest Crane's flatbed this year and they were right... the ONLY semi in the fleet. I swear, if we don't win for best float, I WILL CRY. Everyone in my class did awesome. They even had the suit of armor from the office on the back. The band rode through down in a wagon but there were only 9 people there, so they kind of sucked. They did awesome at the assembly, though, so it was fine. People were gone for XC and soccer and shit like that. After the parade, Mom and I went to Wally World, I got a game and some food, then we came home, had dinner, and I finally crashed for the remainder of the night. I ended up going to bed at midnight because I was so damn tired, but I'm sick. I blame it on that.
SUNDAY -- Got up at 10, sat on my ass and played The Sims 2 until noon, whereupon I got in the shower and got dressed. Then I came back out here and have been playing The Sims 2 until about 15 minutes ago. That game is addicting but it's so slow on my computer that it gets annoying after a bit. I'm taking a break now and in a few minutes I'm going to make MORE food with Mom. <(^.^)> WE ARE THE COOKING QUEENS! WOOT! I'll probably write tomorrow morning/afternoon at school, most likely 3rd period. I have study hall but I had no homework this weekend (with it being Homecoming and all) and I HATE the people in 3rd period minus a few.
~‡-Arrivederci-‡~

Test results

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-26T10:09:10-05:00

Take the "How Do You Use Magic?" test! Written by Brimo
find your element at mutedfaith.com.

A bit about religion and things...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-27T07:09:48-05:00

Andy and I were talking last night about Wicca and all the aspects of the religion. The more I talked to him, the more I began to realize that it really is a more suitable religion for me. Don't get me wrong, I was raised a Christian and and I still have some of the beliefs, but most of what I believe follows along Wicca, being so in depth with nature and all. Andy is really fascinated by it too and we both decided we want to convert and join a coven. Personally, I think it would be a worthwhile enterprise. It's so... appealing. There are so many things about it that I find interesting and worthwhile. Thus, we're going to talk to Sybil and Crystal (seeing how they like this stuff too) and see if they would like to join us. No missionary initiations, though, and now "hexing". We will live according to the rede: "An it harm none, do as thou will," as well as the threefold law.
In other news, Mom and Dad are keeping secrets from me again, and they're not of the good nature. More financial problems, and now Mema is involved so it makes everything worse. I love my grandmother to death, I do, but when it comes to my family's financial status, it's automatically my mom's fault. I hate that... I love Mom too and it's like no one gets the fact that they can't really bitch to me. I'm not in a good position to take sides.
I'm watching CNN and I guess Jeanne has been downgraded to a Category 3 hurricane. Makes me glad I live in snowy New York instead of the Sunshine State. As Gary said last night, "I'd rather shovel a little bit of snow than deal with hurricanes.". I feel bad for the people who have had to go through this numerous times, but my dad helps to make me feel better. He's got this thing against Bill Hemmer, so when he was on the news and a potted plant was toppled over behind him, Dad just yelled, "WELL JESUS BILL! Pick up the plant, you worthless shit!" I cracked up and my dad just grinned. He does spontaneous stuff like that, just for the helluvit. It makes life interesting around here when it would otherwise suck.
Back to the topic of Wicca: Andy is meeting me in the library 3rd period today so we can do a bit of research. Before we formally convert and everything, we want to study the culture and the history and laws, just so we're sure of what we're getting into. I've been online looking at stores that specialize in selling things like incense, candles, herbs, and other things. There's also a book list I found on this great website that has books for beginners and things like that, plus detailed descriptions of rituals and holidays. Sybil, Andy, and Carrie are supposed to come over the day before Halloween and spend the night. I think my house is haunted to Carrie is bringing her ouija board and we're going to try to see who is haunting my house if anyone is here at all.
Andy also thinks that the library at school is haunted. Apparently, he was sitting in this one section where he always sits, reading a book on the paranormal, when he started hearing things. I guess Rachel and I were both there but I didn't notice anything; only Andy heard it. Anyway, he heard a little voice in his ear numerous times and it really started freaking him out because he said he was getting really bad vibes from the area just behind him. He got right up and left. I remember that day too... I had said something to him and he just left all the sudden, like he was pissed. It had me wondering for a while but I soon forgot it when he continued to talk to me. Afterwards, he said he went to Gateway Tech and made a cross out of cardboard, then carried it with him all day, even though he's not a devout Christian. He told me it made him feel a bit safer.
We both think that we've got a bit of a gift. I remember the first time I ever touched a ouija board I could move the piece without pushing it. Ever since then I started studying the occult more closely and now I've gotten to the point where I think I can almost sense spirits or other entities that aren't visible to the naked eye. It's just vibes I get every now and then, or slight light changes that I notice. Sometimes it gives me the creeps; other times it kind of soothes me. I think there are both good and bad things in my house. I get the vibes most often when I'm home alone, when everything around the house is quiet. I get some when I have my music on but not as many as when everything is quiet and the only sound is the keys moving on the keyboard. It's rather strange, sometimes unnerving...
I think I may write later today, maybe 6th period. All depends on if I feel like leaving lunch or not. I have to be off for now, though. Bus is going to be here in 5.

That's some weird shit right there...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-27T06:09:19-05:00

You know, I find something very peculiar. Andy and I went to the library today and looked for books on witchcraft and Wicca. There was a massive pile of cards in the card catalog, but only 3 books even pertaining to the religion. I found this odd... it's like the mere existence of those books in the school library bothers the librarians. It wouldn't surprise me if they did remove them. They're both insane anyways...
Andy and I are starting to suspect there's a poltergeist in our school. Strange things keep happening. For instance, today Andy was in the library and didn't sign out until after the bell rang, but on the sign out sheet it said he left 10 minutes after he got there. I was sitting with Marlaina in the auditorium 6th period, waiting for Mr. Keenly to come back, and I started hearing things in the room. Weird thing was that Marlaina only heard it once, but I heard it numerous times. It was a clanging sound, like someone was up in the top of the auditorium, above the ceiling. The ceiling is made out of pounded tin, so it made sense that what I was hearing sounded like footsteps on metal. Thing is, there's no way into that part of the ceiling...
Maybe I'm not so crazy... maybe all the weird shit I've ever seen or experienced in my life since the ouija board has been the spirit realm calling to me. Maybe...

I hate school... however, I love hurricanes and the rain they bring

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-28T06:09:25-05:00

Yes, it's the truest thing I ever uttered: I HATE SCHOOL! But most of all, I hate my 8th and 9th period classes. 8th period because Howard has NO CONTROL over the people in there. He just lets them talk and carry on a conversation while he teaches the lesson and it's effing DISTRACTING. Especially since the two most annoying preps sit right behind Marlaina and I. You know, I like Nicole and all because she's always been decent to me, but I DO NOT like Brittany. She's an effing bitch and she's annoying. If Howard doesn't do something about it today, I'm going to ask him to move them or separate them. The problem with Mr. Howard is he cares too much about being everybody's friend. He's not there to be our friend, he's there to teach us, and he's doing a damn bad job...
Now, onto 9th period. I'm the only sophomore in a class full of juniors, but then again I am in English 11. <(^.^)> Anyway, the people in there are fine and all... I don't really talk to Clayton or Josh but Mike Herne and Kurt joke around with me, mostly Mike. He's such a douchebag. :-P Anyway, I don't really like the class because it's so effing boring. I love Mrs. Rice and all but all we do is read stuff out of the book and answer questions on a worksheet. That's really all we do all year. We read something, answer some questions, then watch the movie that goes to it. It's kind of gay, but then again it's cool because we get to watch The Crucibel. I love that movie... it's awesome.
I'm going to go and watch CNN... see what progress Ivan and Jeanne have made. I think the remnants of Ivan are upon New York now. There's an 80% chance of rain this morning, and from what I saw in the satellite, the fingers of Ivan are just touching upon where I live. This is good. I love the rain.
I may write later today, or maybe even first period, but I doubt it. As far as I know, Marlaina and I are going to go up to Keenly's and listen to the tape for Star, then practice a bit. I need to get up to par on Did You See It?. I worked out some quirks last night when Mom and Dad were gone, but it still needs work.

A few words today

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-28T04:09:26-05:00

School was gay... as usual. The only good part about it was lunch and the bus ride home. It was like a Pick-On-Brian fest. He effing flipped out too and tried to hirt Craig's little sister, but she is FAST. It was entertaining, but I felt a bit cruel afterwards. *shrugs* Ahh well, he has to toughen up a bit.
Rachel told me what she's getting me for my birthday this year. She couldn't take it and neither could I, and I found out it's a bunch of Jack Skellington stuff for my car. Then we both got talking about how sexy he is, and showing each other stuff, then we decided we're going to be Jack and Sally for Halloween. :-D I get to be Jack.
That's it for today. I might update later if anything happens.
P.S. I LOVE JACK! If anyone else loves Jack Skellington with an undying passion, leave a reply.

New developments

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-29T06:09:29-05:00

Well, there have been some new developments as of today. Rachel and Adam are dating... so are Katie and Matt. Carrie likes a guy from school (Dustin's little bro), and here I am, actually not caring. If Carrie somehow snags Casey (Dustin's brother), then that will leave me the only single one left in SCAR. You wanna know the weird part? I don't care!
The only thing that bothers me is I'm starting to tire of the single life again. Sometimes it's this wonderful, beautiful thing of freedom, and at other times it sucks major ass, but when I see Rachel and Adam or Aubrey and Brandon, my heart doesn't ache. I just see them as a cute couple. They don't make me wish for a guy of my own, and this is weird because normally, they would.
I've discovered that lately, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I've been wearing what I want to school and having a blast, not giving a shit if I look beautiful or not. Not caring is a freedom I've never tasted before, but now that I've experienced the wonder of it, I don't want it to go away. I think I'm finally becoming the person I want to be, the person who isn't depressed and who doesn't give a shit about what people think of her and who (amazingly enough) doesn't suffer from heartache when he friends talk to her about their guys. Yeah, once in a while I wish for it, but I'm not going to break down and cry if no one comes along this year and says, "Hey, wanna date?"
Homecoming was fun... I went to the parade and stuff. I think I wrote about Saturday and the dance on Friday... yeah, I did. Sam was having problems and instead of being a super bitch like normal, I tried to comfort her a little bit. I let her cry on my shoulder and I guess that's what she needed. Sometimes you just need to cry and get everything out at once. I know that I usually feel better after I bawl a bit. :-P Probably not the most adult way to deal with something but hey, if it works...
Aubrey was talking to me in 2nd period and she told me that lately, she's noticed she's been a lot happier. She's been hyper and not all deep and dark. Just a happy, insane medium. She believes it's because of Brandon and to tell the truth, I do too. When she was dating Joe, all she did was cry about him and be depressed about him not caring. Now she's finally got someone who cares for her, who gives her the attention she needs, and she's acting almost normal. (Well, a really hyper, insane normal.) I'm glad to see that she's changed from 7th and 8th and even 9th grade. She's not so dark anymore, and even though it's a change, it's a good one. Brandon brings out the best in her.
Rachel and Adam just started dating again today. Rachel thinks she can finally make everything work and she won't end up dumping Adam because of "stress". That was her reasoning last time, and I told her it was bullshit. She just wanted Matt and when she was with Adam, she realized it more. Now she has stopped liking Matt completely and feels she and Adam can finally move forward. This is good because she's been at this little "pit stop" for almost a year now. I'm glad she's finally gotten over Mr. Hatch. It was beginning to get old...
Speaking of Matt, the most unlikely thing happened today. He and Katie started dating 2nd period, in chorus. I don't know why they're dating. As far as I knew, Katie liked Nathan and Matt was through with her because she was "clingy". I guess I made a few wrong assumptions. Either that or their feelings for each other changed REAL DAMN FAST 'cause Katie didn't want to date him last night. No offense to either of them, but I kind of think there is an underlying reason for their relationship they don't even know about: I think they're both doing it just for the helluvit. Just for the sake of having the title of "taken" or something. I really don't understand them...
Carrie's like in love with Casey. She wants him really bad but I doubt she'll get him. I think she only likes him for his looks anyway. I don't think they'd ever end up together. If Casey's anything like Dustin, he's rather shallow in the female department and don't get me wrong, I love Carrie and she is pretty and all, but I don't think she'd measure up to her boy's standards.
That's all that's going on here in Addison. Stupid shit, like normal, and of course it has everything to do with drama and "teen romance". Sometimes it really sickens me, other times it entertains me. Now, since it's not harming me or anyone else, it's a bit entertaining, but I don't doubt that it'll get annoying and old really soon...

Postmarked: Hell

rampagethruny2 — 2004-09-30T12:09:42-05:00

Here I am again, suffering through another day at Hell. I guess the day has been alright. Not great, but not horrible. 1st period Mr. Howe got really pissed at me and Carrie, seeing how we never really pay attention and we always talk. What does he expect? Maybe if he did something exciting every no and then, spiced up the lesson a bit, we would care. I want to do well this year and I swore to myself I would try not too screw around, but when teachers do nothing but lecture, I find I could care less if I learn or not. Learning is supposed be fun. It's not at Addison. It's just effing gay and ANNOYING AS ALL HELL. Especially with Mr. Howard...
Rachel jus showed up from lunch... I guess she forgot her ID card, plus she has English to do and it's quiet in th library. I love it here. It's always so silent and serene... my sanctuary. I always swore to myself that I'd never be one of those kids who was hated by everyone and went to the library all the time. Well, I only kept half the promise, and the other half I didn't keep I love, so fuck it.
I guess I'm off for now... I need to find a biography for global. I finally decided who I'm going to do the report about: J.R.R. Tolkien. I can't believe I forgot about him the first million times I tried to think of people to do. Makes me ashamed... I, who claimed to be his number one fan, forgot! *cries* What am I coming to?

Here I am again... at least it's Friday, right?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-01T09:10:43-05:00

Another day in Hell. At least it's Friday and I have 3rd period study hall instead of gym or lab. Gym doesn't really bother me too much anymore, so long as I bring extra socks. We're playing football with Mr. B. and naturally, we have to go outside, and my feet get wet. As long as I bring extra socks, I'm fine. I love football, especially touch football. I made an interception Tuesday and yesterday I actually caught the ball. It really surprised me that I didn't fumble. I normally do. Perhaps I'm getting better...
Last period was fun: chorus. I love to sing, except now my throat hurts because I was really pushing to be loud. Rachel's sick and can't sing very well so I'm trying to make up for her volume. I think I learned today that I won't be able to do that much more. Otherwise, I'm in danger of losing my voice. That would suck, seeing how I love to talk and sing. :-P
Sam was out for 3 days with a really bad cold and 2 ear infections in one ear. Aubrey, Landy, and I have all been here for the entire week. We're the only ones too. Carrie is out again today. She's just skipping... she was talking about going home yesterday just because she hates school, but she needed to go to chorus make-ups last night and was thus forced to stay. *shrugs* I'm kind of hoping that she'll do that enough to the point where she won't be in the concert. She sucks and she talks too much in rehearsal. Yeah, I talk, but I try not to talk in chorus unles it's about music. She distracts me in Earth Science too... that's getting annoying.
I guess I'm off to play Runescape of go to Arcade Town for the period... I'm super bored and I really don't have anything else to say that's of great importance. Oh! Yes I do!
Dance tonight. Senior dance. Weird thing is everyone's been asking me if I'm going, and when I say I don't know if I will, I get yelled at and told that I need to go. Yeah, maybe it would be fun to go and dance and chill with my friends, but I kind of don't want to. Besides, I've got to go to work tomorrow and that involves me getting up at like 6... again. Harrumph. Work...
Another thing, and this is the last, is that STEAL is having a concert here (at the school) on the 22nd of this month. Student Council came to them and ASKED them to play. I thought that was frikkin' nifty. It's $7 to go though, but I plan on being there. It's kind of cool to consider Craig's the drummer and I'm friends with him. :-P He loves having groupies. Absolutely adores the admiration he gets from them. He's such a psycho, but you gotta love him!

Harrumph... back to Hell

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-04T10:10:10-05:00

Here I am, back in Hell again. I got bitched at by Ms. Miller on Friday because I was talking in the No Talking section of the library. You'd think it was a crime to have vocal cords the way she was acting. She yelled at me numerous times for talking here, but I only did once. After the first time I shut up, but she kept going, "Stephanie! Don't you understand English?" or "Stephanie! Didn't you listen the first time?" It got tedious having to go, "I wasn't talking, Ms. Miller. I swear." Blech. Adults can be so dense...
Last period was rather fun... chorus, naturally, but I was cracking up because of a story Carrie told me 1st period (which reminds me, Mr. Howe told us we need to shut up or he's going to move us... I kept making fun of him in my journal/notebook. 'Twas funnae...). She told me how over the weekend, her brother David threw a porcelain bowl at her head. (Mind you, I don't say this to be mean, but David is mentally retarded. I feel kind of bad for him.) Anyway, Carrie told him she was going to stab him in the head while he was sleeping. So, being the brilliant yet evil person she is, Carrie crept into his room in the middle of the night and put knife on her brother's side table along with a note that said, "Love, Carrie." Apparently, he woke up and tweaked out. This sent me into a fit of laughter that lasted through the end of 1st period, through class changes, and almost to the end of 2nd. Everytime I looked at Carrie, I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it...
When the bell rang, Adam came to Rachel on the stage and told us about how he got kicked out of the library... also for talking in the No Talking section. I find this funny... it's like if you cross the threshold into the sacred land of the library, Ms. Miller and Mrs. Gotshall shall rule your soul until you cross the threshold again and return to normalcy. Mrs. Gotshall is all right... she's always been nice to me, but Ms. Miller... man, she is freakin' scary. Literally. It's like any moment I expect her to whip around and scream, "NO TALKING!" while chucking books at me. *snicker* That projects a funny mental picture...
It's rather nice out today... crisp and cold, but sunny nonetheless. The sky is almost cloudless, but not quite. Just those few white, puffy clouds you normally see on an almost clear day. Still, the meteorology reports indicate that there is supposed to be rain this afternoon. Alas, this beautiful day shall fall into mud again.
I've been reading my horoscope everyday and it keeps telling me that there's an old friend I should take an interest in or call up. It's been saying virtually the same thing for almost a week now. What I'm trying to figure out is what are the heavens trying to tell me, if anything? It's kind of creepy...
In other news, my phone was out all weekend. I guess the grid I'm on shorted out, and of course the phone company (or any other company in America) doesn't like to pay their workers overtime, so we were told it would be fixed by 4 p.m. today. If it's not fixed by 5, I am going to walk to Crawfords, call them up, and BITCH THEM OUT. I was really pissed because no one could get through to me all weekend. It doesn't bother me too much if I can't get online. I don't live for the internet; but what did piss me off was that Aubrey was trying to get a hold of me ALL WEEKEND (mind you, it was only to tell me she got a runite 2-hand) and she couldn't. *shrugs* Well, at least I had something to do all weekend... Saturday Sam was over for most of the day, and Sunday Mom and I cleaned the house and decorated for Halloween. <(^.^)> It looks sweet...
That's it for now. Only 15 minutes left in the period... perhaps I should do something constructive like play Runescape. Speaking of which, I have to talk to Aubrey and see if I'm ever going to get my mithril armor back. I highly doubt it... *smacks head* IDIOT!

DAMN THE SCHOOL LAPTOPS!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-06T07:10:57-05:00

Ok, now I hate the school laptops. Their batteries are pieces of shit and they die after 3 periods of being used. I was pissed because I wanted to write today 6th period and I COULDN'T. Blech.
I have copied Matt and have started a list. Everyone who pisses me off goes on the list and I get to devise their form of death that most pleases me. It's a way for me to vent.
That's all tonight, except that I'm really happy. I love being happy and not depressed... it's refreshing. Oh so wonderful...

I FUCKING HATE THIS! I FUCKING HATE IT!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-06T08:10:42-05:00

You know what? TO HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE! This is getting to be utter bullshit and it's just pissing me off the more I think about it...
Something's wrong with Landy... again... inexplicably. She's got problems again and she's doing everything BACKWARDS. You know that little saying, Reap what you sow? THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO! She refuses to talk to anyone about her problems or let us help, but we have to put up with her when she's pissed off or depressed or stupid shit like that. I have to deal with her being a bitch when I sit next to her in chorus. She can't deal with shit, so she takes it out on her friends. It's BULL. I used to do it but I don't anymore. She needs to understand, just like I did, that if you choose not to talk about it, you need to keep your emotions confined. If you don't want to talk, then don't bitch. If you want help, bitch away, but otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I'm so sick of caring... I hate being the person who cares about other people. It's exhausting. I know this is callous but it's so fucking annoying and troublesome. It's not worth it anymore! I don't care what Landy does so long as she doesn't dump on me; I don't care how depressed Sam is so long as she doesn't sit there and cry on my shoulder and make me depressed at a dance; I don't care what bullshit thing is going on with Aubrey and Brandon so long as she talks; I don't care what's going on with Matt and Rachel so long as they shut the fuck up. I'm through! No one gives a flying fuck about my problems, so why should I care about theirs? I hate having this kind of life. I have feeling like I need to babysit everyone because they can hardly take care of themselves. I FUCKING HATE IT!
If you people want to bitch, I'm going to do the same thing you all did to me last Christmas: fuck you. If you're going to dump on me, I'm just going to unload it right back onto you. I have my own life and my own problems to deal with. I don't need yours too! I'm sick of being your fucking psychologist that you guys shit on when you're pissed off. I'm sick of having to counsel people just because they feel bad. I don't care about your fucking problems and I don't want to hear about it. If you decide that you're not going to tell anyone what's going on in your life, then deal with it on your own, but don't drag me into your fucking dramatic lives.
I HATE ALL THIS DRAMA! I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, PEOPLE, CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMNED LIVES!?!?!?!?

Phantom of the Opera last period... a real treat

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-08T12:10:20-05:00

Last period Mr. Keenly was discussing nontraditional chords and melodies with us, then proceeded to explain how the Phantom of the Opera is comprised of nontraditional melodies. This made me love Andrew Lloyd Weber even more than I already do, and also admire him more. It's hard to write and play these melodies, but even harder to stil with them seeing how our natural intonation makes us want to kill off the notes that makes everything unique. It's like the Establishment has been burned into our minds, making us think that only "church music" with traditional chords and melodies is on pitch. They have brainwashed us!
I left my pencil at home and can't seem to find another one, so now I'm super pissed. I wanted to come to the library and compose this period, but with no pencil and no staff paper, I'm literally fucked. I sat at home last night with nothing to do, so I took my last sheet of staff paper and my pencil and went to the piano. I'm trying to compose a piece of Halloween music in A flat minor. I only have four measures but so far, it's awesome. I plan on going home, getting on AIM, then putting up my away message and composing some more. It's so weird when I write music... it's like when I write my stories. I feel this freedom coming from my soul and all the things I've had hammerd into my brain, all the things that make me wish I were home and asleep, suddenly don't matter to me anymore. I can find inspiration anywhere. I just want to compose so badly and my music is at home and I have no pencil... BLECH! Good thing I have lessons next period. That is the only thing left that will save me from this bleak world of silence.
Tomorrow is the drama trip to Mamma Mia!. I can't wait. It'll be fun, plus Carrie and Rachel and Landy will be there, along with Barb and Sybil and Andy and Matt and umerous others. We're all bringing food, so I doubt we'll be hungry. Mrs. Rice advised us to bring food and money so that we can stop at McDonald's after the show and get a bite. Sounds good to me. I'll have to mooch like $30 off Mom. If I like the play, I want a souvenir. I wish I'd gotten something from Hairspray. I can't believe it's been nearly a year since we went...
Landy wants me to spend the night at her house tonight, then walk with her to the school in the morning. If I do that, I won't be home until Sunday, seeing how I'm going to Barb's right after the play. I don't know if I will go to Landy's. I want to, but then again I don't. Then, when I get back from Barb's, I have to shower immediately and wait for Matt to call me because Rachel, Kasey, him, and I are going to be at his dad's house on Sunday. We're going to drive the EFCMC around his field. I WANT TO SO BAD! I love the EFCMC! <(^.^)> It kind of put me out about Kasey, though. She's never had any memories in the EFCMC, so I think it's kind of pointless she come. I don't mind her being there, but I don't see the reasoning behind it. Rachel, Matt, and I all have a bond to the car. She doesn't...
Something's up with Landy and I can't figure out what. Aubrey pulled me aside between 3rd and 4th period and told me Landy was pissed and not to bug her. About half an hour before that, Landy had told me she was having trouble sleeping because of nightmares, and I know that the nightmares are caused by problems at home. She's had a hard life, Landy has. I honestly do pity her sometimes, and when I think about what she's had to deal with, it makes me appreciate what I've got, even if Dad does get upset over a cheeseburger.
That's it for now. I think I'm going to see if I can get on Pogo, but if now I have some things to print out for a school report. The report's on Tolkien. <(^.^)> My favorite man. I love him! Pity he's dead...

Harrumph...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-10T10:10:41-05:00

I got screwed out of going to Matt's and driving the EFCMC because someone is still a child and acts like a 2-year-old when she has to leave somewhere early. Isn't it just too damn bad that sometimes, we don't always get what we want.

Somebody's got something stuck way up their ass...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-12T02:10:08-05:00

Mann... Ms. Miller is one bitchy librarian. She yells at people for using the laptops to play games. Next thing you know, she'll be riding my ass about updating my blog. Freak...
As I was coming down the hall from English, I saw Matt, Marlaina, and Jessica in lessons. They have a big lesson group. They all waved but I left quickly because I was afraid Mr. Keenly would bitch me out for distracting them. Chorus today sucked... all Keenly did was tell us how he was disppointed in us and how he wanted chorus to become more of a student-run organization. If he wants that, then what the fuck are they paying him for?
7th period was rather fun... it was only Carrie and I working on this thing for Global, and I was really surprised: Carrie actually helped. She let me borrow her notes from Thursday too, proudly telling me she did them over the weekend. It was awesome. We kept joking around and laughing but we actually got all our work done. Decently.
8th period was fun too. Math with Marlaina... it never gets boring. I started doing random shit and I'm dead serious when I say it was random. I'd like twitch or tweak out for no apparent reason. It was hilarious. At one point I had Mar laughing so hard her face turned beet red, and I mean a really deep red.
Except for those few things, today remained pretty normal and gay. Rachel was off at sectionals, so she wasn't around. I wish her luck... I forgot to let her rub my arm for good luck before she left. *shrugs* Ah well.
I can't wait... 10 more minutes and I get to go home and finish my movie and play the Sims. <(^.^)> GLEE! I get to be away from this hellhole for 18 hours, and I don't have to do gym for another two days! YIPPEE!

YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME! WOOT!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-14T07:10:38-05:00

Yesterday had to be one of the best days of my life. Mom got hurt at work 6 years ago, and ever since she's been getting a disability check. All she can do is secretarial work... no more nursing.
Anyway, the government had her go see like a million doctors to confirm her diagnosis, and when she refused to see the last doctor, they stopped payment on her checks. >:O Assholes...
We got a good lawyer and fought it for 7 months. She had to go see yet another doctor, and when he concurred with the other doctors, the government said they'd start up the checks again.
They didn't do this for about 3 more months...
Then, yesterday, my dad came home with the mail and immediately called my mom. I saw a letter from the U.S. Treasury with him so I grabbed it and looked. Inside was a compensation check for $8482.77! I took the dog out after giving my Dad back the letter, then started running around my yard yelling with joy.
Mom proceeded to cry at work, then pray.
When she got home later, we went out to dinner at Applebee's, then went to Wal-Mart and got some things we needed (like cat litter) and we even got a new printer! This makes me very happy seeing how I have a report due next Monday and now I can do it in color! GLEE!
Anyway, that's it for now. I have to get off here and go watch the news, then get to school. MUCH LOVE BITCHES! WOOT!
P.S. I get to go to Michigan this winter! YAY! I love Jessica... she's so freaking awesome. Finally... this winter and this spring and this summer I get to go OUT OF STATE! KILLER! WOOT!

Harrumph... and so begins another week in Hell.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-18T09:10:42-05:00

I hate this school. I hate going to school. Sometimes I just want to drop out, but I'm smarter than that. URG! Today is going to be so boring it's un believable. I almost want to cry...
Chorus kind of sucked. He put us in mixed positions, so I sang really loud so I could hear myself and almost ended up losing my voice. It was really gay. I had an alto next to me, which is fine, but she couldn't sing AT ALL! 'Twas unnerving.
Today is vry dreary out. The sky is gray, but it isn't raining. It's chilly out and there's like this dreamy fog that lays over everything. I wish it would get darker and just rain. I hate it when the sky's this color... this light gray. It's like a happy sad... a medium. I hate that.
We finally got a new computer. The Gateway finally called it quits and died this weekend. Somehow Dad gotit started Saturday, but he forgot it was being gay and shut it down before going to bed. So we came out the next morning and it was broken. It would turn on, but wouldn't go to the Welcome screen. Around 4 or so, it finally died altogether. We had bought a new tower at Radio Shack (Compaq Presario) and we set it up. It's so much nicer! Still, Dad has to call Mike, the computer guy, and get him to get some things off our hard drive on the old one. I have 12 chapters to my story and, like a fool, I didn't save it to a CD or anything. So I'm fucked if her can't get the stuff. All my pictures, my music, my writing... everything's gone until Mike gets it off there (if he even can).
The real nice thing about the Compaq is that I can run the Sims 2 no problem, and it doesn't crash or anything. 'Tis nice.
That's it for now. I want to work on my new story. Ciao!

Another political rant

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-20T07:10:14-05:00

>:O Liberals bother me. They really do. I'm past the point of hating them beyond all belief and now I'm just afraid of what will happen to this country if another liberal democrat gets into office. Let me be one to say that if John Kerry wins, we are all screwed. If he wins, we might as well get it over with and commit suicide. He's going to run everything right into the ground and the sad part is people want him to do that WILLINGLY. Yet I'm the misinformed little twit because I choose to believe facts and because I know that John Kerry is NOT the right choice. I understand that he will hinder, not help us, and that if he wins, we will be doomed. Literally.
November 2nd will be one of the biggest days in history. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not, but there is a lot of controversy with this election because of the War on Terror. Yes, troops have gone off to this war and died, and that's tragic and I hate to be callus, but they chose to enter the service. They knew the risks. They knew there was a possibility that they would be shipped off to a foreign land and that they may die there. It's not like this came as a surprise. And if you ask them, most of the people in the Armed Forces are voting FOR Bush! They even understand what he is doing and they can see that they are serving a good purpose. Why is it so hard for the American people to believe that?
I know that if I were legal voting age, I would be voting for Bush and Cheney no problem. I have yet to watch the beheading; I'm not sure if I will. My friend's brothers watched it and they were haunted by it for days after. I want to see what happened, what changed their minds and put them in such a pro-Bush position, but I am scared to death what that video contains. Chad, however, swears by it, even though it is horrible. His father watched it and later stated that if Kerry won, he was going to leave the country. He's deathly afraid of what will happen if Kerry wins, and if you knew him, you'd see that he is not a man that would easily become afraid of living in America just because of a presidential election. This makes everything I believe in plausible: Bush should win, outright.
That's enough political jabber for this morning. Perhaps school will put me in a better mood... but I doubt it. That school is just chock full of liberals, God save me.

Living is such an exhausting thing...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-21T09:10:16-05:00

To live is exhausting... it takes everything that you have as far as energy goes. It just drains you... listening to the mediocre problems of other peoples' lives, trying to drag yourself from class to class to class, just working through the day one period at a time until you go home. I keep dragging myself like that, then going day by day until the weekend, week by week until vacation, month by month until school lets out. It's almost November and I feel as though I've done nothing. I feel as though I am another one of the mindless shells that walk the halls in my school, though I know I am not.
Sometimes, to be a writer and a seeker of truth and a thinker... it drains everything right out of you. It takes everything you've got and just pulls it from the very threads of your soul, leaving you with this incredible but horrible feeling of tiredness and being worn out. I'm 15 but I feel like I'm 60. I feel like an old woman, bereft of all energy and spotanaeity. I am becoming the shell I've always hated, the shell that is everyone else, the shell that consumes more than half the planet's population. It's so exhausting.
I used to love being the peer psychologist, the one everyone came to to solve their problems. It made me feel important, like I made an impact in people's lives. Now I understand that hardly do they listen to me, so what is the point in giving them my opinion? I'm just really tired of always having to help people with their problems. I'm tired of being referred to as "smart" and I'm sick of people thinking I have all the answers. I don't... I'm just as clueless as the rest of the human race.
On a lighter note, I'm supposed to get on the morning anouncements and do the weather with Matt tomorrow. I really don't want to, but I don't see how I'm going to swindle out of it. Not unless I'm late to school or I hide in the bathroom until after homeroom. God damn it... why did I have to volunteer?
I've had about all I can take tonight... I need to go to bed and sleep. Otherwise, I am going to fall over onto the keyboard. G'night...

A hard time this year. Full of reminders and previous deaths.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-22T10:10:52-05:00

This time of year will be hard for a while to come. Landy's Mom died last November and she's having a hard time coping, especially around the anniversary. She blew up on us today when we told her we had to sing baritone for chorus, and she almost yelled at Mr. K for switching our part, but we told her not to. She exploded, told us all to get off her case, then stood away from us for a minute. I turned to look at her and she was crying, so I told her I understood and to go sit down. Rachel, however, was being a bit callus about the whole situation. She doesn't understand. My mom hasn't died or anything but I'm a good one to understand feelings, and I get the fact that Landy's hurting. She's going to have a rouch time the next couple weeks. In the meantime, we all need to be as gentle as possible. I know that I always so no one deserves special treatment, but Landy... she needs compassion, not the cold shoulder.
In other news, I did the weather this morning. Matt refused to do it with me, saying he'd flip out on camera, but he came in and stood behind the camera for "moral support". It kind of made me feel better, but I was still nervous as all hell. I stuttered on the first word (barometric... you'd stutter too), but then everything went fine after that and everyone who saw it said I did a good job. Matt said I did better than he ever would have. :-P I feel like such a celebrity. <(^.^)>
Dad asked me this morning if I wanted to go with him to Philedelphia tomorrow. I want to, but I made other plans, like Bradley Farms and such. I am contemplating blowing off Bradley Farms and going with him... it might be fun, plus I've never seen Philedelphia. *sigh* What to do, what to do...
Tonight is Craig's concert. I, of course, am going. I bought a pre-sale ticket yesterday... a whole dollar cheaper than buying at the door, but cheaper nonetheless. It should be good. There are two other bands playing with STEAL... I've ever heard of them before. I hope they're good. The concert's 3 hours long, but it's in the auditorium, so I can call Mom and Dad whenever I want to leave.
Sam, apparently, has found herself a man. He's a year younger than her but I guess he's really cute, plus he likes her. His name is Joe and I guess he goes to school here. I told her she should go for it and date him (she was thinking about it 1st period), but she's not sure yet. I'm glad tha Josh kid is sliding out of the picture. I don't want my friend dating a 19-year-old. That's just weird.
Joe has started talking to Aubrey again (Youmanns) and he keeps bringing up the subject of "them". He wants to date her again, but she won't leave Brandon for anyone, especially a scumbag like Joe. It's always good to hear she'll never go back to him. She doesn't need his fucked up presence around, but I guess they're going to hang out this weekend or something. *shrugs* Don't ask me...
Todayis nice and dreary... dark skies, rain falling, etc. One of those days that inspires me to think. I am dreading next period (health) even though it's easy. Then comes music theory (God save us if we get into another political deabte) and lunch. Lunch I fully intend on coming back to the library. They're having bacon and cheese pizza... sickening. Plus I don't have my ID, so there's no point in going down there, smelling the sick aroma of raunchy bacon, and watching retards eat. Might as well come here and get something done. Global we're going to fill out a review sheet (test Monday... STUDY YOU DUMBASS!) and finish watching a movie about Naopleon. The movie's actually pretty cool... now I know that Napoleon's wife was a whore. :-P Math is the same as always... we get an easy lesson, but most everyone in my class is a retard, so it'll take all period for them to learn it. Marlaina and I go through the worksheet, then do the homework when everyone else is bitching and saying they don't understand. Finally 9th period will come, and english is cake because all we're doingis watching the end of Act 3 of The Crucible and taking a spelling quiz. Woo.
My day... harrumph. I don't know how it's going to turn out... I've not th slightest inkling to how I'll feel the rest of today. Last period I felt like shit... I don't like it when people cry because I get really depressed and shit, plus some people were being super bitches and I felt like I couldn't breathe because I STILL CAN'T SING A 22 PAGE SONG WITHOUT DYING! My lungs are only so big...
I may write later tonight, after the concert. If Sam comes over I won't... don't want to be neglecting her. If she doesn't, I'll try to get online and tell you how everything went... like how bad Mickey sucked. :-P
P.S.- AUDITIONS ARE NEXT WEEK! =-O HOLY SHIT! I gotta work my ass off on Did You See It? Oh dear...

WOOT! I LOVE THIS WEEKEND!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-24T09:10:47-05:00

Holy shit mann! Last night and Friday night was so much fun! All right... I've got to go in order and tell you about my awesome weekend so far.
Friday -- Adam rode the bus because he was going to Rachel's house, so it was a total blast. I haven't had so much fun on that bus in ages. I sat around home for maybe half an hour, then Dad came home and we went to Corning to get a truck trailer (he went to Philadelphia to get a '55 Dodge), then met Mom at Applebee's and had dinner. Once we finished, Mom drove me to Addison and dropped me off at the concert. I was there, mosh pitting for like two hours, then the concert ended, I called Mom, and Rachel and Barb ended up coming over. We were up until midnight talking and laughing, but then we couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep.
Saturday -- Barb, Rachel, and I woke up, then screwed around in my room for two hours. Finally I showered and they got dressed, then we took them home. Mom and I decided to go shopping today so I wouldn't be late for Bradley Farms last night. Anyway, I came back here after dropping them off, my neck hurting like hell, and just chilled out until about 6 o'clock. At 6 I tok a shower, got dressed in my other clothes, then waited for Sarah to come pick me up. Rachel, Sarah, and Bryon showed up, picked me up, then we went to Addo, got Aubbs, and proceeded on to Bradley Farms. We got lost on the way (again... Elmira is a maze) so everyone made me go into a gas station and ask for directions. I went in and was like, "Hi. Me and my crew of miscreant idiots can't find Bradley Farms. Can you give me directions?" It was funny mann. We got directions, went (Sarah almost killed me in the haunted house by grabbing my hoodie), then went on the Trail of Terror (where I proceeded to call all the hics queers. :-P). When we left there, we were hungry, so we all went to Denny's for like two hours and had a total blast. I got home at about 12:45, then went straight to bed.
Sunday -- Mom came in a woke me up like half an hour ago, saying that she'd taken the cats to the SPCA (to get fixed) and that she'd brought breakfast home. As soon as I get my huge ass in the shower (very soon, I might add) we're going to go shopping.
That's all I've got for today... I'll write later and tell you how the rest of the day turns out. It should be fun... Fashion Bug, Supermarket of Shoes, Barnes & Noble, Staples, the mall, a costume shop... WOOT! <(^.^)>

Oy...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-25T06:10:10-05:00

Oy... last night, perhaps even yesterday entirely, sucked major ass. I was really depressed and sleepy and I got bitched out for wanting to watch a movie on the big TV because my PS2 won't spin DVDs. I just went in my room for like an hour and bawled. I know that it's getting around the monthly burden, so that's what I'm blaming. I always get testy and depressed like a week before. I don't know...
Today is somehow going to suck. I can feel it in my bones. I'm just waiting to get bitched out by Landy 2nd period for the whole trio thing, but today I'm not in the mood to take it lightly. I'll throw it back in her face. I know her mom died a year ago but afterwards, she told all of us not to treat her differently or to pity her or whatever. She just wanted everything to go back to normal. Now, all the sudden she wants pity and she wants everyone to care. The thing that REALLY pisses me off is the fact that she expects everyone to know what she wants, and when no one can figure it out, she turns into a mega bitch. Harrumph. Today's going to be a real lump...
I guess Sam and that Joe kid I was talking about are dating. Good for Sam because she seems to really like him. I was talking to Rachel and Barb about it and was like, "Now if Carrie and Landy get a guy, I'll be the only one left." I had a dream last night that Carrie and Landy did find guys and here I was, still alone. I am doomed as far as high school romance goes. My expectations are too high but still, I can't seem to lower them. Harrumph...
For Halloween I've decided to be a masquerader. I have a cape and a mask and somewhere I've got a dress, though I wish I could get a dress that's more Renaissance-like. My mask is freaking cool... I love it. I also went shopping yesterday and got some much needed shirts, some PJs, a pair of gym pants (even though they're staying home), and some new sneakers. For the first time in 3 years, my sneakers aren't New Balance. They're Champion, but they're really nice. <(^.^)>
That's all for this morning. I'll try to write this afternoon and tell how my day went. *nervous look* I have one of those pit of your stomach feelings, you know? Just a hunch that today is going to suck some major ass...

NOOOOOOOOO!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-25T12:10:59-05:00

I was just reminded of an awesome song from a movie last period, so I'm putting the lyrics in here in hopes of getting it out of my head...

Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!

Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!

And now the six merry murderesses of the Crookem County Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango."

Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!
Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!

You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little sympathy
and there's Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "You pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have dome the same!

I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I fixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

Yeah, but did you do it?

UH UH! Not guilty!

My sister, Veronica and
I did this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One,two,three,four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero,the three of us,boozin', havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
(They had it coming)
They had it coming
(They had it coming)
They had it coming all along
(They had it coming all along)
I didn't do it
(She didn't do it)
But if I done it
(But if she done it)
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming
(They had it coming)
They had it coming
(They had it coming)
They had it coming
(They took a flower)
All along
(In its prime)
I didn't do it
(And then they used it)
But if I'd done it,
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

I loved Al Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
They had it comin'
[Group 2]
They had it comin'
[Group 1]
All along
[Group 2]
All along
[Group 1]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 2]
'Cause if they used us
[Group 1]
And they abused us
[Group 2]
And they abused us
[ALL]
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 2]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 1]
If you'd have been there
[Group 2]
If you'd have been there
[Group 1]
If you'd have seen it
[Group 2]
If you'd have seen it
[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!

You pop that gum one more time!
Single my ass.
Ten times!
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
Artistic differences.

Pop
Six
Squish
Uh uh
Cicero
Lipschitz!
Woo. Glad that's over. Remind me never again to post lyrics in here unless they're to a SHORT song...

~ ‡ - - § ! § - - ‡ ~

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-25T05:10:33-05:00

Clever got me this far, then tricky got me in...

LMFAO!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-25T09:10:58-05:00

10-year-old TV girl - "What's a concubine?"
Me - "It's a mistress. Basically, a whore you don't marry."
Dad - "A concubine is not a whore. You have to pay a whore. A concubine is your own personal SLUT."
Wow! I love my dad when he takes his pills.... Fun times, here. Fun times...

BLECH

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-26T12:10:45-05:00

I'm hungry but I'm not eating. As I was looking at myself in the mirror last night, I noticed that I GOT FAT. I need to lose some weight. Being like this isn't healthy. For my little diet, I'm cutting back the junkfood intake (which is what's really doing me in) and I'm going to try and exercise a little each morning while I wait for Mom to get out of the shower. Maybe it'll help...
I felt like shit earlier this morning, to the point where I couldn't even sing in chorus. Anyone who knows me knows that I sing in chorus, whether or not I'm sick. I couldn't do it this morning. My breathing was really fucked up and I could only take short gasps, so I ended up mouthing all the words (Keenly made me stand up there... he was a real dick today. I had to stay up there but then I ended up getting a chair anyways cuz I had to sit...). Mr. B. gave me an easy day in gym today because he said I looked really sick. Normally I run my laps fine but I couldn't do it today and he saw that I was lagging. B. is cool. Anyway, Mrs. Thompson let me use her phone and I called Mom to see if I could go home. She bitched me out, then told me I'd have to stick it out because no one had the time to come and get me everytime I had a little cough. I hung up on her...
In 4th period my breathing evened out (it should... I took like 6 puffs of my inhaler between classes) but I was really hot, even though Mr. Lyons's room was like 60 degrees. Then I got cold, but I guess now I'm ok. My throat hurts and my face hurts... it feels like I've been bawling my eyes out but I haven't. I know that my period's going to start soon because I've been getting mad or weepy over stupid shit that normally wouldn't bother me. Damn hormones...
Neither Rachel or Carrie are here today... big surprise on the Carrie part. I don't know what's wrong with Rachel. She was fine yesterday, so I've come to think she may be skipping...
Another cloudy, overcast day. Don't you hate it when the sky gets all gray, like it's going to rain, but then doesn't? I do. I'd rather have either pure sunshine or lots of rain, though I like rain much better than sun. It's supposed to be like this all week, which just adds to my already mellow and depressed demeanor. Damnit...
I guess that's all for now. There hasn't been much going on, though Aubrey and Landy felt like shit today too and Matt can't even talk. Laryngitis. I've had that twice and damn, does it suck...

So Fucked...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-28T05:10:23-05:00

I am so screwed as far as tomorrow goes. I have no hair coloring or face paint and for my costume, I NEED it. Mom's being a real bitch about going to get it tonight, and Dad doesn't want to either. These are the times I wish I had a brother or sister. I would do anything to go... I NEED to go...
Not much today... if I haven't already mention it, Landy, Rachel, and I landed the trio. Mostly by default, but we still got it. What sucks is the fact that we have to do virtually all of it alto and we all have to sing the melody. It's hard because my voice was adjusted to being low and I had all the counter-melodic pitches memorized. HARRUMPH!
Had a blast on the late bus... I have come to the conclusion that I love Craig's little sister, Chelsea. She's fucking cool for a 7th grader. She's got the Cascio mouth and the attitude... it's awesome.
Enough of this shit... I'm going to play RuneScape. Maybe I'll feel better when I do...
-Later-

Yes...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-29T09:10:11-05:00

Yay... another evening of depression all because of someone else's happiness. Don't get me wrong, go them, but it just makes everything seem extremely... hopeless...
Today was pretty good. I dressed up for school but ended up wiping all that goddamned stage make-up off during 4th period. I just know I'm going to break out tomorrow. It made my face really itchy and irritated. Damn make-up. I was trying to be a masquerader but somehow I ended up looking like a Purtian/Quaker/Amish person, minus the stage make-up of course. Still, I had fun. After I changed I wore my cape for the rest of the day. Rachel tried to put fake blood on me so I could look more... vampiric... but it didn't take. I just washed it off and enjoyed my Nazgûl hood. Aubbs was an angel, Carrie a hippie, Sam a goth, Marlain a pirate, Landy a little kid, and Rachel herself. <-QUEER!
I was supposed to go to the movies tonight and see Saw but it wasn't even in Crystal or Regal. I was pissed. Aubrey and I were going to go see the Forgotten but then I decided I didn't want to go. In the end, she went to see Shark Tale with Tracy. I was just in one of those, "stay home and be depressed about life" moods. Whatever...
Mom brought food home. I kind of wish she'd gotten movies but she didn't know I wasn't going to go to Corning. My own damn fault. Things usually are.
Marlaina has incorporated me into her little cartoon consisting of her, Sam, Jeremy, and Matt (Con). Matt looks like a real Chink, Jeremy's a monkey, Marlaina's a witch, Sam's just like this warrior-chick type thingy, and I get to be the psycho, maniacal, vampire freak. It's great. I get to freak out on people for no reason, plus I get to wear clothes like Vindar, so everything works out. <(^.^)>
That's it for now. Hair appointment tomorrow along with taking the animals to Penny's. The morning is going to suck. Then, at like 7 p.m., I'm supposed to go to Addo and go with Aubbs and Brandon (DICK) and a bunch of other people to a little whipped cream fight they're having at Tracy's house. Whatever... Then on Sunday I'm going to go to Landy's and go trick-or-treating with her. It'll be fun. I haven't done something with Landy in ages. Busy, busy, busy...
-Later-

Most disappointing Halloween yet...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-10-31T09:10:00-05:00

This Halloween had to be the most disappointing yet. No parties, no eggings, no broken windows, no TP-ing, hardly any trick-or-treaters... it sucked major dick for me. A couple of my friends went out... I assume they lost their wits a few times in a row and enjoyed every minute of it. Figures that I am never the one to get invited anywhere. Sybil had to back out on Saturday because her mom was going in for chemo. Instead, I went to a little whipped cream fight thingy with Aubbs, Tracy, Brandon, and Damien, then went to Aubrey's house with Brandon and Damien, took them home at like 11, then came back to Addison and stayed the night at Aubby Lei's house. It was fun, though I was whipped and cold.
I guess Landy's tweaked at Aubrey and about the whipped cream thing. She went to visit her mom's grave Saturday so she didn't get to come, then flipped out and pulled the guilt trip. A normal day for her. Aubrey warned me that I might get something directed at me because that's how Landy is. I have no intention of taking her bullshit. She can deal.
That's about it for this weekend... set the clocks back, plus my body's being all weird, so it feels like it's 11 o'clock right about now. It'll be nice in the morning, though, 'cause it'll feel like I'm getting an extra hour. W00t.
I've bene getting really pissy and bitchy and depressed lately. It's because my period is going to start next week so my gay female hormones are zooming throughout my body, screaming, "GODDAMNIT! LET ME OUT!". Damn them anyway...
I guess I'm going to go to bed. My head is killing me and if I don't go lay in the dark, I'll regret it at 3 a.m.
-Later-

Another day like all the rest.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-01T04:11:45-05:00

Another boring day, just like all the rest. I was feeling political today and so was Rachel (who got in a bitching match with Lathin Knapp and Jonah Gill), thus we went to Keenly's and made "Vote Bush" signs, then proceeded to put them up everywhere. I felt accomplished. Tomorrow is elections so I'm going to make an effigy of Kerry then put a noose around his neck and carry him around all day. All the Kerry signs have been ripped down so his supporters have resorted to making gay little rubbon necklaces with the words, "Vote Kerry" on them. I took one to put on my effigy. I think I'm going to invite Craig and Rachel down tomorrow so we can burn it, then stomp on his remains. It'll inspire a feeling of good will in me.
Landy was VERY political today. She saw a "Vote Nader" sign and ripped it down along with the Kerry ones. Then, after the last bell, we ran downstairs and through the halls yelling, "Vote Bush! Vote Bush!" It was fun. Then Aaro Haight, one of Logan Knapp's dickhead friends, started saying shit to me outside, then he was like, "Well I think George Bush sucks." I turned around to him and went, "Firstly, I wasn't talking to you, you rude little fuck, so don't butt into my conversations, and secondly, I really don't give a damn about what you think." It shut him up. <(^.^)> Bastard.
Jake kicked Logan out of STEAL so now it's like the Knapp boys are out for me and Rachel. Logan's just against Rachel but Lathin fucking hates us both. It's because everyday, 2nd period, we get into a huge ass debate about the election and we always call him a stupid liberal. He hates it and he let us know it, so we just keep doing. Rule #1 in war: never let your enemy know your weakness.
Rule #2: don't ever let them knwo they've gotten to you.
^Logan, Lathin, and their dumbfuck skater buddies broke that one. RETARDS.
That's about all for today. The school is really in an uproar about the elections. I used to love all the turmoil... it was like I fed off it, but now I can't wait until the election is over. I'm really sick of all the bitching. Still, if Kerry wins, the Knapps will NEVER let me live it down. Then again, if Bush wins, I'm gonna rag on them for like a day, then let it go. I'll be the better of them.
I think I'll ask Dad to take me to school tomorrow. He's got to go to Rathbone to vote before work so I don't think it'll be a problem. He can stop on his way back. *crosses fingers* Here's to hoping...
-Later-

162 - 115 Bush favoring...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-02T09:11:34-05:00

That's according to Rachel. She's been watching the news I guess. I intended to but then I started watching Garfield and I did my homework and things just progressed. I have no desire to watch CNN anymore. I'm getting really sick of this entire campaign. Yeah, it'll suck big balls if Kerry wins, but whatever dude. When he completely fucks us over, people will see. <(^.^)> I heard from someone that if Kerry is elected president he'll be assassinated or impeached within the first three months of his presidency. It would still suck, though, because then Edwards would take over and he's got no brains at all. Still, I begin to wonder... why must we care?
Not too much other than that. We had the schoolwide election today to see who we'd pick. Bush won. I found out at the end of the day and went home with a warm, pink, fuzzy feeling inside.
Tomorrow my class has an assembly 9th period for our class sales. I'm going straight to Ms. Bohomey's after that to see if she will buy from me. Hopefully she will. She loves me. I'm going to actually try and sell this year. Maybe I'll ask Mom to take it up to Alstom. They like to spend money up there... lots of it...
It's raining out and this is giving me yet anothing warm, fuzzy feeling inside. If only it would last until morning...
That's it for tonight. I'm not feeling very inclined to write. After you just did a Critical Lens, you'd hate the keyboard too...

BUSH WON! And damn... today's not a good day for me with teachers...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-04T02:11:14-05:00

BUSH WON THE ELECTION! I was so happy, but now I'm just glad it's all over. I was getting sick of the constant bitching and the nagging and all the debates 7th period about who was better: Kerry or Bush, libs or conservs. It was getting really old really fast. I can tell you one thing, though; Logan and his little group (Lathin especially) haven't said anything to Rachel or I about politics. Hell, they haven't said anything at all! It's really kind of nice.
I've gotten yelled at by two teachers today... well, one teacher, one librarian. Mr. Schea tweaked out on Rachel and I 7th period because we were being ourselves, then Ms. Miller freaked on everyone in the right half of the library for talking. I swear, it was not my day with teachers. Mr. Schea thought himself real big though... he told Rachel and I we couldn't sit together for the rest of the week. NEWS FLASH: TOMORROW'S FRIDAY. NERF. I was actually beginning to like him a little but Jesus. He geeked out and yeah, he was entitled to yell a bit, but he overstepped his boundries just a bit. Ms. Miller too. Damn dude. We're only teens.
I think Landy's going to be on the defensive with me for the rest of this week and probably into the next. Marlaina and I skipped out on math and came to the library (we weren't doing anything important anyway) where I proceeded to tell her that Landy pulled the guilt trip on me big time this morning 2nd period. Little did I know that Landy was within earshot, just behind a little cubicle divider thing. I think she heard me, though Marlaina's convinced I was quiet enough. I can just hear it coming, right at the end of the day when we go to Keenly's to run Did You See It? DAMN MY BIG MOUTH!
My class sales started yesterday so Mom took my stuff to work with her. She was going to set it out for the entire transportation department so anybody who walked by could see. Senior partners, secretaries, buyers, anyone. Hopefully, it'll put me in business and push me past my goal: $150. I've asked Ms. Bohomey and she said she'd buy from me, then I asked Mrs. Russ and she took my stuff with her to lunch so she could look it over. I think after school once I get it back from Mrs. Russ, I'll run down to Mrs. Pepper's real quick and ask her. No harm in asking, right?
My bus now has a monitor on it EVERY DAY. I guess we were all acting pretty horrible, especially that little Willy kid. Brian bitch slapped him yesterday because Willy was screaming so loud and wouldn't shut up, even after we'd asked him to like a million times. He started crying and there was a whoe conflict thing, so whatever. Maybe if Mr. Hand wasn't such a retard, something would get done.
That's about all. I can't talk too much more because the battery on this thing is going to die. I can keep using it until it does, then I can use the outlet, but I don't want to take any chances as far as this blog goes. It would suck if I lost my entry. I might write later but it's doubtful. I won't get home until 5 tonight. Good thing I don't have any homework...
P.S. TOMORROW'S FRIDAY! WOOT! This week went by blissfully fast...

Mom and Dad are freaking gay...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-05T07:11:27-05:00

They keep ragging on me about stupid shit like leaving my shoes in the living room instead of putting them in the breezeway. Harrumph... it's pretty gay. I guess I can't complain though. They are taking me to school.
It's sleeting out now as I write this. It was snowing a moment before... I love snow but damn... I wish it could snow and remain 74° out. That would be bliss.
Today will be an easy day... summarizing a presentation 1st, then off to practice on Did You See It? 2nd is chorus, 3rd SH, 4th lessons, 5th theory, 6th lunch, 7th global (quiz and that's it), 8th math (don't know) and 9th english (probably nothing... too late in the week to start anything.
I've got to be off though... I'm out of here at 7:30.

My dream

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-05T09:11:18-05:00

I forgot to mention it this morning but I had one really weird ass dream. The power went out around 2:30 this morning so that woke me up, then came back on around 5. In that spanse of 2 1/2 hours, I had a freaky dream. I have yet to discover the point of it or anything but it freaked me out...
It started out with Mom, Dad, and I driving home from somewhere (I think it was my grandmother's) and it was raining really hard. My dad almost couldn't see. We were driving along some backroads and then we came to a spot where a truck was pulled across the road, blocking access. Somehow we all knew that it meant farther up, the road was flooded, so we'd have to find a different route. We backtracked a bit and found another way home (my dad being the one born with an internal map) but we came to another truck blocking the road because of flooding. The rain was really starting to come down so we all knew we'd have to find shelter on high ground or face the consequences. We soon found what looked like 2 old abandoned houses. I wouldn't go in the one farthest away from the road but Dad asked Mom and I to check the one near the road (it was still a ways away but it was on a little rise and we could run for help if we needed it). Dad went to go do something with the car while Mom and I pulled out some flashlights and went inside. At first everything was bare, bereft of any furniture. Then I turned back towards the door and saw a grey cat hissing at me. I put my hand next to its nose to sniff, then the cat started to rub around my legs and it wanted to be held. When I looked back into the room, there as furniture there, though everything was dar and unused for quite a while. I found that the cat had a litter of kittens hidden behind an old armchair, then I looked up at the ceiling light. It had a bulb, so I warily stuck up my hand and pulled the chair to turn on the light. It was the wrong chain, so I yanked the other one and everything got brighter. I lookedat the kittens a moment, then turned to this little cubby hole in the room. It had some hooks in it, some old, fraying wire, and no door. It looked so dark and cold in there and I felt the same aura coming from the 2nd floor of the house. It felt like there weren't ghosts in the living room but there were millions upstairs and in this little closet. Even though I was afraid, I started to go to the closet with Mom behind me, and then I woke up.
That dream was so pointless but strange... you know the feeling you get when you're in an abandoned house and it feels like you can feel spirits around you? That's what it felt like. The other thing is that it was in full color. I could see that the couch and the armchairs were faded and had these ugly red and gold designs on the material. The inside of the clost had been like a turquoise, only darker (the common color for closets) and I could see the cat was gray and the wires in the closet had frayed ends of green and red. It was so strange and unnerving. It took me a while to fall asleep afterwards because I started thinking about my house and how if it's haunted, there might be things in my room watching me. Whenever I go in my room to go to sleep at night, it always feels like there's someone else in there with me, just watching or something. Just a presence. I don't know... maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm insane. Then again, maybe I'm not...

Great...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-08T07:11:47-05:00

Yet another Monday, a day that I wish I was still sleeping my summer away. Good thing I have Thursday off... I might be going to Rachel's for the annual tradition but now I'm no so sure. She doesn't know if she'll be home alone or what so it might not happen. Kasey asked her too but yeah... Cassie's coming to visit everyone at the school today and she's bringing her boyfriend and his friend. It'll be good to see her again... last time I saw her was Jesi's grad party back in June. Plus I want to insepct the guy.
Mom and I went out yesterday and ended the day with coffee at Soulful Cup. <(^.^)> I was in heaven, though I advise you all to never get an iced mocha. It's NASTY!
That's all for now. I may write 3rd period and give you more info on my shopping spree yesterday. Depends on if the library's open... they have a nasty tendency of closing when you least expect it. Ttyl!

Found this and thought I might try my hand at it...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-08T10:11:42-05:00

Ten years ago:
1. I was tottering around my house, a happy and blissfully ignorant 5-year-old
2. I was one of the smartest kids in my class
3. I was a fat little fuck but still managed to swinlde my way into the poular crowd due to my connections... a future mafia member in the making
Five years ago:
1. I started getting very depressed about life
2. I had a thing for my BGF
3. I was lighter than I am now but so much uglier
One year ago:
1. I was super depressed and near suicidal
2. I had manipulative friends who I let push me around
3. I had never tried weed or a cigarette but had gotten drunk and humped a couch...
So far this year:
1. I have tried illegal things
2. I managed to fail a completely unfair math test but a test all the same
3. I went from teacher's pet to "SIT ON THAT SIDE OF THE ROOM OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!" girl
Yesterday I:
1. went shopping with my mom
2. had coffee from Soulful Cup to keep my spirits up
3. was kicked off the computer by my father as soon as he came home... he thinks he's entitled to it whenever he wants
Today:
1. I wrote in my blog this morning to ease the pain of life
2. I tried to download AIM on the school laptops but to no avail
3. I discovered that PEOPLE SUCK!
Tomorrow, I will:
1. go to school, much against my will
2. sing the trio if both girls are here
3. try my best not to be a self-righteous bitch... though sometimes the thought of an opportunity to be so is just to pleasing to pass up <(^.^)>
In one year, I will:
1. be able to legally drive <(^.^)> WOOT!
2. have a job... joy joy
3. hopefully be nearing "The Day of the Drunks" at Rachel's
In five years, I will be:
1. in England and in college
2. in love (hopefully)
3. be happy with my life thus far (doubtful)
That's it... let's see if the brilliant plan works out.

What a day!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-09T12:11:40-05:00

Well, this morning certainly was eventful. Craig and Gerald got in a fight and started tweaking on each other, then I ran up and tried to pull them away from each other and my hand got severely pinched. Sam got punched in the head so we went to the nurse and talked to her. We had to fill out an accident report and they were going to send it to the office as our little testimony thingy. Mrs. Lockwood then put us off gym for the day (which is fine because I don't even have gym Thursday because of Veteran's Day) and gave us ice. Teresa called Mom to let her know what happened and Mom said I could call her sometime during the day if my hand started to hurt and she'd take me for X-rays. It wasn't that srious though. Right now I can use it and all but it's red and purple. I'm just waiting to see what it'll look like tomorrow.
Of course, after the fight, everyone was talking about it. I spent 3rd and 4th period, incuding class changes, talking about it with people. 'Twas actually rather funny but it got annoying after a while. Sam kept telling me she was going to toss and all I said was, "I don't care just not on my shoes."
I just got a new book on Sunday and I'm almost finished with it. It was an early Christmas present, as was what I got last night... PAID MEMBERSHIP TO RUNESCAPE! WOOT! Now I have member's features and it's awesome. I feel like I'm copying Aubrey, though, because she just got put on member's server too. *shrugs* Oh well. I can't help a coincidence, even if I did spark it. <(^.^)>
I have to ask/beg Marlaina for the math homework. Instead of typing I should be studying for my math test today. Still, I don't want to. There's a big difference between should and will...
That's it for today. I actually had a good feeling about today. I wasn't too tired when I got to school this morning and I actually had semi-fun in earth science. Carrie and I were working out a skit we have to do with our group to show moon phases, eclipitical phases, and the effect of the moon on the tide. It was hilarious and she's actually helping. It was awesome. These next two weeks won' be so bad. This Thursday I have off (though there will be no Day of the Drunks as I'd hoped) and then next week we have two half days. The last 3 days next week we are watching the Day After Tomorrow in E.S. Mr. Howe wanted to thank us for doing well on our quizzes but he had to have a reason for showing the movie. :-P It shows what might happen of the spanse of millions of years.

Sitting in earth science with nothing to do....

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-10T08:11:08-05:00

There is absolutely nothing to do in this class. Carrie and I finished our little skit thingy for the moon and its effect on the tides so yeah... here we schit. <(^.^)> Not much to talk about yet. Nothing has really happened, seeing how it's only 1st period. My hand looks normal... just a bit green and Craig got suspended today. He was supposed to have structured studies yesterday but went to the hospital so that didn't happen. According to Craig, some bad shit's gonna happen Friday. Power in numbers, mann. Power in numbers...
**Carrie's 2 cents** -- Gerald is a fucking pussy and I hope Craig's friends beat his and Matt's ass. Alright, I'm done now. Thank you very much!!!!!!
<(^.^)> She's dumb but she my fwend and I wuv her! (Ok... not dumb, just not grammatical.) **And she don't know how to talk.**

Hehe...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-12T09:11:43-05:00

*snicker snicker* Garfield funnae...

This is queer.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-15T09:11:29-05:00

This is really gay... I'm getting sick. I haven't gotten sick in a while and today, in chorus, I noticed that I was singing fine but hearing everything flat. It sucked because it sounded like we were really out of tune and it was KILLING ME. Serves me right though... I went around all weekend with just my hoodie. Now I'm paying for it. Speaking of weekend, I'll write a little... synopsis of what I did.
FRIDAY - had a really easy day in school... virtually no homework or anything... then came home, watched Shrek 2 and The Prince & Me, talked on the phone with Sam for half an hour, got ready to the dance, went to the dance (it was rather queer), came home, went to bed, and was asleep within 5 minutes of laying down. Talk about exhaustion...
SATURDAY - woke at noon, got up, then went to Market Street with Mom. We went to Rico's and we were going to go to Soulfull Cup but they weren't open. >:[ After that, we went to Wal-Mart and did a little shopping, then came home, cleaned, and I played RuneScape for the remainder of the evening. I went to bed at like 11 and laid there till about 1 in the morning before finally sleeping.
SUNDAY - woke u at 8, 8:30-ish, then got dressed, and finally packed up the car and went to Buffalo/Batavia/Depew/Cheektowaga with the parentals. We went to a train show in Batavia then went to Niagra Hobby in Depew, watched some guy get arrested at a Kiss Mart, then finally went home. We got home around 8:30 (after stopping at Wal-Mart in Hornell), then I got on the computer until 10 before going to schleep.
That was pretty much my weekend. Rather family oriented and shit but cool. I haven't spent much time with my family lately so it was nice to do that. All right... the battery on the laptop is going to die so I guess I'd better go.
-Later-

Dead Bodies Everywhere

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-15T06:11:24-05:00

Come on, step inside, and you will realize.
Tell me what you need, tell me what to be.
What's your vision?
You'll see, what do you expect of me?
I cant live that lie.

Hate! I sing my words, I've thought that feeling,
With your life's dead bodies everywhere.
You really want me to be a good son.
Why? You make me feel like no one.

Let me strip the plain, let me not give in.
Free me of your life, inside my heart dies.
Your dreams never achieved, don't lay that shit on me.
Let me live my... life.

Hate! I sing my words, I've thought that feeling,
With your life's dead bodies everywhere.
You really want me to be a good son.
Why? You make me feel like no one.

You want me to be, something I can never ever be!
You want me to be, something I can never ever be!

Hate! I sing my words, I've thought that feeling,
With your life's dead bodies everywhere.
You really want me to be a good son.
Why? You make me feel like no one.

Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
Dead bodies everywhere!
..::~‡-§-‡~::..
Go to this blog: http://meggyweggy.mindsay.com/ She's got a damn good point about people like me: the overweight... the ugly... the ones who will never have a chance with men and who aren't thought beautiful by anyone except their parents and the creepy kid next door. Or, in my case, the creepy kid that lives in Pennsylvania that I haven't seen since 6th grade.

Arg... headache...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-16T04:11:37-05:00

I've had an effing headache ever since 7th period and it's really beginning to annoy me, you know? ARG!

no subject

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-17T06:11:24-05:00

I see I’m not perfect, but that’s all I see
   Lost in a portrait, in a picture of me
       This can’t be everything I see
       That my canvas is incomplete
       Your color’s everything to me
     And my canvas will set me free.
                       --Trapt--

This is so fucking queer...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-18T06:11:02-05:00

Barb is going to tweak. I'm not allowed to go to her house on Sunday because Mom said I have to stay home and clean. Did it ever occur to her that the reason I'm going there is because I have a dedication to the club I'm in? We've got an article to write and we're on a deadline, and the only way for us to do it together is for me to go to her house or the other way around. Why is that so difficult for them to understand? I know they're not completely brain dead... or at least I hope.
I have a feeling that today isn't going to be so great. I was hoping it would be good because it's a half day (as is tomorrow) but it all depends on everyone's attitude. If people are even half as bitchy as my mom is this morning, today will suck some major ass...
I've got to go. I've got things to do before I leave. Otherwise, I'll get my head bitten off.

The Picture

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-18T01:11:17-05:00

With my brush and oils
I’ll paint for you a scene;
A picture of a haunting
And a nightmarish dream
With ghouls and specters floating
Through time and plane and space.
They show themselves a moment
Then leave without a trace.
This haunting does exist
Far within my mind;
A disturbed mind it is
And of the worst kind.
An illness plagues my head;
While a presence plagues my soul;
And all around my body
I feel the touch of cold.
As these phantoms hang
Dark shrouds upon my heart
My mind is going crazy
And tearing me apart;
And through my darkened eyes
I see naught but rain
But when this darkness takes me
I shall be home again.
Please be courteous and do not steal this or you'll have the copyright law to deal with. Yes, it is a copyrighted poem.
Criticism welcome!

*big yawn*

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-22T09:11:23-05:00

It's too damn early to be up but I couldn't sleep. I was restless, plus I had this weird ass dream with Danny DeVito in it, so I pretty much didn't want to sleep anymore.
I guess Adam and Rachel are having problems... Rachl delved into a big thing about it on the bus Friday morning. I listened and gave her my two cents, then pretty much forgot about it until this morning, when Adam IMed me and asked me for information. I am very proud because I have learned how to keep my big mouth SHUT. Things are progressing.
Sam's party was fun. I got a little tweaked at the end because I was trying to sleep and Rachel smushed a cheesy in my face, so I just whipped my hand out, intending to hit her in the arm, and ended up slapping her across the face. She was pissed for a bit but I think she's pretty much forgotten it now. We had a lot of fun, then Rachel decided that the ones going to her 16th would be me, Landy, Carrie, and of course herself. Woot.
Today is going to be a varitable hell. I was supposed to go to the movies with Marlaina and see Spongebob but I forgot to call her yesterday so all that went right down the drain. Instead, I get to spend the day cleaning and washing cats with flea shampoo. Arg. Well, Marlaina has my number so she might call. She said she'd reather go at night anyways, so maybe there's hope.
That's it for my crummy little weekend. Once again busy. Next weekend... I am staying home. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I am just decorating for Christmas with Mom. It'll be fun. I've got to bake bread sometime this week for Thanksturkey. Joy joy...
-Later-

CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-23T10:11:24-05:00

I am really beginning to get that warm, Christmasy feeling inside so tonight, after de-fleaing the dog, I grabbed my Manheim Steamroller album. I swear to Jesus I am feeling heavenly right now. Hopefully, if she's not too much of a whore (:)), Rachel will be copying some CDs for me soon. Trans Siberian Orchestra and more Manheim Steamroller so I can have it for before Christmas.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

no subject

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-25T05:11:03-05:00

I am Lúthien Nénharma, protector of the wood of fire and guide to the lands that are consumed by chaos...

Lúthien Nénharma strikes again!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-26T10:11:46-05:00

Though not many people look at my blog, I just wanted to explain that Lúthien Nénharma is my Elvish name... it's a precise translation and don't ask me how. It took a while...

The subject of this is to fortell the upcoming chapters of a story I am going to try and write. I think I'll put it in here but I'm not sure yet. If I don't, I'll be sure to write and post the location of it (if it makes it to the web at all). If you don't like fantasy then I wouldn't bother reading it...

My character of Lúthien is a young Elven girl, maybe around 15 or 16, that suffers from the classic story of adventure: cooped up at home, wants to see more than just the village where she's lived her entire life. I have some plot twists that I hope will be interesting but I'll have to write them out and see if this is even worth spending time on.

Maybe soon, if I can get Marlaina to help, I'll put a picture of Lúthien in here. I'm not much of a drawer but Marlaina is so I'll have to see if she's up to it. She might be... for a price...

The words of Lúthien Nénharma:
Though the Elders are convinced that there is nothing more for a 15-year-old girl to do other than sew, I vow to prove them wrong. I've been speaking with Alatriel on the matter and she thinks I have become a crazed psychopath. Alatriel is my friend but she doesn't understand my want... no, my need, to be different. A monotonous lifestyle filled with child-care and running a household is not for me.

Everyone says I inherited my Méla's spirit, her love of the woods and adventure and her passionate loathing for normalcy. When my Méla was alive, she always told me I could do anything I wanted, regardless what the Elders or anyone else said, and she would never think less of me for doing it. She told me she understood that I wanted to leave this little village and see what there is to see before I am too old.

This is what I want:

I want to get out of Tal Quen and see what there is to see. I refuse to stay here my entire life and be good only for housework and childbirth. I want people to say my name throughout Prulea, I want the Rangers to regard me as friend and the Wanderers as family. I want... no, I will changed my destiny.

Here I am, back in Hell.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-11-29T09:11:01-05:00

Another day in Hell. This morning I was surprised at myself... I actually didn't mind going to Earth Science and I managed to ignore the overhanging cloud that reminded me how dull that class is. It was a change. A nice change.
Sam's party was fun. I just found out today that she, Landy, and Aleena snuck out and got drunk at Jessica's while the rest of us were sleeping. It sucks but hey, whatever. I got to have some Marb Reds that night and that's good enough for me.
I'm going to have my party on the 10th and I hope and pray that Mom takes me to get m physical and shots before then. I don't know who's bringing what. I'm not really counting on anything though because Rachel can't smuggle stuff out easily and I'm not a big fan of getting stoned anymore. It's not for me. I'll stick with alcohol, thanks.
Not too much happened over break. Friday was Peter Pan, Saturday shopping, Sunday sitting around and playing RuneScape, Monday cleaned the basement with Mom, Tuesday I sat around, Wednesday I cleaned the house for the parental unit (don't ask me why... I got in the mood), Thursday was Thanksturkey, Friday I was shopping at Wally World, Saturday I went with the parentals to Mema's to decorate, and yesterday I decorated my room and went to Wal-Mart again... for extension cords. I didn't really get much time to myself. Only two days, so I told Mom that on Christmas break, I am chilling out until the last couple days when we have to de-decorate. Even my weekends from now until Christmas are packed. Ack... the holidays. I love them yet I hate them as well.
Today is pretty dreary. It's not raining but it's overcast and it's keeping everything dark, like in a dar steel haze. Good day for sleeping or playing 1503 A.D., not so much for using my week-long dormant brain. Mr. Howe gave in to the whims of my class 1st period and let us finish Apollo 13, but in turn we don't get a movie before Christmas. Instead, we get a quiz. What have we done?
I feel as though that week from everyone did me good but I also feel like I am estranged from everyone. I know it'll only be temporary but still. I don't like the feeling of not being 'connected'. Sometimes it's great but this is not one of those times.
*tummy grumble* I wish I had food...
I guess I'm off for now. I'm going to go look up cheat codes for 1503 A.D. That game finally works now that I've got a new computer. It never worked in the Gateway...
-Later-

Yay! It's December!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-01T07:12:05-05:00

Oh feel the joy! I'm so happy it's December. Why you say? This is me month! Snow, Christmas, my birthday, more snow... how can it be anything other than my favorite? I'll turn 16 on the 13th of this month, and the day after I go to get my permit. My birthday party is going to be on the 10th and I've got like 10 or 15 people coming. I also have to go to the doctor's and get my tetnus and shit in the morning, then I'm going back to school for the afternoon and people are riding the bus home with me. I've got to make up invitations tonight and get them out before the week's end so people can't make plans... MUAHAHA!
Right now it's raining out, though it is semi-light. I love the rain, it's just that I wish it was cold enough to turn the rain to snow. Wouldn't that be lovely? *happy sigh*
I am so tired and I am getting so fucking annoyed... I hate it when I clearly tell someone that I'm busy and need to concentrate and they just keep talking. They just go on and on and then ask you questions and when you don't answer, they go, "What? Stephanie? Are you listening? What do you think? Isn't that funny? I thought so... don't you think so?" It makes me want to wring their necks.
And then, my mother just had the grace to tell my father that I've got to feed the animals before I leave, so now I won't get to listen to the fucking news. ACK! So annoyed...
Lab today... at least I've got chorus. That's like the one thing that makes me happy about my day. At this point, I'd rather be in gym than lab, even if we are only in the weight room until Christmas. :) Less work for me, plus maybe I can tone a little.
I've got to go... school and feeding the god-damned animals. I love them but Christ, sometimes they can be such a nusiance. If the rain stops, Dad and I might finish putting up lights tonight, but it'll probably be shoved back to tomorrow. We've got to get more colored lights anyway for the trees so, more likely than not, we'll just wait.
-Later-
~*12 days!*~

Is it too much to ask for a nice, peaceful evening?

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-01T08:12:33-05:00

Is it too much to ask to go through one evening without a family member or friend yelling? if it's not Dad, it's Mom. If it's not Mom, it's Mema on the phone. If it's not Mema, it's one of my friends, bitching and screaming about something they think is overly dramatic but that really doesn't matter at all. Why can't I just have one night where the TV stays off and we just play Christmas music and bake food and I do my homework and then we just chill out and talk in lowered voices? Apparently it is too much to ask because it keeps happening to me. I got bitched out tonight for not wanting to call Landy back. Why don't I want to call her? #1, Mom said she sounds depressed, so she'd probably either cry or bitch. I really don't want to hear it. #2, she'll beg for her CD and I'll just have to give it back to her because my burner's broken and I don't have Limewire so yeah...
I'm out.
-Later-

Yeah yeah yeah...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-02T02:12:35-05:00

Thank God tomorrow's friday. I'm going to crack if the weekend doesn't hurry up and get here! No homework tonight... math was easy for once. Only trig, and we get to do it all on the calkatater. :) Thus no problem.
Watched Elf last night... it was pretty good considering it was mostly retarded. Cute, good for kids, but I wouldn't buy it. Mom's supposed to be bringing Spiderman 2 home tonight, along with anything else that looks good. We'll see if that actually happens, and if she even remembers the batteries.
Got to go... bell's going to ring.
-Later-

10 days, 22 days, and FINALLY!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-03T09:12:36-05:00

It finally snowed last night and for a bit this morning. Mom woke me up at 6:15 and told me it snowed and I practically jumped out of bed and fell. Not too much yet... good day because it's friday, plus I have lessons during english and a Rape Crisis person coming to health next period. It's all good.
*10 days until my 16th birthday!*
*7 days until my party!*
*22 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!*

Annabel Lee

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-03T11:12:46-05:00

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love,
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me;
Yes, that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we,
Of many far wiser than we;
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling,--my darling,--my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
Poe was a genius...

L337 15 C0NFU51NG!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-03T09:12:39-05:00

L337 15 c0nfu51ng. 1 w15h 1 c0uld d0 1t 83773r 8u7 83gg3r5 can'7 83 ch0053r5 1 5upp053. Ahh w377. L37'5 533 1f 1 can d0 7h15 f0r a 817 and 83c0m3 flu3n7.
H1ghly d0ub7ful.

Somewhat good day today...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-04T10:12:57-05:00

The day was ok... not the greatest in the world but ok. Mom and I were kind of at each other's throats this morning/afternoon, then we were fine for the first half of the Sparkle, then we were bitching again once we left. Whatever... I don't understand her and I'm not even going to try.
I haven't talked to anyone except Aubrey this weekend and damn it, I'm glad. I'm really getting sick of school and always being around everyone. I can't wait until Christmas vacation. I can get away and just have some me time. That'll be nice...
9 days until my birthday and 6 days until my party... I am flipping out here!
21 days until Christmas!
-Later-

SNOW!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-06T09:12:46-05:00

It's snowing out! W00T! I came out of chorus and looked out the window my the stairs and saw some fine snow gently fluttering to the ground. Now there's a considerable amount of it although it is still pretty fine. The sidewalks out in front of the school are covered in a white dusting and the street is starting to become cold enough for the little flakes to cling to. The sky is a light gray-white color and I can barely see the hills surrounding this little town.
Everything is getting me in the Christmas spirit.
The library is decked out pretty well. Mrs. Gotshall does an awesome job decorating. There's a little lighted tree and wreath by the check-out desk and a big tree in the corner of the room that's covered in colored lights. A small green wreath hangs on the door to the hallway, a candle with some holly is sitting on and glass showcase, and there are garlands around the doorways and the windows between the library and the librarian's office. There are also some little paper decorations hanging on the doors to the reference room, plus it's nice and well lit in here so it's quite Christmasy.
The snow is falling a bit harder now and I love it. Everything's so white and beautiful... I can't see the hills around Addison at all anymore and Colwell Street, the street my school is on, is finally dusted in white much like the sidewalk. Only the tire tracks of cars breaks the white. It's so beautiful to look out the window and up to the cupola while the snow is falling. Makes this old building seem rather majestic. If only they would send us home... what I wouldn't give to spend a day like this indoors with a fire, listening to Christmas music, and playing Elf Bowling. I wish we had our tree but I didn't want to get it yet because I don't want people knocking stuff off at my party. We're getting it the Sunday before my birthday, which happens to be this upcoming Sunday, and then Mom and I will trim it and finish decorating the house. I hope it snows on Sunday, like the forecast says. Wouldn't it be grand, to decorate while it's snowing and while listening to Christmas music?
Oh the nostalgia.
I think I'll go now before I get REALLY sentimental and bore you all to death. <(^.^)> Oh, but I do love Christmastime. It reminds me of Christmases past and how happy I was when I was younger and how happy I am now. I love reminiscing...

Something I got from Rachel...

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-08T04:12:53-05:00

Firsts
First best friend: Hassler
First car: haven't hit that stage yet
First real kiss: haven't experienced it yet... pathetic, I know
First break-up: uhh... I assume from Steve in 4th grade...
First screen name: calientachica77
First self purchased album: erm...
First funeral: Bepa's...
First pets: Princey, Sam, and Adam
First piercing/tattoo: when I was 8 or 9 I got my ears done
First enemy: too many to remember :P
First music you remember hearing in your house: THE PINK PANTHER THEME SONG! W00T!

Lasts
Last car ride: to the doctor's yesterday with me mum
Last kiss: never had it
Last good cry: yesterday morning
Last library book checked out: something by Lurlene McDaniel
Last movie seen: umm... I don't know. I haven't been to the movies since October.
Last beverage drank: wata
Last food consumed: Apple Cinnamon Cheerios for breekfast
Last phone call: to me mum
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: Champion sneaks... they fuckin' kick :)
Last item bought: lunch today at school :P
Last annoyance: today when Joe Quick wouldn't stop talking to me on the bus
Last time scolded: yesterday for not wearing my coat for the last half of the Sparkle, thus making myself sick. :P Sure...

GOD DAMN IT!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-09T07:12:44-05:00

God is smiting me... he's smiting me because he really doesn't like me. Sybil was supposed to come to my party tomorrow and I was trying to find a time to give her an invite. Well, I gave her one today (the first time I've seen her in like a week) and now she can't fucking go because her mom said it's short notice. BUT I told her like 2 weeks ago about the party, where it was, when it was, everything. She doesn't remember... THIS IS FUCKING QUEER! ACK!

Again, something from Rachel.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-10T07:12:54-05:00

X's marked is YES
[x]been drunk.
[x]smoked pot
[ ]kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[ ]rode in a taxi.
[x]been dumped.
[ ]shoplifted.
[ ]been fired.
[x]had a job.
[ ]been in a fist fight.
[ ]snuck out
[ ]been arrested.
[ ]stole something from your job.
[ ]celebrated new years in times square.
[ ]went on a blind date.
[x]smoked a cigarette.
[ ]gone on an airplane by yourself.
[x]broken a bone.
[ ]had sex in a car.
[x]white lied to a friend.
[x]went swimming in your bathtub
[ ]had a crush on a teacher.
[ ]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ]been to europe.
[ ]made out in a movie theater.
[ ]taken caffine pills.
[ ] been to disney world.
[x] had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[ ] been to california.
[x]been skinny dipping.
[x]regretted something.
[ ]peed on someones lawn.
[x]skipped school.
[ ]thrown up from drinking.
[ ]lost a parent
[ ]kissed a member of the same sex.
[ ]had sex with a boy.
[ ]had sex with a girl.
[x]been in a car accident.
[ ]partied for days and days straight.
[x]had a family member die.
[x]played 'clue'.
[x]had a sleepover party
[x]went ice skating.
[?]dropped x.
[ ]been cheated on.
[ ]had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ] had a 3some.
[x]had a sweet sixteen (TONIGHT!)
[ ]had/have a car.
[x]drove.
[ ]had sex on a roof, with your friends unknowingly watching? -
[x]but it sounds like fun to you?
[ ]have a bf.
[ ]have a gf.
[ ]have a crush.
[x]have a dog
[x]have your own room.
[ ]listen to rap.
[ ]paint your nails.
[ ]play a sport.
[ ]play more than one sport.
[x]watch sports on tv. sometimes
[x]have a fav. group/singer/artist.
[ ]have more than 1 best friend.
[x]get good grades.
[x]play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ]wear boxers.
[x]wear black eyeliner.
[x]like the color blue.
[ ]like the color yellow.
[x]like to read.
[x]like to write. (Love actually.)
[ ]have long hair.
[ ]have short hair.
[ ]have a cell phone.
[ ]have a laptop.
[ ]have a pager. are you?
[x]ugly.
[ ]pretty.
[ ]ok.
[ ]bored.
[x]happy.
[x]bilingual. (To an extent.)
[x]white.
[ ]Black
[ ]Mexican.
[ ]short.
[x]medium.
[ ]tall.
[ ]grounded.
[ ]sick.
[x]lazy.
[ ]talking to someone
[ ]IMing someone.
[x]scared to die.
[x]sleepy.
[ ]annoyed.
[ ]on the phone.
[ ]in your room.
[ ]drinking something.
[ ]eating something.
[ ]in your pjs.
[x]ticklish.
[x]listening to music.
[ ]homophobic.

Rock on!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-12T08:12:24-05:00

The party was awesome! I'll write more tomorrow... Not Another Teen Movie is on.

It's my 16th! W00T!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-13T06:12:26-05:00

Yay! Today is my 16th birthday! I'm actually hyped up to go to school today. I opened my presents from Mom and Dad just a few minutes ago and I got HP3, toe socks, and a beautiful blue hopper that I want to go with my Conrail engine. I was going to go to the Teen Center today with Wayne and Sam but I think I'm just going to come home. I'll probably watch HP3 and then get ready to go to Red Lobster. That's where I'm going for dinner tonight with just the family. *happy sigh* Oh how the happiness ensues!
The party was fun and awesome. Everyone seemed to have a good time and I swear, me and my retarded friends played like 50 games of Scrabble and ate so much chocolate fondue it's unreal. Carrie, Michelle, and I were so sick from it we almost puked but it was fun. Then Rachel, Carrie, and Sam played another round of Scrabble while Aubrey and I messed around with my bass guitar, trying to figure out how to pay some SOAD stuff. 'Twas interesting and Aubrey doesn't suck. She did good for only playing my guitar twice before that. She loves it and wants it. :P
The bus will be here in about 20 minutes to I'll wrap it up. I hope today I get some flowers and balloons. I always enjoyed getting stuff at school on my birthday. A couple years ago I got two balloons and blue carnations... then Dad and I cut a hole in the balloons like a week later and sucked out all the helium. :P I did that at my party too and DAMN it was fun/funny. Must go... I want to watch the news.

Panic prone

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-14T08:12:50-05:00

Why does that seem to fit me so well? I was listening to the song Panic Prone... you know, by Chevelle... and it just seemed to click. I started thinking about the meaning of those two little words and I figured that, even though sometimes I look like I'm all calm and cool and composed (the three Cs in panicky situations), inside I'm flipping out. I have no control whatsoever over my inner desire to always panic when something happens. None at all. Even when I have no reason to panic, I freak over little things. For example, right now I'm going nuts inside because tomorrow I'm leaving school at 1:30 to go take my test for my permit and shit, dude... I feel like I'm gonna fail! I mean, how pathetic would it be to fail the 20 question writtin test FOR YOUR PERMIT!? That shit's just sad...
Somebody help! Tell me what's on the test... tell me how to cure my panic... tell me anything!

Wheehoo!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-15T04:12:32-05:00

I decided that the whole kitty-Robin Hood thing was cool but I needed a change. Thus, dragons. Hope you all like it! I love my header pic.
P.S. - I am a little pissed because I was supposed to get my permit today but I couldn't because the bitch at the DMV said I didn't have enough proof of name. WHAT THE CHRIST!? I HAD EVERYTHING! Whore...

IT'S TONIGHT! OH NO! IT'S TONIGHT!

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-21T05:12:05-05:00

Oh great... the concert is tonight and even though I've been practicing the trio avidly for the last 3 months, I feel like it's not right. Like it's not up to speed. I hate having this feeling, this last minute feeling that somehow everything's going to go horribly, horribly wrong. *breathes* It's ok, nothing bad will happen. I've practiced, Rachel's practiced, Landy's semi-practiced. We can do this... I hope...
Landy is pissing me off... yet again. She bitched about having the smallest part in the trio when it was her idea in the first place, but she can barely manage the part she has now. I don't know how she thinks she can pull off something like Hassan and Rashid when even she said she didn't know if she could do Yussef up to par. I swear to God, if she screws this up... the same thing applies to Rachel and I. I want this to go perfect.
I'm also going to inform the tenor section tonight (not so much Amanda or Hassler but everyone else) that you should never, EVER compromise pitch for volume. Landy and Carrie are doing that a lot and they're standing right behind me, so I'm about ready to haul in my dad's AK-47 and go postal. They've got it stuck in their heads that it doesn't matter how bad you sound so long as you sing LOUD. I elbowed Carrie in the stomach last night to get her to shut up (she has a problem of talking ENDLESSLY on stage) and she got pissy with me. Harrumph.
Look people, I'm sorry if this seems overly harsh, but we've been practicing for four months and I am not going to tolerate mistakes tonight, on my part or anyone else's. I'm going to be as cold, cynical, heartless, and insensitive as I can be tonight because I'm not worried about friendships right the moment. I'm worried about people who think they're better than me fucking us all in the ass because they're too proud to listen to anyone but themselves.
I'm freaking out and I need to calm down. I'm going to go soak my feet or something and take some Tylenol to relax...
*Please, God, let us do this wonderfully. Make this performance one of the best, one that people will remember for some time to come. Help Landy, Rachel, and I pull the trio off with professional execution. Please...*

It's over and I am completely DEAD.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-22T03:12:46-05:00

Well, the concert's over, but I swear to Christ if Keenly puts it on a Tuesday again I am going to break his fingers. I came to school this morning and I was so completely dead it was unreal.
Everyone said the trio was the best out of the solos and stuff but I think everyone did well. Amanda and Megan did awesome and Amanda didn't let her nerves get to her so she nailed her pitches almost perfectly. It was a good concert. I was very proud.
Tomorrow's the last day before break but I'm contemplating not going. Marlaina, Hassler, and I were thinking about it but it depends. I know I won't be there in the morning because I'm going to get my permit.
Must go... Mom and I are going to the laundromat. Just where I wanted to spend my Wednesday night... ack.

Such a skipper and loving every minute.

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-23T09:12:41-05:00

Well, I was supposed to go to school today after I went to the DMV but I talked to Mom when we were at the Bath Kwik-Fill and she didn't care if I skipped. Thus, I did, and I got the rest of my wrapping done as well as baked a few peanut butter blossoms for Christmas. It's hard to believe that the day is this Saturday. It's kind of depressing too, but at least I've got all of next week off. That's a comforting thought.
I did get my permit today and drove home from Campbell after I got my eyebrows waxed. It kind of sucked... extremely curvy road in blidning rain. What a great way to start driving. :-P I guess that's what I get for having a winter birthday.
The only people who skipped school today were me, Hassler, and Justin Hand. Everyone else went. *shrugs* Oh well. More power to 'em. I was content to stay home in my warm house, watching it pour outside. I rather enjoyed myself a little, but now I'm feeling the effects of 3 hours of wrapping and baking...
Mom and I tried to play Scrabble but we only lasted an hour. We're too damn tired. She tried to tell me ther was a word and I looked it up in every possible place I could and came to the conclusion that ther is not a word. There is, but not ther. In any event, she got really pissy about it so I told her I was giving up on the game and that our brains weren't functioning properly enough to play Scrabble. I wanted to play Monopoly but no one in this family likes that game save me.
All right, I'm yawning like a maniac so I suppose I'm off to read and then sleep...
-Later-

:-D

rampagethruny2 — 2004-12-28T05:12:49-05:00

Finally got the permit; Christmas is over; no more birthdays for a bit... things are going good, despite the fact that my math average is in the 70s and Mom geeked out. Damn those progress reports anyway...
<(^.^)>I GOT MY PERMIT! WOOT!<(^.^)>

I hate growing up.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-04T01:01:53-05:00

I think the only good thing that comes out of growing up is getting your permit or license. That's it. I'll give you all a list of why growing up is bad for us and our soul.
1.) As we get older, we're considered more mature, thus responsibility for everything we think, say, and do is placed on our shoulders. Responsibility forces us out of childhood and into adulthood and people are starting to place this burden on the shoulders of 6-year-olds.
2.) As we get older, it's said that we mature more so we can be educated about things that we would have thought disgusting when we were younger. We go through sex ed, and in the end everyone knows exactly how to make babies, though that rarely comes to mind as a consequence to sex.
3.) Since we are educated about sex, people start experimenting with things and eventually they figure, "Well, if my hand does such a good job, having someone else screw me must be even better." Before you know it, half of your "friends" have had sex before they've graduated and perhaps they even have kids.
4.) When we grow up, we're thought to be able to handle more things like defending ourselves and making a way in the world and making the right decision at an early age. Just to "defend" themselves, people begin to learn some of the most horrid insults I've ever heard. These become the norm and suddenly, the only way to solve a problem is throw some punches and see who wins. Whoever is stronger must obviously be right.
5.) People begin to think that disrespect is a form of entertainment. As a result, everyone begins talking about everyone else in order to gain favor with a certain group of people. As quickly as you can blink, you find that your best friend of so many years has suddenly become your worst enemy.
6.) When we grow up, some people get into the mindset that having a child at the age of 14 is something to be proud of.
7.) As we mature, we learn about stimulants/depressants and their effects on us. People start smoking or doing pot or drinking at a young age and it just comes with them as they get older. The result: since more and more people do these things, it becomes expected that you try it at least once before you graduate. If you don't want to try it, you're automatically considered a narc or a pussy.
8.) People that you were friends with in your younger years suddenly don't talk to you anymore. When you ask them why, they either ignore you or tell you it's because you're not cool anymore. When we become hurt by this and try to tell an adult, it gets brushed aside. Adults like to call this ritual "Growing up and growing apart".
9.) Learning and school become a waste of time and those who have actual potential stop coming because it's been deemed "uncool".
10.) Someone who you thought was your friend starts having sex with your ex-boyfriend. Your friend thinks there's something to this; the dickhead, your ex, only did it to get you angry. He has no intention whatsoever of honoring the sacred vow you automatically make when you make love with someone. You and your friend become hurt and then everyone's life falls apart thanks to the medical monster called "teenage depression".
11.) Sex is no longer a ritual of love but a weapon against those you hate.
These are just a few of the reasons why growing up sucks. Personally, I think the world would be better off if we reserved a medieval mindset about sex. We'd be better off if people didn't think that others were "uncool" just because they're different. We'd be better off if people didn't always care so much about the opinion of others.
Life is supposed to be enjoyable. Instead, it has become a trial. Suddenly, you're not meant to enjoy life anymore but to endure it. If something horrible happens to you and you need to talk, the automatic response is, "Life sucks. Deal with it."
What is the world coming to?
What kind of place is this when 8-year-olds are thinking like 45-year-olds?
Why is everything like this?
What a great way to start the new year.

Yeah...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-06T05:01:57-05:00

Even though it's only been two days, I'm tired of seeing that rant about growing up on my blog page. On a good day, like today, I look at that thing and all that goes through my head is, "What pills were you taking?"
Growing up can be a problem, yes, but I also acknowledge that it can be nice. Without growing up we would not learn of love, something I believe in fiercely, but most of the time it does suck pretty badly.
As I sit here thinking about what I said a couple days ago, I realize that when I'm pissed, I am extremely VILE. Sometimes I enjoy it, using it to my advantage in an argument or what-not, but the rest of the time it makes me see what a foul creature I can be.
*sigh*
Sometimes I wish I was a darking. Darkings are cute.
My darking name would be Crazy.
Or maybe Bean.

I hate 2005 already.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-09T04:01:33-05:00

I guess this weekend was all right. Hassler came over Friday night and spent near 3 hours talking to Adam on my computer. They got back together. *shrugs* It's not my business nor my place to say anything, so I will maintain silence and watch everything unfold. As always.
Mom's been very... angry all day today. You know, slamming dishes, talking to herself in hushed, angry tones, yelling at me and my father, literally screaming at my dog. I don't know what's wrong with her. She sounded fine when she left this morning but when she came back from Mema's, it was like all her emotions were reblling against all forms of gaity and happiness. I guess everybody needs an off-day but I hate it when my parents have one. When they get it, they tend to take it out on everyone else. I used to do that a lot. Now I try not to. It seems bottling everything makes everyone else happy...
I thought of myself as one of those people who doesn't give a shit about what others think. I was wrong. I do care (to an extent) and it's absolutey unnerving to want others' opinions of you. The thing I hate most is that I want my friends to think well of me. I guess they'd have to in order to be my friends but still...
I geeked out on Aubrey Friday night because she was talking in riddles. She's my friend because of that ability but sometimes it's so damn annoying, especially when she asks for advice and you're trying to figure out what the hell she's talking about. I don't like it when I get confused. I like to know exactly what's going on at all times so there won't be any surprises. I'm in for a rude awakening when I get to the real world.
Sometimes I think it's just me. Other times I wonder and pray others feel this way so I know I'm not alone.
Still, it's hard not to feel alone when you're given the impression that you are...

ACK! THIS IS ABNORMAL!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-10T06:01:51-05:00

What is this bull?! How come the Sierra-Nevada's get 19 feet of snow and New York gets nothing? WHY?! Back in the day it was total role reversal for the weather. Whatever happened to that? *shakes head* They get 19 feet and we've got what... 4 inches? Pfft.
In any event, it better god-damned come this way in a couple days like they're predicting. If it doesn't, some meteorologists are going to die...
School today. Monday. Don't you just LOVE mondays? *growl* All my good, happy feelings from last night are GONE. Completely and utterly DEAD. Can you feel the resentment...
At least tuesday and thursday won't be so bad. Since there was no snow when the new gym class started, we're doing self-defense instead of cross-country skiing. Personally, I think it's more beneficial, for both your body and whatever may come your way. Let's hope I'm not too huge to manage it.

Hmm...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-11T04:01:57-05:00

A good day today. I actually felt smart... for the past few weeks, I felt like Rachel's former self had rubbed off on me (:) Breathe, Hassler. I love ye). I wasn't lost in math and even though trig is insanely easy, it's been one of those 2-month-periods where NOTHING makes sense. You ever get that?
I guess everything's all dandy with everyone now. Rachel and Adam are in full swing; Matt and Katie got back together yesterday; Landy says she's all right with Hassler and Adam (though somehow I don't think she is); Sam left Joe (THANK GOD!); etc. *sigh* Ah, a break from the drama. How I do love it...
The bus ride home was fun. Somebody had an entire bag of rubber bands and ever since Kenyan left, we've been hellions. Doug's actually got back seat now instead of seat four and I swear to Christ, it's fun. I almost hit our bus monitor square in the face with a rubber band; instead it flew right past her nose. Then she came snooping in the back to find out who was shooting them (it was everyone, though we hid them well) and she was completely baffled. *shrugs* I think she's a bit touched, myself.
*sigh* Sunday I could have gone to the mall with Cassie (which I desperately need to do because my stockpile of books that I just got LAST WEEK has already run out. Yes, I've read them all. I'm a Tamora Pierce junky). The only catch was Mom would have had to drive me there since Cass was already down there. That didn't fly, plus mi madre was being a bit homronal so I didn't press the matter. Still, I have Regents Week to endure soon and I absolutely REFUSE to sit in that school for hours on end with NO new reading material. I would write but I can't just call upon my inspiration. It comes and goes, and when it shows up I've got to ergreifen sie den moment, you know? Lately, though, it hasn't been around... :(
I do loathe writer's block.

Quizzes.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-11T08:01:44-05:00

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Famous Blogger Twin is InstaPundit

Smart, well-informed, a true polymath Don't be surprised if your blogging brings you fame as well!

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

First really stressful day I've had in ages.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-12T09:01:44-05:00

I warn you all, this is going to be an entry where I tell you about my day, then proceed to say that it sucked and to detail exactly why it sucked. Thus...
WARNING: Read at the risk of becoming depressed!
I woke up at 5:50 after falling asleep around 12:30 the night before. Everyone knows I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep and I pratically bitched my mom right out of the bathroom so I could take a long shower and not be late. I was comforted a bit when I came out to the living room around 6:30 and found that it was raining, though I would have preferred snow. I went and stood out in the cold wetness around 7:30, waiting for my bus (which takes an exceedingly long time to get from my neighbor's house to mine), then got on the jail-on-wheels and froze the entire way to school.
I got to school, went to earth science, then tried to read my book and tune out my teacher but I noticed that Mr. Howe was gracious enough to keep looking back at me. Blast. Foiled again. I went to chorus which was fine and dandy... that class is the reason I go to school anymore. Then I went to lab, which was a varitable hell. Mr. Castle was actually funny today but I just found him annoying. We had to compy down a chart for determining what a mineral was and my lab has the tendency to make everything harder than it is. What a joy that was...
When the bell rang I went to my locker and grabbed my health binder, then practically ran to health but I remembered I had to talk to Mr. V. so I stopped to ask him something and then I was late to class. I sat there for maybe 5 minutes before getting called down to the office to go to the doctor's. I went, got my physical (the PA was nicely cold... I hate that), drove to Wegman's to have lunch, then drove back to school. I came into global about halfway through; I ended up copying down the notes and doing my work in the time right before the bell: 15 minutes.
I went to my locker again, talked to Marlaina in the hall, went down to math, proceeded not to pay attention because trig is so easy I want to vomit, then went up to english. In that WONDERFUL class, I took a quiz on To Kill A Mockingbird which I haven't been reading at all. I think I did fairly well, though I was tweaked that I was a bit lost.
I went back to my locker (yes, AGAIN), grabbed my stuff, went out back and stood in the cold rain, glared at Hassler's boyfriend, got on my bus, tried desperately to drown out Doug's yelling (he wanted to listen 94.7, not 106.1), trudged through the snow in my drive-way (which was kind enough to soak my pants), then came in to find Dad on the computer. Normally I'm not possessive but today was an off day and I'm used to getting online when I get home. I silently through a fit about that, watched Blue Crush in my room for maybe an hour, came out and watched more TV, ate dinner, did my math, then spent an hour and a half helping Mom clean the house and do the dishes. The entire time I was helping, I got to hear her bitch. Yes, she is still fucking hormonal. I wanted to force feed her some Pamprin.
Now I sit here, feeling anger and a sense of doom rising in my heart, and having a conversation with Rachel that consists only of 2-word-sentences on my part.
This is really not my day...

Oy...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-15T12:01:36-05:00

This thursday, friday, and saturday have to be the worst I've had in a while. All I've been able to do for the last two days is sleep, take pills, go to the doctor's, cough, puke, sneeze, and blow my nose. It sucks some big balls. I'm starting to think that this may be more than a head cold. Last night I had a coughing fit to the point where I almost threw up and the last cough resulted in blood in my mouth. It could just be from my throat, which is so raw I can barely talk, but it still worries me. A lot.
I was going to go to school yesterday but my mother ordered me to stay home. For one in my life I was sicker than anything and I wanted to go to school, though I wouldn't have been much use. I told them if I went, I'd probably just sleep in class, but I didn't want to miss anything too important. I could have listened at the beginning of class and nodded off or paid attention, but no. I had to stay home. I guess it was for the best... I slept all day and all night anyway. It sucks because I feel very weak and I'm not used to such a lack of strength. I had to lean against the wall of my hallway last night just to make it back to my bedroom...
I'm getting tired again so I'm off to sleep... it takes a lot of effort for my fingers to move over the keys...

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

Great.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-15T07:01:36-05:00

Change that to "Ignoring others is bliss."
And if so, I swear to Christ some of the people I know must be in HEAVEN...
You take one sick day out of school and when you start talking to people once you're better, it's like you get shut out completely. Just because you were gone for one day, you're completely lost.
This sucks some big floppy donkey dick.

An entry to Amber.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-16T09:01:54-05:00

I just wanted to dedicate this entry to Amber Quick. Amber was a little girl who lived down the road from me; she used to like me a lot and totter around after me but I only found her annoying. I degraded her for a while, then just didn't speak to her at all. Last January, I believe January 5th, my father came in my room and told me that she'd died. She had leukemia and didn't know it, then she got the flu, was hospitalized, but didn't make it. My friend Rachel and I were probably the meanest to her so we are going to try and find her grave so we can visit it.
It was Amber's death that made me believe a little more in ghosts and things like that. For about a week after, it felt like she was following me everywhere, like she was waiting for me to apologize for all the things I'd done to her. One night I broke down crying and I spent something like an hour just apologizing for being so mean to her. After I did that, it felt like she'd finally forgiven me and that she no longer followed me. Ever since I've considered her with respect because she was a 10-year-old girl and she still managed to try and fight off something life-threatening. She did try but to no avail.
Thus, this is for Amber: I am still sorry about all the things I said or did that made you miserable. You were, indeed, a nice little girl and a good friend when I was nice enough to have you.

R.I.P. Amber Quick - January 5th, 2004

Yay! This is turning into a good weekend.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-16T02:01:26-05:00

Well, perhaps this weekend isn't as bad as I perceived. Rachel and I wanted to go to B&N (Barnes & Noble), so we asked my mom. She said no, then we opted to ask Sarah, Rachel's sister, who agreed to take us. Not only that but Marlaina's mom is dropping Marlaina off there with us and we're all just going to laze around and read for hours on end. It'll be grand. Thank God Sarah loves B&N enough to live there. I do too but my parents always want to leave after like half an hour and that doesn't usually go over too well with me but I can't really refuse. They're my ride.
*happy sigh* Once I get my license, I am going to live in the bookstore. WOOT WOOT!
Mom gave me some cash but I'm wondering if it'll be enough. I think I'm going to ask Dad for a few extra bucks, just for insurance. Whatever I don't spend I'll give back to them. Speaking of money, I've got to talk to Hassler about a t-shirt...
-Later-

This SUCKS!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-18T01:01:48-05:00

I thought I was all cured of my sickness when I went out Sunday. I woke up Monday morning and I felt like I was going to DIE. I hated every minute of it and I still hate it. *angry sigh* Leave it to me to get sick RIGHT before Regents Week.
At least I got some new books. :)

I've come to a depressing realization.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-18T02:01:25-05:00

I love books and fantasy stories. I was reading this morning, deeply interested in yet another Tamora Pierce book, and then I decided I needed to shower. As I was standing there I got to thinking about how I wished the things in the book, things like magic and dragons and knights, really existed nowadays. In turn this led me to understand that I'm not really in touch with reality anymore. I am sometimes, but other times I'm just out there, wandering through the void.
I realized that I spend more times living through books and stories than I do here, on this planet. Reading takes me away from the monotony of my everyday life but it's begun to take me a little too far and a little too often. I read about these people who are so brave they can't possibly be real but yet I wish I was like them. I wish I could go on some grand adventure and go searching for things that shouldn't exist but do. I wish I had some magical ability that was real so I could shape it and mold it to do whatever I wanted. Sometimes I think I was born onto the wrong plane of existence, into the wrong world. I feel like I'm living with the wrong kind of people. Instead of a world of magic, I was born into a world of machines.
I shouldn't be here. I should be living back in the Middle Ages or on some other plane where knights-errant go riding after monsters and riches that are unimaginable, all for glory, king, and country.
And now, as I write this, I also realize that the reason I read and write the things I do is because it's an expression. The things I talk about in my story are the expressions of my desires, my desire to brave or noble, to be strong or magically gifted, to go riding after evil and possess talents no one else in the world has. I feel like I should have broken the mold but I haven't. I'm just another person, so insignicifcant in this life. Even when writers are few and far between, there is always more than one. There's just nothing very special about me, nothing very extradordinary.
I hope that when I die, I can maintain a memory of this life as I go to the next. When I'm all reincarnated again, I want to remember and experience these desires all again. Maybe in the next life I live I'll get my wish, my wish to live in a world that's comepletely unreal, or so it seems. Let's just hope I can remember it...

Home again.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-19T03:01:27-05:00

This is the sickness that never ends! AGH!
Mom told me to stay home today because she didn't want me sicker than I alreayd am, but damn it I'm going to be fucked come mid-terms if I don't go back tomorrow. Thus, I am, and no one's going to stop me. Watch, I'll do something like throw up halfway through the day and have to go home. I've been sick with this fucking epidemic for something like 2 weeks now and it's just settling in my chest. No matter what I do, it won't go away, plus I'm so damn tired all the time I can't even make myself useful. Just typing makes me sleepy. Harrumph... I'm not used to weakness and I don't like it when it comes to call.
My house is something like 73 degrees and here I am, freezing my balls off, hardly able to feel my hands or feet. And I'm bundled up here! A nap sounds real good now...
Maybe I'm jumping the gun or I'm getting a little too "into it", but I've been reading about the symptons of mono and I'm pondering if maybe me and Dad are getting it. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy, but the symptoms sound very familiar to what I'm having and what I gave Dad...
Ok, time to sleep...

Hopefully!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-21T06:01:27-05:00

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I felt a little sick in the morning (no, I am not pregnant... that's just messed up) but it got better towards the afternoon. I stayed after and made up my lab, then went to the first AAS meeting of the season. Marlaina, Hassler, and Aubrey went with me and now they're all joining the team. WOOT WOOT!
Today should be a pretty easy day. I've got study hall 3rd but I'm going to make up a math test so that's botched. I hope Rachel brings her sister's astrology book. I've been wanting to read it and Sarah said I could borrow it but yeah... the messenger is daft. ^.^ I'm letting Hassler borrow Snow-walker so I've got to get that with my stuff this morning. As of now, I'm halfway through The Two Princesses of Bamarre (it's excruciatingly stupid but I'm trying to get through it anyway) and I'm looking for another Tamora pierce quartet to start. I think the only one I've got left is the Wildmage series. After that, I move to The Wayfarer Redemption series, then I suppose the Dragonlance books.
Ah, books books. My life in short. ^.^

PHUCKIN' AYE!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-22T01:01:48-05:00

Yesterday, last night, and this morning have all been REALLY good. School was fun even though the stage was closed. Since mid-terms are getting in full swing, there's no homework or projects. All they want us to do is review. Joy joy!
Last night I was supposed to go see Phantom with Marlaina but it wasn't in theaters ANYWHERE around here. Instead, Mom and I picked up Rachel and Marlaina, went to Denny's for dinner, then went to Wal-Mart. We helped Mom get some cat food and litter and dog food, then us girls went off to frolick for an hour. We had a good time. We came back home, then Rachel went home and I went to Marlaina's for the night. We watched this one weird vampire movie that was all animation but it was FUCKING GREAT! It's called Vampire Hunter D. It's really nifty... I suggest it to fantasy lovers. Even if you don't like anime type stuff, because I HATE it, you'll like this movie. It's cool.
Marlaina and I stayed up doing random things till about 3 a.m., then went to bed. I swear to God, the nicest bed in that house has to be the one Alex has. His mattress is REALLY soft... I slept till like 10:30 (some of the best sleep I've gotten in a while), then got up, watched cartoons for maybe a couple hours, then Mom picked me up. Getting home was real fun... it's been snowing really badly for like the past 4 hours and we had to go down Marlaina's hill, then onto my crappy road to get home. Still, it was fun. I had a great time overall this weekend, plus I got a nifty D&D dragon species poster.
By the way, if you're bored and looking for a way to kill about 30-seconds, go to this link. Marlaina's other brother, Albert, showed it to her and she showed it to me. It's called the Kitty Cat Dance. Someone at Albert's college made it for a project.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/kittycat.php

Something from another blogger...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-23T04:01:28-05:00

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings : The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car?
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
67. Battle Royale
68. Kill Bill Vol. 2
69. Fight Club
70. Clerks
71. The Crow
72. Get Real
73. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
74. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
75. Wake
76. Silence of the Lambs
77. Pulp Fiction
78. The Crying Game
79. Amélie
80. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
81. Happy Campers
82. Velvet Goldmine
83. Elephant
84. Peter Pan
85. Camp
86. Particles of Truth
87. The Godfather
88. Big Fish
89. The Passion of the Christ
90. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
91. The Neverending Story
92. The Breakfast Club
93. Newsies
94. Princess Mononoke
95. The Prince of Egypt
96. Grease
97. The Hidden Fortress
98. Troy
99. It Happened One Night
100. Hackers
101. Dead Poets Society
102. Ghost Ship
103. The Wedding Banquet
104. The Red Violin
105. The Beach
106. The Women
107. Run Lola Run
108. The Quiet Man
109. X-Men
110. X-2
111. Spiderman
112. Punch Drunk Love
113. From Dusk 'Til Dawn
114. Joe Vs. The Volcano
115. Meet Joe Black
116. Gregory's Girl
117. In the Time of the Butterflies
118. The Butterfly Effect
119. Dirty Dancing
120. Final Destination 2
121. Rosemary's Baby
122. Spider-Man 2
123. Practical Magic
124. A Shark Tale
125. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
126. Sweet Home Alabama
127. American Beauty
128. Rocky Horror Picture Show
129. American Psycho
130. American History X
131. Ray
132. Waking Life
133. I Heart Huckabees
134. Garden State
135. What the Bleep Do We Know
136. Gone In 60 Seconds
137. 8 Mile
138. Blow
139. Napoleon Dynamite
140. Bend It Like Beckham
141. Charlies Angels
142. Charlies Angels: Full Throttle
143. Along came polly
144. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
145. King Arthur
146. Thirteen Ghosts
147. The Phantom of the Opera

GLEE.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-25T02:01:39-05:00

:) Stephanie is passing her mid-terms AND getting the Axe of Nightfall... WOOT WOOT! Not to mention she's going to start getting medieval weaponry catalogues along with Musician's Friend and YM. WOOT WOOT! Life is good. :)

Fucking wonderful.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-26T07:01:21-05:00

I woke up this morning and I had a wonderful feeling about the day. Maybe it still has a chance to come true, this little premonition of mine, but it's not looking as bright as it did at 5:50 this morning. I read the blog of a friend this morning and she was talking about some problems we're having. It's just that... sometimes, when we talk, I get to feeling like I'm a little 4-year-old and she feels she has to explain everything to me like she would an idiot. It's degrading, even if it's not on purpose. It does nothing for a better mood. In any event, it made me a little depressed to see this addressed by her because I have never really mentioned it before. Not to her. I did, however, mention it to Hassler last night because I was in one of those "I hate everything" moods and she decided to start messing with me on another screen name. In any event, now I know that she can't particularly keep quiet about certain things; thus last night I bitched, I left, I watched Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (excellent movie), then I went to bed and tried to ignore the fact that my mother kept barging in my room REALLY LOUDLY just because she was pissed off at my dad. She threw stuff in my door so now my nice, clean room is a mess.
Here it goes...
Yesterday my dad also proceeded to bitch me out because he thinks I'm breaking the computer again. I know I'm not because I have abstained from looking at porn (yeah, I killed my Gateway doing that). He still blames me for every little thing that happens and he freaks out when it gets just a little slow. According to my parents, if something goes wrong in the house or it something's broken, I must have done it because neither of them did it (supposedly) and I'm the only one left. This is simply not true. I get blamed for a lot of bad shit that happens around here but generally I try not to argue because it's a losing battle.
Now Mom is doing the whole, "Don't use that tone with me," thing and I probably am using "the tone" but I really don't fucking care anymore. She likes to think the world revolves around her. I like to think it doesn't. She's also a deer killer. That's what you get for driving like a retard down the Narrows from Cameron to Hornell. *shakes head* Stupid...
You ever get those days where you feel like everything's against you and you have this feeling of utter hate in your stomach? There's a knot right above my intestines and it's the evil and dreaded Knot of Hate. AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF MY DAD'S STUPID FUCKING CAT DOESN'T STOP YOWLING, I'M GOING TO DISEMBOWEL HIM! I HATE HIM! HE'S UGLY AND ALL HE DOES IS FUCKING YOWL!
I want to cry...

Hmm.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-26T07:01:22-05:00

I guess everything's fine now... I'm not sure. I'm not about to try and sort through my thoughts and feelings. Not now, not when I'm at one of the peaks of life's emotional rollercoaster. That's just stupid and deadly...
I have the rest of the week off (I don't have to go to school unless I have a Regents, which I don't), so I'm going to take a lot of time to think about shit. I'm just really confused and I need to get things straightened around so I'm un-confused. A four day weekend does sound grand... at least two of those days will be spent away from people, and Saturday and Sunday I'll be home as well. Friday night I'm supposed to go with a bunch of people to Marlaina's to go sled-riding. She's got killer hills all around her house plus she's got a big house we can romp in (well, semi-romp) and a fireplace and her mom's making home-made pizza. It'll be fun.
That's it for now... Dad's narcing to get on here so he can list. I may write tomorrow... it depends on if I delve into myself and find anything worth talking about. Any emotions of note. That probably won't happen though... everything's so mixed up.
~Shadowmaster~

Writing is my life.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-26T10:01:35-05:00

Writing is my life. There's no simple way to express how much I love the written word, how much I love my stories and my notebooks, my pen and my imagination. They're sacred and blessed things for me, things I couldn't really live without. I suppose, if I were stuck on an island with no pen or paper, I'd just grab a stick and start writing in the sand. I have to write. It's my outlet. When I completely freak out, or when I get stabbed in the back or when something euphoric happens to me, I express my thoughts and feelings through my characters, somehow relating them to myself.
It's such a grand talent. To be able to write is to hold the future in your hand, for without literature, we are nothing.
I'm feeling especially happy because, in the span of about a week, I've managed to invent a new race of people and a new history for vampires. It's so wonderfully wonderful. :) I love every minute of it.
Another thing I want to say is that to Aubrey and Rachel, thanks for always listening to me and helping me work shit out and realize things I couldn't always see. You guys have been great friends most of my life and I'm glad I met you. Really, you've helped me in ways you'll never know. You guys are like the sisters I never really had.
~Shadowmaster~

Whatever...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-27T05:01:20-05:00

I don't get it. I got a blog last February and it's been an outlet for me through some really bad shit. I told people that I got one and even tried to convince a few of my friends to get one but no, it was stupid to them.
Now, all the sudden, EVERYONE on God's green earth wants a fucking Mindsay blog! Aubrey thought they were stupid but now she has one and I'm inclined to think she got it because of Brandon, who also has one. EVERYONE wants one now!
Whatever... don't believe me. I'm just full of bullshit. Don't ANYONE EVER think I'm right about ANYTHING. It would just KILL people to acknowledge that I was right for once in their miserable little lives. It's queer is what it is.
It amazes me how some of my friends will do absolutely anything for their significant other but when it comes to listening to me, one of their friends for years, they think I'm full of it. They think I'm doing it to make the miserable along with myself or that I'm just saying something to fuck with them or whatever.
This is queer.
People suck.
~Shadowmaster~

This I got from Brandon... he's imaginative.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-27T10:01:09-05:00

Coming this summer to a theater near you! *creepy music begins* In a time where teenagers were deviant sexual beings there was one man who made it his job to look out for their saftey. But, in peering upon the love of others, jealousy sowed its ugly seed. He could only take it for so long. He could only stand keeping love safe and recieving none of his own for so long. It was only a matter of time before he snapped and now, no promiscuous adolescent is safe. He no longer cares for your safety; he only cares for your punishment. "Oh Tom I love you." "I'd love you more bitch if you lost the pants." "Oh Tom you're so sweet, I don't see why my dad wants to kill you." "Why are you still talking?" "Treat me like shit you sexy motherfucker!" "Now hold on, what do we have here?" "Trojan Man?!" "What are you doing here?" "It seems you two are enjoying your evening up here, all alone, what were you planning on doing?" "What do you think you fuckin cock-block?" "Oh Tom, I love the beautiful poetic flow that your mouth doth liberate." "What?" "Naughty kids, aren't you forgetting something?" "What? A rubber?" "Not quite, its just that all work and no play makes Trojy a dull boy." ... "Who's Trojy?" "Oh that's not important, I just wanted you to try out my new product!" "Yeah?" "Yes, its called 'seehowmuchunprotectedsexyoucanhavewhenIcutoffyourdick'!" "Wait, what?" *ensue screaming* He sees you in your house; he sees you in the back seat of your car; he sees you on the beach; he sees you everywhere. You aren't safe. He no longer hands out contraception: now he's giving away cold death. It's time to own up to your actions. "A masterpiece!" ~Time magazine "It scared me sterile!" ~Roger Ebert "Forget telling your kids they'll burn in hell for their sins, have them watch this movie!" ~Pope Jean Paul III Trojan Man: Latex Rubber Coffin July 2005 ^Bravo, Brandon. Thanks for the oxymoron, too. Brandon's oxymoron: monopoly. MAKES YOU THINK, DOESN'T IT?! ~Shadowmaster~

The dreaded To-Do list was on my counter this morning.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-28T01:01:22-05:00

Yes, my mother left me a to-do list and it sucks, but it's necessary. We have no towels left in the bathroom so I really need to do laundry; most of the animals are out of food and water (I assume) so I've got to make sure they don't starve/become dehydrated; the living room, bathroom, and dining room/desk are so dusty and untidy it's unreal so I've got to make sure I do that as well. While I do all this, I'm trying to download more music because I'm sick of my old collection. It gets old after a while.
The only bad thing about work is that two weeks ago, when I was sick, I had gumption. Now? Nothing. Just sleepiness, and if I don't get this stuff done then I probably won't be able to go to Marlaina's tomorrow. If I didn't have anything to do all weekend, I wouldn't do half of it. I'd just feed and water the animals. But, since I actually want to go to the sledding party tomorrow and spend the night, I must work.
Speaking of work, I need to find myself a job. Anyone got any ideas? I really need some cash but I can't particularly do a lot yet becaue 1., I have no license and 2., I don't know when my drama and All-Stars pratice is going to be. *sigh* Damn it.
I guess I've nothing more to say except pray for me.
~Shadowmaster~

I fucking hate college whores...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-28T09:01:54-05:00

There's a girl I used to know and be friends with in high school. She was nice up until her senior year. Then she got laid and had a bad case of senioritis, thus she turned into a whore. She started talking to random guys online, then meeting them a week later to have sex with them. She's no better now. In fact, she's worse than she was in high school. I hate her. She's a stupid whore. ACK! WHY MUST SHE TALK TO ME?! Dumb bitch... I just want to... poke her until she goes crazy. Yeah... that sounds fun.

Life's a bitch.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-31T05:01:13-05:00

Found out my mid-term grades today. I did good in everything except math, which I just barely passed with a 65. I was so pissed and upset because I knew Mom would skewer my head with a spear. She didn't, but she wants to skewer the school. She thinks it's all their fault that they pick shit teachers. I'm inclined to agree but it would help if I actually paid attention 8th period...
In other news, drama and AAS are starting this month. Both will go until April and I warn you all, I am going to be freaking spazstic for the next couple of months. Late winter and early spring are always very busy times for me. Still, even through all the bullshit and dumbass retards and late practices and matches, it's worth it in the end. I love doing everything I do, though I highly doubt track's going to come into play now. Or ever. I don't really want to do it. I'm more happy being the artsy person. I don't care if I'm athletic. I like my artsy-ness.

I guess it's ok to talk about this...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-01-31T08:01:32-05:00

If it's not okay, I'm sorry Hassler. In any event, bad shit has been happening with Matt, Katie, Adam, and Rachel. Adam and Katie DTDD on New Year's and now, she thinks she's PG. Isn't that perfect? Absolutely wonderful. Rachel's all confused as to what to do and I know she loves Adam, but I can't help feeling the way I feel about it. Personally, I think she should have ditched him a long time ago. I think he's a stupid prick with less than half a brain and one of those men who thinks with his balls, not what little bit of sense he has. Somehow she sees something in him, and that's fine and dandy. Just as long as I don't have to talk to the kid. Anyway, she's all conflicted about what to do if Katie really is PG with his kid. I would slap the shit out of him and leave him, not matter how much I loved him. Rachel doesn't have the same ability I do to ice my heart over so it's impervious to just about anything when I want it to be. True, I've never been in love, but from what I've seen happen with my friends, I'm not sure I want to be. Speaking of love, I have a dream I must tell you about, but I will in a moment. Now Matt didn't know that Katie had this growing suspicion that she was PG. Rachel called him up and lit into him, thinking he knew, but apparently he didn't so shit hit the fan that way. Now I guess Katie's all calm about it and everything but everyone else is having a major mental breakdown as to what to do. I'm just going to stand back and watch it unfold. I've come to the conclusion that I talk too much and intervene too much so I'm going to try to take and follow a vow of semi-silence in this situation, perhaps all the time. It's just so damn irking because now this is the big drama of the week. I hate all this teen romance drama. It's stupid and it's bullshit and I think Katie's doing this for attention. She's been on the sidelines lately and she's a limelight kind of girl, if you get me. Now that that's out, I'll tell you about my dream. I had this at Marlaina's house Saturday night, which is weird because I never dream at my friends' houses. Never. Anyway... There was a college and a high school right next to each other. I was going to the high school and for some reason I ventured over to the college one day. I was poking around, met this guy (who is completely blacked out so I don't know who he is), and we hit it off. We become friends and then I go over there one day to spend the day with him. It was so strange because I didn't dream about sex or anything, just this passionate love between us. We laid on his bed talking, first his arms around me and then him laying on me (I make a very comfy pillow, or so I'm told). It was completely wonderful and even if it was just a dream, I've never had a feeling so beautiful in my life. It was pure love, wonderfully passionate love. It was... amazing. That was my dream. I'm sorry I was the only one to experience it because it was so real and so grand that I could hardly stand it. I kept cursing myself when I woke up and couldn't dream about it anymore after falling back asleep. Still, it was so great. There is one thing about the guy that I remember, and no, this has nothing to do with Marlaina's brother, but the guy's name was Alex, or at least that's what I kept calling him. I just wish it had been real. I didn't look any different; I looked just as I do now, only on one of the days when my hair is curly but pulled back and it looks halfway decent. I was wearing make-up like normal and my Old Navy hoodie was on, but God forbid I see his face. Maybe it's a forewarning of sorts. One can only hope...

Life at ACS (a.k.a. Hell).

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-01T10:02:34-05:00

I thought today would be hell in school but no one dealing with the situation is here today, minus Katie. Sam's still standing strong besides her but she doesn't know the half of it. I guess that's what comes of being absent... you get lost and confused. Somehow, I think that she's going to stay by Katie through it all. *shrugs* It doesn't matter what I think. Sam can do that if she wants to but she can't expect me to like Katie, which she does. I can't like her... it's grown impossible. I am sorry but I can't bring myself to befriend such a person considering all she's done and all that she thinks. Everyone's entitled to their opinions and beliefs but I'm not entitled to like Katie just because Sam might ask it of me. Donnie's sitting next to me now, reading and warning me not to look at any porn. As if I could... they trace things here too well. Besides, who looks at porn in school? I could get it perfectly fine at home... ^.^ I told Mom and Dad about my math mid-term and surprisingly, the only one who semi-freaked was Mom. She doesn't think it's because of me, but because the school hires shit math teachers. That's half of it but the other half is that I don't pay attention at all, which I'm going to work on. I just want to get through this year, get through B3 and do the Regents, then fling it to the wind. If I can just keep passing well for the rest of the year and if I ace my final and Regents, I'll be fine. Then I can move on and take Ace Statistics and then maybe Calc, though that's not looking too likely. Who knows... maybe I won't have to endure math my senior year. All my other mid-terms I did fine on... Dad said he could only expect me to try my hardest and that he couldn't be mad because I honestly did try, plus I wasn't there for half the review because I was sick. That made me feel a little better but I'm still not happy with Howard. Damn him. The rest of my grades were as follow: Earth science: 93 Health: I have no idea... Music theory: 95 Global: 96 English: 94 Not too bad, eh? I've got theory next period and thank God... I hate my study halls. They suck big balls. Everytime I'm in them I just want to crawl. :P Drama auditions are tonight and I'm hoping to get Roscoe. He's like the Grumpy dwarf in the Brothers Grimm version of Snow White. It's great because he gets to yell at everybody. I think I'm going to ask Mrs. Rice if she'll stick me in that part if she plans to put me as a dwarf. That'd be grand. ^.^ *snicker* I'm off for now... I'm so sick of trying to type correctly and failing because the library is so LOUD! It's because there's a research class in the reference room and the doors are open and NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO FUCKING BE QUIET IN THIS PLACE! Ack... Rachel's right. I hate people. ~Shadowmaster~ P.S. Yesterday my word of the day was bitch. Now it's dick. I need one for tomorrow, though... anyone got any ideas?

Thank God...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-01T07:02:59-05:00

Apparently, the school made Katie take a pregnancy test and she's negative. Nothing's for certain, though. It went all foggy and weird so I guess she's going to take another one like next week. One can only hope...
Auditions were tonight and I rather think I did ok. I did the part of the Evil Queen and Courtney did too, but she was definately better. She threw A LOT of enthusiasm into it and it was hilarious. I do hope I get Roscoe, the Grumpy Dwarf. That's be nifty...
Punkin is in serious trouble, what with still having his testicles attatched and all. Poor cat... still, the bastard marked my coat and he always yowls so I hate him right the moment.
That's all... Craig and I have a special new bond: I'm his queen and he's my huntsman. :P I OWN HIM!

Eck...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-02T06:02:37-05:00

The play is going to blow. I know it. It's going to suck some big balls. Most of the good actors and actresses got thrust out of the company and a bunch of green little 7th graders who can't act for SHIT got big parts. Seniority and talent should have overridden that but apparently it didn't. I got a part but I tell you, it's going to suck without the rest of them on stage. Sybil and Hassler were out sick and Landy and Carrie did so much better than fucking Brandi Davis. Ack... Uncultured hics, that's what they are (Sybil, you and I had an entire conversation about this... well, it centered more around clowns...:P). In any event, Carrie and Landy were pissed and I don't think that shit's right. Courtney, however, did get the Evil Queen and that should be a hoot.:)
In other news, I got rather bored so I went on www.adiamondisforever.com and designed an engagement ring for fun. It was pretty... white gold band, a half carat round diamond, and then 1/5 carat sidestones that were cut like hearts. It was so pretty and shiny and it got me thinking about being engaged and being in love. How I wish I could experience it but I'm beginning to think it's just not meant for me. At least not now. I have high standards and I know I'll never be able to find someone in high school because #1, most of the guys in my school are taken or scumbags, and #2, I don't really go around to other schools. I wish for once, though, it would be my chance with a guy. Everyone else has had their turn... where's mine?
Seeing's how I'm getting steadily more depressed, I'm going to leave this evil machine and go numb out and watched Charmed. Thinking about magic and my fantasy realms makes me feel much better, better than any medicine or person could. I love to zone out and go to Tyria, my little world where my story takes place. It's nice on Tyria...
~Shadowmaster~
P. S. -- I got an 82 for my 2MP grade in global. The creepy part? I got a higher average in math! Yeah! Math I got an 84, global (history is like my thing), I got on 82. It's because Schea hates me (just because I'm smart enough to know when not to listen to his bullshit) and also because I talk a lot. The thing that gets me is the fact that the dumb, evil, stupid fucking preps talk all the damn time and he doesn't give a shit, but when it's me, Carrie, or Rachel, he suddenly cares. Got to go...

Everything's back to normal.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-04T05:02:04-05:00

Everything's finally getting back to normal after the whole Adam-Katie scare. That was just fucked up. It's nice to have things back the old way, though a disturbing thought did stumble upon me today: I'm going to be a junior next year. It doesn't seem right. I'm 16 but I don't feel like I should be. I feel like I should be 10 or something. I guess there's not much I can do about it though.
Stephanie (me) is slowly getting better at Rummy and is waiting for her report card as well. I have a feeling I didn't make high honor... I really slacked off this winter but now it's my nose to the grindstone. I'm going to graduate in 2 1/2 years... this is not the time to screw around. Screwing around is reserved for 8th grade and under.
Drama and AAS is starting in full swing and I can tell this year's going to be much different in the play. We've only got 2 months to rehearse instead of the usual 3. It's strange, too, because Landy and Carrie are crew while Rachel is student director. She's going to be bossing everyone around... it's not that I don't think she shouldn't have got it but I don't like the idea of Hassler giving me orders. It's one thing if it's someone older but she's younger than me and it's just... eck. I must do what I must do...
There's a Mardi Gras dance tonight at the school and now I'm washing some clothes just so I have something to wear. I was getting down to the nitty gritty old shit for clothing and I needed to do laundry anyway so it's cool. I'm not going to bother doing my hair because it's back and it looks nice and it's not greasy, just crunchy from my hairspray and a little poofy in the back. No biggie. It's not like I'm dressing to impress. My friends already know I don't give a shit and I have no one coming that is worth impressing. *shakes head sadly* I'm doomed...
I must be off to ready myself, get some food, and do a few other things before I leave.
~Shadowmaster~
P.S. I forgot to turn my money in for a t-shirt... that's a bitch. I really wanted one. Maybe Mrs. Heffner will take the money a little late, like on monday or something. I REALLY WANT MY WINTER WEEK SHIRT! AHH!

Reminiscence.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-05T05:02:26-05:00

Everything's back to normal... everything's back to normal... everything's back to normal, just like it was in 8th grade. In 8th grade I was a loser, a moody, horrible person that most couldn't stand to be around. I wasn't funny for I'd used up all my good jokes; I wasn't happy because I couldn't seem to find the one thing I really wanted; I wasn't a good person because I delighted in the pain and suffering of others. Thus, as a result of these character traits, I was left alone, like words best left unsaid. When my friends went out, I didn't go. When they danced at dances, I sat in the corner. When they made new friends, I shrank away. It's happening all over again. Not only is the social part of my life slowly dimming again but things are going back to normal in my family. By that I mean I'm screwing up continually; I somehow manage to still get good grades though I don't pay attention; my father is intent on spending every penny we've got just so he can pursue his hobby; my mother is intent on blaming me for whatever bad things happen to us. Oh what a joy it is to relive past experiences. Do you ever find yourself wishing and praying to go back to your younger years, like when you were 10 or 11? I wish for the same thing. Now I am going back but to the wrong part of my life. I'm going back to the terrible part, the part that made me suicidal in 8th grade. I'm not saying I'm suicidal now but it sucks big time. I have no one to talk to, no one to share this with except random people I don't even know. Friends... what are friends when they can't help?
These tears that fill my eyes fall on your face, yet you pretend not to notice. If you can't see I'm crying, are you blind or do I deserve to be ignored? Can you understand sorrow? Can you, in all your happiness, understand me? I am the sorrow that lies in all your hearts, embedded deep into the confines of your soul. You can't escape me. You must face me sometime. Why not now? ~Shadowmaster~

Humph.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-05T09:02:17-05:00

"Laugh in the face of peril for it will make us all happier people in the end."
Perhaps a good quote for one in a good mood, but not tonight. Tonight is another night of delving into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and finding all the demons that lay in wait. What terrible demons they are, yet how they provoke my mind to write unceasingly I cannot know. For that I can only thank them.
Something I have known for a while now but that still gets to me: the world is not at all fair. It's just becomes increasingly hateful as you grow up, forever throwing these damnable "trials" at you just to see how you fare. One thing, one quote I absolutely hate even though I've said it to others: "God would not give you more than you can handle." It's untrue. He frequently gives me trials of the mind and for what reason I can't understand. He loves to put my mind under strenuous daily exercise. Everyone else gets a once-a-week, once-a-month type deal but I get it daily.
The happier half of my head tells me to smile but I can't bring myself to it. I can't make the muscles in my face move upward so that a grin may grace my lips. I have no reason to smile.
My friends... "What are friends when they can't help?"
My family... "What is a family when they do not love as they should?"
My romance... "It takes two to tango."
Going to the dance last night was absolutely heart-wrenching. Seeing all these people... together... happy... it was a vision so heart-breaking it hurts to recount the feelings. Reading these blogs on Mindsay, seeing my friends with their significant others... I pretend it doesn't matter but truth is it hurts so badly I just want to curl up and die. I'm sick of being this hopeless romantic but having no one to romanticize. I read of these people and places that don't exist and I revel in the written loves of the age, but I cannot experience it on my own. How can you fully understand something unless you experience it?
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
My heart is forced to undergo a kind of helplessness that it's not used to. to feel out of control, to feel like I am weak... it is not an emotion I'm accustomed to. My heart screams for the love I read of, a passionate love that endures through all, the same love I write about, yet I must remain cold and veiled in that aspect of my life. My soul cannot be glad until I've known such a wonder.
I can't be free from these chains that bind me, the chains of unknowing.
Life is cruel.
~Shadowmaster~

Jealousy.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-09T09:02:10-05:00

I try not to give them the gratification of knowing they got to me. To let them know they've gotten under my skin... to let them know I can be bothered... that would lead to my ultimate hell. I need... I don't know what I need anymore. I need something pure... ~Shadowmaster~

One hell of a week.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-11T11:02:54-05:00

This week was really out there, if you get me. Monday and tuesday went smoothly, something I've come to expect of my life and routine. Tuesday evening, however, I started my monthly burden and that threw me into a really shitty mood on wednesday. I was really pissed off throughout the day and when I got home, the anger turned to sadness. Thus, my last entries were complete mental disasters. I guess Hassler read my blog (not too surprising) and got a little miffed, so I got a speech from her (Marlaina adding things here and there) yesterday during lunch. This speech and its contents originally stemmed from her wanting me to like Adam. I'm sorry but he fails to hold a good place in my mind anymore. He's done too much for me to look past, even if it didn't happen to me. When someone hurts my friends once, if the friend sees I try to as well. But if it happens numerous times, I can't see the point. I just... I think some people are fooling themselves. They don't have to believe me. They have the right to be angry with me for saying that. Still, it's what I think. I have caution in my heart and normally when my gut tells me something bad is about to happen, it does. Yet no one listens when I try to warn them...
Anyway, I'm signed up to do the tug-o-war in the Winter Week assembly next friday. I also turned in my money for my shirt so I'll be wearing my blue long sleeve and then my Winter Week 2005, Class of 2007 over top of it. Spiffy. :P I just have to remember to bring work gloves with me... that rope hurts like a son-of-a-bitch when you keep wringing your hands like I do. Last year I had rope burns all over the insides of my hands and arms. It sucked. Still, we almost won against the seniors. The only thing that kept us from winning was they had this HUGE guy working with them and we all got tired. I think this year we can pull it off.
The Winter Week dance, however, is going to be a varitable hell. I'll go in my jeans and t-shirt or whatever and sit in a corner, watching all these happy couples enjoy what's left of the romance of Valentine's Day. My own personal belief is that Valentine's Day is a scam. It was made up by department stores like ages and ages ago, so that right there shows it's nothing but a commercialist holiday. Then again, what holiday doesn't stem from commercialism these days?
I suppose I should be going. I'm out of music theory and I'm supposed to be looking up info about Erik Satie. Keenly's going to teach me how to play Trois Gymnopedies for my theory final. Then I'll give some background on the guy and his works (there are TONS of them) and things like that. I really like Satie, though. He kept his compositions very simple and used medieval mode scales instead of chromatic and whole tone. He strayed away from the common Romanticism of the late 1800s, early 1900s. He even lived in Montmartre. A true Bohemian. I love this man, minus the fact that he desperately needed a haircut for like 20 years. :P
~Shadowmaster~

Valentine's Day is an amazingly commecialist holiday.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-13T02:02:17-05:00

Valentine's Day was invented by Macy's department store. It hold no real value to me or to anyone else who is not an ignorant buffoon. There is no real sentimental value to it unless you happened to get married on this "holiday" or if something extraordinary happened. The 14th of february is not remarkable... it is simply what stupid people make of it.
I hate Valentine's Day... I hate it with all my hard, stone cold heart.
~Shadowmaster~

Food for thought.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-14T11:02:15-05:00

Perhaps Valentine's Day is not as horrible as I first suspected, though I haven't gotten flowers from anyone yet. I was hoping, but I guess my hope was futile. In any event, I've been having a good time today and it doesn't feel like a monday but like March Madness, where I can prance all over the school, skip classes, and do hardly anything. It's been a good day so far and my period also ended so that's a thumbs up on its own.
Tonight Dad is taking the family out for dinner. It's his and Mom's 24th anniversary but they like it better when the family comes along, so off we go. Mema's coming over to the house around 4:30ish, then we're all going to meet Mom at the Italian Villa around 5:15. The food, conversation, and finally everyone will go their separate ways (ish). It should be fun. I do love good Italian food, though Mema complained about it. For some reason she doesn't like Italian cooking, but she's going nevertheless because my parents want her to. :P
I went down to Mrs. Stevens's room 1st period and reserved flowers with Carrie so I'd have enough for this afternoon. I got a dozen for my parents, seeing how it's kind of their anniversary, and then I got a half dozen to send out to my friends. I sent flowers to Aubrey, Rachel, Carrie, Landy, Marlaina, and Courtney. They all deserved them and I tried to make my little messages comical. Courtney and Aubrey got their flowers last period and the rest are getting them this period. I'm SUPPOSED to be working on my music theory final project but ehh.
Mom and I did some hardcore shopping on Saturday. 8 hours of it. We shopped around for a new dishwasher, a new vaccum, and a new mattress, then did other things that I've been longing to do for a while now. I got paid for the housework, the work at Alstom, and my report card, so that added up to $80. With the $10 I previously had, I went nuts. I finally got to Barnes & Noble and got the first book in the Immortals series by Tamora Pierce so I've been a happy camper, though I'm almost done with the book. Unfortunately, they didn't have books 2 & 3, only 1 & 4, so I didn't get 4 and figured I'd just get them off eBay or half.com. It's easier and cheaper that way. In any event, I used the rest of my money to buy a zodiac book, which I love, a nifty dream dictionary, and a book about Wicca. Money well spent. Though I spent all my money on books and a few other things, Mom volunteered to use the debit card so I could get more books offline. Sky's the limit so long as they're semi-cheap. For that I love her. :P
I figure I should get going and print some stuff out on Mr. Satie here. I ordered a music books with Trois Gymnopedies in it so I can start practicing over break and then Keenly can help when I come back. I ordered it last night and it said 4-8 days so it'll be here by the end of the week at the earliest. If it comes during break, I'll wing it with my right hand and then Keenly can help me with my left. Speaking of Keenly, I have lessons 7th period. No global for me! Oh goody!
Screw Erik Satie... I'll take notes out of the music book I borrowed tomorrow during study hall. I really should do the math that I owe for today...
~Shadowmaster~

A subconscious desire.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-15T11:02:47-05:00

For me, it's rather strange when I read a book and become attracted to one of the main characters. Sometimes it's necessary to have that happen in order to like the book, and it helps me like the book more when that happens. Only problem is this one book I've been reading lately has what I would essentially say was my perfect man. Tall, dark, and handsome but not like that soap opera bullshit. In the book, a bunch of animals constantly refer to him as the stork-man because of his height and such, but I just get this weird visualization of the guy and it's perfect. Shoulder length, curly black hair he wears tied back, dark clothing, innocent features... and it's not only the outside, either. In the book, this man is so effing smart it's unreal, plus he's Gifted and... *shivers*. Perfect.
It's like the author described my perfect match.
For those of you wondering and those of you who might get it, the book is Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce. Yes, I am a sucker for Numair Samalin. How dreadful. It's like being in love with Jack Skellington, only it's creepier because when you read a book, you feel like you're actually there, actually taking part in the story. It's... strange.
In any event, tonight there's drama practice and the China Wok just opened saturday so that's where we're headed for dinner. I made sure I had enough money to be able to eat. It's going to be like a once a week thing, once every tuesday. If we do it tuesday and thursday, everyone will get sick of it real fast. It's called prevention, friends. :P
I'm off to read a little about the other Immortals books by Tamora Pierce. I know Daine and Numair have this little thing happen and eventually it ends in love, marriage, and a shape-shifting kid. How do I know this? I read out of order. :)
~Shadowmaster~

Let's try this again.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-18T08:02:24-05:00

I'm going to try and update here everyday but I can't promise anything. I will try though.
I was pretty pissed at practice last night and I was this morning, too. I still am, in a way, but the stupid thing is it's all over something petty. People were supposed to come with me and Hassler to Denny's tonight, then go back to my house and just have a little party for those not going to the dance. Everything was dandy until I was rudely informed yesterday afternoon and Sam and Aubrey were planning on skipping the dance and taking everyone to the movies. The people who were supposed to come to my house ditched me and Hassler and I were just... left. Agreed, it's something stupid to be angry about, but I can't help it.
Anyway, Rachel and I were just planning on going to Denny's with Mom and then to the movies to see Constantine or something. Then, first period, I hear Aubrey and Sam say they're just going to go to the dance and suddenly everyone's going along with them. They can go do that. I'm going to Denny's.

Well Jesus.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-20T02:02:00-05:00

The daily update thing obviously didn't work so people will just have to deal. (*wink wink* Sarah. :P)
In other, more disturbing news, apparently Wayne got caught doing something not good in Erwin recently, and by recently I mean within the last 6 months. There was a thing in the Leader about some court ruling... it got Aubrey and Marlaina and Tracy and Sam and me all confused and bewildered, so we spent a good part of the evening yesterday calling everyone we thought might have information about it. Unfortunately, most of the guys were at Matt's house (he has no phone) and Wayne was"indisposed" when we called him. It's worrisome and bothersome. No one ever thought our Wayne would do something that's un-moral. He's a very moral person.
Hassler and I went to Applebee's with the parentals on Friday, then went to see Constantine. I guess the dance sucked and that somebody was running around and stealing shit so I'm glad I didn't go. Yesterday the mother and I went shopping again and got a dishwasher, a new mattress and box spring for me, and then I drove the backroads to Barnes & Noble and to the mall. It was fun... I had Picnic Pizza, got to pet a nifty little puppy, and got like 6 new books. For me, that's a day well spent.
The assembly on friday afternoon went really well. My class got 2nd place in the lip sync (lost to the seniors, of course), but even the seniors agreed ours was the best. The ACDC part was the one everyone was talking about... I felt bad for the other girls who did the first three songs but ours was killer. We smashed everything we made TO HELL! And our entire class got off the bleachers and started headbanging and moshing. It was fuckin' killer. I love it. :)
In any event, I'm going to go so I can finish reading my Immortals book. *hails Tamora Piece* I don't know what I'll do when I've read everything she's written. What a sad day that will be...
~Shadowmaster~

Sometimes you just feel like crying...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-21T09:02:14-05:00

Do you ever get that loathesome feeling of wanting to cry but you have no reason? Do you ever find that everyone around you has what they want but you are lacking one important thing: love?
I love my friends but I hate seeing everyone else being happy while I'm so miserable. It's hardly fair but then again, the world isn't fair.
Am I doomed to spinsterhood? Am I doomed to only write of love, not experience it? Why am I the one who is bereft of a significant other?
The answers are simple: I am God's playtoy. Oh goody.
~Shadowmaster~

And the days are sunny again.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-23T11:02:56-05:00

I am so bipolar sometimes it's unreal. I think I'm also a hypochondriac. *shrugs* Shit happens.
My little statement about being God's play toy was a little... out of line. Why? Stephanie realizes that when she acts all sad for no reason, she's hardly worthy of God's attention. When she's productive, then she merits His attention. Only then.
I think that Celeste has come back to me. If you're wondering who that is, it's the name I've given my muse. She's very inspirational and lately, I've been struck with inspiration to write. The ideas aren't half bad, either, though they are only half developed. For a while Celeste went on vacation. I am most thankful she's returned. Once you have fans of your work, you kind of need to get your ass writing A.S.A.P.
Barb's party is on friday and I plan on going. Rachel doesn't know if she will. *shrugs* Doesn't surprise me. Still, I've no idea what I'm going to get th girl for a present. Barb, if you read this, write me a reply or something and give me a heads up as to what you want (something not too expensive).
I guess everybody's all happy and dandy. I got some more information from Aubrey about some subjects so I'm not so confused anymore. It's a change from my state of mind Saturday.
For all of you in the creativewriting thingy on Mindsay, I've got some work I'd love for you people to browse over, if you get the time. Be sure to leave comments! The story is on this webpage:
http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/libr/s/h/shadowmage/shadowmage.html
Much obliged!
~Shadowmaster~

Well well well.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-23T04:02:38-05:00

I just discovered that exactly a week and a year ago today, I first got this blog. It's been a good friend through all and the people on here have been so helpful. It's good to know there's one ongoing project I have that I'm not bored with. At least not yet. ;)
I just took a little glance back at my first few entries on the Feb. 16th, 2004, and it's uncanny how much my writing style and thoughts have changed over a year. I think I really am bipolar! EEP! (Kidding, people, I'm kidding. :P)
That's all I really wanted to write... :P It's just nice to remember my little anniversary that I actually forgot last week. Whoopsie! :)
Must go... Celeste calls (by the way, sickos, Celeste is my muse as in the imaginary person who gives me my inspiration to write).
~Shadowmaster~

>:|

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-23T07:02:34-05:00

Well, a good day gone bad. Just freaking perfect. At least the cats are gone for the night...
4:30 p.m. - Mom calls and tells me to peel potatoes for supper.
5:30 p.m. - I peel the potatoes.
7:00 p.m. - Mom gets home and flips because I didn't cook the potatoes too. I claim that she didn't specify on the phone, that I'm stupid and she only said to peel potatoes. Dad chips into an argument that is not his and states that I have a weak defense.
7:15 p.m. - After watching a few minutes of LOTR, I'm fuming to the point where I go in my room, kick my shoes off so they hit the ceiling, then whip a deck of cards at my wall only to shatter the box they're in.
7:30 p.m. - Mom comes to bedroom with an apology but no peace offering. She askes to come in. I tell her she can't, then I proceed to calmly speak only two word sentences to make her feel bad. I go back to hanging up laundry and cleaning old clothes from my closet.
7:45 p.m. - I go downstairs to do more of my parents' laundry, then come upstairs to eat. Mom pretends nothing happened. I eat in cold silence.
7:50 p.m. - I usurp my father from the computer. Amazingly, he gives it up willingly.
7:55 p.m. - I realize that fighting over potatoes is stupid, I curse myself for my temper, but I do not prepare an apology because that would imply that I was wrong and I am NEVER wrong. Especially not with my parents. Why? They rub it in my face.
What a beautiful evening, eh? I know I was wrong. I'm just waiting for the bunch of replies telling me that so I can feel worse about myself, then wallow in my own self-pity.
I am so bipolar.
~Shadowmaster~

What a strange dream...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-24T11:02:31-05:00

Just posting my little fucked up dream I had...
Me and my friends were at the school and we were forced to sit in the auditorium for some cheerleading thing. We wanted to leave but Mr. Vona wouldn't let us. Still, some of my friends just up and left. Tyffany Davis and I stayed for some reason; I guess we didn't want to piss off Vona. Anyway, I was watching some new cheerleaders join in the little dance thing and Amanda Austin was lagging behind in the front row. Then I decided I'd had enough so I got up and walked out. I went down to the library, which actually turned out to be the science wing, I found an art teacher teaching lab, then I went to Mr. Castle's room. I told him I needed a lab make-up and I was sorry I was late but I'd been held up unavoidably. I looked at the clock and it said 10 a.m. He told me I had until the end of the period to do my lab (the period ends at 10:18). Then I thought to myself that I'd just do it after school the next day but I remembered I was on break and I couldn't very well stay after school when I wasn't in it. Then I woke up.
Don't ask me what the meaning of that was. It's just... strange is all. I think it's because I stayed up till 1 a.m. last night, plotting a story with Aubrey. We're going to make the characters of our two stories intermingle. :)
~Shadowmaster~

A new purpose for my blog.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-26T04:02:10-05:00

Along with including my thoughts and feelings on occasion, I've decided that I'm going to post the story Aubrey and I are working on jointly. Since she's waiting for her other co-writer to finish the chapters assigned, and since I seem to be at a loss for Chapter 9's direction, we've decided to have our characters meet just for the hell of it. Neither of us are planning on publishing this; we're simply doing it for our amusement, the amusement of our friends, and to hone our writing skills a bit better. This also helps to open us to new character personalities, or at least it does for me.
If you're into fantasy stories, you may like this new direction we're taking, but I'll warn you: it may be scattered and, at times, utterly pointless. Just a fair warning. Critique it all you want; the help in fixing my flaws as a writer is greatly appreciated!
As soon as Aubrey's got it re-written, I'll post chapters 1 and 2 in here. You may also be able to find them in her blog at http://zqueenchaosz.mindsay.com/
Happy trails. (Don't ask what prompted me to say that as a closing... too much Bonanza.)
~Shadowmaster~

And our story is on the path!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-27T05:02:48-05:00

Revisions to chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4 should be in here by Tuesday night, Wednesday afternoon-ish. I shall try to speed things along. I want opinions!
~Shadowmaster~

Oh my Christ. Let it be...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-02-28T04:02:57-05:00

Well, it's the hope of nearly everyone in school that we get dumped with snow tonight, like the weatherman's been saying. This storm's supposed to be a classic noreaster and if so, it's likely we'll but buried in a foot of snow by morning, but we'll see. According to some other people, this weather guy has been wrong all year. In any event, I really don't want school tomorrow, though I don't know why I should care. Sophomores have a trip to CCC all day for Career Day so it's not any skin off my nose if we do have school. I'll get back in time for 9th period. Ick... english.
The story is coming along rather nicely, though while I felt stocked with ideas on friday, I feel burned out now. So far, Aubrey and I have managed 62 pages of conversation of it. Hopefully I'm going to her house after school tomorrow and we're going to work on turning the conversations into an actual, readable story. Like, with actual descriptions as to character movement and stuff. It's fun but I still feel burnt out. Maybe that's just from the 3 1/2 hours of sleep I got last night...
The match tonight for AAS was cancelled due to "impending weather". I don't care... we were only going to Ponderosa for dinner and we would've lost anyways. We were pitted against Naples tonight, only at Canisteo-Greenwood. Wayne, however, brought up a rather good point: we kept losing against Naples last year because our B-team sucked, even if the A-team did well. This year, our B-team is KILLER. A-team too. We might actually have a chance to go to the finals this year. That'd be fun...
Drama seems to be going along well. I really should be memorizing my lines instead of sitting in front of this infernal machine but I don't want to. Ehh. I should though. Otherwise, I face having me head bitten from me neck in practice tomorrow. We've only got a month's worth of practices left, which is only like 6 practices, and then 2 dress rehearsals and 2 shows. God help us: if we fail, I will be horribly pissed.
That's about all. I did find out the meanings to some names from my favorite Tammy Pierce books (Numair means 'panther') and I've decided the first kid I have will be named Numair (if the first one's a girl... I guess I'm going with Veralidaine, though that would be horrid of me to name a brother and sister after twio lovers. Then again, I'm evil like that:)). I am rather angry with myself... I got the 2nd and 3rd books of the Immortals series in the mail the other day and I've gone and gotten them bother read over the weekend. Now... now I've either got to get myself interested in the Circle of Magic, which is hard, or I'm going to just re-read the Trickster's duet. Hopefully, it'll keep me busy. Notice I say hopefully...
~Shadowmaster~

Yay for snow days!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-01T02:03:57-05:00

It snowed last night! Dumped is more like. I was up reading until 11:30 so I hopped out of bed and went to the living room window to check... it was still coming down hard. When Mom came in the next morning and said I had no school, I was so happy. Weird thing was she came in and told me at like 5:40. The earliest they're EVER had the cancellations on 106 is usually 6:15. They're getting faster...yippee! More sleeping time for me! The good news about not having school today is #1, no walking all over CCC in the freezing, bitter, snowy cold and #2, no practice tonight. The no practice part really isn't good for us but I didn't want to go. I kind of wanted to go to Aubrey's but I want to sleep more. Sleep is good; sleep is my friend. The only thing I wish for now is a fire in the woodstove. I'd build one but I'm wasted on doing that. My fires always die, or at least they do this year. Last year I was the pyro-queen. :P No one's really online at the moment and it's irksome. Normally on a day like today, everyone's on the computer talking to each other. This goes to show that AIM is a thing of the past. I'm so bored but I don't want to have to resort to doing laundry yet. That's just... cruel. Brandon told me Aubrey was laying down because she didn't feel good. If that wasn't the case, no doubt she'd be online and we'd be working on the story. *sigh* I got in a little... "tiff" with Hassler last night over BOCES, of all things. She kept telling me that Adam was quitting and I kept telling her that just because Adam's quitting, that doesn't mean I'm going to not go next year. She tried everything, really, but I don't see why I shouldn't go just because her boyfriend punked out. :| Whatever... I'm going to go and I'm taking CNT. Not all of us just have jobs that we can pick up whenever we want. I figure taking that course and learning how to fix computers would help me in the long run... I could use it as a side job through college. :) Sweet... ~Shadowmaster~

*long sigh*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-02T06:03:17-05:00

What a day... what a tiring day. I woke up and was still half hoping for school to be cancelled. Still, it was false hope, a fool's hope. Hey, one can dream, right? The story Aubrey and I are writing is coming along very nicely. It's got two plots: a non-romantic one and a romantic one. It's turning out nicely and everything's meshing together well. Let's hipe it stays that way. Marlaina may also draw us some characters. Hopefully! Drama's coming along. Practice yesterday was obviously cancelled and I don't think there's practice next Thursday, what with the Roamn Banquet and all (AUBBS AND I HAVE TICKETS! GO US!), so they're going a 4 hour rehearsal saturday morning from 9 to 1. That'll be dreadful and I know that I'll be a grouch but I'm going anyway. I need the practice time. Tomorrow there's practice from 6 to 8:30 (they lengthened it... we need the time) so that means AAS practice till 4:30, then China Wok for dinner. That has to be the highlight of my week... I love the China Wok. Everyone stayed after to paint set tonight but I didn't because I was under the impression that Mom and I were going to pick up her car and I had to drive home. She's in no condition to drive... something's wrong with her shoulder and she can't move her entire right arm. Anyway, I got home and she told me that it wasn't done in the shop yet. I threw a tantrum because I could have been doing something useful and instead, I was holed up here, at my mother's beck and call. *sigh* Can't change that now... I'm in desperate need of new books. Anyone who is into teen fantasy or even adult fantasy (NOT SCI-FI), please let me know of any good books. I need to start reading something else while I wait for Tammy Pierce to put out her next book. I went through almost all her series in lest than 6 months and now I'm re-reading it all to get a better understanding. Please please please, someone tell me some good books to read!! I NEED A NEW FANTASY BOOK! SOMEONE HELP ME OUT! ~Shadowmaster~

*rubs face* Huh?

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-04T05:03:13-05:00

After a long night of EchoTaps, China Wok, and drama, you get the feeling that you could sleep through a dynasty of emperors and that nothing, absolutely nothing makes any sense whatsoever. My friends must have had to repeat everything they said at least 3 times all day today. My poor, overworked little brain was exhausted. :P Then again, I have Ranger (my dog) and a 5 o'clock wake-up call (a howl/bark) to thank for my grogginess throughout the day. 1st period was blessedly easy. It required no learning power at all... just the cutting skills of a 4-year-old. That's right: we cut out the continents and paste them back together so they were Pangea. The only problem that I had came after the cutting and pasting: the answering of logical questions. The day was a turn-around, for I was the one who looked completely baked while Carrie was answering questions left and right with the most in depth reasoning I've heard from her in years. I must say, I was very impressed. 2nd period woke me up a bit, for we were starting the dance to It Don't Mean A Thing today. We started out with a long Jitterbug, then the Jitterbug with partners (this involved confusing footing, a twirl, and a curl back in), and finally the Charleston complete with hand movements. I must say the Charleston was the most fun; the tenor section came up with a movement that was almost completely identical, except we kept one foot planted on the floor. It was entertaining. 3rd period was gym and ping pong. Now, anyone who knows me, Sam Phelan, Madeline, or Wayne knows that we are DEADLY when given small, nearly weightless balls and plastic paddles. First the game started smoothly with us doing exactly as we're supposed to. Then we decided to see how long we could all bat the ping pong ball back and forth in the air. This led to Sam whacking it straight once... and she almost hit Mr. Stone (our assistant principal) right in the nuts. Though I don't know why, he and Mr. DioGuardi come in my gym class a lot. In any event, I voiced the fact that if she'd nailed him, I would have died of laughter. Shortly after that, Wayne whipped the ball and hit Mr. Bahantka square in the back of the head (he was playing doubles with Mandi, Ashlie, and Lacey behind us). Mr. B. then turned on us, smiling (of all things), and proceeded to chase Wayne, promising he was going to return the favor. Again, it was entertaining. 4th period absolutely nothing happened except I filled out my schedule for next year. There's also this new gym thing they're doing... it doesn't involve actual gym but rather it's a lifeguard, CPR, and First Aid course. Still, it counts as a gym credit and I'm not one to argue. I'm also going to take afternoon BOCES for CNT (computer networking technology). It'll be useful seeing how that's my second major. 5th period resulted in Courtney, Shannon, and I going to the library. Shannon did... something on the laptop while Courtney and I worked on our presentations. I was rather angry because I ordered a music book with Gymnopédies 1-3 in it and then I found out I could have printed them for free off the internet. How amusing... 6th period was spent reading SparkNotes for Across Five Aprils and playing rummy. We decided not to play for trays because Marlaina wasn't there, so we all ended up dumping our own trays. That hasn't happened in a week. It was considerate of them because normally I lose and I'm the one stuck cleaning up. Ick... 7th period we began work on an open-book take-home test for global. *smacks forehead* It just keeps getting easier... 8th and 9th period I spent at an assembly to discourage chewing tobacco. The guy who came to speak to us lost his bottom jaw the cancer from chew. I must say, though, his presentation nearly brought me to tears while his jokes and puns made me laugh. I really enjoyed it... informative and entertaining. I went to the last 15 minutes of english and was told there was no test for the novel, thus Madeline and I played rummy... again. :) I do love that game, though I suck at it. Not too bad of a friday, even considering my sleepy and dead morning. I'm rather pleased with it myself. And now, if no one is to object, I'm going to write with Aubrey, order a Pay-Per-View, and numb myself into sleep. I have practice at 9 tomorrow morning (until 1... *shudder*) and then I'm going to Marlaina's for another sledding party. When I say sledding, I mean racing down a MASSIVE hill in a 5-foot-long toboggan to fly off a a MASSIVE mound of snow into some hay. :P Good times. Let's not forget the barn and the rope swing as well... it's always fun to play War and Spy in that barn. I love it there... the hay is nice and toasty when you get settled in it with nearly 5 other people. Random song quote: "Happiness is sharing a sandwich." ~Shadowmaster~

Woe is the life of the Empress.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-06T12:03:08-05:00

Marlaina's house was most definately AWESOME over the last two days. We didn't go sledding but it rocked nonetheless. Instead of sledding down the Massive Hill of Doom, we used snow piles in her driveway to make forts. Marlaina and I made an igloo out of our pile and we worked on it for about 3 hours, then everyone was warring with each other. Justin and Chris were Russia (they tried to be a good fort but it sucked), Wayne was India (he had a snow throne), Matt was China (he had a statue to Shadow yon Jimbo), Andy was first out peace-loving minstrel, but he eventually decided he wanted to be a Viking (he overtook Sam's second fort, which was really a bunker), Sam was Ireland, complete with a bar in her fort, and Marlaina and I were America. I was the Empress and she was my more diplomatic Prime Minister. I wasn't good in the diplomacy field because whenever I went to make a peace treaty, I pegged someone with a snowball and bolted for the fort. :P No tactics, but it was fun. After we were all done having our World War, we went inside and talked and ate, then set the table for dinner (we had to bring in extra chairs because there were 10 of us, including Marlaina's parents), then we walked down to the kennels and played around in the big barn. It had huge hay bales stacked on top of each other so we started sliding off them, then we played hide-and-seek without much success. Theresa (Mar's mom) finally had to come get us for dinner because we couldn't hear the bell (they have a dinner bell for when people around running freely across the medows OR if they're working at the kennels). We went, had lasagna, salad, and green beans, then we went upstairs and played around in Marlaina's and Anna's rooms. We finally lost Matt somewhere, so Justin and I went into Albert's room and found Axis & Allies (it's a board game). We rounded up people, tried to figure out how to play it, but they had to leave right when we kind of had the jist of it. *shrugs* After the boys left, Sam, Marlaina and I stayed in the dining room and talked. Her mom joined us soon after, then we went upstairs to go to bed and ended up talking even more. We finally crashed around midnight. When I woke up this morning, Sam and Mar were already awake and, AGAIN, they didn't wake me. We had breakfast and listened to some music on the Prince of Persia credits (anyone know what the song is called?), then Dad showed up in the Eagle and off to home I went. Unfortunately, I had to survive without Rob Zombie, but Dad and I talked about spiffing up one of his old trucks to look like the Jeepers Creepers truck. He even wants to wear the hat and coat and drive around in it on Halloween. *devious grin* MUAHAHA! So now I'm home, semi-clean and happy, smelling the cake that's cooling in the kitchen. It's good to be back here, though I'm not partial to the idea that tomorrow's Monday. I have a global open-book test to finish, then I need to SparkNote Across Five Aprils again, and finally I have a match in Naples (yes, NAPLES) tomorrow night. The thought it not pleasing... I won't be home until 11. *sigh* Random song quote: "Woe is the life of the Empress! Her reign is no more, but alas, she is not friendless like she was before." ~Shadowmaster~

Sybil and I ROCK.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-06T07:03:47-05:00

Hehehe... this is a little taste of what Sybil and I go through on AIM. Mr: i need to find something to read because i have no new books and i've read the stuff i like on elfwood and elftown has nothing and the only book i've ordered isn't even published yet so i'm freaking out. i swear to god, i read everything too damn quickly Sybil: I'm reading The Secret Life of Laszlo Count Dracula... not the vampire Me: dude... i just realized: I HAVE NEW BOOKS. 4 of em, to be precise. *smacks head* IDIOT Sybil: lol Me: i forgot i even had em *bangs head* IDIOT Me: stand back, kiddies... this is gonna get ugly *beats self up; sways dizzily* crab reservations on tuesday... *falls to ground, unconscious* Sybil: Nice Me: i thought so too. i'm so talented Sybil: How so? Me: i'm crazy... that's a talent in itself *gets up from unconscious state, looks at sybil, blinks, then smiles* i do believe in about 2.5 seconds, i'm going to attack you with my amazingly cool mace and battle axe. *flies at sybil* HAVE AT THEE, DEMON! Sybil: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs away* Me: *runs after her, using cartman voice* NEVA! Sybil: LMFAO! I love your cartman voice! Me: I love my cartman voice Me: *music plays; i am seen running around my house, stopping at corners with my hands formed into a gun; james bond theme plays* dun dun dun da da dun! *bolts around corner; finds mom on the crapper* EMERGENCY SITUATION! THE BOMB WILL BE DROPPED IN 5... 4... 3... 2... *dives out of bathrom; ker-plunk sound is heard; breathes sigh of relief, uses hand as radio* all clear... it was a dud." Me: you'd better damn well laugh at that when you read it or so help me, i'll castrate you and i CAN castrate you... if you don't believe, TRY ME. really, anything's possibly if you have *spongebob voice* IMAGINATION Sybil: Umm, someone must have beat you to it. *looks at pants* There's nothing here Me: ARE YOU AMUSED? you'd better be Sybil: Oh yes, very Me: that was the desired result. now my mission in life is complete. Me: do you ever notice how interesting our conversations happen to be... *itches head* strange Sybil: Yes, I do notice which is why I saved this convo and plan on putting in my subprofile when I get enough room Me: hehehe as do i I thought that was... interesting. Random song quote: "I'm glad we share a prison cell." ~Shadowmaster~

Good mattress; bad sickness.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-09T07:03:57-05:00

Got my new mattress last night and I must say, it's a slice of heaven... what I'm not so happy about is the fact that I woke up sick this morning. I'm still going to school, but I feel like shit and my parents know it. I have to stay after tonight to help paint set. It's by choice but if I don't feel better by the end of the day, I'm just going to go home on the regular bus. I'll probably stay, but I'm going to run lines with people while I work. I have NO lines of mine memorized and soon, that'll be a problem. Brandi Davis is really starting to get on my nerves with this whole play thing. Thanks to her, instead of two evening shows we have to do and evening and an afternoon show, and we almost got screwed out of the cast party. Mrs. Rice, however, fixed it so we're just going to go out on friday night for the party, then we'll come back saturday, get iin costume, and all that good stuff. The show on saturday is at 1 p.m. but everyone's got to be there by 10 a.m. Make-up, costumes, practicing, then doing a bit more blocking and one last run-through. Last night was fun. Mr. Keenly left his room open so I could practice Gymnopédie No. 1 for my final. I've got the first 21 measures down and I just need to practice on them some more, then I need to move on and figure out my chords for the rest of the piece. I felt quite pleased with myself as far as yesterday went. *sigh* I just wish it'd been friday... I don't want to even think about the rest of this week. It's only wednesday... ugh, gym today. That's all for now... I may write later depending on how I feel and all. By the way, for anyone who'd like to read a hilarious book, read Heroics for Beginners by John Moore. Marlaina let me borrow it and it's awesome... riddled with witty humor. Random song quote: "Sugar!" ~Shadowmaster~

*sniffle* I think I'm getting sick... how perfect.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-09T06:03:01-05:00

Ick, all I've been able to do today is drink, cough, sneeze, and sniffle. I do believe I'm getting sick and it'll probably hit me over the weekend, thus my plans with Hassler and Marlaina will be screwed. *sigh* What an excellent time... My bed is exceedingly comfortable (I can't remember if I mentioned that this morning) and I think I'm going to go in and lay on it soon. Today wasn't half bad... I actually paid attention in earth science, which is a big change for me, then I sounded like crap in chorus but didn't care. 3rd period was hockey, which I love, but I sucked righteously as a goalie today. I did ok the first game, but the second I got all over-confident and then God smote me. *unhappy sigh* He likes to... but that's ok. I love Him still. 4th was regular, 5th was an actual CLASS (amazingly), 6th was regular, 7th and 8th just sucked (I have double homework because I didn't do last night's), and 9th was boring. I did stay after for make-ups with Amanda and Carrie, I kind of helped on set with Rachel and Megan (KIND OF), then we all did a little re-organizing in the choral library for Mr. K. He needed the help. I told him I'd do his filing if he paid me. ;) Didn't work but it was worth a shot. Arg... Dad's bitching yet again for me to get off the computer and alas, this time I cannot argue. I really hate it when he tells me not to 'monopolize' the computer, but he's on this machine 24/7. I got screamed at because I was on it all day sunday and I hadn't touched the thing in 3 days. What did he do? Absolutely nothing. He had 3 days in which to do NOTHING BUT list and he squandered it sleeping. I told him that I was sorry, but he had the time and then it was my turn. He doesn't like it when he's wrong and I found that our shortly... I think I'll just go get a Pay-Per-View and do my math and then... I don't know... eat, numb out, and sleep. Random song quote: "We all live in a yellow submarine." ~Shadowmaster~

Ok, so I am sick...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-10T07:03:30-05:00

I was right about getting sick. My throat hurts like mad and I have nothing in my sinuses except cracked skin. It hurts and sucks big time. How I wish I could stay home but alas, I have lab. Maybe I can leave after 3rd... but that would mean skipping practice, which I need. *sigh* I can't win. I would share any and all dreams I have had except I'm slipped into the realm of "dreamless sleep." That new bed really puts me to REMing like no other bed I've slept on before. The funny thing is Dad propped up my old mattress in the front yard and wrote FREE on it and this morning, it was gone. :P I find that immensely funny... someone took my mattress at like 1 a.m. No chorus for Stephanie today... I can barely talk as it is, much less sing. That's a bummer... I like to sing. No doubt Carrie won't be happy. I'm like her personal tuner, or so she thinks. ;) There's a character in this book I'm reading (the one that's Marlaina's) and her name is Valerie. I think Aubrey would like her because she's exactly like one of her main characters, Java. Valerie's nifty... so is this book. I like the writing style and I think I'll adapt my story to make it a litte funnier. It's much too in depth and I'm not that deep. There was also a fire up on the hill or something last night. Emergency vehicles were zooming all over the valley... their sirens kept waking me up. Dad's inclined to think that one of the volunteer firemen, on their way home, stopped and grabbed that mattress. Amazingly enough, it wouldn't surprise me. I guess I'd better book it out to the road. Yesterday I waited until the last minute and I almost missed my buss. I've no wish to repeat that again... I had to run down 119 to catch it. That sucked big donkey balls. Random (and strangely appropriate) song quote: "Get down with the sickness." ~Shadowmaster~

I DESPISE THIS.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-10T09:03:52-05:00

I'm sick... it sucks. I despise every single moment of this. I've got strept (go figure... it's an epidemic at school). Dad came and got me 4th period. The only reason I went to school this morning was for lab, which I don't even understand, and my plans for the weekend are fucked, I missed drama, and monday I have to sing a solo in front of my choral lesson group. Normally I wouldn't be bothered but I don't know if my voice will be up to par. I tried to sing today... didn't work. I HATE being sick. I HATE IT! Random song quote: "Bitches love me, bitches love me 'cause they know that I can rock!" ~Shadowmaster~

I hate this... as I said last night, I DESPISE it.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-11T03:03:31-05:00

Being sick blows. I hate it. Now I've got 3 tests to make up on monday. How perfect is that? Marlaina and Rachel probably won't come over tomorrow, I can't go to the dance... what a way to screw me over for the weekend. Well, last weekend I wished I'd have some relaxation time this weekend and I got it, only not in a pleasant way. I ordered Anchorman on Pay-Per-View and I was watching that, then I got sick of it so I came out here to see if Aubrey was on. She still isn't, which blows because I want to work on the story. I suppose I could get on Runescape if I wanted, but that's only if I wanted to. I hate getting levels and raising my stats. I hate getting money because it's hard to sell shit in member's worlds. I really hate that game right about now. It's snowing again... joy. The last thing in the world I wanted. This sucks. Random song quote: "They'd only hold us down." ~Shadowmaster~

Wonderful!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-11T10:03:10-05:00

All right, even though I missed Fiddler on the Roof and going out to each with drama, this night hasn't been so bad. Aubrey and I have been working on out story for the past three hours and it's getting on famously. Really, if we hadn't come up with this strange idea of ours, I highly doubt I would feel as artisically and humorously fulfilled as I do now. Really, how heavenly. :) I was reading through some other blogs on here and a couple of them got to me. The first one was Roxie's at sayhedgehog.mindsay.com. All the entries I read expressed love in some form for her significant other. I find this admirable and it made me realize that what she has with this JD fellow is what I long for eventually: pure, unadulterated, blind love. It's the kind of love authors write about, something so wonderful it's hardly believable. *happy sigh* If only... Then I read another blog (I shan't say whose) and it came to me that, while there are some happy and fulfilled people in this world (like Roxie), there are people who do nothing but whine. I do that a lot but sometimes, I really try to stay positive. I do try, really, but other people are just so backwards that they won't even try to find happiness. Even when they've got something they've wanted forever, they can't be happy. Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to me... Anyway, I just wanted to share that little tidbit of my mind so you could partake in my instanity. :P That was a wordy little sentence, wasn't it? Random song quote: "Give me your heart and your soul." ~Shadowmaster~

Still sick... but I need some info.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-12T01:03:17-05:00

Yes, I am still very sick and every second of it blows but Aubrey and I have done an amazing amount of work on the story and I've even gone back to playing Runescape. What I really need is a recipe for chocolate cheesecake. My mom wants to make it for my dad and I want a really good one that gives excellent results. Like... a recipe people have tried before. If anyone has a recipe, please reply and leave it for me. Thanks! Random song quote: "Rebuild what's left of this child." ~Shadowmaster~

Hmm...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-15T04:03:54-05:00

Hassler's sick with strept, among other things. This doesn't surprise me all that much seeing how I was incredibly sick a few days ago and she was around me. *shrugs* What can one do... at least I gave it to Mr. Howe. He told 1st period today that he didn't feel right and would probably be out at the end of the week with strept. One can only hope! If Howe's gone, that means Ms. Weale will be in... WOOT! I've been dreaming a lot lately... like day dreaming. Zoning out in the middle of something so stiflingly boring that you can do naught but zone. I was on the bus to my match yesterday and I went completely out there; Marlaina said she called my names a few times but I was just staring out the window, oblivious to her talking to me. I like to do that... I like to be deep in thought. Sometimes the thoughts are troublesome but lately they've been only carefree. It's a nice change from the serious nature I'm sometimes plagued with. We won the match yesterday against Campbell-Savona. We almost lost... throughout the entire game they were something like 2 or 3 points ahead. Then, towards the end, Wayne spelled onomatopoeia right and got us some points, then Marlaina answered a chemistry question right. At first the mod said it was wrong, then later said it was right and that the card was wrong. Weesa was happy. :) Megan and I have gotten in the habit of hissing at each other, then meowing like cats. I don't know why we do it... we're just strange I guess. I was walking down the hall behind her today and did it, then she turned around, hissed, meowed, then went "KITTY KITTY KITTY!" and ran off down the hall. I was disturbed and intrigued, as well as amused. :P It's so nice to think that the seniors are just as stupid as I am. 1 for me! I suppose that's all for today. This is the first day in... 2 weeks that I've come home on the regular bus. I still have practice tonight, then practice tomorrow and the Banquet on thursday. Friday... friday I think I'm free and, if I'm lucky, saturday will result in having people down. Probably the usual girls, the usual boys, and then some out of place people that I want over. 'Twill be fun. Random song quote: "I'm easy like sunday morning." ~Shadowmaster~

New glasses, among other things.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-16T03:03:52-05:00

All right... Stephanie has new glasses. The script got changed a little so they're stronger and my God, do my eyes hurt. The frames, however, are completely nifty. Square, man. :) Courtney and I have entered the 'testy' stage of our lives, the one we hit every year right around this time. We get sick, then we get overwhelmed and don't get much sleep because of AAS and the play. It's a phase... it'll pass. Still, it sucks big time. Megan I guess has been really hitting this phase hard. I'm getting worried about the play since we're still using scripts in practice. I tried not to use mine at all during the last hour or so of practice... I wanted to see how much I'd got memorized. The play's in 2 weeks... we need to step this up. Next week's AAS match is at home. For all of my buddies in Addison, you should come. It starts at 6:15 next monday night. If I do play, I'll play the second round on 3-minute vs... Canisteo? Yeah, against Canisteo-Greenwood. We'll take 'em to the cleaners. ;) Random song quote: "He's bold as brass; he'll knock you on your ass! Lichtenstein! Lichtenstein!" ~Shadowmaster~

We were innocent.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-17T04:03:11-05:00

Indeed, everyone was innocent when we were younger. Prepare yourselves, people, for I think this is going to turn into another horribly wistful rant... Again, I was thinking on the bus this morning and afternoon and, for about the sixth time in a row, I've come to the conclusion that I dearly miss my childhood. Being a teen... sometimes it blows. Sometimes it rocks. Still, I can't help but wish for those good old days. When I was younger, everything was all set out for me. I didn't have to figure things out myself; I was not nearly so confused as I am nowadays. My friends and I could have fun and no one cared if you were mature or immature. There was none of this relationship bullshit; everyone was buddy-buddy with everyone else. No one really knew or cared about marijuana or alcohol or smoking. We did fun things in school. Hell, learning itself was fun. Where has time gone? How could it have gone by so quickly without me noticing? I'm going to be a junior next year and I feel as though I should be entering 4th grade. I wish I was... sometimes I feel older than I am but mostly, I feel too young and naïve to be 16. *chuckles* I remember the summer before 4th grade, my mom kept telling me that I was "her big 4th-grader." It never ocurred to me that one day, I'd be this grown up or that one day, I would actually realize that some things are inevitable. When I was 10, I wanted to badly to be older; I wanted to be 16 so I could drive, I wanted to be in high school so I could act mature and do things that I couldn't do in grade-school. Who would have thought that I'd long for my younger days once I finally reached this "grand" age? I know that everyone shares these feelings of wistfulness and regret at some point but... just riding in a car and listening to music from the 90s brings back memories. I love to reminisce because I miss the past, but I also hate it because I long to be 10 again. I think, if I had the chance, I would go back and relive my childhood. Some of it was horrible and hard to get through but, for the most part, I appreciate every second of it. Do you ever find yourself listening to the radio in the morning and then a song from the early 90s will come on and you just start remembering things? I remember when I was 8 or so, I'd wake up every morning and wash up, then I'd have breakfast and listen to the radio and talk to my family. There were certain songs that were on the radio every day and now, whenever I hear them while I'm eating breakfast, I can just picture myself 8 again, sitting at the same table with the same dishes and silverware, eating my favorite kind of cereal. I remember snow days lasted forever back then and the thought of tomorrow was never frightening. I didn't hate school; in fact, it was quite the opposite. I liked going to school because I liked learning. Now... that love for learning, that fire that I had for discovering new things, has all but burned out. That's what a bad teacher does to you... *sigh* I know it's foolish to sit and think about the past as often as I do; I can never go back, this I know. Still, wouldn't it be grand? Jesus, I even remember going to see Mulan in the movie theater. How long ago was that? Like a decade! I remember so many things and I'm happy to have the memories but I also hate it. Having the memory of something gives me the capacity to long for it. To desire something and never be able to have it... sometimes it's downright heartwrenching. I guess I'd better go and get some things around, maybe even kick Dad off the phone. The Banquet starts at 6:15 and I've got to be there early and meet Aubbs so we can sit together. Hassler said something about trying to get us a seat at the "special tables" with her, Noelle, Megan, and a few other people. That would be fun, though I don't know if Mary Jane will be open to the idea. Ahh, fuck her. That's another thing... I didn't swear when I was little. Humph. Random song quote: "And we were innocent..." ~Shadowmaster~

A soulfully profitable weekend.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-20T02:03:16-05:00

This weekend has to be one of the best I've had in a while. Sasha, Rachel, Carrie, Barb, and Aubrey came down yesterday and we had our little gathering. Aubbs left around 5:30 and Rachel left at 10, but the other 3 stayed the night and it was a BLAST. Sasha and I were sharing stories, which is wonderful for me because all my friends have heard it before and they're sick of it. It's fine... I get sick of it. It's just nice to talk about it every now and then, you know? Sasha also told me about a story she's writing and I'm deeply intrigued by it. I told her once she gets the first chapter done, she'll have to let me read it. That wonderful girl was kind enough to draw me a picture of Sorinak and I must say, he looks hot. Even Carrie thought so. This rocks! My Shadowmaster is bangable! :P That's about all I wanted to say... tomorrow it's back to school but, thank God, I only have a 4-day week thanks to Good Friday. It's hard to believe Easter's next sunday and Mom's birthday is next monday. *sigh* I'll have to see if Mema can take me to Wal-Mart on Good Friday. I want to get her flowers. The big gift is dinner at Red Lobster, though, which I can hardly wait for. WOOT! Tomorrow's match is in Addison. I think we're against Canisteo-Greenwood (I'm not sure) but I do know that we play second. I hope I get to play... I didn't get to last week so I'd better get on the team for tomorrow, damn it all. Carrie and Hassler will probably come watch, and maybe Sam. I want to be able to play in front of everyone. *prays* Here's to hoping. Random song quote: "It's tough to be a god." ~Shadowmaster~

Ick. A good weekend gone bad.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-22T01:03:11-05:00

Stephanie is so lost... Ok, I left school early yesterday because I had a 100.6 temp, then I didn't go today because I couldn't really get out of bed. Apparently, some things have gone to hell in the time I've been gone. HOW DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN?! It makes me feel like a god damned peacekeeper. Hmph... I guess I'll have to take testimonies when I get back tomorrow. If they don't tell me willingly... *breaks out the interrogation tools*. MUAHAHA! I had every intention of going to school today but I woke up at 6 and could barely move to turn off my alarm clock. Phht... it was a chore to get up and go potty too. I feel a lot better now but I'm still sleepy and... blah. I hate being sick. It sucks ass... I can only guess at what I've missed in math. *nervous sigh* I've a feeling I'm going to fail that class this marking period... I'm thinking it's time for a PPV and a nap... I need sleep so badly right now. I'll call Aubrey after 3 and hopefully she'll be home. Then I can wrangle some information out of her about this whole Con-Sam-Mar-Wayne-Andy thing. Apparently, it happened during 5th period lunch. *sigh* Damn it. Random song quote: "He walked with a purpose." ~Shadowmaster~

Political quiz.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-22T09:03:13-05:00

This I got from Roxie ( http://sayhedgehog.mindsay.com/ ). Apparently, I was right when I said I was a total Republican! :D Red party! WOOT!
You scored as Republican. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

Republican
67%
Democrat
50%
Anarchism
50%
Communism
42%
Fascism
33%
Socialist
33%
Nazi
17%
Green
0%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com
From what I've heard, bad things are happening at school. *sigh* It'll never end... Random song quote: "God I'm tired of pickin' up the soap." ~Shadowmaster~

*prays*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-23T06:03:45-05:00

God, kind and wondrous God, let tomorrow be a snow day... I need sleep. Keep the beautiful (yet FREEZING) snow coming. Sasha brought me some books of hers; we kind of switched. I let her borrow all the books in the Song of the Lioness quartet and Wild Magic. The ones Sasha brought look like good reads. One's about vampires... woot. :) Painted set for a while after school today. ;) Landy and I painted each other's bushes. :P Everyone else was conetent with drawing the dwarves' cottage. Phht. Megan, Landy, Kathrine, Rachel, and I all turned ourselves into British warrior-women with face paint (we did refrain from running around naked, however; this was a fully clothed assembly). We freaked out the track members that were doing laps on the stairs. I was the dictator. I even had a staff (it was the end of a broken paint brush). :) The bus ride home wasn't so pleasant. The rodes weren't plowed and Hughie kept sliding everywhere. I swear, we almost slid off Bald Hill Road. Not good, not to mention the bus was freezing. Then Craig made himself throw up to freak out a little girl. I almost tossed. He'll be a vile father... Random song quote: "Pretty fly for a rabbi." ~Shadowmaster~

Questions!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-23T09:03:50-05:00

I have a question for anybody and everybody who wanders across my blog... would someone be interested in explaining Wicca to me explicitly? I used to practice it but I was very naïve about it and I want to know more before I go plunging into a different religion. The information would be much appreciated. Help on finding things I need would be apprecited as well. ~Shadowmaster~

Happy Easter!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-27T10:03:37-05:00

I got some very nice presents from the "Easter Bunny" this morning, not to mention my kitchen smells like turkey. :) I gave Mom a CD of the Bee Gee's Greatest Hits. Hassler helped me pick it out yesterday when we went shopping. Mummy's listening to it now. I kind of helped get Dad a movie, then kind of not. :P I got the revised version of Bambi, which is cool because I don't hate that movie anymore. The one thing that does suck is the fact that I think I've got an ear infection. My ear was really itchy and painful last night and now, it just hurts. I can't hear out of it either. I think I'm going to go lay on a hot water bottle, then I'll try to clean it out with some hot water. I'll have to plug it up with cotton but I don't mind... I actually like the cotton. Mental thing... makes it feel better. I hope that everyone has a Happy Easter. I know that I'm going to gain like 20 pounds just from the turkey I plan on eating. *rubs hands together* MUAHAHA! Random song quote: "And I feel like I'm slipping away." ~Shadowmaster~

Hmph.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-27T11:03:19-05:00

My Easter... it was a half and half type deal. The food was good while the dinner table talk was not. As it does most of the time, everything we talked about was centered around religion and beliefs. My grandmother is a most devout Christian and I am to become a most devout pagan... conflict? Yes. I think we're both in our rights to believe what we want. She thinks I'm blasphemous. What a wonderful Easter Sunday conversation I had with her, where she proceeded to tell me that I was on the wrong path, that I was going to hell if I didn't right myself. I told her I didn't believe in hell, which I don't. What a spark that ignited. Then, most stupidly, I went on to say, "And if I am wrong, may God strike me down as the most horrible blasphemor and traitor to Christianity since Judas." Of course, I wasn't struck down, but it only infuriated my very Christian grandmother even more. We didn't speak to each other for the rest of the afternoon except when I said good-bye. Yes, Easter is a most... interesting time in my household. Why did I have to be a pagan born into a family of self-righteous, bible-thumping Christians? My mother and father came to terms with my beliefs long ago. As long as I don't practice "black magick", they think it's fine that I explore new beliefs. They encourage it. But, like I said, my grandmother is determined to think that, since I'm curious and I have questions, I'm going to go to hell. I do believe she fears for my eternal soul. I have this to say: if God sends me to "hell" for having pagan beliefs and practicing paganism itself, he's not much of a god. Random song quote: "My December." ~Shadowmaster~

I love the turn my life will be taking.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-03-30T11:03:51-05:00

I've decided that I want to make Wicca my formal religion. Sasha has been practicing it for a long time, and she said she'll help me learn all I can. She has tons of books, and she has troves of information locked away in her mind. *happy sigh* I've felt lately that something was... missing, for lack of a better term, and I've come to see that Wicca and paganism itself are the religions (religion) I was meant to practice. It feels good to be certain about something for once, and I am certain about this. Wicca is something I was made to practice. It's just... part of me. Of who I am.
This certainty is such a change from what I've been feeling lately. Normally, I am just confused and "out of the loop" with my own life. Things are especially like that with the play. I don't know if we'll make it through the little kid performance, much less the friday and saturday shows. Apparently, we have to be at school at 7 tomorrow morning in order to get into costume and make-up. Praise Mrs. Russ and Mrs. Reagan... they said I don't have to wear make-up because my cheeks are rosy enough for being Happy. :) Maybe my fucked up pigmentation is a blessing in disguise. Literally.
In any event, to get back to my religious subject, I've turned my diary into a Book of Shadows. It already feels close to me... I just want to purify it, to make sure that all negativity is gone and so it'll feel closer to me than it already does. There's a $31 journal at Barnes & Noble that I adore... it's made of black leather with a quill embellished on the front. Mom said I can get it if I work. There goes a couple Saturdays. Still, that journal's well worth it. I'll try to see if I can find a picture to paste in here.
I should go and work on my project. Music theory calls! In fact, I think I may be nearly finished...
Random song quote: "Le picadilly!"
~Shadowmaster~

It's all over and I'm so depressed I could cry for ages.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-03T09:04:46-05:00

I know that while I was practicing for the play, I wasn't particularly fond of having to go to practice every tuesday and thursday. It ate up my time; I didn't get much sleep; I got sick a lot more; I barely saw my family; some people I saw too much of. But now, now that the play's done with and everything's come to a halt (except AAS, for the moment), I am so depressed it's unreal. I was the same way last year, at the cast party, but that the gods that the cast party was on opening night this year instead of the last show. Otherwise... I don't think I could bear it. Mr. Vona gave the cast and crew a speech before we went on for the last time saturday. What he was was so sentimental and heartfelt that I ended up tearing up. I didn't cry; the tears wouldn't roll down my cheeks, but I still felt that gentle tug at my heart, and the thought that this is the last time I'll see some people is absolutely horrifying. Our cast and crew... every year, we develop into a big family and we come to see each other as brothers and sisters. Now... now it's like we've all gotten together to see each other, but now the reunion's come to an end and by the time next year rolls around, some of the family will be dead or too busy to come or something. It's a sad thought. I'll miss everyone so much... I know that I get like this every year, but can you blame me? Anyone who's been in drama and acted knows what I'm talking about. You develop this irreplaceable bond with everyone you act with and to think that bond might be shattered by growing up... it's heartbreaking. Really. I suppose I'm going to get off here and go to bed. I need to get some sleep and stop thinking so much... it just hurts. Still, I'll never forget the good times I had with everyone. The cast party was absolutely fabulous and we have so many backstage memories. Inside jokes and the like. The cast party... oh my god. We all went to Denny's and Campbell-Savona ended up showing up; they did "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown". In any event, they sat in one half of the restaurant, being all quiet and reserved, while we were all loud and had the time of our lives. Around the middle of the party, we all sang the Green Dragon Song at the top of our lungs. I ran around, teaching it to everyone in the cast and crew the week before the party so we could all sing it together. Dad said he's never seen anything cooler. It felt awesome. Okay, now I really am going to bed. Random song quote: "This is my December." ~Shadowmaster~

Spring!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-10T03:04:20-05:00

Finally! Everything, including the weather, is starting to act like it's actually spring. The warmth... the sun... the green grass and blue sky... it makes me very happy. Though I'm normally a snow-and-winter, rain-and-cold kind of girl, the coming of spring and summer DEFINATELY makes me happy. Right now I'm on Spring Break (GLEE!) but I'm not in Michigan as planned. Jen couldn't have me over now because MU's break is different from mine, but she wants Mom and I down in august. She's got season tickets to MU's football games and the season starts in august. Oh goody. I really do want to go. I think I may try to persuade Mom and Dad into going on vacation again next summer. I want to go back to Virginia... I miss Virginia. I wish I lived there instead of blasted New York. Damn the legislators anyway. I know we wouldn't be able to do it this summer *rubs fingers together* but maybe next year we could pull it off. Sure would be nice... Speaking of vacations, Madeline and Crystal are in Florida right now (DAMN THEM!). They made sure to rub it in my face right before break, too. They're going to be down there for 2 weeks, so the week after break they won't be here either. :p Madeline did promise to bring me back some souvenirs, though. Joy. That's it for now. My depression over the play has somewhat dissipated so I can fully enjoy spring's arrival. Even though Courtney and Megan will be going to Mansfield next year, they can drive and I should have my license by then, thus they're either going to drive up here every now and then or Rachel and I are road tripping down to PA. 'Twill be fun. Woot woot. Oh, in other news... I'm doing marching band this summer. I was only going to do EchoTaps but then Vona pitched the idea to me and I thought, "Hey, what the hell." It's going to be fun. Hassler's going to do it too, and Aubrey's already in it, so we'll have a blast on the Long Island trip over the 4th of July. Courtney and Megan are doing to too. Whee! Random song quote: "Anol shalom." ~Shadowmaster~

Yes, I'm up early, but the day's looking bright.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-12T09:04:13-05:00

Well, Dad and I are going to go spend the day in Batavia and the surrounding area. It'll be fun... I haven't spent time with him in a while, plus now I can brush up on my photography. EEE! In other news, my insanity has reached its peak: I've made up my own pirate ship. The Monstrosity, the last pirate ship on the Cohocton! (sp? Cohocton vs. Conhocton.) I am Captain Sircador, owner of the Monstrosity and roamer of the open seas! My first mate is Twigg the Imaginative (Marlaina). Twigg... well, Twigg is Twigg. She likes to sit in the prow of the ship, just thinkin' away. 'Tisn't right for an underling to think so much. I fear Twigg's overdue for a walk down the plank, but for now she's ample entertainment for me and me hearty crew. Her stupidity never ceases to cause a rumble of laughter in me belly. My third in command is Sybee (Sybil), the One-Eyed. I poked her other eye out meself and I'm durn proud of that fact. Sybee's a good 'un. Pays attention, she does. My acting lieutenant is Carridor the Chaste (Carrie). Carridor is the only chaste pirate on my ship. I think she's a bleetin' fool for it, but one can't argue. She does me work and I don't question her good morals. Still, 'tisn't pirate-y... And lastly is Gib of Hassala (Rachel). Gib's me strong arm woman. Sometimes she can't properly form thoughts, but in those cases I do that for her. Gib's another good 'un. Now alas, me hearties! Check the riggin' and cast off! WE'RE OFF TO GET CARRIDOR SOME MANLY BOOTY! ARR! Perhaps we'll go a bit off course, to the Susquehanna, and make a stop in Westchester, Pennsylvania to get Carridor the finest of the fine... BAM-ly booty. Aye.;) I told you I was crazy... Random song quote: "What's this?! What's this?!" ~Shadowmaster~

Dreams.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-13T11:04:00-05:00

Ok, I had two extremely weird dreams last night. The first one, oddly enough, has been a re-occurring dream for years. It's like the Hitler dream... it won't go away. All right, dream #1: I walked into a K-Mart which was about 8 times bigger than K-Marts normally are. I looked through a few of the aisles but then I immediately headed back to the toy section. I passed the part with girl's toys and went straight for the boy's stuff. I found where the Legos were and found this specific kind of Lego, then I took it off the shelf and started to assemble it. Then a store clerk came and found me and told me I had no right to be there, that I couldn't put the Lego together without buying it and that I was ruining all the toys. I gave her a weird look, told her it was impossible for me to be ruining ALL the toys, then I stood up, Lego in hand, and woke up. Strange, eh? Wait until you hear dream #2... I was in school and I walked upstairs to the stage and went in Vona's room. There were some people there, but the only ones I remember seeing were Aubrey and Mr. Vona. Anyway, there were 5 shoeboxes laying on the floor and in each shoebox there was a mask. I remember the masks were all male-oriented except one was a female and it was named Gwen. Anyway, I was in there and one of the masks threw up into a bottle, so I went to take care of it. I came out the door of the stage that leads to the library wing and saw Rachel and Carrie. I smiled at them and threw Carrie the bottle, explaining what it was, then took a drink from the fountain and went back to Vona's. As soon as I got in the door, there was this HUGE burst of flame through both the doors and the masks got burned. Then my POV switched and I was the mask nearest to Gwen; I looked like a snake. I got Mr. Vona to carry my box and I went around and examined all the other masks. I pour water on them and they seemed to be fine. Then we couldn't find Gwen, so we went out the In door and saw her laying in her box with the worst burns of all. I poured a huge bottle of water on her and was praying she'd be all right, then I woke up. I don't know what in the hell prompted these dreams but I'm half tempted to hire a dream analyst just so they can explain these two dreams and the Hitler dreams. It's getting kind of weird when sometimes I'm afraid to sleep... Random song quote (again, how appropriate): "Dream on." ~Shadowmaster~

Spring break was good but now it's almost over. DAMN!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-16T07:04:30-05:00

Ok, spring break was good but now... I HAVE SCHOOL IN TWO DAYS! :( Ack... I don't like school. I'm not looking forward to having to wake up at 6 in the fucking morning. Damn... Anyway, thursday I went out with Mema. I was all set to go to Corning, go to Denny's and Wal-Mart, then come home around 2. All the sudden, Dad jumps in and decides we're going to take him to go get his car. Okay, that's fine. We went out to brunch at Chat-A-Whyle and everything was going good until we got to Smith's. Dad's car was out front and all ready... and they'd all gone to lunch. So we waited and no one was back in the office at 1. This pissed Dad off so much that he bitched out Mr. Smith when the man came back from break. Then Mema severely bitched him out in the middle of Smith's parking lot and in front of CUSTOMERS! That went over real well in the car on the way to Dean's. So Dad and I zoomed around a bit, going to the bank and such, and picked Mema up at Smith's. Then we all parted ways, Mema and I went to Wal-Mart, and I got home around 4:30. Thus, my late afternoon time was shot all because Smith's was slow and because Mema and Dad had a bitchfest. I said nothing the entire time. That night was better though. Rachel and Marlaina came over and we stayed up until 2 playing Rummy and watching Fear Factor, then we were up until 4 after that because we were talking. We finally couldn't take it anymore and crashed. After I took them home Friday, all I did was sit and read Demon in My View which is a very good book. Then I watched Mr. Deeds, got on the computer around 9-ish, and wrote with Aubrey until 1:30. Today I woke up late, did nothing all day except shower and clean my room, then Mom and I went out to Corning. Dad went train watching with Jim and John so it was just the girls. We got ice-cream and had dinner and all that jazz. 'Twas fun. So now I plan on staying in, doing nothing, and working on the story with Aubrey until like 3 a.m. :P Or until I get sleepy. It feels like a Sunday. Thank the gods I still have one more day of R&R before all hell breaks loose with school. Ehh... Random song quote: "Here's the clincher." ~Shadowmaster~

Hehe... funny quizzes.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-16T09:04:21-05:00

Your Linguistic Profile:
75% General American English
15% Yankee
5% Dixie
5% Upper Midwestern
0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

You Belong in 1963

1963 If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Irish Name Is...

Fidelma Smith

What's your Irish Name?

You are 73% Sagittarius

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Should Be a Hot Dog for Halloween!

What should you be for Halloween?
I found those... amusing. :P Hehehe! Random song quote: "How could you use a poor maiden's soul?" ~Shadowmaster~

ROCK THE FUCK ON MANN!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-18T09:04:36-05:00

THIS ROCKS SO HARD! Okay... I know that I signed up for marching band and I really will do the parades, but I could have the chance to go to Albertfest 2005! ROCK ON! This will be Albertfest's 4th anniversary. It's a 3 day long 4th of July celebration that Marlaina's brothers came up with. Even though most of their college buddies have graduated, they still come to it. Every damn year... even the drop-outs. Anyone who staqrted originally comes, and more come every year. Marlaina's going to ask if me, Wayne, Andy, Matt, and some other people can come to it. I hope to God that we can go! If you want more info about Albertfest, go to the website below. THIS IS SO RIGHTEOUS! I AM SO PSYCHED! Albertfest 2005! Random song quote: "We will, we will rock you!" ~Shadowmaster~

Mmm...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-19T05:04:25-05:00

It's 84º out! Woot! Summer's on the way, man! Just wanted to write that I probably won't be going to Albertfest (DOUBLE DAMN) but in any event, I'll be doing something fun on the 4th. Either I'll be partying with Mar or I'll be on the beach in Long Island with my other buddies. Either way, doesn't matter to me. Both will be fun. Though I have never been to the beach before... I re-did my blog because the whole Medusa thing was so... depressing. I wanted something bright and Irish, thus the celtic knots and the claddagh. I personally like it. A lot. That means it'll stay this way for a while. That's it for me... I'm out. Random song quote: "We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue." ~Shadowmaster~

Hmph.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-22T04:04:27-05:00

Prom's in three weeks and my dress still isn't made. Good thing Mom and I are working on it this weekend... Carrie's grandma needs it like A.S.A.P. so she can to the silver embroidery. It'll be black with silver swirls, and the acryllics I'm getting are going to be the same. Rachel, Carrie, and I are all going to New Dimensions together in the morning to get out hair and nails done. It'll be fun. Lately, mostly thanks to Courtney (;)), I've been obsessed with Irish music. I burnt a CD of drinking songs. They're awesome; I'm in total love with the Clancy Brothers. My favorite song's got to be Finnegan's Wake... 'tis funny. When I played Courtin' in the Kitchen, the Moonshiner, and Johnny McEldoo, Mom was like, "You know, my dad used to sing that. Holy reminiscence." :P I love the CD. I also have bagpipe music, Irish jig music, and fiddle and tin whistle songs. Megan let me borrow her Loreena McKennett CD and I ADORE IT! *runs to rip music onto computer* Oh, and I'm not going to Albertfest. :( For one thing, Mom's all unsure about it. Phht. The second thing is I made a committment to band and I do want to go to Long Island. So that's where I'll be on the 4th... Long Island, New York. Should be fun, though. :) I'll definately have more drinking songs by then. EEE! I'm a rambler I'm a gambler I'm a long ways from home. And if you don't like me well leave me alone. I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die. I've been a moonshiner for many a year, I spent all me money on whiskey and beer. I'll go to some hollow and I set up me still and I'll make you a gallon for a ten shillin' bill. I'm a rambler I'm a gambler I'm a long ways from home. And if you don't like me well leave me alone. I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die. I'll go to some hollow in this country, Ten gallons of wash I can go on a spree. No women to follow; the world is all mine, I love none so well as I love the moonshine. I'm a rambler I'm a gambler I'm a long ways from home. And if you don't like me well leave me alone. I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die. Now Moonshine dear Moonshine oh how I love thee, Ya killed me ol' father but ar' ya try me. So bless all moonshiners and bless all moonshine, It's breath smells as sweet as the dew on the vine. I'm a rambler I'm a gambler I'm a long ways from home. And if you don't like me well leave me alone. I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll drink when I'm dry, And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die. Random song quote: "Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!" ~Shadowmaster~

I am so disappointed in the human race.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-23T06:04:39-05:00

I just read this one person's blog. I swear to the Goddess, she has to be the biggest teenage bible-thumper I've ever had the displeasure to read about. She disses her friends for practicing Wicca! She was excited when one of her friends "quit" Wicca! Yeah, that right there is open-minded. I must say, though, that after reading about her friend's... problems, I don't think Wicca is for her anyway. Wicca teaches one to be proud of themselves, proud of their body, mind, and soul and she's not happy with numero uno... This upsets me. I know everyone has the right to think what they want and I respect that. Everyone's entitled to their opinion; what upsets me is that this person claims to be an open-minded individual, yes she disses Wiccans. I personally don't think that's right. Then again, not too many people give a damn what I think. Phht. I'm out before I say something completely unforgiveable. Random song quote: "You think that only people who are people are the people who look and think like you." What utter bullshit. ~Shadowmaster~

Quizilla comes to my aid in a time of need!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-23T10:04:33-05:00

In other words... I am so completely bored, but I feel really good. I had a good conversation with Justin about Wicca, then I went in my room and meditated and did some healing work. I just finished with my after-meditation tea (mmm, so good), so I'm set for the night. Aubrey and I are working on the story and I found this neat little quiz in someone's profile.
You are an Enchantress, somewhat an enigma,
you would love to change the world. You hold
strong views and, would love nothing more, to
use your magic to change the world around you.
When in conversation, you listen, take on their
comments, and fantasise how you could improve
things. Quite the idealist, you think you have
all the answers, whether for right or wrong.
You hold your intellect high, and believe you
can change the world! In a relationship, you
need a partner of high intellect!
The world
and you, often seems at odds, with you
frequently seeing things from a different point
of view.
You have a connection with nature,
often stating , that things will take their
natural course. Nevertheless, secretly, you
would like to use nature to your own
ends.
Your good points are that you are
intelligent, instigative and thoughtful. Your
bad points are, you can be single-minded,
misled and remorseless.
You feel that your
superior knowledge should astound everyone
around you; and you wish for respect from your
peers.

Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla I liked it a lot and I liked my result even more. :) I think I'm going to put a character with my personality in my story. She, too, will be an enchantress who thinks too much of herself. :P Random song quote: "A red-coat troop came marching, marching, marching; King George's men came marching up to the old inn-door." ~Shadowmaster~

*weeps*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-23T10:04:01-05:00

Part One I The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees, The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, The road was a ribbon of moonlight, over the purple moor, And the highwayman came riding- Riding-riding- The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door. II He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin, A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin; They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh! And he rode with a jewelled twinkle, His pistol butts a-twinkle, His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky. III Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard, And he tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred; He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there But the landlord's black-eyed daughter, Bess, the landlord's daughter, Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair. IV And dark in the old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked; His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay, But he loved the landlord's daughter, The landlord's red-lipped daughter, Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say- V "One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night, But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light; Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day, Then look for me by moonlight, Watch for me by moonlight, I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way." VI He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand, But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast; And he kissed its waves in the moonlight, (Oh, sweet black waves in the moonlight!) Then he tugged at his rein in the moonlight, and galloped away to the West. Part Two I He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon; And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon, When the road was a gipsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor, A red-coat troop came marching- Marching-marching- King George's men came marching, up to the old inn-door. II They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead, But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed; Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side! There was death at every window; And hell at one dark window; For Bess could see, through the casement, the road that he would ride. III They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest; They bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast! "Now keep good watch!" and they kissed her. She heard the dead man say- Look for me by moonlight; Watch for me by moonlight; I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way! IV She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good! She writhed her hands till here fingers were wet with sweat or blood! They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years, Till, now, on the stroke of midnight, Cold, on the stroke of midnight, The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers! V The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest! Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast, She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again; For the road lay bare in the moonlight; Blank and bare in the moonlight; And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain. VI Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear; Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear? Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill, The highwayman came riding, Riding, riding! The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up strait and still! VII Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night! Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light! Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath, Then her finger moved in the moonlight, Her musket shattered the moonlight, Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him-with her death. VIII He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood! Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear How Bess, the landlord's daughter, The landlord's black-eyed daughter, Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there. IX Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky, With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high! Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat, When they shot him down on the highway, Down like a dog on the highway, And he lay in his blood on the highway, with a bunch of lace at his throat. * * * * * * X And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees, When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor, A highwayman comes riding- Riding-riding- A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door. XI Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard, And he taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred; He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there But the landlord's black-eyed daughter, Bess, the landlord's daughter, Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair. --Alfred Noyes ~Shadowmaster~

Righto.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-26T02:04:06-05:00

Meesa gone and changed my mind... AGAIN. I'm going to keep this blog as my personal blog, but the Xanga one is more literary-based. I'll post little shorties and stuff that I have there, but it won't get as... involed as this blog. If you get me. ;) :P Carrie's sitting next to me, busily reading away as I type this. *pokes Carrie's left eye out* HAHA! READ NOW, BIATCH! That's what I thought... And now she's not reading anymore, but she will... she will. Meesa love Carrie. I had my band lesson last period and you know, for not playing for almost 18 months, I remeber it all frighteningly well. I love my trombone... now I have my own, so it's all good. ;) *winky winky* Mike Zsiga gave his trombone to me. He had one with trigger but ack. I don't like trigger. Besides, Matt's the trigger boy. :P *sniffle* CARRIE SAYS NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY NEW TROMBONE! *weeps uncontrollably* She's right. Phht... All right, since I have nothing good to say, I'm out. Random song quote: "I joined the brotherhood..." ~Shadowmaster~

What a good damn day... it rocked out loud.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-04-28T08:04:47-05:00

Wow... I had a really good day today. Prepare, I'm going to ramble on about exactly what happened to make my day so... wonderful. It seemed like everything was going to fall apart earlier but then it all... went into place at the end. 2nd through 4th period was spent in my choral workshop. I have to say that today, we rocked on the pieces we did do, but we were in that workshop for 2.25 hours and half the time, literally half the time, the guest conductor was talking. The other time was spent watching her conduct wrong. She was nice and the energy exericises we did helped my breathing but Goddess bless... Everything then went all weird after school. Rachel, Courtney, Megan, and I were going to leave promptly at 3 and go to Rachel's where we planned on decorating for Jake's 18th birthday while he was at tennis practice. Poor Courtney, however, locked her keys in her car, so we didn't leave the school until 4. Courtney drove like a madwoman down the Narrows to get to the house, then we decorated in an hour. Craig and the tennis team and even Castle stalled Jake so he wouldn't get home early. We got everything done and hid, then surprised him. That's where I've been since after school. It was a total blast... there was six of us. We had dinner and cake and cleaned and decorated. It was awesome. So even though a lot of shit seemed like it was going wrong (a lot more than what I listed, but Courtney's keys was the biggest problem), everything ended pretty well. I am really happy right now... I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight and get some much needed rest. *happy sigh* Tomorrow's friday... EEE! Random song quote: "I long to say you're welcome here, you can be happy now that you're home." ~Shadowmaster~

This is what looking at Roxie's blog has done to me!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-01T12:05:18-05:00

I looked at Roxie's blog and found this Catster thing, so I checked it out... and now I'm a member and Angel's up there. Thus, enjoy my baby's cute little demonic face. ;) Angel Lucifer... he's my boy. Angel Lucifer's Homepage! That's my boy... tell me what you think of him. I personally think he's so damn cute I can hardly stand it, but I'm his owner. :) Random song quote: "Deep down inside I'm just like you." ~Shadowmaster~

A piece of me.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-01T09:05:28-05:00

Today's weather and... family orientation reminded me of this poem. It rained on and off without much sunshine, only clouds, and I fought with everyone. I was a bitch. Anyway... I wrote this Friday in English. Though everything was fine with me Friday, I felt compelled to write yet another piece of verse. Non-rhyming verse, but a poem nonetheless. Continuance The wind sweeps, Bringing on it a cold chill, A chill that makes my skin crawl. This is spring? This spring reminds me of many a year, Many a year spent with my family... Where there should be warmth, ice grows. Where there should be light, clouds cover all. Rain should fall and bring about the birth of smiling flowers, Yet still is snows, a crystalized blanket covering the ground, Murdering all the day's new growth. As in my family, My heart, My life, This is the winter that will never end. ~Stephanie Snyder Written: April 29th, 2005 Comments on this would be much appreciated... I want to send it to JMW Publishing. It will have been my third accepted piece by them if it's any good. Random song quote: "I hear a baby crying..." ~Shadowmaster~

Another poem.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-02T03:05:40-05:00

Lately, I've been really getting back into writing poems instead of prose. It's nice to take a break from stories. This one I wrote in math today after having a bitchy little fight with a friend... about seating arrangements, of all things. She wanted a person to sit by here in my normal seat and I was left seat-less. In any event... I tried the rhyme scheme that Roxie used yesterday. 'Twas definately weird... by the way, Roxie, I liked your poem. Impressive. Vengeance Shunned, pushed off to the side, I feel alone, all alone. They've got me out of my place. It's like I've been forced from my home And shoved behind a wall to hide. It's vengeance that is dire. Betrayed, I'm left to my thoughts: Never cared for, never was; Family's ifnored me beyond doubt; Friends have left me to my cause, And I'm too hurt to name a price For the vengeance I desire. Now my skin burns red with sin, The heat of anger thus reborn, And though the phoenix sprouts life from death I'm doomed to stay ashen evermore. But through my ending I'm born again And it is vengeance I require. My hunter half's alive and well; I will have my vengeance yet, Forever reap the grand reward Of joy found in heated regret As I send their souls to Hell. It is vengeance I've acquired. ~Stephanie Snyder Written: May 2nd, 2005 I know my poetry has a trend of darkness to it but that's how I write best. I'm not a happ-diddly-appy person when it comes to verse. Never have been. Anyway, comments on this are much appreciated! Random song quote: "Siúil, siúil, siúil a rün." ~Shadowmaster~

GOODY!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-06T04:05:50-05:00

Well, I re-did my blog and I absolutely love it this way. I needed some warm colors. Prom... might be a total bust for me. Sasha probably won't get my effing ticket in time but even if I don't go, Hassler wants to come get me and take me to her house at midnight. *sigh* I really hope Sasha brings the money Monday... it's the last day and now she's got to pay $40 because she went and lost my $20 that I gave her for my half. *angry sigh* I am not at all happy with her... Pcht... here's to hoping. I really do want to go... last time to party with my senior buddies. And dinner at Sorge's with everyone with my hair all pretty and my nails done and a nice dress... sounds fun, does it not? I'm out... going to a piano recital tonight with Hassler and her brother. Should be fun. Random song quote: "Even in death our love goes on." ~Shadowmaster~

PICTURES!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-07T05:05:20-05:00

I finally registered on Photobucket and I wanted to post a few pictures. ~That's the group pic of all the cast of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Aren't we cute?! I'm the one in the back, with the green hat... Happy. Hehe. I looked so retarded.~ *This is just a cute little picture of Angel, my kitty. So adorable...* -I messed with this a little on the computer to make it black and white (I love black and white photos). Again... it's ANGEL! Me kitty's great... if only he'd mind me.- Random song quote: "Some say I'm crazy for my love." ~Shadowmaster~

Something I picked up from another blogger.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-08T08:05:21-05:00

Yes, I stole this from Rachel(not Hassler... a different one). Enjoy... I am so bored. :P Name: Stephanie Birth (date): Tuesday, December 13th, 1988 Nicknames: Steph, Stephanus, Stepherpoo, Stephanefalafolous, Estebany Did you ever get yelled at?: What kind of question is that? Of course. Did you ever get caught in a fire?: Erm... no? *mutters something about the idiocy of the quizmaker* Ever gotten stung by a bee?: Yes, 3 times. Nasty little buggers, they are. Ever gone to the hospital?: Yes but I've never been admitted. Usually I'm in the ER. (:P) Ever gotten the flu really bad and had to miss school?: Yes. Longest I was out with the flu was 3 weeks in like... 6th grade. Hate school?: Naturally. Best class: Music theory... that class is always a blast and Keenly loves us all, so we get away with pretty much anything. And chorus too, so long as we're not dancing. *shudders* Worst class: Earth Science. Mr. Howe has the tendency to lecture in a monotone voice. It puts me to sleep. Best part of the day: 4th period: study hall with my friends in Vona's... it's righteous. Have you got best friends?: Yeap. Who?: Marlaina, Rachel, Aubrey, & Carrie Worst enemys?: :) I pride myself on my extensive list of enemies. Who?: Numerous people. It comes and goes, really. :P Crushes?: Amazingly, not at the moment. My boy craziness has ceased to exist. I just don't give a damn anymore, though it would be nice... Ever tried to talk to him?: Seeing how 'he' is non-existent, I suppose not. ;) Did it work?: Erm... see previous question. Is he really hott?: My perfect crush is. Is he nice? He'd better be. Does he go to ur school? It'd be nice if that happened... Does he have a crush on you?: That'd be nice too. :P Do you remember where you first met?: In my dreams. Do you call him everyday?: I suppose I would IF HE EXISTED! Do you wish he was your neighbor?: If only... Does everyone like him?: Is it natural for everyone to like you? Do you see him anymore?: Erm... no. Do you have a diary?: Absolutely. It's my best friend. What do you write?: Numerous things. About ur day?: Yes. Do you write songs?: Yes. Like what?: I wrote this one song called Death's Kiss. It was pretty nifty. What are you thinking right now?: About the conversation Aubrey and I are having... we're writing. Do you give yourself a makeover everyday?: No. I don't have time. :P Are you known as the mean girl?: Only when I get pissed. Then I turn into Mega-Super-Bitch. Wow... that was pretty pointless. I'm off to write... Random song quote: "Give unto me your troubles." ~Shadowmaster~

Hmph. Effing allergies...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-11T03:05:26-05:00

Right. Ever since the weather started to get really warm and everything started budding, I've had a continual sinus headache. It kept me out of school thursday last week and tomorrow I have an appointment to go see the ENT (Ears, Nose, and Throat specialist). I honestly hope I'm not allergic to cats. I have too many to be allergic to them. Mostly I blame it on the high pollen count. Damn flowers anyway... If the ENT says there's no deformity of my sinus (that's what my doctor thinks), I'm off to an allergist next to get medication for it. Ick. I just finished reading Faerie Wars which is a completely awesome and intriguing book. It's very well written. Now I'm onto The Purple Emperor, which is the sequel to Faerie Wars. I haven't gotten very far into it but I hope it's as good as its predecessor. After that, I'll probably finish up The Circle Opens quartet by Tamora Pierce, then move on to some Mercedes Lackey stuff. Sam swears by Joust. We'll see. I do like The Black Griffin though. Oh, one last and strange thing... my formerly atheist friend wants to join Wicca. :P Weird, huh, but I'm delighted she wants to partake in it. I'm not bashing atheism but I absolutely love being pagan. It's got a freedom to it I personally never got from Christianity. Again, I'm not bashing anyone. Just wanted to clarify. That's it for me today... maybe I'll write tomorrow after the Academin Dinner. Marlaina, Matt, Andy, Wayne, Courtney, Megan, me, and numerous other people have to go. We get our AAS certificates and pins there. Usually, the food's bad and it's boring as all hell, but it should be fun this year. :) Random song quote: "I give to you my books and all their mysteries." ~Shadowmaster~

*is worried*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-13T03:05:05-05:00

Is it bad that prom's tomorrow and my dress still isn't sewn together completely? :/ Uh-oh. I should probably remedy that right now... Random song quote: "Part of your world." ~Shadowmaster~

PROM PICTURES!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-16T06:05:26-05:00

Prom was really great, guys. The after party at Hassler's was muy divertido too. ;) Anyway, enjoy the pics! -That's me! I loved my hair. You can't see it all because of the angle of my head but it looked absolutely awesome. Took me half an hour to get out all the bobby pins, though. That was fun...- *Me and Rachel! Aren't we purty?! Rachel didn't like her hair but she still looked beautiful. I do find myself paling in comparison. :P* -This is (from left to right) Courtney, Kirsten, and Megan. They all looked gorgeous. Poor Kirsten, though... her dress top kept falling down.- *Last but not least, the group photo. From left to right goes Adam, Rachel, me, Kirsten, Courtney, Megan, and Jake. I absolutely adore this picture... I'm going to go have it blown up into like an 11 x 13. I love it!* Prom was so much fun. You have no idea. I loved it all and, even though I'm glad the hustle and bustle is over, I love the memories I got from it. :) 27 days until the end of school! Random song quote: "Utilizing drugs to pay for secret wars around the world." ~Shadowmaster~

Something I stole!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-18T11:05:05-05:00

Stole this from a friend's blog. :P I'm a bum like that. If I were a stone, I would be: onyx If I were a tree, I would be a: pine If I were a bird, I would be: owl If I were a machine, I would be a: fridge If I were a tool, I would be a: hammer If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Venus Fly Trap If I were a kind of weather, I would be: rainy and pleasantly chilly If I were a mythical creature, I would be a: mage If I were a musical instrument, I would be a: trombone If I were a color, I would be: royal blue If I were an emotion, I would be: anger If I were a vegetable, I would be a: celery If I were a sound, I would be: squawk If I were an element, I would be: fire If I were a car, I would be: red Jag If I were a song, I would be: "Comfortable Liar" by Chevelle If I were a movie, I would be: Cradle to the Grave If I were a food, I would be: Boston Creme eclair If I were a place, I would be: Frankfurt, Germany If I were a material, I would be: cotten If I were a taste, I would be: bitter If I were a scent, I would be: lavender If I were a word, I would be: hoorah If I were an object, I would be a: pen If I were a body part I would be: hand If I were a facial expression I would be: a evil scowl If I were a subject in school I would be: history If I were a cartoon character I would be: Chucky from Rugrats If I were a shape I would be a: circle If I were a number I would be: 7 If I were a month I would be: December If I were a day of the week I'd be: Wednesday If I were a time of day I'd be: DUSK! If I were a planet I would be: Saturn If I were a direction I would be: west If I were a piece of furniture I'd be a: couch If I were a sin I would be: wrath If I were a historical figure I would be: Shakespeare If I were a liquid I would be: Pepsi Those were mostly answer by HASSLER. :P Go figure. Random song quote: "Violent pronography! ~Shadowmaster~

This is fucking SHIT.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-20T04:05:55-05:00

This has to be the worst ending to a weekend I've ever had. Rachel got in a car wreck last night... she went out alone and decided to go up Pump Station. Well, she was coming down and they just re-gravelled a sharp curve; the stones threw her and she rolled the Blazer, taking out about four trees in the process. She told me online and I thought she was kidding. Then I called her and she was schizing out and crying and I lost it after I got off the phone. I called Mom in my room and told her and just broke down crying. The car is completely totalled. She wrapped the front end around a tree and ripped a huge tree right out of the fucking ground. It made me realize how much I value her. If something more serious had happened... I don't know what I would have done. If she'd gone over the other side of the road, she would have dropped off a 50 foot incline and landed in a dry riverbed. No one even heard it because she was out in the middle of nowhere. If she'd gone down that embankment or if she's been knocked unconscious, no one would have known. No one would have found her until much later. She's officially decided no more driving until she gets her permit. She's only a week away from getting it but... damn. Dad even admitted to driving alone before he had his permit but he said this put everything he did in a new light. He and Mom were so worried about Rachel last night and so was I. My parents are wonderful though... they let me stay home with Rachel today, to keep her company and just talk to her and keep her calm and everything. *sigh* I was so scared... I'm out for now. I'll probably be going home soon. Random song quote: "Hey you! Look at me: I'm on the radio!" ~Shadowmaster~

Brilliant! Bloody fantastic!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-22T04:05:46-05:00

This is fantastic! I only have... *looks to calendar* 13 school days left and I'm FREE! EEE! True, I'll still have tot go to school a bit after that for finals and Regents, but I'm bloody done on the 10th of June! EEE! *is alarmingly happy* My good mood has also been induced by the third viewing of Phantom of the Opera in two days. I'm due for my fourth tonight before bed. That movie... it's fabulous. Absolutely fucking brilliant! I love Andrew Lloyd Webber. I love Gerard Butler. They are my gods... AND I LOVE MY OPERATIC SOUNDTRACK! I need to get the soundtrack to the movie... A.S.A.P.! :) I pulled off EchoTaps yesterday too! I'm going to be in the Guinness Book of bloody World Records! EEE! *takes sedatives* Don't worry... I'll be fine.
FANTASTIC!
Random song quote: "Past the point of no return; no going back now." ~Shadowmaster~

Smile smile!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-23T06:05:43-05:00

I am uncharacteristically happy this morning. It's kind of disturbing, actually, but a nice change from my usual grumpy attitude. Well, you'd be grumpy too if you woke up at 6 a.m. every morning only to battle for the bathroom with your mother. One day, I'll booby trap it, and it will all be MINE! MUAHAHA! I wrote a letter to Mike last night (the Marine who gave me Chuck [my trombone]) and I must admit, it was rather comical. I also included info about EchoTaps and such and, much to my disdain, my mother forced me to enclose pictures. *shrugs* What can I do? Precisely... NOTHING. Lessons today should be fun... not. Apparently, when Rachel and I were out on friday, the chorus screwed up And The Night Shall Be Filled With Music really badly. This, Keenly's reteaching it in lessons and we're not allowed to miss chorus or our lessons for anything, be it gym, labs, tests, whatever. He informed everyone he would call them out of class. That's all fine and dandy... he can deal with pissed off teachers. That man is at the end of everyone's rope... he's getting bloody unreasonable. What a day this shall be... but smiles shall prevail for my face will not be stained with sorrow! (Oh Jesus, I am a writer... :)) Random song quote: "Choking chicks and sodomy; the kind of shit you get on your TV!" ~shadowmaster~

THIS IS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-25T09:05:06-05:00

What the fuck is this?! The second time in a week that I've been near an accident of some kind. First, Rachel and the Blazer. Now, just down the road, someone in a green truck hit a train and... the truck is barely recognizable. I have this horrible feeling the person in the car isn't alive. Not many people survive train vs. car wrecks. I was in the back seat of the Durango and I just started crying... This is too much shit. How many more accidents do I have to see? What are the gods trying to tell me? Random song quote: "Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near." ~Shadowmaster~

Rachel's birthday.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-27T04:05:26-05:00

Well, Rachel turned 16 yesterday. I know I'm young but I felt old. It's weird that she's 16 now. I'm used to her being 15 or younger or... whatever. It's creepy. :P I spent the night after having dinner with them (seafood alfredo, , cheese/garlic bread, cake, and crepes... EEE!). Aaron came up with Norman and Sherry but I pretty much ignored him. I talked to him twice maybe. Anyway, we had fun. Yesterday Hassler and I left that field day thing early with her mom and Sarah and went shopping, then came back home and watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. When we got bored with that, we started helping with dinner. I went and got my clothes and such and we had fun, but I must say, it's not fun sleeping on her floor. HARDNESS! I left around 11:15 this morning because I was hungry and seriously, there was NO food in the house. :P I got home, had a Pop-Tart, then went through an entire pot of tea (which I am doing again). I was online, talking to Adam about a few things, then it the first thunderstorm of the season came along! I was so happy that I didn't care I had to shut down the computer. I went out on the porch with my book and a blanket and just listened to the rain and smelled it. I always get happy around the first thunderstorm of summer. :) It has the effect on me. When it stopped raining, I came back in and got on the computer only to shut it down again because the storm intensified a lot. Let's say the torrential rain, loud thunder claps, and bright lighning put my mood right on borderline loss-of-sanity-from-happiness. During the latter part of the storm I started to watch Beauty and the Beast, which I've been wanting to do for a while. ;) And now I'm going through my second pot of tea while making pizza dough for dinner. EEE! Tomorrow, Mar and I are taking Rachel out to a secret location (GOTCHA HASSLER!) for a few hours. Mar's parents are taking us down and mine are bringing us back. I just need to inform Mum that she has to give us a ride home... :P I'll give her gas money. Don't worry. And that's all. Monday I've got a couple parades for Memorial Day... Addison and Woodhull. Playing the Alma Mater and Johnny Marches Home, so I'll be practicing all day sunday. Joy joy. P.S. Got the deluxe collector's soundtrack from Phantom of the Opera. I paid $10 more for it but it's most definately worth it. I love it. :) Random song quote: "Who is that shape in the shadows? Whose is that face in the mask?" ~Shadowmaster~

Yay... another quiz.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-27T06:05:30-05:00

Got this from . Firsts... First real memory of something: Playing my six-key piano. First car: Haven't gotten that far. First real kiss: Still waiting for that one. First break-up: Sadly, Steve in... 5th grade? First job: Filing for my mom's company. First screen name: calientachica77 (Am I fucked up or what? :P) First self-purchased album: Spice Girls: Spice World. First funeral: My Grandpa Snyder, I believe. First pet: Erm... Princey and Sam. They were around before and after my birth. ;) After them, my first pet that was mine was a terrier the size of a bear names Adam. He was black... stood up to my hip when I was 10 and he was 9 months old. First credit card: Are you kidding? First true love: Haven't gotten there. First enemy: Michaela. First big trip: Virginia with my parents for summer vacation. I swear, I remember it vividly and I am going to live there, so help me. First music you remember hearing in your house: Christmas music. First broken bone: Left wrist in 2nd grade. First concert: Erm... well, I went to a STEAL and Vacant Eyes concert back in October. Before that was a STEAL concert in September. Do they count? First serious illness: Erm... chicken pox count? :P Never had a life threatening illness. Last's... Last cigarette: November... Sam's birthday party. Last car ride: Yesterday. Last good cry: May 12th, night of the Academic Dinner. Reasons: personal. Last book read: The Purple Emperor by Herbie Brennan Last kiss: STILL waiting... Last sex: Neva. Last movie seen: Beauty & the Beast. Last restaurant visited: Denny's. Last dream: Last night... something about... oh Christ, I can't remember. Last curse word uttered: Damn. Usually is damn. Last beverage drank: A whole pot of tea with milk and sugar. *licks lips* Last food consumed: Yogurt. Last tv show watched: CSI. Last "I love you": Today. Last time showered: Today. Last shoes worn: Nike flip-flops. Last outfit worn: Jeans and t-shirt. Last cd played: Phantom of the Opera: Deluxe Collector's CD. Last wish: For bad things to stop happening once a week. Last item bought: Well, considering they were all bought at one time, 6 pairs of socks, Phantom soundtrack, and a hazelnut creme candle. Last annoyance: My mother not listening when I try to tell her something important! Last disappointment: When I discovered I have a talent and I'm not using it properly. Last soda drank: Some lemon-lime stuff. Last ice cream eaten: Cookie dough. Last alcohol drank: A shot of vodka with Sierra Mist. Last webpage visited: A story on Quizilla. Random song quote: "I remember there was mist; there was mist upon a vast glassy lake." ~Shadowmaster~

Awesomeness.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-28T08:05:17-05:00

Mar and I took Hassler out to Market Street today for her birthday. It was absolutely awesome. I think the best parts were going in West End Gallery (an art gallery) and into Closet Treasures (an antique store). Marlaina got these black gloves that go up to her shoulders; Rach got a picture frame; and I got the best thing ever: A WOODEN MACHETE! It's bloody fucking BEAUTIFUL! I love the thing... I'm obsessed with it. We also had free peach pie at Soulful Cup and played about 3 hours worth of Uno. I swear, today was the best day ever. Random song quote: "Masquerade! Paper faces on parade; masquerade!" ~Shadowmaster~

GREAT. ABSOLUTELY BLOODY PERFECT.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-05-30T08:05:41-05:00

Two parades today, Memorial Day (of all days), and I don't have my music memorized. *sigh* At least Vona's not making us play Crazytrain. If he did, I would die, I tell you. Utterly, horribly DIE. And my head feels like it's going to roll off my shoulders with fatigue. What a perfect start to an already horribly busy day... ICK. One good thing out of all this: I get to take my machete with me to the school. At least bragging throws my mood up one notch on my scale. One notch. Still, it's so pretty and... antique. :) By the way, Mum and Dad went to the flea market yesterday (I didn't go because I was lazy and sleepy) and got me a knight statue. The thing kicks varitable ass... I'll try to put pictures up. Anyway, after that, I was looking on eBay and found 3 knight statues for $23, shipping included. So, of course, I whipped out my charm and "The Face" and bought it. ;) And I wonder where all our extra money goes? Pcht... must go. Cinnamon rolls be ready for consuming. Random song quote: "No thoughts within her head but thoughts of joy..." ~Shadowmaster~

I've been thinking.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-01T06:06:23-05:00

I got in another one of those moods... not a sad one or anything, but just one where you get all calm and listen to some calm music and review how things have been going for you. I must say, life's been ultimately satisfying for a while. Hassler IMed me (or rather, I IMed her to ask her something) and told me that she's going to apply at the Comfort Inn in Hornell this saturday. That got me to thinking about how I'm 16, I've got a permit, hopefully I'll soon have a license, and I've got my working papers... why haven't I got a job? When it comes right down to it, I am being a bit lazy in that department, but I've gone over my potential '05 summer plan and it pales in comparison to me actually earning some money for my own purposes. Thus, I do think this sunday I'm going to have a word with Brian at Crawford's and ask for an application or something. I need to stop mooching and bumming off my parents... and a job would be nice. It feels good to earn something. I don't know about anyone else, but I get a sense of pride from it. I'd like to do that this summer. Also, as of late, I've actually begun to care about grades and classes again. Before, I had that oh-so-cynical attitude of "Well, screw it. Life's not all about work." Sadly, I've realized this afternoon that I need to crack down. I stayed after for math review today and even though it may sound corny, I felt good that I did. Like I'm actually trying to better myself so I'll pull through the Regents and my final with a decent grade. I think most of my afternoons up until the end of school (and even afterwards) will be spent in review classes. True, this does cut down on my free time at home, but it'll be well worth it if I can get through the class and never have to worry about it again. I really want to finish off this year well. Next year... I really want to try and put my nose to the grindstone. It's getting to be my last few years of school and everything counts. Thinking about all this has cleared my head and shown me that my priorities aren't really... aligned. Yes, I pride myself in being Bohemian, but I've been more worried about the arts than my grades. I have to put my foot down... I'm an avid lover of all the arts, but it needs to stop somewhere. I've bee walking around with my head in the clouds and it's gotten me nowhere. Time for me to start paying attention in class, start going to review, studying in study halls. I want to finish everything off well enough so that I never have to do it over again. I'm going to actually start doing my homework at home instead of cramming it together in a study hall. Speaking of which, I have an english essay due tomorrow, so I'd better hop-to. The one thing that really gets me is why, through all this time, have I been listening to friends that don't give a damn? Why didn't I lend my ear to those who know what's important? And mostly, why did I just... not care? I should care and I want to care. This is important. This stuff will decide the rest of my life (or contribute). Random song quote: "I will sing you a song." ~Shadowmaster~ P.S. I'm going to send in some of my writing this summer to contests and stuff and see if I might win. If I do, I could get money and I could get published. Ah, to be a published writer... what a dream that would be. :) There's also other things I could send applications in to. I could even get paid for freelancing if I was good enough... they have special apps just for teens!

BLESS THIS DAY!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-03T10:06:51-05:00

OH THANK BLOODY CHRIST IT'S OVER!!!!
The concert is done... finito! That's one less thing I have to worry about. *checks off concert on checklist* I am so bloody glad it's over because around concert time, Keenly is absolutely unbearable. Perhaps we can have a bit of normalcy in class now, eh? I've been going to review classes like crazy (kind of helps condsidering I have four Regents' to take this June. Next week... well, next week I'm living at the bloody school, and I mean living there. I've got review classes every day after school except friday (maybe even friday, but I couldn't go if I wanted to... no late bus). The week after next, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. The 13th, 14th, and 15th are all for finals. That'll be fun... TESTING! Ick. Then, for a week after that, there are just Regents. I have to go two days for the English 11 Regents (I'm taking it a year early) and that is going to be death: it's a six hour test and has four bloody essays! AUGH! After that is global, which has two essays, then earth science, and finaly math B. Good news: after I get through with these, if I pass them all, I'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THEM AGAIN! WOOTNESS! Ok, I'm going to go print off some more fan fics (I've become so pressed for reading material that I've gotten horribly desperate and have found solace in fan fics). :) After that, two bloody parades tomorrow. A twelve-hour day. That'll be REAL fun... ICK. Random song quote: "Cast your eyes on the ocean; cast your soul to the sea." ~Shadowmaster~

Another stupid little quiz. :P

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-05T04:06:09-05:00

This one's stolen from Kaitie. Name: Stephanie Single or Taken?: Single. Sex: Female. B-Month: December. Sign: Sagittarius. Hair Color: Light brown/dirty blonde. Eye Color: Hazel. Height: 5'6" Straight/bi/ gay?: Straight. The last person who... Slept in your bed: Me. Saw you cry: Mum. Shared a drink with: Chelsea and Rachel. Went to movies with: Parentals I believe. Yelled at you: Mum. Sent you an email: Carrie. Have you ever... Said "I love you" and meant it?: Yes. Gotten in a fight with a pet: Can't say that I have. Been to California: Nope. Been to Mexico: No. :) Sounds fun though... different lawes and all. Been on an island: Neva. Danced naked: Though it is disturbing and the mental image is extremely disgusting... yes. *cringes* Dreamed something really crazy and it happened the next day?: Yes, unfortunately. Wished you were the opposite sex: When I was a little kid I wanted to be a boy named Billy. Had an imaginary friend: Yes and he was the shit. Do you have a crush on someone?: No. What's your current book?: Shatterglass by Tamora Pierce. Worst feeling in the world?: Guilt from disappointing your friends or family. Future son's name(s): Curidac, Reis, and Aiden. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Sometimes. Mostly, they just ended up getting in the way, so I put 'em in a chair at night. What's under your bed: Hell if I remember. Favorite sport to watch: Hockey. Siblings?: Nope. I'm an only child. Location: New York. College Plans: Two year school for starters, then an ivy league writing school. Piercings/tattoos: A piercing in each ear and a tattoo once I graduate. Do you do drugs?: Not anymore. Do you drink?: Occasionally. Who is your best friend(s)?: It's a tie between Hassler and Marlaina. What are you most scared of: Not going anywhere in life/an early death. What clothes do you sleep in?: Usually a big t-shirt. Where do you want to get married?: Honestly, I want a small wedding somewhere in the mountains. Who do you really hate?: I don't "hate" anyone, but there are a few people I dislike immensely. Been in love: No. Do you drive?: Yes, and with any luck I'll have my license by August. :) Do you have a job?: No but I'm going to apply at Crawford's. Do you like being around people: It depends on my mood. Are you for world peace : It'd be nice but it'll never happen. Have you ever liked someone who you knew you never had the chance with?: Unfortunately, yes. Have you ever cried over something someone the opposite sex did?: Yes and I felt weak and stupid the entire time. Do you have a type of person you always go after?: Erm... yes. I'm in love with artsy, Bohemian guys. Humor and intelligence are absolutely musts. Want someone you don't have right now?: No. Not unless that faceless person does exist. Are you Lonely right now?: Not at this exact point in time, no, but sometimes I do get that way. Song that's stuck in your head: Question! by System of a Down. Do you want to get married?: Yes. Do you want kids? Of course! I want to have two/three boys and two girls. Favorite... Room in the house: Porch, if it qualifies as a room. Genre of music: I can't pick. I love it all (save for country music). Bands: System, Evanescence, Phantom crew, the list goes on. Color: Shades of blue or green. Month: December In the last week, have you... Cried?: Not to my recollection. Bought something: Yes. Gotten sick: Despite a headache, no. Sang: Every damn day. Wanted to tell someone you love them: No. Meet someone new?: No. Missed someone: No. Hugged someone: Course! Kissed someone: No. Specifics... What kinda of shampoo do you use?: Herbal Essences. What are you listening to right now?: Nothing. Who is the last person that called you?: Hassler? How many buddy's are online: 36. What would you change about yourself: Probably my weight, but that is something I really need to get on. Favorite... Food: State Fair Chicken. Subject: Chorus/music theory. Animal: Cats. Have you ever... Given someone a bath: No. Smoked: ... Bungee jumped: It's on my life's to-do list. Made yourself throw up: No. Skinny Dipped?: YESNESS! :P Ever been in love?: No. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: Of course. Its a benefit of being an actress. You can always make people believe you. Current... Clothes: White capris and white shirt. Annoyance: THE FUCKING HEAT! Hair style: Clipped up ponytail. Random song quote: "Ghosts are no different than you." ~Shadowmaster~

AUGH!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-09T10:06:46-05:00

Lab practical for my E.S. Regents is now done. Only... finals and all my Regents left to go. *winces* I'm staying after tonight for chorus and math. I already got the talk from Aubrey how marching practice is seemingly more important than review of a math Regents. Excuse me, I suck at math, I need the help because I actually want to pass the Regents the first time. Besides, I'm not even getting graded for band. It's voluntary! I know Colonial Days is this weekend and I know I signed up for this shit so I need to pitch in, but my math Regents honestly means more to me. I'm also going to Albertfest this summer. The Long Island Trip was called off (for various reasons...) and so now I plan on going to Marlaina's for three days of partying. Unless they somehow find a way to go through with the trip. Not too much hel left. School and classes technically end tomorrow, but I don't really get out until the 23rd. Here's my testing to-do list: Finals: Earth Science Chorus (which is just watching the video from the concert) Music Theory Global Math English Lucky for me, there are NO essays whatsoever on my finals seeing how we have to endure lots of REGENTS. Ugh. Speaking of which... Regents: Earth Science Global Math English Icky, eh? Yeah, that's what I thought. And I have to ride the late-bus home tonight. I do hate the end of the year. Hard to believe I'll be a bloody junior next year. I need to go down to Mrs. Thomas and get my schedule all arranged and flopped around so I can have the electives I want. I hope I get in Driver's Ed over the summer. I want my license by next September so I can drive to school and visit people at college. PLEASE GODS! Random song quote: "It's just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you." ^They played it at the band concert last night... really well too. ~Shadowmaster~ P.S. If you like fanfics or need some interesting reading material, go to www.fanfics.net.

Oye-ness... fucking major oye-ness.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-13T09:06:03-05:00

Updated: Tuesday, June 14th, 2005

Oye is right... that's the only word I can find to describe the heat, the testing, the tensions... just oye. Today was all right for testing. I had about three hours to kill between my earth science and global finals, so Hassler and I camped out in the library for about 90 minutes, then we left the school around 11:30 and went over to China Wok for lunch. She had to spot me a couple bucks because, stupidly enough, I left my cash at home...
I hate owing people, but I'm paying her back tomorrow.
Lucky for us, we got there just before the lunch rush came in. :P That was REAL fun, wondering if we were ever going to get our food...
Over all, my day was good. Not completely excellent, but it wasn't bad either. I must admit, I like open campus. Who wouldn't? I just kind of wish that Addison was the "metropolis" that Corning is. I might actually have a choice where I want to eat, but no. Small town = NO RESTAURANTS.
As far as finals go, here's what's going on:
Earth science - ×
Chorus - ×
Music theory - ×
Global - ×
Math - ×
English - tomorrow at 1:15
Regents, however, are another matter...
English - this Thursday and Friday: 8:15 a.m. - 11:15 a.m.
Global - next Tuesday: 8:15 a.m. - 11:15 a.m.
Earth science - next Wednesday: 8:15 a.m. - 11:15 a.m.
Math B - next Thursday: 8:15 a.m. - 11:15 a.m..
Yeah. Wouldn't wanna have my testing schedule, huh? *sigh* Tomorrow's the busiest day I have. Testing all day. All the other days I either have to come in at noon or I can leave at noon.
Good deal. ;)
By the way, heat and rain don't mix... at least not with me. >:( Arg.
Random song quote: "My horse is a shackled old man."
~Shadowmaster~

Quizzies... AGAIN! MUAHAHA!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-15T09:06:41-05:00

Just a short/queerish IQ test. I got bored this morning. ;)
Your IQ Is 120
Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test
Random song quote: "Return to innocence." ~Shadowmaster~

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-15T09:06:24-05:00

Ok! Finals are all done... THANK THE BLOODY GODS! English was exceptionally easy. I had it done in half an hour. Total cake. So now all I'm worried about are my Regents. Marlaina and I are going all day monday for Math B review with Janeski. I love that woman. :) I know she'll be able to help me out.
Tomorrow and friday are my english Regents. My hellishly long english Regents. *sigh* At least I'm getting it done A.S.A.P. This week and next week will be hell...
Thursday & friday: english Regents for half the day.
Saturday: getting the dog groomed and Big Flats Community Days parade.
Sunday: Father's Day and flea-marketing FOR MEDIEVAL WEAPONRY!
Monday: math review all bloody day.
Tuesday: global Regents for half a day.
Wednesday: earth science Regents for half a day.
Thursday: math B Regents for half a day, Dad's birthday, and singing at baccalaureate.
Friday: graduation
Saturday: getting my hair done and my eyebrows waxed.
Sunday: Sasha's grad party
What a bloody ridiculous schedule! Two weeks I'm bloody well booked, then I get maybe a week, then Albertfest, and finally Driver's Ed for a month! Yes, I am glad I got into Driver's Ed, but I'm also a bit angry because it's eating up most of my summer. This is my writing time we're talking about! AUGH! *sighs and rubs forehead*
In other, better news, I went to Mar's after math review today. *laughs maniacally* We started out eating breakfast for dinner and watching Blazing Saddles, then we got über bored and went outside and played around in the hay near the rope swing with Timmy and a goose. :P To top that off, we had to dodge a BITING horse to get back out of the pen near the barn, then we went to the pond and got in the paddle boat. MUAHAHA! We went around there, poking the bullfrogs to make them jump, then we both got sticks and started our pirate thing again (EVIL!) and touched a REALLY icky inchworm that was AUGHNESS to the max. Then we ran the paddle boat aground and got it out of the water, then went walking around the pond, trying to figure out if we were going to take over one of the ports and build a city up on the ridge, but gave up. I even outlined a pretty detailed map in the mud of a SWAMP ('twas not a bog...). :P Finally, Twigg (Mar) and I had a swordfight with sticks. I think I lost my hand...
In short, total and utter childish FUN!
What a good day. :)
Random song quote: "Adie-adie-adiemus."
~Shadowmaster~
P.S. If you want to listen to a cool piano piece, download The Promise by Michael Nyman. It's completely awesome.

EHEHEHEHE!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-16T03:06:27-05:00

HA! I WIN!
Why do I win, you ask?
BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE HAS!
I HAVE THE ALMIGHTY VANILLA TEA!
And because I am Sercador the Great.
BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I HAVE TEA!
I WIN!
Random song quote: "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
~Shadowmaster~

Gah!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-16T06:06:46-05:00

WELL. *taps foot impatiently* I WAS going to post that pirate story Mar and I are writing in here, but NO. I can't find the notebook I put it in! Arg. That ticks me off because I just read over it not more than a week ago and then suddenly, GREMLINS have taken it and made off with it! I'll kill them all (or sic Gizmo on 'em...).
Part I of the english Regents is done. It wasn't too bad, save for the fact that my hand almost fell off and I was in a room with a bunch of people I despise utterly. :P John regaled me with the tale of how he fell asleep and was woken up by a proctor about 10 minutes before his time was up. Thus, his last essay was a short, sweet, and to the point. He admitted to bullshitting his way through it. I bullshit my way through it anyway... I got really off topic in the first essay. Who the hell gives a fuck about Nellie Bly? No one.
And the second essay... *laughs maniacally* I SO wanted to write in big letters on my packet, "IF THE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS ARE IN THE WAY, THEY DESERVE TO GET HIT. RUN THE BASTARDS DOWN!" I was getting cranky and cramped and shit. Then, to top it all off, when I went to the bathroom around 9:30, I walked in there with flip-flops only to find the fucking bathroom FLOODED. So my feet got wet with Addison toilet water... *shudders*
Is it so hard for the people who make the NYS Regents to pick interesting topics to write about? Or must they go out of their way to make us more miserable than we already are? We're already there at 8:15... then they want us to give a damn about Nellie Bly and pedestrians? ACK! Queers...
I just can't WAIT for Part II tomorrow. That's the hardest bloody part of the entire bloody test. It's got the crit lens. That means I'll actually have to think about this shit. THAT'S ASKING TOO DAMN MUCH FROM ME!
You know the sad part about all this?
I want to be an english major. *bangs head off desk* What has possessed me? I actually want to subject more people to this bullshit of eternal essays that never end?
*thinks*
HELL YES I DO! THEY ALL DESERVE IT! IF I HAD TO DO IT, EVERYONE HAS TO BLOODY WELL DO IT! MUAHAHA! *milks giant cow*
Ooo, must go. Dinner.
My AIM away message: "Top secret mission with the mother ship. Must keep father ship unaware of intentions
Destination: Land of the Poor (Wal-Mart and Dollar General)
Mission: retrieve Father's Day/birthday card and/or items for giftness.
Wish us luck... this'll be tough."
Random song quote: "People equals shit!"
~Shadowmaster~

Testing list.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-19T06:06:07-05:00

Just a simple list of tests. This will be updated throughout the next week.
          Finals
Earth science - ×
Chorus - ×
Music theory - ×
Global - ×
Math - ×
English - ×
        Regents
English - ×
Global - tuesday
Earth science - wednesday
Math B - thursday
Then... freedom begins on friday the 24th. Also, thursday I have to sing at baccalaureate and friday is graduation. *starts sobbing uncharacteristically* I DON'T WANT THEM TO LEAVE! *cries more*
Random song quote: "Would you like an apple pie with that? Ding fries are done."
~Shadowmaster~

For all you Star Wars enthusiasts.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-20T12:06:03-05:00

Ok. First off, I'd like to say that I did not make any of this up, this is someone else's blog and it struck me as extremely hilarious. I don't take credit for anything that's mentioned there.
Secondly, I did go see Star Wars III and I found it amazingly queerish, like Episodes I and II, compared to the 80s versions. I must say, George Lucas has lost his touch.
And finally, enjoy the cynicism on this embarrassment of a movie! :P
http://maddox.xmission.net/
Random song quote: "I see I'm not perfect."
~Shadowmaster~

FINALLY! BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL FREEDOM!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-23T11:06:48-05:00

Woohoo! I am finally done with school! YAY! The math test... it was really easy, but I just couldn't connect formulas or theorms with problems. It was pathetically easy (though Jeremy and Justin insisted it was brutal :P). Speaking of which, I love Jeremy right now. :) He gave me a copy of his Trust Company CD (actually, he just gave me the one he had, insisting he had the music on his computer), so now I'm super happy. Meesa love Trust Company. Oh, and one more thing...
I GOT A 95 ON MY ENGLISH REGENTS!
And no, I didn't suck any dick to get that either. That was all me, mann. *grins uncontrollably* And that's it for now, except Driver's Ed can screw off (it'll eat my whole summer), I might be getting a job at the White's store (EEE!), and... my happiness is complete now that I can sleep in again! WOOT! Random song quote: "This time I'll be the one who brings you down." ~Shadowmaster~ P.S. How do you like my new banner image? I made it myself. :P

*snicker*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-24T11:06:11-05:00

This little bit of wisdom came from my friend's brother's blog (he's quite cynical). If you want to read more, go to Chad's blog. And now, what we've been waiting for...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "White Noise" is a steaming pile of dog shit....and other movies that suck. Thinking of a fun activity for the weekend? What could be better than going to the local video store and renting a few of the videos listed below? 1. Pouring salt in your eyes 2. Having a friend repeatedly kick you in the nuts or vagina (whichever applies to you). 3. Doing both 1 and 2 at the same time. If you do, however, think it's a better idea to just rent some movies, here are a few suggestions of what not to rent. "White Noise" - Starring Micheal Keaton, whom you might remember from the first "Batman" movie, back in the day when he kicked ass. Today he's been reduced to a big, blubbering pussy, that can't let go. Not to mention he dies, like a pussy. If you want to save 4 dollars and still see the movie I have the solution: Step 1, disconnect cable or satellite. Step 2, turn on TV. Step 3, watch for 90 minutes. Step 4, hang yourself. You'll spend approximately 3/4 of the movie staring at the snowy picture of a television. Enjoy. "Meet the Fockers" - Starring our neurotic hero, Ben Stiller and former man, Robert DeNiro. The sequel to "Meet the Parents" did everything a sequel to a comedy should do except for two things. 1. Be funny. 2. Reveal a new storyline. In this movie we find Greg Focker being, uh oh, neurotic. As well as Robert DeNiro being an asshole (cool), then seeing the error of his ways (translation: becoming a gaping vagina, AGAIN). I can't wait for the third one. "The Bourne Supremacy" - Starring Matt Damon (fag). Guess what? He's still fucked up from the harsh training the evil United States put him through. The storyline basically goes like this: His girlfriend gets shot because he let her drive (that's what happens when you let the woman drive), he runs all over Europe, and that's it. End of story. Man, what happened to good movies? "Predator" was a kick ass movie. It had the most bullshit special effects I've ever seen, yet, it was more entertaining than the 4+ hours of crap I sat through last week. "Predator" was about kicking ass the old fashioned way, with guns, knives, and fists. Arnold Schwarzeneggar was an actor that made you believe he could kick ass. Just look at the guy. When I look at Matt Damon, I think of ass ramming, not ass kicking. Other Movies That Kick Ass "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" is another movie that rules. Again, low budget film with cheap special effects. It was about knights kicking ass and making me laugh. Great movie. "The Big Lebowski". A great movie that involves bowling, drinking beer, coffee, white russians, and living off the state. I mean if the government is stupid enough to hand it out, why should anyone deny them the outlet? What a great example of how our nation's welfare recipients can contribute to society, with humor. "Pirates of the Caribbean". First off, the movie is about pirates, so it won't suck. It has all the elements of a great movie: walking skeletons, swords, rum, gold, and a hot woman. This had classic written all over it. It was a redeeming factor for Johnny Depp and that elf guy from "Lord of the Rings". They were lumped in the same group with Matt Damon, unfortunately, now he'll only be able to play grab ass with Ben Afleck, who probably won't mind. If you're too lazy to get off your ass and go outside this weekend, be sure to rent movies that don't come with complimentary pillows and vomit bags. Rent movies that rule. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I found that completely entertaining. ;) If you REALLY want to read something funny, go to Maddox's blog. Don't you just love cynics? :P Random song quote: "I was blind but now I'm starting to see." ~Shadowmaster~

It's amazing what you can stumble across on the Internet... or in magazines.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-25T12:06:15-05:00

*snicker* I just keep finding the most hilarious shit to read in blogs. It's absolutely fantastic the amount of cynicism on the Net. There was one blogger that was actually featured in People magazine for said cynicism. Thus, being the curious little bugger that I am, I checked out the site. I am glad I did. Jason Mulgrew's Blog. Enjoy, laddybucks. Random quote: "You know, a guy once told me, life is like a bucket of woodshavings. Unless those woodshavings are in a pail. Then it's like a pail of woodshavings." ^I couldn't, for the life of me, think of a decent song quote to use for this particular entry. And thus I opted for humor. *bows head* Forgive me. ~Shadowmaster~

GAH!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-28T04:06:20-05:00

HOLY SHIT! DUDE! LOOK AT MY REPORT CARD GRADES! Final Marking Period: Choir - 100 English - 95 Global - 96 Math - 81 Music theory - 99 PE - 85 Earth science - 92 Local Exams: Choir - 91 English - 91 Global - 92 Math - 76 Music theory - 98 Earth science - 90 Regents Exams: English - 95 Global - 96 Math - 53 (yeah, that one sucked, but I'll retake it in August) Earth science - 89 I THINK THAT's PRETTY DAMN GOOD!! Random song quote: "This is my last serenade." ~Shadowmaster~

Time Is Running Out

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-29T01:06:11-05:00

I think I'm drowning Asphyxiated I wanna break this spell That you've created You're something beautiful A contradiction I wanna play the game I want the friction You will be the death of me You will be the death of me Bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it Our time is running out Our time is running out You can't push it underground ou can't stop it screaming out I wanted freedom Bound and restricted I tried to give you up But I'm addicted Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation You'd never dream of Breaking this fixation You will squeeze the life out of me Bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it Our time is running out Our time is running out You can't push it underground You can't stop it screaming out How did it come to this? You will suck the life out of me Bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it Our time is running out Our time is running out You can't push it underground You can't stop it screaming out How did it come to this? Time Is Running Out - Muse Random song quote: *see above* ~Shadowmaster~

YAY!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-06-29T11:06:15-05:00

I was going through my inbox and looking through new messages when I found this.
"Vanilla tea is the best! I've only had it once, but it was awsome. You rock, and save some for me."
A shoutout to psychicpenguin, a fellow lover of vanilla tea. I <3 you, mann. :P
Random song quote: "Texas cries inside but I feel you."
~Shadowmaster~

This shit's kind of interesting and trippy even for me.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-01T01:07:50-05:00

**Note: this is something that I wrote in my Livejournal blog. Livejournal's the one where I keep everything the same, except I exaggerate and set it all in the Dark Ages. :D It's FUN.**

This is my first entry in a journal which will record all my thoughts and feelings throughout my travels. It is necessary that the heiress of Eagle’s Nest write down that which she cannot tell her public, her family, or her advisors. These are the things that propriety dictates I must keep to myself. In theory, I'm not keeping them to myself, but it's a start.

In my other journal (which none of you shall know), I've actually lowered myself to fighting with a mere peasant. Me! Fighting with commoners! I never would have thought I'd stoop so low. It's almost embarrassing but, though I hate to admit it, this one is a worthy opponent. Educated, for a peasant, but not educated enough to outsmart my wit. Nothing is that educated... outwitting me is like asking someone to have a friendly conversation with the Gods: it does not happen.

In other news, Mother and Father took me to see a moving picture tonight. They proceeded to watch a moving picture that was based on a book they’d both read. Apparently, it was quite good. I went to see a different picture show and I thought it quite childish, so I looked around the other shows and, lo and behold, Lord Matthew and Lady Rachel were to be found at one. Thus, I joined them. We made fun of the picture show and I daresay we annoyed the others watching said show, though they said nothing.

But the mention of Lord Matthew and Lady Rachel just made me remember something…

On Sunday, I was visiting with Lady Marlaina of Whitecrest and we proceeded to talk about many of the ladies and gentlemen (if you can call them that) that we consort with. We've come many a conclusion about them and those conclusions are as follow for the ladies:

Lady Samantha of Phelan's Moor - a nice young lady of fifteen but very naïve in her age. She tends to be a whiney little snot sometimes, constantly pouring all this dramatic sentiment about how the opposite sex sees nothing in her. It was quite the court scandal when Lady Samantha was involved with a commoner, some less-than-dirt youngling names Joseph Noto. Apparently, Mr. Noto is but thirteen, yet he is quite common among the lower class for distributing narcotics. Not at all a proper gentleman, even in his class.
Lady Rachel of Hassala – Lady Rachel and I have known each other since we were quite young. We were tutored together in either my fief or hers, seeing how they were practically adjoining. Lady Rachel, though younger than me, liked to manipulate me throughout our childhood. I wizened up to her ploy when we were both twelve and we even had quite a large dispute over a gentlemen we both had feelings for yet had absolutely no chance with. Lady Rachel was more flamboyant and forthcoming, thus said gentleman paid more attention to her. It went on from there, getting worse, until we hit the climax of our hate and started becoming friends again. Now we are quite good friends and, though we have minor disagreements, I find I do have a rather good time when I’m with her.
Lady Marlaina of Whitecrest – Lady Marlaina and I just met this past September but we were instant friends. We both share an imagination unlike any other, we both write (well, I do and she attempts [forgive me, Mar!]), and we both have the same sordid fantasy where we're pirates on a ship. I am usually captain and she is my first mate, Twigg. My pirate name is Sercador. We've spent many a day together making mischief, most recently running over her lands to a small pond to the north of her home and getting in a rowboat on said pond. Once in the boat, we pretended we were pirates. It was wonderful to get away from the world we endure now and be something else for a change. Her brothers (Lords Albert and Alex) are immensely funny. There is never a dull moment at Whitecrest Manor. She is also courting the son of our foreign delegate, Matthew Sun Yat-Sen.
Lady Aubrey of Chaos Lake - the name of her fief says it all: Lady Aubrey's home usually is in a constant uproar. It can be fun but it's mostly annoying, so I avoid spending any time there whatsoever. Her maids are also… shall we say, deficient, for her home always smells of cat. However, once in a while I do visit her and we usually end up traveling south to the lake country. That is always fun and I've had many a good time with her near the lakeside in the summertime.
Carrie van Smith – Madam Carrie, though previously immersed in narcotics, is one of my best friends. Though she smokes (a habit I don't find at all attractive), she and I spend a lot of time together. We share common likes (and obsessions) and she has got to be the most fun out of all my friends, excluding Lady Mar. Madam Carrie is affectionately referred to as Carebear by her close friends and family, myself included. She is quite spunky and fun to be around.
Ladies Madeline and Crystal of Peck's Chateau - these two ladies are extremely naïve in the ways of the world but, if you'd ever like an audience for a story or joke (however bad), these two are the ones to tell it to. They love to listen to tales of people and places they've never seen. Lady Madeline just experienced her second year at court this year and is dating a young man… Peter of Geiss Hill, if I remember correctly. This year was Lady Crystal's first year to court and already she has snared one of my good friends: Jeremiah of Knowlesland.
Courtney von Pratt - Mistress Courtney is one of my closest friends. She and I both share a fondness for drinking songs, jigs, and reels (much to the distaste of other ladies in our class). She's taught me many a jig but, sadly, she is leaving Addison City to go south and further her education. I shall try to visit her as often as possible. Oh, and did I mention? Mistress Courtney is the inheriting daughter of the Gypsies.
Lady Megan of Fox's Run - Lady Megan and I just began to associate this year but she also shares a love of music and literature as I do. She, too, is leaving with Mistress Courtney to go south. She is also courting Jacob of Hassala, Lady Rachel's older brother. They are quite adorable.
Madam Noelle of Loxford – Madam Noelle and I share an almost incapacitating love for music… enough said.
And now for the lords:

Baron Craig la Villa Cascia – I have known Baron Craig, or Craigy, since I was four-years-old. He, Lady Rachel, and I all had the same tutor when we were younger. The Baron has changed a lot over the years but two things will always remain that same: he will always love music and he will always be in trouble.
Master Matthew Sun Yat-Sen – Master Matthew is extremely intelligent and is always fun to have a thoughtful conversation with. His knowledge is limitless and his hunger to learn boundless. He and I have had many a conversation about old style music, among other things. Along with his current belle, my best friend Lady Mar, he and I are in love with all things fantasy. He’s also an excellent artist and fabricator of stories. He is the son of our reigning foreign delegate, whose name we do not know. Young Matthew rarely speaks of his father and no one has ever seen the foreign minister.
Lord Matthew of Intrepid – Lord Matthew is just plain FUN to be around. You put he, Lady Rachel, and I together and you’ve a recipe for mischief. We always know when to get in trouble. And, as ironic luck would have it, we used to make fun of merchants together and now he is to be working in the market as an apprentice. Funny how some things work out.
Lord Jeremiah of Knowlesland – he is a good friend of Master Matthew (and has been ever since Matthew came here nearly four years ago) and is courting Lady Crystal of Peck’s Chateau. His brother, Lord Justin, asked several of my friends and I to court last year. Unfortunately, none of us were interested.
Master Wayne Ergotti – a friend to Lord Jeremy and Matthew Sun Yat-Sen and has a mind too logical to comprehend. He is a whiz at all maths, technology, and anything else that is complicated. I do think he may work later for the army, analyzing battle techniques, though that’s more his father’s expectations. Master Wayne would simply like to build something that would entertain the public. He is currently courting a Lady Samantha of Elk’s Land, who’s mother is quite like Lord Justin of Icebark’s in that she is mad.
Lord Justin of Icebark – though he is no relation to Lord Jeremy, Lord Justin practically runs Icebark now along with the help of his older sisters. Both of his parents are a bit mad but this doesn’t seem to bother him. Instead, he’s taken an Artemis Fowl standpoint on the issue and enjoys the freedom he gets from having an insane mother with a back injury and a half-mad father. Still, Icebark is a large farming fief and he is often pressed for time to spend with us when he must attend to the matters of his land.
That is the complete list of acquaintances Lady Mar and I went through during out Sunday visit. Though some of these friendships are quite disturbing, I’m pleased to have them. Though not all of them may elevate me socially, they surely entertain me.

And now, to talk of land.

It is my belief that Lady Mar and Lord Justin must have the largest fiefs of us all, but Master Ergotti and his family holds the claim to the richest estate. My fief I believe to be secondary to theirs but still prominent and lovely. Eagle’s Nest is a lovely place to live and both Mother and Father take so much pride in it, I am no one to dispute it. I love my home dually, even if it is not the largest or richest fief in the surrounding area of Addison City. We’ve a haven of Eagles here and people come from all over the land to buy our prizes and take them home to their own fiefs or families. It is quite an interesting enterprise, but my family is different. Father works for a governmental establishment and makes a tidy sum there while Mother takes it upon herself to keep the household organized and work as a secretary for some rather important men in the world. Strange for my mother to work considering our status, but she likes to keep busy and I can understand that. And, even though I am the only child of our family, Father was never disappointed to have a girl. He did not rant and rave for a boy like so many other families but was ecstatic to have me and simply stated I would inherit Eagle’s Nest. How open-minded of him.

But alas, now I must go. Mother is telling me that it’s late and I need to stow my quill and ink for the night. I really have no need to rise early tomorrow but I’d like to. I know Mother and Father will use their day off from their jobs to sleep in and that will give me time in the morning to have my breakfast on the terrace with a cup of vanilla tea, a notebook, and a pen while watching the sun rise in the east.

The perfect recipe for a new story.

Ick.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-01T10:07:18-05:00

Okay, look arses: I just did this absolutely AWESOME update in my Livejournal blog (go to my list of links and you'll find it there), so I don't really feel inclined to write a whole hell of a lot here at Mindsay.
I will say this, though:
I went shopping today. IT WAS HELL. I'll never shop for six hours again.

EVER!
*sigh* I think I'm going to have a cup of tea, then go in my room to meditate. Gods know that my body and my mind could use one hell of a stress-cleansing.
Oh, and guess what... I have to be up early tomorrow morning to go with Mom to Bath and get the dog groomed and the car looked at.
I CAN'T WIN!
Random song quote: "This time the voice is screaming; it screams at me silently."
~Shadowmaster~
P.S. If you're too stupid to figure out the whole 'Go to my list of links to get to my Livejournal blog' deal, here's the address.

*is bored*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-01T11:07:48-05:00

-Known as: Stephanie -Lives in: rural New York... oh joy. -FIRST BREATH: Tuesday, December 13th, 1988 -Hair color: light brown -Eye color: hazel/green -Fears: dying alone, dying without being able to say goodbye, and never have a world-renowned name in litarature *SECTION 2: HAVE YOU EVER...* -Cheated on someone: no -Been Cheated on: yes -Fallen off the bed: yes... a lot, actually. :D -Broken someones heart: not that I know of. -Had your heart broken: *nods* -Had a dream come true: yes, and it was very bad... -Done something you regret: yes, unfortunately. -Cheated on a test: course :P *SECTION 3: CURRENTLY...* -Wearing: ribbed long-sleeve shirt -Listening to: "My Last Serenade" -Located: dining room -Chatting with: Madeline -Watching: the computer screen? -Should REALLY be doing: sleeping *SECTION 4: DO YOU...* -Brush your teeth: DURR. -Like anybody: of course I like people. :P -Have any piercing: my ears -Drive: erm... halfway -Drink: yes -Smoke: HELL NO. -Got a pager: gah... no. *SECTION 5: FRiENDS...* -Who is your best? Absolute best?: it's a toss-up between Mar and Rachel -Who do you hate?: hate's too strong a word for me. -Who is the shyest?: gah... shy? WHAT IS THIS SHY?! (Crystal) -Who is the most talkative?: Rachel HANDS DOWN. -Who is the cutest?: Carrie. She has a baby face. :P -Who laughs the most?: gah... Madeline, probably. She laughs at everything -Who have you known the longest?: Rachel -Who have you known the shortest?: Marlaina -Who do you miss the most?: Porsche -Who do you go to with personal problems?: Carrie -Do you hang out with the opposite sex?: naturally. -Do you trust your friends?: it depends on the friend and my mood ;) -Are you a good friend?: who the hell knows... ask them. -Can you keep a secret?: now I can *SECTION 6: PERSONAL...* -What do you want to be when you grow up? a world famous author, own my own publishing company, and have a loving husband with five kids (yes, five... I like big families). -What has been the best day of your life? Summer after second grade... went to VA for the first time EVA -What comes first in your life? writing -What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: story plots and character interactions... basically, i imagine conversations and... actions between characters. -How many times have you fallen in love? Truly & deeply?: Never. -Love your family?: yes -Love your friends?: yes *SECTION 8: FAVORITEs...* -Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean -Song: "The Promise" -Group: Trust Company -Store: Barnes & Noble -Relative: Uncle Doug :P -Sport: indoor soccer -Ice Cream: cookie dough -Fruit: watermelon -Candy: sour apple Laffy Taffy -Holiday: 4th of July, Halloween, Christmas, and Dec. 13th -Day of the Week: friday -Time of day: dawn/early morning -Color: mint green/warm pink -Name for a girl: Piper -Name for a Boy: Seandithas (Sean) or Curidac (Dak) *SECTION 9: DO YOU...* -Like to give hugs?: geh... physical contact... -Like to give kisses?: >:| wouldn't know -Like to walk in the rain?: DAMN STRAIGHT! -Prefer black or blue pens?: black -Like to travel?: as long as I end up in VA, sure ;) -Sleep on your side, tummy or back?: on my stomach with my hand on my hands... drooling... :P -Have a goldfish?: yes... names are Vinnie & Dally -Ever have the falling dream?: no but I dream about being murdered by Hitler... -Have stuffed animals? yeap *SECTION 10: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...* Abortion: I think it's the mother's choice, yes, but it shouldn't be used as a way out of pregnancy due to frequent sex. Only from like... rape and stuff. -Smoking: I don't do it and I wish others wouldn't, but it's their choice. -Eating Disorders: stupid, stupid anorexic/bulemic bitches... -Suicide: it's a selfish way to die -Tattoos: definitely getting one :D *SECTION 11: THIS OR THAT...* -Pierced nose or tongue?: tongue -MTV or BET?: MTV... BET can suck my dick (figurtively speaking) -7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: 7th Heaven if I must choose -Salt or sugar?: salt -Silver or gold?: silver -Chocolate or flowers?: tiger lillies -Stay up late or sleep in?: stay up late -Hot or cold?: cold -Sun or moon?: moon -Left or Right?: right -10 Acquaintances or one best friend?: one best friend -Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup wins -Spring or Fall?: fall -Happy or sad?: *shrugs* what day is it? -Wonder or amazement?: wonder -McDonald's or Burger King?: Micky D's slop house all the way! -Mexican or Italian food?: Mexican... spicy! -Lights on or off? off -Candy or soda? TEA. Fuck me! That was long! Random song quote: "For the end of my broken heart..." ~Shadowmaster~

Long Island '05

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-06T04:07:35-05:00

The Long Island trip was a total blast! Everything was bloody well hilarious and just great. Some shit sucked (like the toilet in my room shit the bed), but mostly we all had a good time. I must say, the beach and the bus rides were the best parts. Rach, Craig, and I rocked out to some techno (among other things) for about four hours on the way home. :P 'Twas fun. Still, I was glad when I got home. I missed it here... I missed my cat. ;) He's adorable.
Since I'm still beat from the trip, I'll just copy and paste what I wrote about the trip in my profile. I may update this entry later and add some more detail, but this gives you the gist of it.
Long Island '05:
We stayed in Southampton at the Best Western East End Motel, complete with North Fork Bar & Grill... :P I heart you guys!
So many good memories... having philosophical talks through three states, staying at the center of a compass, kicking ASS in a nationally televised parade, rockin' out with techno music and drinking songs, being serenaded with a tin whistle, expensive carnivals, Gilbert's house, the beach, ugly chicks with their asses hanging out, over-priced food, "Welcome Aboard", the NYC skyline, "Hey, hey, hey...", "Mine!", and too much more shit to recall. ;)
I love every one of you guys (my band buddies) and I'll never forget any of you. The motel was shitty and some things went to hell (basically, the guitar chord and two of the toilets), but in the end, it was all worth it. I'll miss you all so much but I'm glad we got to spend the 4th together, especially when we were rockin' out as hard as we did on the bus home. :D WE RULE! ;)
Oh, and the skyline is absolutely GORGEOUS! Rachel was explaining things to me and pointing shit out. I've never been to New York City before and I'd never been in the ocean until the 4th. :P I got so burnt on my legs!
*sigh* That's one Independence Day memory I'll treasure forever.
Random song quote: "To care or plead silence?"
~Shadowmaster~
Oh, and guess what else...

WE PLACED THIRD IN A NATIONALLY TELEVISED BAND COMPETITION! WOOT TO US!

OYE!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-12T02:07:25-05:00

Nearly a week since I've written?! Bloody hell!
Gotta get on that... :P
Hope you all like the new look. The eyes were cool but I was getting sick of it. Needed something warm and calm. Red and orange are definitely warm. :D
Went to Sarah's last night with Rachel. That was LOADS of fun. :P We went to Wegman's and got cheap ice cream and candy at about 10 p.m., then came back to the apartment and just ate and talked, among other things. ;) Sarah gave me LOTS of new reading material and I bloody love her for it. I'm letting her borrow Angels & Demons (I've got to dig out the Da Vinci Code for her as well), but that pales in comparison; she gave me about... eight or so new books.
GLEE!
I swear, when I woke up this morning I was so hot I felt the vodka coming out my pores. It was the grossest feeling in the world. *hugs shower* HI...
Rachel's coming over here tonight (definitely swimming) and Marlaina might be coming too. Depends on what she's got going on later and tomorrow morning. If she can come, it'll be fun. I love those two. We're all bloody fucking insane.
:D
By the way...
IT'S BLOODY FUCKING HOT!

Random song quote: "There was Johnny McEldoo and McGee and me and a couple or two of three went down the street one day." <--Too many bloody drinking songs for me.
~Shadowmaster~

A survey stolen from Hassler 'cause I'm bored.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-13T01:07:07-05:00

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Stephanie
Birthday: December 13th, 1988
Birthplace: Corning, NY
Current Location: Cameron Mills, NY
Eye Color: Hazel/green
Hair Color: Medium brown
Height: 5'7
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Handed
Your Heritage: 1/4 German, 1/4 Dutch, 1/4 Irish, and the rest is a toss up.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Wal-Mart flip-flops
Your Weakness: Emotion
Your Fears: Never being able to write again, losing my family, not being able to say goodbye before I die, never being "famous"
Your Perfect Pizza: Blackened Chicken... that shit's good
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Actually pay attention and get even better grades than before and also get published.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "bloody fantastic"
Thoughts First Waking Up: FOOD! TEA! SHOWER!
Your Best Physical Feature: Gah... no idea.
Your Bedtime: 10 during the school year... and I don't sleep in the summer. :P
Your Most Missed Memory: Christmas when I was 10. Dad and I spent the entire day hooking up my N64.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: Wouldn't know... don't care.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: No
Do you Swear: How can you ask me that?! (Yes.)
Do you Sing: Naturally
Do you Shower Daily: Gah... I HAVE to... I hate feeling so dirty.
Have you Been in Love: No.
Do you want to go to College: Yes
Do you want to get Married: Yes
Do you belive in yourself: Not really
Do you get Motion Sickness: Yes
Do you think you are Attractive: Not hardly
Are you a Health Freak: Hygeine is necessary. SHOWER AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH EVERY DAY! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Do you get along with your Parents: It depends...
Do you like Thunderstorms: :D Awesome for writing inspirtation.
Do you play an Instrument: Three. Piano, bass, and trombone. Working on maybe doing violin.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked: No
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: No :( I miss it.
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: No
Ever Shoplifted: No
How do you want to Die: In my sleep.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A writer... damn it all, I WILL be a writer.
What country would you most like to Visit: England (to see my ruins) or Germany (to find the family).
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green
Favourite Hair Color: Dark brown or black...
Short or Long Hair: Short hair preferably, but if he can wear medium or long hair well, righteous.
Height: so long as he's taller than me, I don't care
Weight: doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style: Something he's comfortable in but that doesn't look daggy, you know?
Number of Drugs I have taken: 1
Number of CDs I own: Oye... probably 200.
Number of Piercings: Only have 1 (or maybe it's 2)... in my ears.
Number of Tattoos: Soon. Once I hit 18.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I don't regret anything except trying marijuana. Life is too short to live in the past.

Oh... what a night.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-15T01:07:34-05:00

Wow... last night was fun. :) Went out with Matt, Rachel, and Noelle and we just drove around, getting food and shit. What a blast. Noelle ended up hitting the curb right outside of McDonald's when we went to go get food (I thought she tore her oil pan and I was freaking out), then we saw Justin, Brian Hargrave, and Angelica working AT McDonald's. It was fun... and pretty fucked up. Got home around midnight, then I grabbed Rachel's HP books (I'm borrowing hers because mine are downstairs, buried under the stairs and pretty much unreachable and I wanted to review before I got Book 6) and went in my room. I skipping around Book 5 until about 1 a.m., then I went to sleep.
God knows I needed sleep.
Today, to my own horror, will be spent doing laundry. I have every intention of using the dryer and no intention of using the clothes line, despite today's rather nice weather conditions. It's too sticky and I'm too lazy. Tomorrow I've got Courtney's grad party to go to, then I believe Mom and I are going to a football game in Hornell (she won tickets in some drawing thing... pretty handy, huh?). Sunday, running down to Horseheads so I can get my reserved copy of Book 6 from Waldenbooks, then I'll probably pull an all-nighter just to finish it. I hate that about me... I want to savor it but I just have to go as fast as possible and find out what's happening. I have to know what's going to happen next and I just can't put the damn book down!
:D
This should be a good weekend.
Random song quote: "I want to fly like an eagle so my spirit can be free."
~Shadowmaster~

QUIZZES!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-15T01:07:23-05:00

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a Ravenpuff!: You are a very analytical and
ingenius person, someone that likes to invent
new things. The way you look at life is with
wonder, and sometimes you're even a little
naive. But people love you for that trait and
they feel the need to protect you from the
harsh facts of life so that you can retain your
innocence. You are very capable person and when
there is trouble people turn to you because
you're able to stay calm and collected. You
like balance in your life and you try not to
make many waves. Even still, if there is
something that you believe strongly in, you
will commit yourself totally to that cause.
Your weakness is that sometimes you can be
indecisive and perfectionist, especially about
little details and you drive people crazy
sometimes with these traits. With the innocence of a Hufflepuff and the calm of a
Ravenclaw you will be loved in life!

Which Mix of the Hogwarts Houses are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You Know You're From a Small Town When...

The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell. The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch. The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions. Second Street is in the next town over. There's no place to go that you shouldn't. A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes. The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog. The New Year's baby was born in October. Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield. You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from. You have to drive five miles out in the country to smoke a cigarette. Headline news is who grew the biggest vegetable this year. There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway. Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience. You can name everyone you graduated with. You know what 4-H is. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same goes with the game warden. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting. School gets canceled for state sporting events. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were and if you were old enough, they would still tell your folks. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive back roads to smoke them. You were ever in the Homecoming parade. You have ever gone home for Homecoming. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town. You had senior skip day. The whole school went to the same party after graduation. You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field). The golf course had only 9 holes You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a great job. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people. The people in the city dress funny, then you pick up on the trend a few years later. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference The city council meets at the coffee shop. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis. Weekend excitement involves a trip to the grocery store. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride. Your teachers call you by your older siblings names. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents. You can charge at all the local stores. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away. So is the closest mall. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower. Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team. Being able to hit a road sign with a beer bottle while driving down the highway is considered a necessary skill. A cool vehicle had big tires or a bad-ass stereo. You can remember when your town finally got cable. Driving to the party on a four wheeler is quite normal. You thought the 30-year-old guy that still was at all the parties was cool. The town population increases by one-third when the universities go on break. The best burgers in town are at the rink. You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the lake". You lost your virginity at a bush party. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from a small town.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at Blogthings
^AHAHAHA!

HOME!!!!!!!!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-21T02:07:20-05:00

Here I am, home again. Let's see... what's happened in the past week?
Saturday was Courtney's grad party. Jake, Rach, Craig, Megan, and I all rode up there and stayed until about 10:30. Megan stayed the night but the rest of us had to bugger off. Rachel was leaving for PA, Craig was leaving for Florida, Jake had to work, and, unbeknownst to me, I had to go on vacation with Mar. :P
Speaking of which, that was awesome. Mar and her parents took me with them and we went to the 1000 Islands... Alex Bay, to be more precise. It was FANTASTIC! We were there for three days and I loved every minute. I found this awesome $100 case of glass pens, fountain pens, ink, and a sealing wax set. If I'd had $100 at the time, I probably would have considered buying it. I'm glad I didn't, though; I could probably eBay it for like $20. In any event, Alex Bay was very awesome and Mema and I are tyring to convince Mum and Dad to go next summer. They'd like it; it's relaxing.
I really want to get my picutres developed! I'll put the good ones in here when I get them back. I got some really nice ones of Boldt Castle at sunset... it was beautiful. *sigh*
And that's all that's really happened. Aubrey should be getting back from Virginia later today, Rachel's coming home Sunday, and I think this weekend I'm going to convince Mum to go Putt-putting with me. She hasn't been in a while.
Oye, and I got this SWEET ASS PIRATE STUFF in Alex Bay. A shirt with pirate pick-up lines (;)) and a beer mug that says "Name Your Poison". :D I brought Dad a coffee mug that has a pirate on it, I got Mum one of those decorative spoons to go in her collection, and I got Mema a little ceramic bell that says "1000 Islands, New York" on it. I still wish I'd gotten Mum more, though, especially from Boldt Castle, but we were pressed for time and didn't go in the gift shop there. So I think I'm going to blow up one of my pictures of the castle, frame it, and give it to her.
Random song quote: "Another day; just believe."
~Shadowmaster~

Oye...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-22T11:07:13-05:00

It's Friday night and you are driving your car.
(what kind of car are you driving?)
(YOU ARE THE DRIVER)
You can only have FOUR other people in the car with you.
(who is in the car with you?)
As you drive, you and your friends start chillin to some music.

(what song are you all listening to?)

So, there you are chillin to some music with four other people who you care about.

all of a sudden this CRAZY DRIVER HITS you in the back!

you are flying down the road out of control.

You hit a speed bump and the car flips and lands upside-down in the grass beside the road.

you lay there crying because

you are in so much pain

you hear nothing but silence.

silence

silence

silence.

You try to yell out to your friends,

but you are in so much pain and shock...
the words won't come out.
you lay there for about 2 minutes,
but to you it seems like 60 minutes.
you finally hear something.
you hear the ambulance and you
have never felt more relieved.
you lay there, still in the car, thinking about your
family,
friends,
school,
past holidays,
old friends,
old lovers.
you start to pray for the other people in
the car and for yourself.
the paramedics get you out of the car,
put you on a stretcher, and then
into the ambulance.
you see nothing and hear nothing
but a void...you are alone.
you don't get a chance to see the other
people that were in the car with you.
as they drive to the hospital,
you pray and think to yourself:
"Am I going to die?"
"Where are my friends?"
"Are they okay?"
"What's going to happen to me?"
Did you die or not?
What happened to your friends that

were in the car with you....?

They all died.

All of the pther people in the car died.

They are all gone.

You'll never get to see them again.

as for you...

you died too.

...

WAIT. you were just imaginging...right?

But what if it were real?

what if it really happened to you?

THINK ABOUT IT...

That car was the LAST car you were EVER in with your friends.

Those four people were the LAST people you EVER saw.

Did you pick the four people in the car with you wisely?

or do you wish that someone else was in the car with you?

The song you were chillin to was the LAST song you EVER heard.

Don't you wish you could have had the chance to tell everyone you loved them?

Don't you wish you could have told your parents you loved them one last time?

Don't you wish you could have kissed your boy/girlfriend one last time?

Don't you wish you could have told your crush how much you loved them?

Don't you wish you could hug your friends one last time?

Don't you wish you had the chance to do all of those things?
YOU STILL DO.
This really didn't happen to you.
But, pray for all of the people that it DID happen to.
And remember to live everyday to its fullest.
And when someone says they love you,

know the meaning of it.

and mean it when you say it too.
If this post got to you...put it in your blog too

*CRIES*
Random song quote: "And the saddest part, I realize: the absence of truth behind your eyes."
~Shadowmaster~

DREAMS! FUN DREAMS!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-24T03:07:16-05:00

Wow. Last night, I had the most fun dream I've had in a while. It was fantastic and I woke up feeling really good. I think it's because I had a piece of chocolate before I went to bed... that can stimulate some weirdness in my subconscious. Anyway, this dream is actually kind of indirectly connected to a book I was reading. What book, you ask? Harry Potter. :) All right. Dream started out, I was at my house, standing in front of my garage with a broom in my hand. I think someone else was there with me but I can't be sure. Anyway, I mentioned to Dad how I hadn't just gone flying in a while, that I was normally playing Quidditch while on my broom and I just wanted to relax. I straddled the broom and kicked off and just went soaring around my driveway and garage. I was up there for a few minutes (perhaps playing with a Snitch... I can't remember) when Mom called me down and said Rachel and Jake would be up to the house any minute and I needed to put my things away. I landed on top of the garage, then floated down to the ground and got ready to go inside. Dad stopped me momentarily and said something about possibly getting me a new broom for the school year. I gave him this look and said something along the lines of, "I can't get rid of this broom. Sirius gave it to me." Dad just shrugged and I put my broom away. Suddenly, instead of seeing Jake's silver Taurus, the red two-door that Sarah drives pulled up. Chad was driving, Mr. Hassler was in the passenger's seat, and Rachel and Jake were in the back. I believe we were going to orientation for some boarding school. Anyway, Jake said I wouldn't need my stuff just yet and Rachel got out, informing me I was sitting in the middle. I left my stuff, waved, prepare to get in the car, then woke up. WEIRDLY AWESOME, HUH?!?! I found it rather nifty. I woke up feeling really happy and... excited. :P It was, overall, an awesome dream, though it proves I've been reading/contemplating Harry Potter WAY too much. Too much for my own good. ;) But hey, HP is worth it. Random song quote: "Song of the damned never ends, so don't pretend." ~Shadowmaster~

Pictures from the Thousand Islands!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-26T12:07:23-05:00

Right! I went to Wal-Mart today and did the whole 1-Hour Photo deal (bloody pictures cost me $26! 1-HOUR PHOTO IS EVIL! EVIL!) just so SOMEONE (Brittany) could take a gander at them. In any event, I was really quite pleased with the results, though I'm a bit miffed that my pictures of Boldt Castle at sunset didn't turn out. Then again, evening pictures are tricky... you've got to have the right speed film, a certain type of camera, a shutter that can capture more light, blah blah blah. They didn't turn out; I am disappointed. The rest of my pictures, however, make up for it a bit. :D Enjoy! http://photobucket.com/albums/y188/shadowmaster762/Thousand%20Island%20Pics/?start=all ^That's the link... look at the pictures, but here's one I've GOT to post... Oh, and here's a bit of the conversation I had with Adam. I believe it reveals my more... "happily insane" side. :) Me: :D I have a pirate necklace! Adam: haha Me: *is happy as she gawks at her necklace* Adam: if life was as simple... Me: it can be Me: well Me: my life is usually simple Me: give me pirate stuff Me: I'm happy Me: :) Me: give me money to BUY said pirate stuff and I'm happy Me: take me to the renaissance festival and I'm happy Me: beyond that... there's not much more one can really do to put me in Utopia Me: is that bad? :P Adam: nope, I guess not... you have somthing that drives you... or brings you happiness... whatever you wanna say... Me: eee... PIRATES! Me: you know Me: I think, if I were ever captured by pirates and taken on board their ship Me: and I mean real, honest to god, 1800s pirates Me: I would go willingly Me: and become one of the crew Me: maybe even captain... Me: OR COMMODORE! Me: *insert maniacal laugh* Me: just think about it... the possibilities are endless, really Adam: perhaps... *snigger* Random song quote: "You're the ghost hunting through her heart." ~Shadowmaster~

Quiz results.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-28T03:07:58-05:00

You are Dorcas Meadowes.

Image (c) Katrina Young, all rights reserved.

You are the ultimate individual. You are very resourceful, creative and extremely imaginative. You don't really live in reality, you tend to laps into your imagination all the time, only being dragged into the real world when someone has gotten your full attention. This results in you being quite naïve about the world and people hate to see your dreams crushed because of it. You like to be different; in fact you go to extremes sometimes to be different. A lot of people admire you for that kind of bravery and you end up having a whole bunch of people trying to copy you which annoys you because then you have to go and change yourself again so they're not the same as you are. You are completely random, you come out with odd sayings, weird jokes and maybe just add a completely unrelated word into a conversation because... well you don't know why, you just do. Sarcasm is you best friend, it goes with your dry sense of humour and it just comes naturally!

You use yourself as an example, to prove to people that you don't all have to be what society declares "normal" to be accepted. You're just one big living contradiction: you are mature because you decided at a very young age that it doesn't matter at ALL what others think of you... and yet you really didn't make it past the mental age of 6, dressing up is fun! Dancing randomly at any given time or place is a given, that goes the same for singing. You are the nicest, calmest, laid back person in the world... but there are a few obscure things that REALLY get to you, and once someone had pissed you off everyone needs to dive for the bomb shelter because you can be incredibly violent when provoked!! If there's a topic you're not interested in, you can't concentrate for more than 2 seconds before your imagination distracts you, but if it's something you are interested in you can concentrate for hours, days, weeks, months, years even!! You trust people way too easily, but you don't trust people to know what's behind the hyper, happy-go-lucky, crazy wall for years...

Don't change for ANYONE; do it in your own time when you're good and ready! You're perfect and people want to be just like you because you have broken free of the chains of society! Just remember that some people are trustworthy, don't hide the sentimental 'soppy feelings' side from them forever.

:.*.: Who are you in Rohanelf's Destined Tragedy? :.*.:
brought to you by Quizilla

Random song quote: "It's all up to you."

~Shadowmaster~

EHEHEHEHEHE!!!!...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-29T05:07:05-05:00

EHEHEHEHE!
Random song quote: "Here we go down that same old road again." ~Shadowmaster~

*is insanely happy*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-07-31T05:07:23-05:00

All right. For the first time in years, I woke up semi-early and went to the flea-market with the parental unit. I am SO glad I did so.

Upon arriving at the flea circus (as my father so fondly calls it), Mum directly showed me to where this one guy has a huge tent full of MEDIEVAL WEAPONRY. I almost fainted when I saw A RACK OF SAMURAI, NINJA, IMPERIAL, AND MEDIEVAL SWORDS, but then I turned around and saw AN ENTIRE OTHER RACK OF GREAT KNIGHT AXES. THEN, if THAT wasn't enough, and if my heart hadn't actually stopped already, I ventured to the back of the tent and found boxes upon boxes of CEREMONIAL AND IMPERIAL DAGGERS. I even found A $10 BLACK MACHETE.

I would now like to convey the fact that I am no longer alive, but instead am a walking corpse thanks to the tremendous amount of euphoria and shock I experienced upon my arrival in this guy's market tent. Right now, I have an Imperial dagger sitting next to me on my desk, and it's taking all my willpower to keep from clutching the thing everywhere I go. My sword is in my room only because my mother told me to keep it in there so the cats couldn't get at the scabbard. If she hadn't said anything to me, it would be leaning up aaginst the computer desk right now, near my dagger.

But alas, my wooden machete is on the bed, keeping it company as we speak.

I also found $5 wooden training swords and even a wooden dagger. I've informed Mum and Dad that I'm cleaning the house this week for money and that we're going again next weekend so I can proceed to buy a battle-axe and some practice swords. Then, I might be able to have a real fight with Mowgli and Twigg (Chester would probably not partake seeing how he prides himself in being a rambling minstrel and an extreme pacifist). EEEE!

*is ecstatic*

Oh, and here are some lyrics from an excellent song. I was listening to it in the car while driving through... well, driving rain on the way home from Barnes & Noble (*dies again* what a good day... weaponry and literature). It's a small section of it but it really struck home and, oddly enough, comforted me. The rain did too. It was an odd but really excellent feeling.

All you need is a modest house in a modest neighborhood
In a modest town where honest people dwell,
Making the cleanest energy for the greenest plants to grow
In the richest soil that is drenched with the freshest rain.
Then you should sit in your backyard,
Watch clouds peak over the tallest mountain tops
Because they unveil honest opinions about the stars...

Note to self: do that again.

Also found a nifty book on pagan history at B&N as well as this really handy book CHOCK FULL of HTML tags and codes; the bloody thing even had detailed information on how to create your own webpage for free. It was $30, though, so I didn't get it (Mum insisted on cheapness after the whole flea-market excursion), but it's definitely something I want to save up for. :D

Random song quote: *see above*

~Shadowmaster~

HEHEHEHEHE!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-02T12:08:24-05:00

ADULT SWIM IS MY GOD.

"A monster? Oh no... FRYLOCK! GET THE AXE! Wait a minute... I think we might have time to order an axe... FROM A WEBSITE! WILL WE MAKE IT?!"
-Shake

Random song quote: "I'm giving in to you."

~Shadowmaster~

BOREDNESS! *update*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-07T05:08:43-05:00

My fucking computer was being gay and I am still a noob at HTML, so you'll have to click and drag to read it. Just highlight the bloody text. I can't deal with this stuff anymore.

All right... again, I am bored after one hell of a busy week, so I've resorted to posting quizzes... AGAIN! MUAHAHA! :P

<><><><>You are Hermione Granger.
You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

Hermione Granger
100%
Albus Dumbledore
95%
Sirius Black
85%
Ron Weasley
80%
Remus Lupin
80%
Ginny Weasley
75%
Severus Snape
75%
Draco Malfoy
65%
Harry Potter
55%
Lord Voldemort
40%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?

You scored as Pippin.
Even though you have a habit of getting yourself into trouble, when you take on responsibilities you make sure you honour them.

Aragorn
94%
Pippin
94%
Eowyn
81%
Faramir
81%
Gollum
81%
Frodo
69%
Galadriel
56%
Merry
56%
Sam
38%
Legolas
25%

Your Lord of The Rings Alter Ego Is...?

<><><>You scored as Mermaid.
Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid.

Mermaid
92%
Angel
67%
Faerie
50%
Demon
42%
WereWolf
34%
Dragon
33%

What Mythological Creature are you?

You scored as Paganism.
Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Paganism
96%
Buddhism
83%
agnosticism
67%
Islam
63%
Judaism
58%
Hinduism
46%
Satanism
38%
Christianity
33%
atheism
33%

Which religion is the right one for you?

That's all for me. I rather liked my results. :P Quizzes are a great way to waste time...

Random song quote: "There's a lady that's sure all that glitters is gold."

~Shadowmaster~

AHHHHHHHHHHH! SOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-14T06:08:57-05:00

EEEEEEEEEEEE! I WENT TO THE RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL YESTERDAY! EEEEEEEE!
All right, let's start this off properly...
Thursday night, around 5:30, Kirsten and Rach picked me up in the van and we went to get Courtney, Noelle, and Megan. The six of us went out for coffee and pizza, oogling the band guys at Soulfull Cup and weaving through the crowds of Racefest. :P THAT was fun. Seriously. Loads. I was spazzing. :) When we finished our coffee and got back to the car, Rach proposed the idea of chipping in some cash and people staying the night so we could party one last time. We all threw in some money, it amounting to $31, and then met Sean Drinkwater in Addison. He got us some vodka and Smirnoff, then we bought orange juice at Acorn. Kirsten dropped me, Noelle, and Courtney at Noelle's house, we drove to Courtney's, then all three of us got in the Explorer and went to the Mills.
Courtney dropped Noelle at Rachel's then took me to my house to get stuff. We finally got the Rachel's and proceeded to get so completely drunk off our asses. I was the first one gone, Noelle second, both of us drunk before midnight. :P I was chugging screwdrivers and Smirnoffs like NO TOMORROW. We even played Asshole, which got me drunk faster as when we had a social, I chugged. ;)
Anyway, friday morning I woke up around 6 a.m. to find that nobody around me (except Kirsten) had slept yet. I went back to sleep for another hour but woke up when I heard familiar music: FROM PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN! I promptly yelled "PIRATES!" and fell off the couch, much to the amusement of my friends. :P Then I went back to sleep after watching about 20 minutes of the movie and woke up when Rachel told me it was time for breakfast. She and Kirsten had made pancakes and Rach even set the table, so we sat down together and had a good old fashioned breakfast. Noelle and Kirsten left after that, but Courtney, Meg, and I milled around until noon. Courtney took me home and I found Sam sitting in my driveway in her dad's '57 Chevrolet Bel Air!
I said goodbye to Meg and Courtney, then Sam and I broke into my house, seeing how I forgot my keys. Shortly after that, the cats got out, then this huge storm hit. Montrous proportions, guys. Absolutely huge. The cats were still outside, too, but I was beyond caring. The power went out for a bit so when Mum and Dad got home, we went the Chat-A-Whyle for dinner. When we got home, the power was back, and Sam and I punked out around midnight.
I got up at 6 saturday and showered, the entire household bustling because we were going to the Ren fest, which happened to be 3-4 hours away. :P We went to Corning for breakfast but fucked around so we got to the festival around 5 of 2 p.m. Since there was a joust going on at 2:30, we picked our way down to Ye Field of Honor. It was so packed that when I went in, Sam couldn't follow, so I got a good seat right next to the railing while Sam, Mum, and Dad had to sit outside. I felt terrible, but I got some awesome pictures! I'll post them tomorrow after I get them on Photobucket.
Anyway, the joust was absolutely fucking AWESOME and I even met one of the knights. He was nift. Met the Queen, too, and saw the Pope. We then went to see a sword swallower and after that, Sam and I went to an archery field and tried our hand at it. We weren't too bad. :D Then we shopped and I ended up buying a mask, a medallion, and a flower and ribbon hair garland, all handmade. We listened to some live Celtic music, then finally left the festival around 6.
I CANNOT STRESS HOW COMPLETELY AWESOME THE RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL WAS! PHENOMENAL!
Now I'm just über happy and I can barely believe that I can actually say that I went to a real joust and went to the Ren Fest and everything! Everywhere I went, no matter if I bought something or was just passing by, EVERYONE called me "my lady"! I know that sounds gay but it sounded awesome and felt so bloody cool! In other words, I think I've decided on a solo for the POPS concert this year. It's called The Emigrant's Daughter and it's an Irish ballad. I just heard it saturday and it struck a heartstring, so I got the song on iTunes and got the lyrics. I'm going to look for the music momentarily. It's very sad but moving. You can listen to the tune and read the lyrics here: An Emigrant's Daughter.
I'm going to go oogle over the stuff I got yesterday. I can barely believe it! Dude, I had so much fun that I dreamt about it three times! It was absolutely bloody FANTASTIC!
Random song quote: "Oh please ne'ver forget me; the waves now lie o'er me."
~Shadowmaster~

Pictures from the Ren Fest!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-15T04:08:21-05:00

Finally got all my pictures onto Photobucket! Here's the link for them.

Sterling Renaissance Festival 2005.

Enjoy! Mar also just gave me copies of her Thousand Island pictures, but there aren't many, so I'll post a few favorites either tonight or tomorrow afternoon.

Speaking of tomorrow, Math B Regents is tomorrow at 8 a.m. Wish me luck!

Random song quote: "This is me pretending this is all a dream."

~Shadowmaster~

Total randomness... ^.^

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-17T05:08:48-05:00

Name Four Bad Habits That You Have:
1. Thinking I'm right all the time.
2. Putting myself in seclusion every now and then.
3. Biting my nails.
4. Thinking that my friends are extraordinarily lucky to know me.

Name Four Things You Wish You Had:
1. Magic of any kind.
2. A publication deal.
3. A job.
4. Power to change whatever I want.

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. Lavender.
2. Baking banana bread.
3. Baking pumpkin pie.
4. Cucumber melon.

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. Rachel Hassler.
2. Marlaina White.
3. Carrie Smith.
4. Matt Pradichith.

Name Four Things You’d Never Wear:
1. Shorts.
2. A short skirt.
3. Tank top.
4. Tights.

Name Four Things You Are Thinking about Now:
1. Showering again.
2. Doing laundry.
3. Pondering life again.
4. Temperature's nice.

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Played Runescape.
2. Did laundry.
3. Took care of the garbage.
4. Enjoyed my morning.

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. Lunch at Applebee's.
2. Steal This Album!
3. Stuff from the Renaissance Festival.
4. Gatorade.

Name Four Bands/Groups Most People Don’t Know You Like:
1. Dredg.
2. Ozzy.
3. Limp Bizkit.
4. Taheny & Reid.

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Pepsi.
2. Water.
3. Vanilla tea.
4. Fruit Punch PowerAde.

First Grade Teacher’s Name?: Mrs. Austin.

Last Words You Said: "Meh."

Last Song You Sang?: An Emigrant's Daughter - Tahney & Reid

Last Person You Hugged?: Mum.

Last Thing You Laughed At?: My conversation with Sarah H. last night.

Last Time You Said ‘I Love You’: Yesterday.

Last Time You Cried: Today.

What’s in your CD player?: Steal This Album! - System of a Down.

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?: None.

What’s Under Your Bed?: Old dolls, latchwork, prom shoes, and 10-12 half written in notebooks.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 9:40 a.m.

Current taste?: Mountain Dew.

Current Hair?: Ginger red that's pulled up into a sloppy/floppy bun.

Current Clothes?: White Starter tee, jeans, flip-flops.

Current Annoyance: Haven't gotten there yet.

Current Longing?: Heh... love... how corny.

Current Desktop Picture?: Picture of two knights charging in a joust that I took at the Renaissance Festival on saturday.

Current Worry?: I won't get the laundry done before Mum gets home and all hell will break lose.

Current Hate?: No one yet, but the day is young...

Favorite Physical Feature of The Opposite Sex?: Eyes/hair/voice... it's a toss up betwen them.

Last CD You Bought: Steal This Album! by System of a Down

Favorite Place To Be: My room during the winter.

Least Favorite Place?: Crystal Cinemas. It's so dirty in there.

If You Could Play An Instrument?: I do play an instrument. Three, actually.

Favorite Color?: Green.

Do You Believe In An Afterlife?: I believe more in the Hindu belief of reincarnation. You know, depending on how well you live this life, that determines what you will be when you come back.

How Tall Are You?: 5'7"

Current Favorite Word/Saying: "This planet must be another world's Hell."

Favorite Season: All of fall and winter.

One Person from Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back and Talk To: Amber.

Favorite Day: Halloween/Christmas/Ren Fest days.

Where would you like to go?: England.

What Is Your Career Going to Be Like?: I want to be a writer.

How Many Kids Do You Want: 4-5 will do.

Favorite Car: My dad's old '66 hard top white Caddy.

A Random Lyric (this counts as my 'Random song quote'): "An emigrant's daughter; to frightened to know I was leaving forever the land of my soul."

~Shadowmaster~

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-18T10:08:21-05:00

FUCK YEAH! I SO PASSED THE MATH B REGENTS WITH THE HIGHEST GRADE! I AM RIGTEOUSLY AWESOME, MAN! WOOT!
Random song quote: "We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we lie in fields of gold."

~Shadowmaster~

Eagerger.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-19T10:08:39-05:00

Why am I so unhappy all the time? It seems more apparent lately...

I feel like I'm fading, fading into the distance. They're all there with me, but I pale in comparison.

I just keep fading away, like mist in a valley, fading until all that's left is their shining brilliance.

And I shall never shine...

Random song quote: "Many years have passed since those summer days."

~Shadowmaster~

I'm pathetic.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-25T04:08:01-05:00

Yes yes, Stephanie has established that she is pathetic when it comes to updating her blog(s).
I can't believe it's been a week since I've written in this bloody thing. Seeing how I wrote before I went to the fair friday, I've got to tell you people what I found out. :D
I went to the fair with Mar (had one hell of a good time squawking back at chickens) and we somehow stumbled into the grange barn where there are a bunch of shops and stuff. We were looking at this one lady's stall that was absolutely covered with silver jewelry when she tells us she's from Naples and there's a little festival type thing coming up in October where everyone in Naples can set up shop and sell their stuff.
Best part: totally free.
Even better? THEY'RE HAVING A FIVE MAN JOUST! Bloody SWEET!
So, naturally, I asked Mum and she got all excited (she loved the josut at the ren fest [what she could see, anyway]) and she said we can go! EEE! AND Mar and Sarah T. and possibly Rachel are going with me! HAPPINESS!
How freaking awesome/lucky is that?

I GET TO SEE ANOTHER JOUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS! PHUCKIN' AYE!
*is insanely happy* This is just ever so bloody cool.
Definitely dragging people with me to the Ren fest next year... they'll all love it, even if they hate history. Well, they really have two options: love it under your own power or be forced into loving it by moi. :D It's a win-win situation... well, for me... bruhahaha...
Random song quote: "Drug money is used to rig elections and train brutal corporate sponsered dictators around the world."
~Shadowmaster~

Blognapped this from psychicpenguin.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-28T12:08:38-05:00

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Paganism
100%
Buddhism
67%
agnosticism
67%
Islam
63%
Judaism
58%
Hinduism
42%
Satanism
38%
Christianity
29%
atheism
25%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Paranoid. Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.

Paranoid
100%
Borderline
95%
Avoidant
90%
Schizotypal.
80%
Obsessive-Compulsive
75%
Narcissistic
65%
Schizoid
60%
Histronic
45%
Dependant
40%
Antisocial
30%

Personality Disorder Quiz
created with QuizFarm.com
Random song quote: "I play Russian roulette everyday, a man sport." ~Shadowmaster~

*cries*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-30T05:08:43-05:00

:( I hate hurricanes... :(
I want to do something to help. I think I'm going to volunteer at the Red Cross or something.
This is so... sad...
Random song quote: "My weakness is that I care too much."
~Shadowmaster~

Again, I blognapped this from Sam.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-08-30T10:08:31-05:00

*grins* I like stealing stuff from him... 'tis fun and sometimes educational.

Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

Which tarot card are you?

And now for my own quizzes...

I will sneeze my brains out!

How will you die? Take the Exotic Cause of Death Test

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

December
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Take the quiz: "Whats your "true theme song" ~PICTURES~"

Pretty girl By;Sugarcult
If you get told all the time your beautiful but you don't believe it. You can never find that one special person that you've been looking for...but your a pretty girl right? It does'nt make sense to you...if your beautiful but you always seems like theres no guys who like you...to you love is an excuse to get hurt...and don't worry your just like me.
I'm out. Random song quote: "Down away by the sally gardens." ~Shadowmaster~

Just a little request I'm sending out to anyone who stumbles across my blog.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-01T04:09:11-05:00

I just wanted to put this out there, as I feel helpless standing by and watching CNN about the whole ordeal in New Orleans, Gulf Port, and every other area affected by Hurricane Katrina. No matter what religion you are, I ask everyone to pray for those who are missing in this disaster and those who need a guiding hand, whose hand I don't know, but still someone to help them. Also, pray for those who have died in the midst of all this, and pray that their souls and their families find peace.
I just had to put that in there. I'm going to clean out my pantry and my closet for stuff to take to Salvo this weekend. I can't just sit around and do nothing, not while my countrymen/women are being plagued by this. I have to help. Go to the New Orleans blog to find links on how to help the disaster relief.

In other news, it just occurred to me today that in a little over three months, I'm going to be seventeen. This is totally and completely awkward. I'm growing up. I mean, I thought sixteen was getting old, but it never really hit me before how close I am to graduating and leaving my little cocoon of protection to face the unknown. It's just disturbing to think that the routine I've been following since I was 4-years-old, the thing I've been doing practically everyday since Pre-K, is going to be gone. The thought that I have to replace it with something else on my own is even scarier.

I guess, despite all my eagerness to grow up a year ago, I don't want to now. It's like I'm being shoved away from everything I know and love into something that could be a varitable hell. It could also be bliss, too, so that's why I am being shoved, but there's always that possibility that things could go horribly wrong. I'm just really... afraid of the unknown.

My parents are also getting better. They've been talking to each other but not to me. They're getting better but I'm still stuck in all this. It freaked me out and they just assume that if they'e happy, I'll be happy, and that's half true, but the other part of it is that Dad doing what he did messed me up as much as Mum. They don't think it could have because I wasn't on the receiving end, but she's my mum. I was on the receiving end the whole time because I was with her through it. They won't talk to me about what's happening and they just act like I'm fine even when I'm not.

I cried so hard after I talked to Mum on the phone today... it's like they don't even know I'm a human being anymore. I'm just a little doll that's theirs and, if they move me just the right way, I'll be a happy doll and just be content to sit in the dark of the toybox while they talk outside of it.

I'M NOT A DOLL!

I guess I'm done ranting for now. Mum wants me to go with her and Dad to a friend's gig tonight (he's in the band) and I guess she thinks it'll make us a real family, if we do things together. I don't want to go... I'm not ready to go... and she doesn't understand that this messed me up just as much as it did her. I cried my share of tears, just like she did.

Random song quote: "Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true."

~Shadowmaster~

Oh bugger bugger bugger!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-04T10:09:37-05:00

I wrote this in my medieval blog tonight (Journal of a Fief's Heiress... it's in my list of links) and I couldn't word it better in modern speech. Thus, I'm just going to copy and paste it from there.
I did revise it a little, however.
"I've never been the perfect girl to court. Far from it, actually. In fact, I don't think a lord's come calling on me for the sake of courting since... before I came of age. Long before I came of age. It's depressing, really, to know you're not wanted by society, that you're not everything to one person, or that you don't have one that's everything to you. It breaks the spirit and mine has been broken time and time again.
As of late, there's been this one young lord I've been talking to more and more recently. He and I... we are so alike, yet different as well. He never stops surprising me, and I would love nothing more for him to confess his feelings to me or to accept my emotions as I confess to him.
But alas, I fear he does not treasure the time he spends with me as I do my time with him. In fact, though he is an excellent friend, I fear he wishes it to remain just so, and that... it does not break my heart, for I have no known him long, but it seems as though another lamp of hope has been extinguished. My path to happiness is growing ever darker as the lanterns to light my way, my lanterns of hope, keep going out.
Oh what am I to do?"
Indeed, what am I to do?
Random song quote: "Is there a trace inside her face of a lonely miracle?"
~Shadowmaster~

XD

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-05T08:09:48-05:00

I ♥ my banner.
In other news, stupid people are fun to mess with. :D
Random song quote: "You may have started my reckoning."
~Shadowmaster~
Update: I should have listened to myself. I usually know what I'm doing but this time, I second guessed myself. Well, the good thing out of all this is that I suddenly feel strangely compelled to write! YAY WRITING!

Ahh, my first term in Hell has commenced.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-08T09:09:12-05:00

Well, as the title of this entry says, my first term in Hell has commenced. Amazingly, the school freezes over in the morning (to the point where first period is almsot unbearable) and then heats up savagely so that by 3 p.m., I pretty much want to get home and just walk around in my birthday suit. It's a little ridiculous... we can increase taxes to build a bigger school and bring the little 6th grade bastards across the river, yet, somehow, WE CAN'T AFFORD HEATERS OR AN AC. HOW HARD IS IT TO TURN ON A HEATER?!
God... imbeciles.
Tomorrow's the last day for the weekend. God knows I need to catch up on my sleep already. My classes are all right, save for first period. It's boring as hell in there and I'm the only junior amongst a bunch of seniors. It sucks big balls. I hate it, but I can't change it unless I want to regress and go back to English 11. Seeing how I'm going to be an english major, that wouldn't be too smart. I was also told this by Rachel and Carrie... meh. I so wanted theory, and I can't even audit that because Keenly says he doesn't have time.
ARG!
My classes are small,too. First period (english) there's a grand total of 13 or 14, depending. 2nd period my labs is kind of packed and so is my study hall, but third I have 13 people, fourth I have 10, and 6th I have 12. It's kind of nice that for once, I'm not in a class so huge we can barely breathe. Refreshing, really.
I lucked out in chem today (along with my 10 person class). Castle started by handing out books (he actually couldn't remember my first name, though I can understand why. The man's had me in science since 7th grade and he never called me "Stephanie." It was always "Snyder." It doesn't bug me... I rather found it amusing) and then we went on to finish lab safety procedures. Needless to say, we all got talking about class, then we kind of... digressed from the topic. :D Basically, Castle forgot to assign us our reading. Every other chem class had it but us. :D Eee. It'll probably screw us in the end, though. We're already behind.
Pre-calc is so... wonderful. I missed having Mrs. J. for a math teacher. Howard's nice and all but God; I couldn't learn from the man. Mrs. J. let us have half the period to do our homework. It's so handy. :)
Mrs. Allard also has my vote. U.S. History is a little lacking as far as being involved by psychology (I also have that with her) rocks out loud. I can't wait until we start our socratic seminars (class debates to see how the mind works). It's going to be FUN.
Also, as of late, I've been obsessed with Degrassi. :P I find it reminds me of my childhood experiences, mainly junior high. I love it. I can't stop watching it... well, I don't really watch it. I just tape it and then numb out after school and fall into this nifty little trancelike state where I'm aware of everything but so unable to move.
:( I've almost finished Eldest so I'll have to steal a book from Sam again. I think I'm going to give Sarah her Nora Roberts books back. I'll never get to them, not with the reading list I have. It's just too insane... I can't deal! :P I still have to finish Deception Point, which I started before Wings of Fate.
Anyway, I'm dead. I need sleep desperately. Maybe, if the library's open, I'll jet up 6th period and update.
Maybe.
Random song quote: "And they say that a hero can save us; I'm not going to stand here and wait."
~Shadowmaster~

Randomness again.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-09T04:09:45-05:00

I don't know why but I really like this song...

Where will we run
Sacrifice our time
Secret songs are somewhere in the desert
Don't let me stray
A light will shine bringing liberty
Scattered clans
Scattered lands
Waiting for me

Reaching frontiers
Warriors of the past
Hear their voice
The mothers of the desert
Daring to dream
A prayer, a hope
Peaceful harmony
Turning lies
Turning tides
Turning for me.
Mothers of the Desert - Moya (Maire) Brennan

Random song quote: *see above*

~Shadowmaster~

September 11th: a day of remembrance.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-11T01:09:07-05:00

Four years ago today... it's hard to believe it's been that long. No matter how much time passes, I never forget exactly what I was doing when I found out about the World Trade Center, and Pentagon, and the attempt on Camp David. Just thinking about it now makes my whole day flash through my mind...
I still cry for the people that died there and I still pray for their families. Something like that is hard to deal with... imagine how traumatic it was for family members and friends. It was a black day in American history, akin to Pearl Harbor. Now we've got Hurricane Katrina hot on their heels, another disaster that will be in our nation's history books.
It's weird to think I lived through two national tragedies, and even weirder to think that my kids one day will be reading about all this in their history books and I can tell them exactly how I felt at the time, exactly what I was doing when I found out. It's disturbing but strangely comforting.
To get on a less depressing subject, I went up to Mar's yesterday for her 17th birthday along with the guys and Sam. Before I went to her house, I took Mar to Market Street for the Art Walk but apparently, the newspaper misadvertised because everywhere I looked, signs said that today was the Art Walk. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy. That was supposed to be part of my present to her and we got screwed. Arg.
Anyway, we had about two hours to kill before everyone got to the house, so we went into the hay mound and moved hay bales around to make a fort. My arms are all cut up now from the sticks in there and I've a ripped shirt and I'm sore as hell, but it was well worth it. Our fort rocked out loud, at least it did until we collapsed it on Matt and Wayne. :P
Later that night, towards dark, we rode up the hill in the hay wagon and had a bonfire. We sat around it and had s'mores for a while, then we got bored so we all ran to the woods, then everyone started hiding. Mar and I sat for a moment and talked, then we headd back towards the fire and found some of the guys. After a little while longer, Sam and I got cold so we went back to the bonfire and started talking to Albert and Alex about college. It was quite interesting. :P
We finally went back down the hill on our own around 10:30 (me wrapped in a blanket because I forgot a coat) after looking at the stars for a while and just talking while the fire died down enough so we could leave it. We got back to the house around 10:40, then we just all grabbed something to eat and drink and kicked back in the kitchen (like usual), some of us talking, others of us trying to see how good they were at throwing a ping pong ball at the ceiling fan and getting it into the hanging pots. ;) Once it flew right at my head and I hit it really hard with my machete, so the damn thing ended up hitting Andy in the head. 'Twas funny.
Anyway, it was definitely a lot of fun, though I slept 12 hours last night. :) Now I just need to go and finish my chemistry homework, then I can laze around for the rest of the day. Eee.
Random song quote: "I've got some friends, some that I hardly know, but we've had good times I wouldn't trade for the world."
~Shadowmaster~

I HATE PEOPLE! AUGH!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-14T05:09:53-05:00

Everyone can just FUCK OFF.
Random song quote: "No one else can figure me out."
~Shadowmaster~

This song was extremely relevant to my current state of emotions...

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-19T07:09:22-05:00

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Oh where, where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything.
This song just explained my emotions at this point in time very well. Right now, I wish I were little again... anything but 16...
Random song quote: *see above*
~Shadowmaster~

Heroes.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-20T06:09:23-05:00

Today was the first day Mrs. Kerwan made us write in our english journals and the topic was heroes. I ended up writing my entry in the wrong notebook but just now, as I was copying it into the right one, I actually read what I wrote. Before I was only vaguely aware but it struck me as relevant in light of Katrina and the the new hurricane, Rita, that's also a category 4 storm and is heading towards Texas. My entry is below.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Heroes have become few and far between these days. it seems that vravery and unconcern for oneself in the face of chaos only happens in terribly threatening situations and not in everyday life. No one is really willing to somtimes put themselves aside and throw out a helping hand to those in need.
Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have those fictional heroes, the ones who are so brave and thoughtful it's almost mind-numbing, to become a reality and help people in our world. To have the Riders from Eragon to keep peace or that one person, like in LOTR, who would sacrifice themselves for others would be helpful for humanity.
Unfortuntely, such fantastic people must remain in books.
However, there are heroes in everday people, even if they do only emerge in a time of crisis. The policemen and firemen of 9-11 were heroes, as are the Katrina disaster relief workers, the soldiers in Iraw, and even the man who would risk being shot to turn a robber's gun from a convenience store clerk.
Heroes are often unexpected but their existence is reassuring to the masses.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Random song quote: "In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold."
~Shadowmaster~

Nothing like enjoying the comfort of the art room.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-09-28T12:09:36-05:00

Ahh... how nice it is for the art teacher to like me, yet how incredibly odd, seeing as I don't TAKE art. :P
Mrs. DuBois, the art teacher, has Mar and Sam for art class the same time I have study hall two rooms over. SOOOO the first day of school, I came here, and I'l got a pass here 6th period for the rest of the year. Mrs. DuBois doesn't care if I'm here so long as I don't interrupt when she's actually teaching. Most of the time, people are just randomly sketching, so we all talk.
And the walls are lined with computers, which I have total access to! WOOT! Ahh, 6th period is AWESOME. :D
Anyway, I skipped gym today. We were running the mile and honestly, I could have walked it with Steph Sherwood, but I didn't want to go out into the cold September morning and then freeze for the rest of the day. I was a good temperature, so I just skipped and went to the library.
However, B knows that I skipped, though I doubt he really cares. :P He should be used to it by now, though. I haven't run the mile since the beginning of 8th grade. Of COURSE I'm not going to start now.
In other news, I had VOTE NO taped onto my white shirt today with electrical tape. However, it came off second period... I was sick of getting bitched at about how the referendum is a good idea, so I trashed it.
*sigh* It took me a whole ten minutes to make this morning... *sniffle*
Landy and Matt, however, actually used fabric paint on a couple white shirts, so theirs looked nifty.
I still liked my tape.
Anyway, I'm going to bugger off for a bit... we're having a discussion about out yearbook.
Random song quote: "The crown will plainly show the prisoner, who now stands before you, was caught re-handed showing feelings, showing feelings of an almost human nature."
~Shadowmaster~

A fantastic weekend spent in Mansfield with my college buddies.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-03T10:10:57-05:00

Wow... this past weekend was REALLY fun. :D Friday, Traci Lyons and Courtney picked Craig and I up after school and we went down to Mansfield University to spend the weekend with Courtney and Megan.
Needless to say, it was righteously awesome. :) Met many drunk people, many funny people, many funny, drunk people, and even saw some guy (who was incredibly drunk) christen the side of the president's house with his urine. Of course, it was 2 a.m., so that's to be expected. Courtney, Craig, and I were walking back from Dunkin' Donuts. We need COFFEE. We ended up staying up until 5 that morning talking, and we also met Travis (a drunk bisexual) and Rachel (his straight, sober counterpart who explained his drunken evening to us). God, they were fun to talk to.
Anyway, what I really want to put in here was something Megan, Courtney, Craig, and I spent doing all saturday afternoon. We only left the room to go potty, but we weren't bored. We rocked out so some music, talked a lot, and made this KICK ASS picture using Paint and South Park Studio V2. It's creation was prompted by reading another one of Chad's wonderful Xanga entries titled "Diversity is Bullshit". We did this just to mock him. ;)
The Culture Confused League of Diversity.
I'm so proud of that picture... Craig and I both have copies hanging in our lockers. I'm Captain Francis, Megan is Sanchez, Craig is Cosmo, and Courtney is Opossum. :P It's amazing how much we all look like ourselves.
In other news, lately, people have thought it funny to make out RIGHT NEXT TO MY LOCKER seeing how they know it annoys me (coughJEREMYANDCRYSTALcough) and to get a rise out of me. So, in good humor, I made a sign that I taped to the wall next to my locker. It read like this:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rules For Making Out In This Hallway:
#1.) There will be no defilement of locker #1318.
#2.) There will be no defilement of locker #1318's sphere of existence.
#3.) There will be no defilement of the wall or lockers adjoining locker #1318.
#4.) All practitioners of P.D.A. will observe my locker's right to exist and demand the immediate halt of all P.D.A. in it's field of view.
Thank you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Honestly, I'm proud of that little thing. Everyone found it very funny, though Andy did what I expected: he violated each rule by humping my locker and then licking my sign. Peh. I hit him with the pointy side of my brush. :D Numerous times.
So there's my update... NOW BUGGER OFF!
OoOoOoO! I forgot to mention... I am colorguard co-captain and I am now in the band proper again. *shudder* VROMAN TRICKED ME INTO IT! I'm thinking I'll somehow miraculously pull off Christmas, then tell her to bugger off for concert band in the spring. No effing way am I dealing with THAT shit. Jazz, however, I will haily do, and I'm in guard for marching, so... YAY EASINESS! It just kind of sucks a bit because Vroman thinks I'm some kind of trombone prodigy and really, I suck... *sigh* Ah well. I'll have to practice sometime before Wednesday. I have a lesson 6th period.
-_- I'll be on the stage three periods in a row... kill me.
Random song quote: "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"
~Shadowmaster~

Love makes me sick... and here's why.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-06T07:10:08-05:00

Here's part of the "conversation" I had with Rachel...
Me: Can I just vent and not have a problem solving technique come in answer form?
Rachel: alrighty
Rachel: go ahead
Me: I hate the fact that everyone else is so bleeding happy and I'm not. I hate the fact that everyone has someone other than friends and family. I hate the fact that the only way I've ever been able to pull myself out of this pathetic little puddle is to get stoned. I hate that I can't just BE happy with what I have. I just want to run around and wreck everyone's lives so SOMEONE will be unhappy with me and we can just throw a fucking pity party together but I'm not a bitch like that. I LIKE for you guys to be happy but it sucks when I have to sit there and smile and laugh and then I come home to me, myself, and I and am just... sad. I hate that I'm now the fuck-up in my dad's eyes. I hate that my mom thinks I don't understand anything. I hate the fact that they're so damn HAPPY with each other that I practically don't exist anymore. I hate a lot more stuff but I can't think of it right now.
Me: AND I HATE SYMPATHY. I'm seriously not trying for pity here... I just need to scream and I can't even do THAT because my parents will just sit and tell me I have no right to vent, that I need to deal.
Me: I cried so much last night over something someone said to me that was SO STUPID. It just HURT though.
Me: And I just don't like the place I'm at right now...
My life in a nutshell.
Let's hope Naples this weekend will cheer me up.
Oh, and I went to see the Ten Tenors tuesday at the Clemens Center. I met one... Craig Hendry. I talked to him for a bit about music and stuff, then got his autograph.
He was nice...
They all rocked, though I liked Craig, Jason, and Drew the best. They were righteous.
Liam, however, had the opera voice.
And then there was Dave...
Random song quote: "I used to believe that fate did not apply to me. I used to believe I had rules all of my own."
~Shadowmaster~

A rainy friday spent in the art room.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-07T12:10:48-05:00

Again, I'm here in the art room, just relaxing. I like it in here... it's feng shui, and the windows are open, letting the cool, rain-scented air drift in and circulate around the room. 'Tis nice.
I haven't listened to Trapt in a while and Craig's been bugging me to copy the CD for him (seeing how he's only heard like two songs of theirs), so I skipped a step and just brought my CD to school. Cascio and I rocked out this moring on the bus, and now I'm listening to it as I write and copy a CD onto the hard drive. I'm going to see if I can burn a copy of the Ten Tenors on this computer... it says it's got a burner.
Let's see if they lied.
I feel much better than I did last night. I talked with my parents and told them some truths that I've been holding back, like I don't talk to them because it always turns from being about me to getting vengeance for some totally unrelated affair. If felt better to tell them what I actually thought instead of just smiling and putting on a mask like I do a lot. I just don't like to tell people my problems, though. I don't like troubling other people and I come off as selfish, plus telling others what's wrong with me gives them something to hold over my head.
Bah...
Kerwan collected ourn essays this morning only to inform us that we're starting a research paper. Jesus H. Christ... I can't escape. I have my U.S. History essay done and I must say, it flows well, but my psych paper I have to work on this weekend along with some pre-calc and chemistry. BAH! *stomps foot*
Anyway, I'm just going to bugger off. I'm sick of typing. This keyboard sucks.
Random song quote: "So afraid that you'll lose."
~Shadowmaster~

I SUCK.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-15T01:10:11-05:00

I SUCK! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T UPDATE FOR A WEEK!
I'm SORRY! I've been über busy, trying to figure out where the hell the Halloween party's going to be (it's at Carrie's house, for those of you who don't know), I've had drama meetings out the ASS for the talent show (Carrie and I STILL don't know how to run the effing sound box!), and I'm working on two MORE papers: psychology and english. BAH! Get done with one essay and Kerwan and Allard decide to chuck another one at us.
ARG.
Ahh well... my Malcolm X personality analysis essay sucked (or I thought so), but apparently Mrs. Allard had a different opinion. I got a 100% on it, just like I got a 100% on my DBQ for U.S. History. Got the 5-week report and I'm doing well. Everything's between 90-100 except for math, which is an 85, and we've only had like two homework assignments. Once she starts doling out more (God save my soul), it should bring my grade up. Provided I stop effing writing in class and pay attention. Mrs. J's caught me like 6 times this past week. At least each time, I know what I was doing.
Hopefully today, once Mum and Dad get back from the auction, I'll go to get my Halloween costume and look for my sneakers. I need to at least LOOK in the costume shop so if they don't have it, I can order it or start planning for something else. I'd REALLY like to get the habit, though, and be a nun in school on monday. :D I think it'd be entertaining.
On the 12th I took the PSATs. I was really worked up over it but I got there and the questions were like... things I'd learned in 8th grade. *knocks on wood* The math was nice. Reminds me of the good ole days when I understood EVERYTHING. It oddly occurred to me the other day, while we were doing synthetic division, that if I hadn't gotten screwed for math teachers (coughBOUNDANDHOWARDcough), I would probably like math. I think I'd be getting 90s at least. I actually LIKE class this year because I understand what's going on and how to do things. It's refreshing to not be lost all the time. :)
It's 1:45 p.m. and I still haven't showered... that's grotesque. I'm going to go do that so I can swindle Mum into going to Elmira when she gets home. I REALLY need effing sneakers. Mine have lost all their tread.
Oh, and I don't know why this matters, but if I had the willpower to run, I think I might join the soccer team as a goalie. :D I did AWESOME during indoor the other day. I blocked every shot that people took at me. The only ball the got in was about 10 minutes after Thompson told us to go change... it was me, Donnie, Ryan, Jake, and I think Andy all screweing around with the ball. Ryan took like four shots and didn't get them through me, even when he was right next to me. He was spazzing. :P Donnie only got a shot after I walked away to change, and he had to CHUCK the damn ball to even get it in. I was quite proud. Freakin' Baker came up to me in pre-calc and was like, "So why aren't you on the soccer team again?" I just blinked at her, then looked down at myself, back up, and smiled. "That's why." Hehehe. Being cruel to myself is fun.
Random song quote: "Your lips move but I cannot hear what you say."
~Shadowmaster~

HEHEHE!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-16T05:10:52-05:00

EVERYONE MEET PRICKLE!
^.^ I love Prickle!
Random song quote: "And I'm lost on Thunder Point; I'm a million miles away."
~Shadowmaster~

IT'S DONE! :)

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-18T07:10:50-05:00

HEHEHE! My 5-hour course is done! WOOT! :D Mar, Wayne, and I went last night to Corning and sat through it. The way Matt and Landy made it out, I thought it was going to be this excruciatingly boring and terrible ordeal, but our instructor was actually really funny. I learned a lot.
So now I have this little slip of paper that basically has "YOUR TICKET TO FREEDOM" stamped on the front. ;) Just have to practice some more, learn to parallel park, and then go take my road test (not necessarily in that order). Then... *twirls* MOBILITY!
In other news, Allard told my U.S. History class yesterday that half year, if you think you're ready for it, you have at least a 90 average in class, and you score above an 85, you can take the U.S. History Regents and get out of half a year of history. Basically, if I did it, I'd have a 9th period study hall instead of a history class.
Sweet, eh? I thought so.
Not that I want out of Allard's class because I LOVE Mrs. Allard, but seriously... that little tidbit of info might make it possible for me to take photography, provided I can swindle Mr. Sisson into letting me in without the Studio in Art prerequisite. *sigh* Hey, if Sarah Hassler can do it, maybe I have a shot.
I'm also re-taking the Math B Regents with Aubrey and Mar this January to see if I can get a better grade. If I can bump that sucker up into the 80s, I'm going to leave and let be. Right now, I'm still getting the highest distinction for a Regents diploma, but still... looks better for me.
Anyway, I'd better bugger off and get breakfast before school. *hits head off desk* Sadly, I have to turn in a pile of 10 notecards from one source in English today. I'm doing a report on the misconceptions of witchcraft, Wicca, and paganism. You know, fact vs. fiction. I hate that if I say I'm Wiccan, people automatically assume I'm a Satanist. *sigh* This is just one more step towards trying to make the uneducated masses understand the difference between those two words.
GAH! NEED TO BUGGER OFF!
P.S. I ♥ pirates.
Random song quote: "Feelin' like I have no release."
~Shadowmaster~

*yawn, choke, gag*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-20T07:10:24-05:00

Yeah, it's 6:58 a.m., A particularly good indication that I'm probably still in the realm of the dead.
Yeah...
I have ASVABs today periods 1-4 and maybe into 5th (actually, that's a probably), so there goes another day of pre-calc and chemistry. Honestly, I'd rather be in chemistry listening to Castle's sarcasting bantering than go and sit through a 3 1/2 hour test. I know it's an aptitude test so it's not like I can get stuff WRONG, but God. WASTE OF TIME.
So here I sit, slowly getting un-tired, eating the shittiest waffles I've ever had the displeasure to have slither down my throat, trying to think of the positives.
*breathes in*
THERE ARE NONE.
I have a psychology paper due tomorrow so I should probably get to work on that blog I started. I'll see if I can back-date the entires so I have more stuff to use, but JESUS.
GOD DAMN EVIL COLD SOGGY WAFFLES! I'm not eating anymore of them... it's like eating a raw human body.
"I'm done with my vegetables, now what do I do with their wheelchairs?"
Hehehe... go to www.wickedjester.com to see some neat t-shirts. There's like 12 I want, but the one shirt I REALLY want is off www.tshirthell.com . Those two websites rock...
Random song quote: "I am a repeat offender."
~Shadowmaster~

Done, done, and done.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-20T09:10:05-05:00

I've a feeling I've used this entry header before...
-_-
Ah well!
My psychology paper is done (it's that thing where I have to think like the opposite sex for a week). I kind of tossed my old idea of being a gay guy (amazingly, it's TOO HARD) and just went with a nice, straight male. :) I've got four blog entries... go to http://shadowmaster762.mindsay.com to see the entries. It's more from the POV of a PMSing male... definite man period going on. I made it that way because, well, if I were male, I'd bitch nonstop, kind of like now.
It's all good.
:D
MOVING ON!
Mar's got a new book and it looks interesting as hell. I read the back cover before the ASVABs this morning. I'm kind of starved for literature right the moment so I'm re-reading a classic favorite: Pride and Predjudice. I love that book. I read the abridged version when I was younger and I LOVE the story line, so now I'm actually getting out my REAL copy and reading it.
*sigh* How nice 'twould be if Darcy were real.
They actually have a movie of it set in modern times that I watched. Neat as hell. Best two hours of my life.
SPEAKING OF MOVIES!
Harry Potter 4 is out November 18th! I'm missing my class dance to see it... oh well, fuck them. HP's more important. I hope it's better than the third movie. That one was choppy and too dark. I didn't like it and sadly, that's my favorite book. God damn director. Gary Oldman was NOT meant to play Sirius Black. I kind of expected someone who still had that faint trace of good looks, you know? I just didn't picture Gary Oldman.
Phht.
Anyway, I'm gone. I've got to figure out how to sneak my dad's camera out of the house so Mar and I can work on a little project during art tomorrow. :D Mrs. DuBois thought it was a good idea, our little plan...
If you have any ideas how to smuggle the T-50 out, tell me.
Random song quote: "May it be you journey on to light the day."
~Shadowmaster~

Sweet merciful Goddess.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-24T06:10:44-05:00

Not another monday... I BEG OF THEE! *collapses into tears*
Yeah, I have time this morning to do my pre-calc, but instead I'm going to sit here and update this. I like you people that much. :)
This week is going to be hell. I've got to stay after with Carrie tonight to work with the lights more, tomorrow is a rehearsal for the show, thursday I've got a doctor's appointment at 9 a.m. so I'll be missing pre-calc and chemistry, then there's rehearsal that night too, friday's the show, and saturday I have to be at Carrie's around one-ish to finish decorating for the party and get the food ready.
I'm tired just thinking about all this.
And to think, the stress of this week will happen EVERY week for about three months once drama rolls around. MAYBE more, if we start rehearsing after Christmas break like everyone wants to. Last year we only got two months of practice time in and people were lazy, so there was A LOT of improv. The entire show was improv. It was cool, but very very bad at the same time. 'Least we made it believable, eh? ;)
I think Mrs. Rice is leaning towards Alice in Wonderland. If we do decide on that, I'd rather like to audition for the Queen of Hearts. :D She's my idol... HEHEHE.
Yeah, I'm just going to bugger off and attempt my pre-calc homework. Tracy said she didn't get the second half. I didn't even listen to the lesson (Aubrey was copying my chemistry and I was writing... AGAIN) so I might be screwed royally. *shrugs* Ah well. At least I can scribble something down and make Mrs. J think I tried. :D Used to do that with Howard all the time.
OoOoOoOoOo! I'm going to get the rest of my Halloween costume tonight for school and for the party! I'm just running to Salvo to get some cheap scrubs, then I'm probably going to go to Wal-Mart. I need more make-up remover. Gah...
Random song quote: "I took what I hated and made it a part of me."
~Shadowmaster~

Not tomorrow... tomorrow cannot come.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-26T08:10:16-05:00

Tomorrow's the day.
I'm going to Bath (missing pre-calc and chem) to go to the doctor's.
It's a special type of doctor.
I'm REALLY not looking forward to going. I was a week ago but now I don't want to.
I really do not want to go. There is nothing wrong with me.
Not a damn thing.
Just keep stuff in.
But that's who I am.
And that's okay.
Right?
Random song quote: "I want to ride my bicycle; I want to ride my bike."
~Shadowmaster~

That went surprisingly well.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-27T12:10:06-05:00

Well, the trip to Bath went well... better than I had anticipated. I feel better, but all three of us (Mum, Dad, and me) have to go next week (perchance). Dad wanted to talk to Mum before we made an appointment so yeah... we'll see how that goes over.
Tuesday's rehearsal went rather well. Carrie and I have mostly everything figured out and tweaked for the show. There's another rehearsal tonight (we're staying after for chem review/a lab make-up) and then Carrie and I are getting food at China Wok and splitting it. 'Tis easier and cheaper than spending $7 each for food each night. It's also easier to stay here than to ride the late bus home, then turn around and high-tail it back to Addison. It should be fun... like drama. :)
Anyway, the same thing's happening tomorrow (minus the chemistry stuff) and then... HALLOWEEN PARTY SATURDAY!
It's weird... I feel incredibly happy and soft-spoken today.
And calm.
Maybe going this morning DID help... :)
Random song quote: "I came into this world a reject; look into these eyes."
~Shadowmaster~

THE PARTY WAS EFFING SWEET!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-10-30T08:10:09-05:00

THE PARTY WAS FREAKING FANTASTIC!
I had SOOOOOO much fun! It was a total blast going. People all finally showed up around 8 and everyone just got out of their costumes after we took pictures. We sat around for about three hours playing Truth or Dare (I LOVE THAT GAME), but it eventually turned to just Dare because only three people picked truth. :P We were outside a lot too, and we all walked into the cemetary after dark, but then some weird shit started happening on the road and we bolted.
Carrie was telling me about this grave down there for a woman who died in 1776... there's also a grave behind the church of my local cemetary for a man who died in 1776. He was in the Revolutionary War and everything; I kind of want to get rubbings of both. Anyway, I was thinking about maybe going and examining the woman's grave (Carrie said her name was Elizabeth) and also taking a second look at my guy's grave... and perhaps make them into a story. I know that might be disrespectful but I fully intend on asking their permission first.
If they'd rather not, I'll change my idea a bit and change names.
I just love colonial stuff. :) 'Tis neat.
Anyway, since my internal clock says is 9:30, I'm going to hit bed. :D Goddess bless DST, at least in the fall. MORE SLEEP! *milks giant cow*
Random song quote: "Another day; just believe."
~Shadowmaster~
P.S. The show went FAMOUSLY! Carrie and I only screwed up twice and it wasn't that noticeable, so we weren't too worried. We raked in more than $700 in profits! That's pretty damn good for a small town talent show! But the acts were fantastic and the peope in it really were talented. :D I can't wait to do it again next year. I'm SO bad on the board again. Hehehe!

In english and taking the day to screw off.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-02T08:11:14-05:00

:D Hehehe. I was checking out 3 Wise Fools this morning (still waiting for that god damn comic, guys!) and headed to Tristan's Testimonies. I printed out what he wrote and decided that I was going to put the IP address in here so you can all enjoy the rantings of three twisted college boys. :P
http://www.3wisefools.com/Tristan/tristan.htm
Have fun. :)
Random song quote: "Peperroni and green peppers, mushroom, olive, chive."
~Shadowmaster~

The Show Must Go On!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-08T07:11:37-05:00

I don't know why but this song just struck home tonight. :) I guess it's the minor-ness. Speaking of which, I composed a 30-second piano piece (I'm used to like... 2 minute pieces but I wanted short and simple). It's in A minor and it's freaking sweet. If I can, I'll try to get it uploaded online and then put it in here. :D Anyway, enjoy my sad-ass update...
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for
Another hero another mindless crime
Behind the curtain in the pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Whatever happens I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache another failed romance
On and on
Does anybody know what we are living for
I guess I'm learning I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on - yeah
Ooh inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Yeah, oh oh oh
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on - yeah
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On with the show
I'll top the bill
I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the
On with the show
The show must go on, go on, go on, go on, ...
--Queen
Random song quote: *see above*
~Shadowmaster~

3 Wise Fools! BRUHAHAHA!:

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-08T09:11:52-05:00

:) I'm proud to say that I know one of these assholes (Chad, my friend's brother).
Check it out. It's interesting.

Enjoy!
Random song quote: "Where will they be? I guess I'm on the run."
~Shadowmaster~

Oh the mellowness. *low, crazy laughter*

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-09T05:11:33-05:00

I am in a wonderfully mellow mood. :) I came home and immediately compiled a new playlist titled "Mellowness." I don't know why you care; I just wanted to convey that I am motherfucking calm. It's not a common occurance, at least not THIS level of calm.
*looks at table* Sadly, I have a psychology project to finish, a lab to find and re-print, and I need food.
That requires me to move, which blows. *sigh* Can the fat not win?
Well, Wal-Mart fucked up my school pictures, but the good news is I hated the pose anyway, so I'm getting re-takes tomorrow at 6:30. Note to self: come home, shower, doll up, LOOK NICE.
So yeah, my week in a nutshell.
Oh, damn... I forgot to write this...
Mr. Gilbert, the guy who used to train guard when Vona was here, has cancer. :( Mr. Gilbert was the guy who'd pay for all the rooms and the food when we went to Long Island; he also paid for the entire trip when we went to the Azalea Festival in Norfolk, Virginia in 2002. The doctors at Arnot-Ogden gave him a few days to a month. I guess they're going to operate, though; Keenly said they think they can get it all out with surgery. In any event, a bunch of band members (myself included) are piling into a car with Kayla Farnham and we're going to go pay him a visit. There's also a bunch of cards in the band room that we're signing and planning to send out for him.
:( Poor Gilby... he was freaking awesome. He even had a goddamn house in the HAMPTONS, for Christ's sake! We spent part of Independence Day there, watching fireworks over the bay. He's got a beach right behing his house... 'twas quite sweet. ;)
Anyway, that's it, except for the fact that Tyffany and I are working on the gayest story idea ever but it's cute as fuck, so we're going to actually write it into prose and try to post it on Elfwood. Don't know if it'll go through, though... I'll have to talk to one of the mods. I owe Emmy a couple chapters anyway; hope those will suffice.
Random song quote: "You should've never come to Hollywood."
~Shadowmaster~

I'm the next Timothy McVeigh.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-10T10:11:37-05:00

Have you ever had the burning desire to kill yourself but take as many people with you as possible?
I CRAVE that.
I need to meditate and get rid of these thoughts. They're not good, and what's worse is I know exactly who to direct it to. It's like I want to be the next Timothy McVeigh... that's such a terrible thing to say and I know I could never do it, but the thought of hurting people who hurt me...
It gives me solace.
I have to stop thinking like this, though. I would never hurt anyone else, not physically. I could never do that to another human being; my conscience, my morals, and the guilt atferwards wouldn't permit it.
Still, I wish that sometimes I could kill without feeling remorse for what I did.
But then I wouldn't be human anymore. I'd be subhuman, and where I strive to be a significant and excellent person, I would be undermining my own dreams.
Can I not win?
Yet I have to keep lying and pretending, smiling at everyone else so they don't suspect my thoughts, my momentous desires...
Random song quote: "Inside my heart is breaking; my make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on."
~Shadowmasyer~

I haven't felt this pain in a long time.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-11T01:11:43-05:00

This pain... it's been absent from my heart for so long, but now it plagues me again. I hurt because I am myself. I am in pain because of who I choose to be.
To the three of you:
I say these words not in anger, but in acknowledgement and with a blidning heartache: you've hurt me more times than words can say, especially one of you. I know that the way I am can be bothersome, can make others seem inferior, but that is who I am.
If you cannot see through that to who you know me to be, then perhaps we need to rethink where we stand. Maybe you want to; I personally don't want to lose the three of you, but the more I think on it, the more it seems like a good idea.
For you to cut me from your lives, and vice versa, it might make me hurt that much less...
Random song quote: "Does anybody know what we are living for?"
~Shadowmaster~
*Update*
Then explain yourself... and explain why SCAR was involved to begin with.
Explain why my small mind is so fucking CONFUSED.

Bugger this.

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-12T07:11:55-05:00

-_-
Yarg.
Random song quote: "And nothing else matters."
~Shadowmaster~

QUIZNESS!

rampagethruny2 — 2005-11-12T10:11:31-05:00

You Are the Investigator
5 You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker. You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does. Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations. You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.
What number are you?
Random song quote: "I wanna be a cowboy baby."
~Shadowmaster~

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Stephanie
Birthday:	December 13th, 1988
Birthplace:	Corning, NY
Current Location:	Cameron Mills, NY
Eye Color:	Hazel/green
Hair Color:	Medium brown
Height:	5'7
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right Handed
Your Heritage:	1/4 German, 1/4 Dutch, 1/4 Irish, and the rest is a toss up.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Wal-Mart flip-flops
Your Weakness:	Emotion
Your Fears:	Never being able to write again, losing my family, not being able to say goodbye before I die, never being "famous"
Your Perfect Pizza:	Blackened Chicken... that shit's good
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Actually pay attention and get even better grades than before and also get published.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"bloody fantastic"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	FOOD! TEA! SHOWER!
Your Best Physical Feature:	Gah... no idea.
Your Bedtime:	10 during the school year... and I don't sleep in the summer. :P
Your Most Missed Memory:	Christmas when I was 10. Dad and I spent the entire day hooking up my N64.
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King:	McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Wouldn't know... don't care.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Nestea.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	How can you ask me that?! (Yes.)
Do you Sing:	Naturally
Do you Shower Daily:	Gah... I HAVE to... I hate feeling so dirty.
Have you Been in Love:	No.
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Not really
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Yes
Do you think you are Attractive:	Not hardly
Are you a Health Freak:	Hygeine is necessary. SHOWER AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH EVERY DAY! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Do you get along with your Parents:	It depends...
Do you like Thunderstorms:	:D Awesome for writing inspirtation.
Do you play an Instrument:	Three. Piano, bass, and trombone. Working on maybe doing violin.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No :( I miss it.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	No
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A writer... damn it all, I WILL be a writer.
What country would you most like to Visit:	England (to see my ruins) or Germany (to find the family).
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Green
Favourite Hair Color:	Dark brown or black...
Short or Long Hair:	Short hair preferably, but if he can wear medium or long hair well, righteous.
Height:	so long as he's taller than me, I don't care
Weight:	doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style:	Something he's comfortable in but that doesn't look daggy, you know?
Number of Drugs I have taken:	1
Number of CDs I own:	Oye... probably 200.
Number of Piercings:	Only have 1 (or maybe it's 2)... in my ears.
Number of Tattoos:	Soon. Once I hit 18.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I don't regret anything except trying marijuana. Life is too short to live in the past.

Stephanie Snyder's MindSay Blog

The fucked up world.............

People

Waiting and thinking.................

Wow =-O

Life.....Death.....Forgiveness

This week is too damn hectic.........

A little poll

no subject

Barb's Party

Movie day

Goddamnit.......

Bitches of the world

What a day...........

Amazing day

People *again*

Yeah, of course.......

Why can't I get a chance?

Ok......?

>:O AHHHH >:O

This is fun :-D

Nighty night :-D

Happy happy

*yawn* so bored.........

-1 off the To-Do List :-D

>:O URG >:O

Quizilla night ;-)

Ok......?

:-P

YAY!!! :-D

Why me?

I am alone..........

I'm not as intelligent as I thought..........

A new day

Good but tiring day

Quizzes

Last night

QUZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet another quiz...........

Snow day

It's still falling.............

Yeah.......

Last night :-D

A little more info than earlier :-P

The retards & me :-D

Today........:-D

AAS results for tonight::Just the results of my AAS match against Campbell-Savona: Win for us

OK week, not the greatest..........

Friday.....woop de fuckin doo

What a weekend

So far so good..........

It's over and I wish it wasn't

Being sick blows.......

I dunno now

Go friggin figure

Happy Easter!!!!!

Friday's the day........

It's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Usual Friday night, usual sleepy Saturday morning..........

Just some updates..........

Usual day, just a little more information than needed..............

I hate this..............

Another day of surprises

Memorial Day tomorrow!

I'm fine, no one else is.....

Confusion is the song my soul sings.....

In the dark.....once again.....

Moments of truth.....

Vacation from Hell.....

Before school...

...and after

:'( <:-/ >:O

Ahh, why does all this shit always have to happen...

Before I leave

One down, one to go...

Home at last

Happy Father's Day!!!!

Thinking about my future...

What an amazing night!!!

Wow...

People again

yawn so bored.........