collegeRight now, I've already read my selecting in my book for class on Friday. I have a paper I suppose I could start, but that's not due until next Friday and if I start it now, it will definitely be sucktastic. I'll just concentrate on installing this game, thanks.
I was perusing Myspace briefly today (as per usual) and started looking through the profiles and pictures of younger girls I went to school with. These girls, they're the type to load their profile with pictures of them and their friends, and almost all the pictures were taken in my old high school, so I got all... nostalgic. There are days like this when I really miss high school and snow days and seeing my friends five out of the seven days in the week. I really do long for those days; they were so fun. I didn't realize how good a time I was having, how carefree I could be. This is the first time in my life that I've actually had to put my nose to the grindstone and study to get the grades I do. This is the first time I've had to do real academic work. I said that when I came here, I wanted a challenge.
I'm getting it, and I am now invoking my right to takesies-backsies. Fuck college. Fuck hard work. BLEH.
At least my best friend from home is coming down next weekend. With her visiting, and having all the girls here for the weekend, I should be able to unwind after my paper (and before another test). It'll be nice to have a weekend to chill. I've got so much going on this weekend (like Masquerade Ball and paper writing) that I definitely can't relax. Well, maybe when I do laundry...
I miss how easy everything was back home, but an easy life is one that goes nowhere. Having all this work to do leaves me with an immense feeling of accomplishment once I've finished. Maybe I won't finish everything exactly when I want to; maybe it will take a lot of time. The important thing is that I finish on time, and the task is done. That's a really rewarding feeling, especially when I put actual effort into what I'm doing.
The friends I've made here said they've noticed a change in me this last week, like I'm growing into the person I'm meant to be. I guess it sometimes takes near-strangers to see what's really happening to you. I feel different; I feel like I'm entering another growing stage, another phase on my path to actual womanhood. I feel older, more knowledgeable, more... something. I feel downright righteous. It's so empowering to feel that way, to know that there's this odd energy gathering in the depths of my soul, gearing up to spur me on to the next part of my life.
Oh, and here's a picture of the new haircut.
Not too bad, eh? Short, yes, but it's so much nicer... putting it up is a bit of a challenge, I'll admit, but it's nice not having this long, shaggy mane in my collar all the time. Everyone here has noticed it so far, which makes me happy. They all smile and ask, "Did you cut your hair?" When I answer in the affirmative, the smile always widens and people say, "It looks good. It looks like you." That's the most pleasing bit of all. I feel more like me now than I ever have before. I feel as though I'm finally breaking out and doing what I want instead of what will make me attractive or what will please my friends (though the haircut did please my other bestie, Carrie).
God, I feel so... free. I miss high school and its easiness; I miss seeing familiar faces every day, but you know what? It's not an unhappy missing. It's nostalgic, but not a sad nostalgia. It's the kind of missing that comes with moving on, the kind that helps you remember the old days without feeling as though you would give up your future to go back. It's the kind of missing that helps you to realize that your old life has helped you on to this new place, this new platform of living, and though you loved your old life dearly, you wouldn't go back. You're grateful, but not overly so. You've learned to be who you want and learn from the past, but not to live there.
I've made so many discoveries here. I really am growing up.
